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Washington All Categories > Places > United States > California and Northwest > Washington
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3PM The Little-Known Eleventh Plague
Smoke breaker on cell: By the way, I just 86-ed you from Poker-Game dot net*... Yeah, you can't log on Poker-Game anymore.
2001 Lind Avebue SW
Renton, Washington
4PM The Next Ben Stiller Movie
Employee geek #1: Where are those boxes that UPS brought earlier?!
Employee geek #2: The brown ones with white labels?
Employee geek #1: Yeah, those! I need them ASAP!
Employee geek #2: I saw them next to your mom's bed last night! [Laughs.]
Employee geek #1: What? How did they get there?! Shit!
200 Sampson Place
Seattle, Washington
1PM God, I Love Doing That to Her
Manager: So, we should totally take a consensuous on that with the entire team.
Employee: Consensus.
Manager: What?
Employee: Consensus.
Manager, laughing: I should totally carry around a thesaurius with me! [Employee walks away.]
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: BeeMonstre
5PM Whatever For?
Trainer: My wife collects bolts of fabric and weaponry... I collect books, DVDs, and Black Plague memorabilia...
Attendee: Ummm, I collect coins...
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: Bored in Training
9AM ... While Janelle Gets a Towel for Her Chair
Trainer: Let's go around and have each of us tell the class some juicy, private thing about ourselves that the rest of us might not know.
Trainee: I don't want to tell anything about my juicy privates... Uh, juicy... Um... Anything private.
Trainer: ... Okay... Next?
810 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
3PM ... And Could You Say That Again, into This Recorder?
CFO: Well, don't you look dolled up today! What is the occasion?
Payroll: It's the first day of my sexual harassment litigation...
Kirkland, Washington
Overheard by: oops
3PM It's More Humane to Act Like a Jerk Until They Break Up with Me
Dispatcher, deciding whether to continue an affair: I'm not very good at, like, breaking hearts, y'know?
Seattle, Washington
2PM And Leap Weeks
Bimbette: Twenty days -- that's, like, five weeks, right?
Patient peon: No.
Bimbette: I mean, business days.
Patient peon: ... No.
Mercer Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: choking on giggles
1PM Which Is Why I Had You Read That Book on Smoke Signals
Coworker: Here's the information you wanted.
Boss: I don't want paper -- it'll get lost on my desk.
Coworker: Do you want me to e-mail them to you?
Boss: No! It'll get lost in my inbox.
Coworker: So to get this straight, you don't want the info on paper or e-mail?
Washington
9AM I'm Like, "What Are You Doing, Mom?"
Worker #1: Every time I kiss her, she tries to stick her tongue in my mouth.
Worker #2: What's wrong with that?
Worker #1: I just don't think it's appropriate. She is married, after all.
Seattle, Washington
12PM These Are the Options?
Office dude: Some of the guys here are so blatant when they stare at and talk about cute girls that work here. I think it's demeaning.
Office chick: Yeah, but I would rather be sexually harassed for being attractive than have guys call me 'ugly.' Wow... I just set the feminist movement back, like, 50 years.
Seattle, Washington
9AM For Those Who Feel Bad about Quitting College
Engineer lady: The price of first class stamps is now 41 cents!
Engineer guy: If they made them in China, they'd be a lot cheaper.
3003 West Casino Road
Everett, Washington
1PM My Fainting Couch Won't Be Delivered Until Tomorrow
Employee: Why are you eating?
Hungry guy: Because it's Tuesday.
8531 E Marginal Way South
Seattle, Washington
5PM I Told You to Stop Taking Shortcuts through the Elementary School
Coworker #1: Yeah, Sue* and I were in the middle of a big drug deal this morning.
Coworker #2: Nice! I walked through a prostitution ring on my way here.
2110 Western Avenue
Seattle, Washington
2PM Boss Won't Let Me Have a Life-Size Picture
Office lady: Is that one of them giant squids?
PR guy: Yeah.
Office lady: Aren't those huge?
PR guy: Yep.
Washington State University
Pullman, Washington
Overheard by: Pamela
2PM All the Movie Stars Are Doing That Now
Female coworker: First of all, 6:30 is not after work, and second of all, there is nothing wrong with going to your hair appointment shit-faced!
851 Coho Way
Bellingham, Washington
1PM Every Office Has Its Own Oral History
Office tech, fiddling with printer: I'm still getting that sensor dustiness error.
Office bimbette: Oh! I know how to fix that! You have to open it up and blow. Just give it a good blow and then it's fine!
