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Alabama All Categories > Places > United States > Midsouth > Alabama
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12PM And Will It Require Me to Stop Playing Solitaire?
Account executive: We are going to need to traffic that ad out by Friday.
Traffic manager: What does 'traffic' mean?
Birmingham, Alabama
11AM Except No Pedophile Would Want Any Kid You'd See in Wal-Mart
Worker #1: They were being mean to her on Facebook.
Worker #2: What's Facebook?
Worker #3: Oh, it's like MySpace.
Worker #2: MySpace... That's like Wal-Mart for pedophiles.
2100 Lakeshore Drive
Birmingham, Alabama
12PM IT, the World's Second-Oldest Profession
Lady coworker: I'm going for a walk. My legs are sore from being under that desk all day.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Tina
1PM If Anyone Asks, We're 10-Year-Old Orphans Who Live in a Maytag Box
Sorority girl #1: I'm just worried we aren't going to have enough money.
Sorority girl #2: No, we wrote a letter to Oprah.
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: frightened grad student
5PM What Kind of Flowers?
Black suit on cell: Lemme get this straight -- she filed a restraining order against you and you're still calling her and sending her flowers? That ain't love, man. That's... insanity.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Kim
4PM How Do You Feel about a Bandolier Cummerbund?
Office grunt: Now, you know they make them tuxedos with the camouflage vests... Them thangs is sharp!
Anniston, Alabama
11AM When You Fall Over, There's a Lot of Quacking and Pecking
Receptionist: I have great news!
Nurse: What?
Receptionist: I got accepted into grad school! But I'm scared.
Nurse: Why?
Receptionist: I haven't been in school in a long time.
Nurse: You'll be fine -- it's like falling off a duck's back.
1917 20th Street South
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Eavesdropping grad student
3PM Also Thinks Everyone from 'Idaho' Is a Slut
Coworker #1: I don't know, he was weird. And plus, I've never dated a guy from Indiana...
Coworker #2: Wait... He was Indian?
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Cubica
1PM 'Run for the Hills' / Run for Your Life
Publisher: I like your Iron Maiden t-shirt.
Intern: Thanks! I thought I'd dress it up today!
600 Broad Street
Gadsden, Alabama
Overheard by: ListeningJournalist
10AM Rent Mean Girls and Adjust the Contrast?
Teacher #1: I really need a video to show my kids after they finish their final. Do you have one I could borrow?
Teacher #2: Oh? Well, let's see... What were you thinking about?
Teacher #1: Have anything with angsty kids? Oooh, especially angsty black kids? They love those.
Alabama
Overheard by: Saving the drama for my momma
9AM Waiter, I'll Have the Couch Potato with a Side of Gullible
Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn't working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It's simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you've been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It's easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see... [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in -- stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it's dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I'm a professional. We'll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay... [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver's magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It's a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you're away for most of the year.
CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits 'wake up' signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.
Caller: That's amazing! Who'd have thought... a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.
Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama
2PM ... Impotence, Incontinence, Flatulence, Priapism...
Training instructor: You should not upgrade the software right when a patch comes out. Sometimes it may have bugs.
Student: So, it's like when you take a drug, sometimes it can have side effects like---
Training instructor: Yeah, but let's keep the discussion focused on software.
Student: ---Throwing up, vomiting...
Training instructor: Uh, yeah.
Madison, Alabama
11AM Nope, Sold Them to the Gypsies to Pay the Bills
Student: Mrs. Smith*, do you have any kids?
Mrs. Smith: No, I don't have children.
Student: Did somebody steal them?
1212 Cheyenne Boulevard
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Sheri
9AM See This Eye Patch?
Man: Well, once you shoot yourself in the foot with a nail gun, you'll know you should never point it at anything.
Software company
Birmingham, Alabama
3PM I Just Hate Being Held Accountable for My Actions
CSR: Thanks for calling Widgets Inc.* How may I help you?
Client on phone: Yeah, I was just talking to Roger* and we lost connection. Maybe you can finish walking me through whatever.
CSR: Sir, we do not have a Roger. You were just talking to me. We didn't lose connection. You hung up on me and I was walking you through understanding that our software does not do "whatever."
Eighth Floor, Galleria
Hoover, Alabama
2PM And Delaware Is a Small Town
Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]
10 Office Park Circle
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Stacy Kate
5PM That's a Wrap
Employee: Don't interrupt me now, interrupt me when I am finished!
1200 10th Avenue South
Birmingham, Alabama
4PM Smoke Break
Employee #1: Stop flinging eyedrops on me!
Employee #2: I am trying to exorcise the demons in you.
Bldg 5302 Sparkman Circle
Redstone Arsenal, Alabama
3PM Smoke Break
Preacher: What's that beeping sound?
Secretary: It's the battery getting low on the smoke detector.
Preacher: Well you don't need that if you would quit smoking, do
you?
801 7th Street South
Clanton, Alabama
5PM That's a Wrap
Security Guard: So I told her, "I'm 'bout to go over there & milk that goat. The baby's gotta have sum'inta eat."
9800 Kellner Road SW
Huntsville, Alabama
10AM Send Intern Out for New Equipment
IT: My vibrator doesn't work; I think it's worn out...On my phone! On my phone! The vibrate function on my phone doesn't work! Oh, god.
140 Research Boulevard
Madison, Alabama
Overheard by: map ref 41n 93w
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker #1: You can't leave for a day ever again!
Co-worker #2: Why not?
Co-worker #1: Because without you there the average IQ in that room drops to 72.
1834 West Selfridge Street
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Asja
12PM Software Rollout
Tech: You need to do a reboot for the changes to take effect.
Employee: Can I do a restart?
Tech: No, you must shut the computer down completely.
Employee: Can I turn it back on again?
140 Research Boulevard
Madison, Alabama
5PM That's a Wrap
Co-worker #1: We could stick it to his forehead like this.
Co-worker #2: Try it out before you stick it anywhere; mine's kinda
sensitive.
2904 Westcorp Boulevard
Huntsville, Alabama
Overheard by: Josh Roberson
5PM That's a Wrap
Sales #1: Have you called any previous customers yet?
Sales #2: I've called customers till I'm blue in the ass.
973 Opelika Road
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Rob Byrd
2PM Order "Alligator Ointment"?
Partner: I have alligators snapping at my ass.
Admin: That could chafe, so you may want to get an ointment for that.
2100 16th Avenue South
Birmingham, Alabama
1PM "...Want to see the vine I grew?"
Account Exec: ...I stopped by this morning to go over stuff from the call but you were out. Were you at [the client]'s?
VP: No, actually, to be perfectly honest, I just ate way too many grapes this morning.
555 Sparkman Drive NW
Huntsville, Alabama
5PM Rarely is the Correlation So Explicit
Plant Manager: Thanks. That really takes a load off my ass. I've had a headache all day.
2nd Avenue S
Birmingham, Alabama
1PM Clarity: Impossible to Apply to a Business Context
IT Consultant: It's kinda like grain is to bread as meat is to wurst.
Highway 280
East Birmingham, Alabama
4PM That's Just What Every Office Needs
Girl DJ: That's just what this office needs: more video gambling!
2514 S. College Street
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Brooke Myers
