Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Mississippi All Categories > Places > United States > Midsouth > Mississippi
Recent | Best Of
1PM When the Inner Monologue Becomes the Outer, Grasshopper, It Is Time to Leave the Theater
Ticket taker to patrons: Enjoy the movie! Theater ten is on the left. Enjoy your movie! [In exasperation, at same volume] I really, really hate this job!
Mississippi
Overheard by: Amused Movie Goer
12PM Ah, Now I Remember. "You're Fired."
New HR clerk: Hey, I forgot what I just said. What did I just say?
Old HR clerk: Sorry, but I'm still busy trying to remember your name.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
11AM I Don't Know -- Is It?
Manager: First thing we do is get back control of petty cash.
HR clerk: Isn't that like closing the barn door after the coke has been snorted?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM We're a Classy Joint -- Save the Duct Tape for Your Pants
HR clerk on phone: Yes, it is true that flip-flops are prohibited by the company dress code... No, the addition of duct tape will not qualify flip-flops as closed-toe shoes.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM Right from the Start, It's Been a Hard Job
White shirt: Who is in charge of the build here?
Blue shirt: I am in charge of getting it up.
White shirt: Okay, so you're the erection supervisor.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
1PM Oh, Hell, Give Me a Buck and We're Good
Clerk trying to price-check produce: Now, how is it you spell cucumber? Is that with a K or a Q?
Supermarket
Biloxi, Mississippi
2PM I Try to Put Him Out of My Misery
Lady #1: Is your husband feeling any better?
Lady #2: No, but I am getting better at avoiding him and ignoring him.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
1PM When Good Deeds Become Career-Limiting
HR clerk: Excuse me, ma'am, but it appears that you have something stuck in your pantyhose on your left leg.
Visiting manager's wife: I'm not wearing pantyhose!
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
5PM They're Bringing the Hat with a Buckle Back
Old hag customer: Isn't that one of those pilgrims from just South of here? She's ugly as sin.
Bimbette clerk: Oh my god! There are still pilgrims alive? And they live there? That explains so much about the Indian reservation being just down the road.
562 East Main Street
Louisville, Mississippi
Overheard by: Doesn't Work There Anymore
5PM I Could Have Stayed Home and Done That
Visiting consultant: I think we saw every public restroom in San Francisco. Just what I wanted -- a urine-filled holiday.
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM Oh, Go Ahead -- I Need to Lose Some Weight, Anyway
Black woman: Cecil* has this giant boil on his back and he got this idea about using the vacuum cleaner...
White woman: Stop! I'm eating lunch here. No stories about boils.
Black woman: Would a story about Cecil's idea about constipation and a vacuum cleaner be alright?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
5PM Or Shaped Like Giant Doorways, in Case of Earthquakes
Guy clerk: Hey, this safety pamphlet says to get into the bathtub if a tornado is coming.
Gal clerk: Well, duh, why don't they just build houses shaped like giant bathtubs?
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
4PM How the Files Got Covered with Ectoplasm and Vomit
Assistant manager: I wouldn't be able to find anything in these files even with a Ouija board and a fifth of Jack Daniels.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM So I Can Relate to You Guys Who Know Nothing
Information technology director to management team: You know me - I'm not real technological.
125 S Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi
10AM Answering Took a Calendar, a Highlighter and an Hour
Teen clerk: The TV commercial said it is a two-day sale. What day of the week is Twoday?
Adult clerk: Not 'Twoday,' but one day plus one day equals two days for the sale.
Teen clerk: Oh, okay... Then what two days of the week are called 'Twoday'?
5760 Highway 80 E
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM Let's Go Rob an Ann Taylor First
Ghetto chick: Girl, I don't want to rob a grocery store lookin' like this.
McDade's
Jackson, Mississippi
3PM Just Left a Job in Urophilia, Pennsylvania
Job applicant #1: No job is worth having to give someone my pee in a plastic cup!
Job applicant #2: Uh-oh, you're refusing the drug test?
Job applicant #1: Oh, it's just a drug test? I thought that manager guy was just some sort of pee-pee pervert.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM In the Future, Black People Will Get to Do Things While Whitey Pays to Watch
Black co-worker: Hey, how are you doing today?
Redneck co-worker: If I were you, I wouldn't speak to me today.
Black co-worker: Why is that? What's wrong with you?
Redneck co-worker: I'm not too fond of you black people today. That damn Tiger Woods has won another Major.
Black co-worker: Oh, that's all? Well, what are you going to do when we take over NASCAR?
Redneck co-worker: [Bewildered silence]
1000 Jerry St. Pe Highway
Gulf Coast, Mississippi
Overheard by: The Guy sitting next to the idiot
10AM When It Gets Wedged Under a Bridge Abutment, Don't Come Crying to Me
Customer rep: Hey, it's 112 inches tall. Is that legal?
Truck rep: No.
Customer rep: Well, we're doing it anyway.
1368 Old Fannin Road, Suite 400
Flowood, Mississippi
Overheard by: the Intern
12PM Epitaph: 'Six Feet, Seven Inches'
Teen #1: How far do you think this sweat drop will fly if I smack it with a hammer?
Teen #2: Hey, yeah, like CSI! Your forehead is real sweaty; smack it first.
Habitat for Humanity build site
Mississippi Gulf Coast
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM Only Bitter Experience Prompts This Kind of Advice
Rep on phone with trucker: You do know you can't drive your rig into the ocean, right? That's bad...Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have a nice view.