922 3rd Street
Sedro-Wolley, Washington
Overheard by: T-Rex
3PM I Know I Was Just Selling Her a Lamp, but I Can Tell
Telemarketing guy in retirement plan department, slamming down phone: She's in 401(K) heat! Ugh!
1445 120th Avenue
Bellevue, Washington
12PM Just Buy One That Says "I Kill Thieves"
Disgruntled worker: It would be easier if people just walked around with shirts that said, 'I steal shit.'
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
5PM But Let's Send the Troops in Anyway
Office monkey #1: I'm sure it'll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn't?
Office monkey #3: Then it won't be.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Office monkey #4
9AM Um, Should It Be?
Lady worker on phone: So, is this a bring-your-own-rubber-chicken kind of party?
Coffee brewery corporate center
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Gryndyl
12PM Contempt-Resistant Plastic Coming Right Up
Bagger: What kind of bag would you like?
Dismissive shopper: You pick. I haven't been here in a while, so I don't know what the options are.
7504 Aurora Avenue North
Seattle, Washington
5PM She Should Think about a Reduction
Employee: Not to be ruder than I already am, but did she have a huge head? I mean, it was, like, ghetto-big.
Theater box office
Everett, Washington
Overheard by: I thought it was more '80s than ghetto
11AM And You Have Nothing to Be Ashamed Of
Salesman: We're looking for your shorts!
8531 East Marginal Way South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lowly Clerk
10AM Fraternizing Is Wrong, but I Just Can't Help Myself
Lieutenant: I can't wait to get my hands on your package and give it a good scrubbing.
Oak Harbor, Washington
10AM Stupid Hypnotist
Payroll clerk to another: So, whenever anyone says 'payroll,' I stab someone and piss myself!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Goin' Payroll
11AM I'm Excited about Our Constancy of Purpose, I Should've Said
New girl: I'm excited about the new direction of the company!
Boss: Um, we try to avoid saying 'new direction' around here.
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Amused coworker
3PM God, Will This Freakin' Day Ever End?
Worker bee: So, there are seven categories, and each category has seven sections. Seven times seven is... a lot.
Mercer Street and Fairview Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: passed 3rd grade math
3PM Uncle Walter, for Shame!
Cube rat on phone: Yeah, last year I did about 75 kids, and I'm hoping to do more this year.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
10AM It Only Solves the Back End of the Problem
Engineer #1: Why on Earth do we have to use this?
IT worker: We're committed to using our own solution.
Engineer #1: Yeah, I understand the dog food rationale.
Engineer #2: The problem is that it's not dog food. It's kitty litter.
401 Elliott Avenue West
Seattle, Washington
11AM Chinese Hamster Gynecologists?
Minion: Do you seriously want to go off on a Chinese hamster ovary tangent? I mean, who gives a crap?
1959 NE Pacific Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
3PM So Do Not Call Me
Boss pointing to bathroom stall: If you need me, I'll be in my office, haha.
Employee: Um, I'm not gonna ask you anything while you're taking a shit.
Boss: Oh, I'm not taking a shit. I'm just gonna sit in there and play Tetris on my phone.
Dexter Avenue
Seattle, Washington
9AM Some Mornings I Forget to Attach It at All
Guy descending escalator: Every time I pull down my pants I look down and it's like, 'Oh! I forgot it was there.'
Pier 70
Seattle, Washington
4PM Nobody Can Take a Deposition Like You
Attorney: Okay, lay down on your desk.
Paralegal: Okay, but don't look at my butt.
Attorney, after long pause: Wow, you have an amazing pain tolerance!
Burien, Washington
Overheard by: third wheel
11AM My Sports Car and Underage Girlfriend Just Weren't Enough
Coworker: I bought some new gi-normous pearls -- they're like testicles!
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Zoltarpanaflex
5PM Hobo: I Was Researching Adult Entertainment Law!
Student: This place is nice.
Employee: Yeah, it's really peaceful until the homeless guys look at porn on the Internet and they have to call the cops.
Student: Does that happen a lot?
Employee: Yeah. What else do they have to do?
Law Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
9AM I Forgot That We Outsource Our Fraud
Employee: I can't process this according to your instructions.
Boss: Why's that?
Employee: It's against federal law.
Boss: I'll have someone else do it.
Seattle, Washington
2PM Nobody Said a Word about Functionality
Quality manager: Well, why doesn't it work?
Software manager: Because we didn't write it that way.
Redmond, Washington
5PM It Does, but Not in the Way You Mean
Graphic designer holding two envelopes with different designs: Are you curious?
