Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
DC and Mid-Atlantic All Categories > Places > United States > DC and Mid-Atlantic
Recent | Best Of
11AM And He Said, "I'd Prefer Reparations"
White HR director: I've never touched someone's head like that before! I touched it, and it was all wavy. I told him, you're the first African-American person's head I've ever touched. You should feel honored.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Just an office girl...
4PM Somebody's Gotta Do It If We're Gonna Eat 'Em
Tester #1: Don't mess with me like that. I'm cracked out on Vitamin C.
Tester #2: You know, too much Vitamin C makes you itch. Itch like crazy. Itchy scratchy.
Tester #1: Who told you that?
Tester #2: My grandma.
Tester #1: Didn't your grandma kill chickens?
Tester #2: That's beside the point.
1555 Wilson Boulevard
Arlington, Virginia
2PM It Bubbled a Little and Then Burned
Business architect: I felt the difference once it was in my mouth!
120 Fairview Park
Virginia
11AM Rumsfeld: Damn!
Economist: It's not my fault -- I know how to circulate a memo.
Supervisor: Well, don't think you're putting that on your resume.
Government building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: highly qualified
9AM How to Get a Carrot onto a Plane
Female employee: Can I stick my hand in there without getting HIV?
Male employee: Yeah, but you might pull out a carrot or two.
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Cube around the corner
11AM Ever Since That Disfiguring Accident She's Been Such a Selfish Bitch
Bank coworker: When she came in this morning, she didn't even have her eye in. She could have at least worn some sunglasses or something.
Maybank Highway
Johns Island, South Carolina
12PM Parallel Conversations May Finish at the Same Time but Will Never Meet
Cube rat: I love Thai food...
Mail guy: Man, you should marry an Asian lady.
Cube rat: ... But I don't like sticky rice.
Mail guy: She doesn't have to be sticky.
1771 N Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: just another temp
1PM All I Want Is a Hand-Turkey for Thanksgiving. What Do I Get? Two Lousy Short Stories about Pilgrims!
Manager #1: My kids SUCK at arts and crafts.
Manager #2: No glitter? No glue? No macaroni or popsicle sticks?
Manager #1: Holy shit, no. They are the epitome of suck.
West Irving Park Road
Roselle, Illinois
2PM Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, Hello 8 Mile
Guy reading the paper: Elton John is going to try hip hop.
Young co-worker: That's weird.
Gay co-worker: Who's Elton John?
5500 Rings Road
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: amazed he didn't know
4PM Technical Meltdown
Boss on phone: I just want a human beeeeeeing! Bahhh! Why can't I just have a human being?...Oh thank god!Finally! A human being! Wait, you are a human being, right?...You haven't gotten this before?
2810 Blaine Drive
Chevy Chase, Maryland
3PM In the Graphics Pool
Coworker: If you're gonna do it, do it hard so I can't breathe.
113 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
11AM Research
Staffer working on Patriot Act: Power is always abused; we were putting the Japanese in intermittent camps in the thirties during World War I.
Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern
2PM Raising Headcount
Recruiter for aid programs in Afghanistan: I talked with one Mark Johnson* -- an 82-year-old WWII vet. He doesn't hear well, but would love to see some combat. I told him that I would see what we could arrange.
Manager: Ummm...
Recruiter: Dude, sarcasm?
7250 Woodmont Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland
4PM Smoke Break
Male coworker: There's nothing worse than feeling not-so-fresh when you have a doctor between your legs.
Female coworker just walking into the conversation: Huh?
200 Constitution Avenue
Washington, DC
9AM Back to Work
Attorney Jim*: So is this what the embarassed silence sounds like?
Attorney Keith*: Yes. I feel awful.
Attorney Lou*: I'd give Jim's right nut to be asleep right now.
Keith: Totally. I don't know what time you guys left, but I didn't get home until 2.
Jim: I'm not sure what time we left either. But the tattoo parlor was closed. That I'm definite on.
Keith: Oh, that's too bad. I wish the room would stop spinning.
Attorney Mark*: I feel amazing today. There is nothing like coming in completely hungover and talking to Natasha* about how retarded she is. Lou, I killed you in our drink contest. You had like five wines. You're a lightweight.
Jim: Hey Mark, how's that hickey on the side of you face, you homo?
717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC
10AM Consumer Ed
Customer: We'd like to get a gallon of paint.
Employee: Ok, what sheen would you like?
Customer: What's "sheen"?
Employee: The sheen is how shiny the paint is. There are different sheens for different rooms.
Customer: What would you recommend?
Employee: Where is it going?
Customer: On the wall.
45075 Worth Avenue
California, Maryland
Overheard by: Paint Chick
3PM [Elizabeth]'s Goodbye Party
Boss: [Elizabeth], we wish you the best. You are a nice person and if you ever want to come back to work here, you are welcome. Now where is [Rachel]? [Rachel], do you want to say a few words? Because I can only comment on [Elizabeth] as a person, not her work.
1425 New York Avenue NW
Washington, DC