1368 Old Fannin Road, Suite 400
Brandon, Mississippi
5PM Next Time Break Up Via E-mail
Employee on phone: You are a psycho if you think you'll break up with me over the phone!...What am I supposed to say to a psycho?...What am I supposed to say to a psycho?...What am I supposed to say to a psycho?!
Co-Worker: For my sake, you can say goodbye to a psycho!
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
1PM He Brought the Pepperoni, Though. (Bow Chicka Bow Bow)
Voice on intercom: Would the person who ordered a pizza please come up front to pay for it? What? Oh! Cancel the last announcement. It is the Fed Ex guy not the pizza guy.
57060 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
10AM Then What Will We Shove in Your Mouth to Keep You Quiet?
Man: They are having wild fires out West again.
Woman: Maybe we should send them marshmallows.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM I Have Plans for My In-Box Which I Am Not at Liberty to Reveal
Employee: Your in-box is not intended to be a point on the Bermunda Triangle.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM So Dos Equis Would Not be Enough?
Nagster: For the last time, forms to Mexico have to be in Spanish and in triplicate, not in gibberish and in oneplicate!
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM Hypothetical Slogan for Bush/Cheney '08
New hire: How many people work here?
HR clerk: About half of them.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM Does "I Was Taking a Crap on the Laser Printer" Count as an Alibi?
Cleaning guy: Who peed in the trash can this time?
5780 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM Back to Work
Receptionist: Hey, help me with this list. The boss wants me to go to the store and get some stuff for the coffee room. You know, stuff like filters and cups and stuff. But I can't figure out what these icet rays are.
HR clerk: Let me see the list...Sweetie, this says ice trays. You know, for the freezer to freeze water into cubes.
Receptionist: Are you sure? Because if the boss wants icet rays, that's what I better get.
HR clerk: Well okay, if you really want icet rays, try the office supply store and make them check in the back. You may have to ask for their manager.
Receptionist: Thanks, see you in a little while.
HR clerk: You know, I should have used that opportunity to sell her a bridge.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
11AM Ergonomics Seminar
HR clerk: Maureen* broke another chair. Should I order her another chair designed for a person over three hundred pounds, or should I order an even stronger chair?
Manager: No! I am going to tell the maintenance guys to put her desk up on blocks! Then, I am going to tell Maureen that her job description has changed! She is now required to stand up to do her job!
[manager leaves]
HR clerk: Well, it is not going to be me that tells him that one of the toilets in the women's restroom is broken.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM Benefits Summary
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM Breakroom
Customer service clerk #1: Whew! It stinks in here. Did the bug exterminator guy spray for bugs in here today?
Customer service clerk #2: No, one of the sales reps just walked through. You are smelling salesman cologne.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
2PM Routine Transaction
Teller: Sir, can you please send in your ID since you want to cash this check
Customer: Well, there's a problem. I lost my ID, but I can give you my social security number, birthday, and even tell you the last several transactions on my account to verify.
Teller: Ok, what's your birthday and social?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: Ok, what were the last three charges on your account?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: So...what's this $450 charge Passion Parties?
Customer: [Laughter] Uh, that's something my wife is involved in.
730 Adkins Boulevard
Jackson, Mississippi
Overheard by: Nathan Best
2PM Smoke Break
Employee #1: Ugh! I hate it when [Allison] brings her bratty kid to work.
Employee #2: [Allison] knows he is a brat. He turned her into a coyote mother.
Employee #1: What?!
Employee #2: A coyote mother is when you gnaw your own ovaries off so you can't have more brats.
Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
11AM Running Reports
Group leader: You filed the wrong report for this transaction.
Clerk: That's the way [Lisa] trained me to do it.
Group leader: Which proves idiotisms are contagious.
Clerk: Yeah, you're right... I mean no.... I mean, I don't like it when you make me have to think about what you say.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
10AM Distribute Paychecks
Employee #1: Hey, have the paychecks come in yet?
Employee #2: I just heard [Aaron] ask and the boss said no. We are going to have to put [Aaron] on suicide watch until the checks get here.
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM Go Over Contracts
Contractor: ...so we should definitely take a good look at him. I
don't want to snowball with more mess.
Specialist: ...Um...Yeah.
12443 Olive Boulevard
St. Louis, Missouri
1PM Lunch
Manager: New haircolor, huh? Did you fall into a bucket of paint?
Employee: New belt, huh? Did you fall into a buffet?
5760 Highway 80 East
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
5PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: [Steph], I never believed the stereotype about blonde women until I met you.
[Steph]: Thanks!
1000 Jerry St. Pe' Highway
Pascagoula, Mississippi
5PM Goodnight Moon
Co-worker #1: Why are you sitting there starring at your monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: Because I recieved a server message stating that it was going to install something on my computer and that I should save everything before 15 minutes are up because the system will shut down.
Co-worker #1: Did you save everything?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: Did the computer shut down by itself?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: So, why are you sitting there starring at the monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: I'm waiting for the computer to start back up.
Co-worker #1: Have you pressed the power button?
Co-worker #2: No.
1000 Jerry St. Pe' Highway
Pascagoula, Mississippi
12PM Go Through Resumes
Colleague: What happened to the woman who used to process requisitions? Her office looks deserted.
Secretary: She's gone.
Colleague: Is she going to be replaced?
Secretary: We don't replace people in this office; we just hire someone new.
1400 John R. Lynch Street
Jackson, Mississippi