Marketing coordinator: I dunno... Are you bi-curious?
Graphic designer, stunned: Do you know what that means?
Marketing coordinator: Ummm... Doesn't it mean doubly curious?
401 South Jackson Street
Seattle, Washington
9AM Malnourished, Spiteful Cats
Engineer #1: Are we really sure this is the best tool for what we're doing?
Manager, shrugging: We're eating our own dog food.
Engineer #2: We are not. It's more like we're feeding dog food to our cats.
411 1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: engineer #3
4PM Why There's a Mother's Day
Woman checking child's diaper: I just stuck my finger in your poop! Now I'll have to bleach my hand.
2401 Utah Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: lastikgirl
2PM Or a Glitch in the Matrix?
Writer muttering to himself: Do I have the hiccups? Do I actually have the hiccups? Is that actually what's happening to me?
Renton, Washington
10AM That's Where You Come In -- Nickel Washer
Estimator: We're going to sit on their heads until they shit nickels.
8531 Marginal Way
Seattle, Washington
1PM A Fine Distinction Is Still a Distinction
Over the cube wall: That's apples and oranges. But the oranges are red.
2nd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Murray
3PM Now He Has to Spend Four Months a Year There
Editor: It occurs to me that a pomegranate was not the best choice for fruit to eat at my desk.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
11AM Why the President Has a Press Secretary
CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I'm fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay... That's uh... He's uh... standing right over there...
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]
Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy... He's all yours.
1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted
2PM What Kind of Focus Group Is This, Anyway?
Copy chief: I'd rather see hooters than toe fungus any day.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
9AM Or Making Them Spicy
Yuppie mom on cell: I mean, I swear -- America is turning into, like, old-school Russia. You know, with like, the Gazpacho running around killing people.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Deadly and Delicious
5PM Zebra X: Sticking It to the Horse
IT guy: The serial number is T as in 'Thomas,' X as in 'zebra...'
Ephrata, Washington
Overheard by: Lost in Space
4PM He Wore the Suit at Football Games
Male cube dweller: Hey, have you ever had armadillo meat?
Female cube dweller: Yeah, all the time! It's awesome with onions!
Vancouver, Washington
Overheard by: Armadillo What...
10AM America's Secret Weapon in the Global Marketplace
Tech: Are you planning on pressure washing the entire space?
Boss: Yeah, baby!
Tech: That's gonna take you a week! You coming in this weekend or something?
Boss: Yeah... But I'm gonna be high.
6th Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Tomcat
10AM I Only Left That in the Band Room
Female coworker: So, we have to keep the media room locked now, because the janitor is all upset about the mess the high school kids make.
Male coworker: What kind of mess?
Female coworker: He says they leave gum all over the floor.
Male coworker: What?! That's so incredibly disgusting!
Female coworker, surprised: You think so?
Male coworker: Yes! I can't believe it!
Female coworker: You never did anything like that when you were a teenager?
Male coworker, highly indignant: I certainly did not!
Female coworker: You never chewed gum and spat it out on the floor?
Male coworker: Oh... I thought you said 'cum' on the floor...
Washington
Overheard by: juicy fruit
11AM Jaguar: Ironically, My Married Name Is 'Lion'
Young girl: Mr. Lion! Hello, Mr. Lion!
Mom: I think that's a jaguar.
Young girl: Hello, Mr. Lion!
Mom: That's not a lion, sweetie, that's a jaguar.
Young girl: Okay, mom, but I can't say that word. Mr. Lion!
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: James
4PM It's Fine, We Unplugged Your Computer Months Ago
New department secretary: Is it okay to type when the screen is black?
Bank of America
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: rosa who else
2PM Why People Join AA
Receptionist: I just can't get the song from Pinocchio out of my head.
Marketing director: Funny what pops into your head on the first round.
Receptionist, singing: I've got no strings to hold me back...
Marketing director: Later on, when we're drinking, I'll tell you about the midgets.
City Center Building
Bellevue, Washington
2PM This Is an Ex-Patient!
Receptionist: So we're going to need to reschedule his appointment, then?
Nurse: No, Mary*, this patient has passed away.
Receptionist: Okay, so then I'll call him in the morning?
Nurse: You don't understand. He's dead.
Receptionist: Well, Dr. Smith* has a slot open for Monday...
Nurse: He's dead.
Providence Hospital, 5th Street and Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington
12PM Squatters' Rights, Dude
Employee #1: Do you go in the bathroom like that?
Barefoot employee: Yeah, but I sit down. It's much cleaner in there.
Employee #2: Wait, did you just admit that you sit down to pee?
1 Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
11AM ... Which, Here at the Haagen-Dazs Quality-Control Division, We View As an Asset
Woman on phone: Yes, thank you -- she has an excessive licking problem.
East Sprague
Spokane, Washington
10AM When We Get to 'Two,' Give Me a Push, Okay?
Blonde entering elevator: I tell you, people are lazy.
Brunette: Which people?
Blonde, hitting button for second floor: Everybody. Everybody is lazy!
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Overheard by: going to 5
9AM Needless to Say, I'll Never Eat Government Cheese Again
Editrix: I remember a time at this company when someone would say there was free food, and I'd go get some. It didn't matter what it was -- I ate it because it was free.
Scheduler: Sounds like a dark time.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
Overheard by: Writer guy
9AM Mariah Carey?
Coworker on phone: Quick, think of a biracial vegetable!
Seattle, Washington
2PM Plus, the Witch Is Always Trying to Trick Us into the Oven
Employee: First they stuff us with pie, then they expect us to work.
South Rainier
Seattle, Washington
11AM Mary and Joseph Really Had Their Hands Full
Mom listening to garbled announcement over PA: Did he just ask God to collect his son at the front desk?
Daughter: Are you senile?
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
3PM Lottery Board: Eeexcellent!
Customer: These ice cream cones and a hundred dollars in lotto tickets.
Store clerk: Okay, $106.39
Customer: What? These ice creams cost six dollars?! What a waste of money! No, I dont want them. What a waste. Seriously! No, no -- just the lotto tickets.
Eastlake Mart
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: kallisti
2PM The Klan Has Fallen on Hard Times
Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain't never snuck into no white person's house and put poison in they're food! But Whitey's oppressin' me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!
545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington
5PM Our Children Need Statistics Classes, Now More Than Ever
Guy employee: So I read in the news today that drinking from Nalgene bottles while you're pregnant may cause a miscarriage.
Girl employee: Oh my gosh! My best friend just had a miscarriage, and she drinks from a Nalgene bottle all the time!
Guy employee: See?
Tully's Coffee, Union Station
Seattle, Washington
11AM In the UN Intramural League, we're Just 'Dem Bums'
Engineer to lunchroom: So do you guys know if we're officially called 'United States of America' or is it just 'United States'?
413 Pine St
Seattle, Washington
4PM If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit
Guy: Why can't you just have the party at your place?
Girl: 'Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: ....
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.
Eastlake
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nosey
12PM Sometimes He'd Euphorically Do Body-Shots Off of me and Ned From Accounting
Female coworker: I'm so tired of being alone but it's impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.
Male coworker: Who?
Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.
Male coworker: Oh he's been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?
Female coworker: Didn't I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he'd been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn't want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.
Male coworker: Maybe because he's a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?
Female coworker: There is that...But I bet he wouldn't have bored me.
Small town, Washington
Overheard by: i'm lonely too - but not that lonely
10AM The Last Event He Remembers Clearly Is V-J Day
Old man: Excuse me.
CD store employee: Yes.
Old man: Where do you keep your Negro music?
CD store employee: What?
Old man: Your Negro music!
Grandson: He means rap music.
CD store employee: Oh, over there.
1st Avenue North
Seattle, Washington
11AM But I Play One on TV
M.D. #1: Hey, look! They named their kid Babygirl!
M.D. #2: No way, that's hilarious!
Janitor: Actually, it just means they haven't named their child yet and that it's a baby girl.
M.D. #1: Are you a doctor?
M.D. #2: I bet he's not even a doctor.
Janitor: [walks away]
GroupHealth Cooperative
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: lauren
10AM Next You'll Be Claiming People Lived in Mexico Before the Spanish Colonized It!
Customer: That's a pretty name. Different.
Cashier: Yeah, you don't see it much up here. It's Mexican.
Customer: Don't you mean it's Spanish?
Cashier: No, it's Mexican in origin.
Customer: Racist.
Sprague and Sullivan
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: It's this whole other country
4PM It's a Marriage
Woman #1: So is it a booty call if you only have sex some of the time?
Woman #2: No, it's worse.
3600 Port of Tacoma Road
Tacoma, Washington
11AM Maybe Gidget Goes Pentecostal
Little girl, pointing at Ann Coulter's Godless: Who's that lady, daddy?
Dad: She's some crazy lady who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Little girl: She looks like she should be in movies.
Dad: [Shocked silence]
Little girl: But not very good movies.
Dad: Ha! That's my girl.
Auntie's Bookstore
402 West Main Avenue
Spokane, Washington
9AM Send in Jack Bauer!
Dad: Honey, where's your teddy bear?
3-year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
5PM Try the Anisette Liqueur
Boy to mother: There isn't any licorice here!
Liquor Store, 1322 West 3rd Avenue
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: Eric
2PM See the Gauloises, the Berets, and the Spacecraft?
Little girl, pointing to Coneheads DVD: Daddy, what's wrong with those people?
Dad: Oh, they're just from France.
Blockbuster, University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: David in Seattle
10AM Yes, in Prairie Schooners
Travel agent: Where were you looking to take a cruise to?
Client: Do they have cruises to Las Vegas?
Proctor Street
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: potitia
11AM Thought I'd Rob Your Punk Ass, Is Why
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: No, you don't have it.
Employee: Then why are you still here?
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
2PM I Can't Wait 'Til the Nuns Check!
Tween girl #1, going through underwear: Oh my God, so I could, like, totally get the blue ones and wear them on school spirit day!
Tween girl #2: Totally!
Victoria's Secret
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Becky
10AM Well, an IV, Some Sort of Modified Reciprocal Saw, a Rubber Hand, and a Lot of Lotion Ought to Do the Trick
General manager: Listen, if you guys can find a way for me to whack off another six months, that would be great.
12112 115th Avenue NE
Kirkland, Washington
9AM #1, Only One Big Cat; #2, No Reptiles; #3...
Girl #1: Well, you know I like to get kinky.
Girl #2: Oh, I know.
Girl #1: I've never had a threesome, but I would do it. I have ground rules, of course, but I'd totally be down for a menagerie.
Andover Park West
Tukwila, Washington
Overheard by: Cat
1PM I'm So Glad I Still Live With My Mother
Receptionist: I thought she was going to tell me I was fat...but, no, she just wanted to tell me that I smell bad.
Andover Park West
Tukwila, Washington
12PM One Starbucks Holds a Hundred Wongs and One White
Manager: Ok, I don't mean to sound weird, but...
Receptionist #1: Oh, this is gonna be good.
Manager: I was at Starbucks on the 4th of July, and...it was all Asians! It was an Asian invasion! They were everywhere! I was going to ask if they were having a family reunion. Then someone else walked in the door, and [my 14-year-old daughter] nudged me, and it was another Asian! I've told [my daughter], "Ok, you can marry a Muslim! A black! A Jew! Just don't bring home an Asian!" They travel in packs and take pictures! And they are the worst drivers! Any time you see a bad driver swerving, weaving in and out of lanes? Asian! But, I mean, my tennis partner is Asian, so...
Receptionist #1: Becky*, you're a racist!
Manager: I'm not a racist...just to Asians!
An Asian client walks in.
Receptionist #2: Hi, Mr. Wong*!
4020 NE 55th Street
Seattle, Washington
9AM Plus the Pictures Are Better
Elevator-Rider #1: Hey, are you still working in homicide?
Elevator-Rider #2: Nah, I left homicide a while ago. Now I'm in sexual predators. It's great 'cause I don't have to be on call anymore, and I have weekends free.
King County Administration Building
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: B
9AM And What With UPN Off the Air...
Employee: I'm tired of seeing movies that are just, like, The Adventures of White People.
Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Anonymous
10AM He Prefers to Be Called Richard
Guy: I am full.
Girl: Full of what?
Guy: Full of Dick's.
539 Queen Anne Avenue North
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nick D
9AM Back to Work
Sweaty, middle-aged man in running shorts: Hey,wait! Hey, wait! How old are you two?
Young business woman #1: Why?
Sweaty, middle-aged man in running shorts: I just wanted ask one of you out, but I can't tell how old you are under your sunglasses.
Young business woman #2: Umm...no. We're working.
Sweaty, middle-aged man: Oh, never mind.
2825 Eastlake Avenue East
Seattle, Washington
4PM Smoke Break
Employee: Everytime I open my mouth, I put my tongue in it.
35 C Street
Ephrata, Washington
Overheard by: Lost in Space
1PM Full Department Meeting
Head of department: Can someone give an example of a person in the department going above and beyond the call of duty?
Woman: [Jane]. She does so much, not just for our group, but for other groups as well. I don't think there's anyone in the department [Jane] hasn't serviced.
1200 12th Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
2PM Project Meeting
Manager: How are we supposed to get any work done if all of our developers keep getting sucked off?
4740 44th Avenue SW
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: g-man
5PM That's a Wrap
Chief accountant on phone: No, this is not a business. This is the U.S. government.
1660 S Columbian Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Rogue Peanut
11AM Design Session
Designer: We can't afford naked people. All of those photos are rights managed. So tomorrow I'm bringing in my digital camera.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: Also I watched [Ernest] get into basically a penis-measuring contest with his roommate.
Co-worker #2: Over what?
Co-worker #1: Well...who was the fittest, and about who makes more hourly.
Co-worker #2: Who won?
Co-worker #1: In two weeks they're going to have a run around Greenlake, and [Anthony] says in a couple of months he'll make more hourly again.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
9AM Back to Work
Manager: So, you're back! How was your vacation?
Contractor: Well, I think I got a lot done.
Peon: That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard.
909 A Street
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Barnstable
4PM Interviews for Jack's Replacement
Co-worker #1: Now I feel bad about us putting those moving boxes in his cube the other day.
Co-worker #2: Why? he thought it was funny at the time.
2401 Utah Ave South
Seattle, Washington
4PM Schedule Pitch
Supervisor: The contact name is "Ding Ding"?
Co-worker: Yes.
Supervisor: And he lives in his car behind K-mart?
1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
4PM Update Database
Co-worker #1: Wow! That's the longest email I've ever gotten from a customer.
Co-worker #2: Really? What is it?
Co-worker #1: [Kateunderscorelee]@yahoo.com
Co-worker #2: That's not long...Oh! Um, do you know what an "underscore" is? You don't spell it out.
1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
1PM Lunch
Director: It's one of those chicken-before-the-horse things.
925 4th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Blaque Mackintosh
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Hey, I just made up a new job title for myself.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what is it?
Co-worker #1: I'd like to be called the System Operations Liaison. Or S.O.L. for short.
Co-worker #2: Ha, ha!
Co-worker #1: Man, I crack myself up.
2414 1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
11AM Comps Due
Manager: Why are you sending me comps at 1:30 in the morning?
Designer: Because I wanted to work on them at home, and then when I was home I couldn't work on them until Loveline was on the air and I could listen to some relationship advice at the same time.
Manager: Oh, that makes perfect sense.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
5PM Out of Here
Co-worker: Isn't it nice living so close to home?
1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
12PM Call Network Guy
Boss: We're having communication problems.
Underling: We are?
Boss: What?
18115 Campus Way NE
Bothell, Washington
Overheard by: cogalicious
5PM That's a Wrap
Attorney on phone: I'm good, [Jeff]. I'm riding my bike with a glass of wine in my hand on my way to a strip club...No sorry, I don't know anything about that. I'm too busy mismanaging my files and harrassing my staff to get to that.
999 3rd Avenue
Seattle, Washington
10AM Problems on 12
Co-worker on phone: Hello?...Do I have a minute to come up for a second?
385 Benedict Street
Port Townsend, Washington
5PM Off to the Dentist
Dental Assistant: Whatever you do, don't lick your tongue.
710 NW Juniper St.
Issaquah, Washington
Overheard by: Margaret
2PM Conference
Presenter: If you knew what I was thinking, what I just said would
make perfect sense.
1 Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
11AM Staff Meeting
Employee: Do you always have to act like a child?
Manager: This company is all about innovation. And studies have consistently shown that the most innovative thought comes from the ages of five and under.
31601 Pacific Hwy South
Federal Way, Washington
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, I keep getting the hiccups!
Co-worker #2: Try holding your breath for ten minutes.
2815 Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington
3PM Smoke Break
Employee: Would it be better to buy life insurance while I'm still alive?
4740 44th Avenue SW
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lisa Marshall
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: All we ever talk about in this office is food. It is
always in the conversation.
Co-worker #2: Well, it is at every social occasion, and we center our lives around it in a way.
Co-worker #1: We should all become prostitutes so our conversations
center around our sexual liaisons rather then food.
2601 4th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
2PM Mail Packages
UPS: I've got a big one for you today!
Office Manager: Ooh! I'll take it!
10801 Main Street
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Jeni Gonzales
5PM That's a Wrap
Office worker: I haven't heard from him since the last time we talked.
4526 11th Ave NE
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: James eDropper
3PM Smoke Break
Supervisor: You're either talking to yourself, singing to yourself, thinking about talking to yourself, or thinking about singing to yourself. Am I right?
4708 Lacey Boulevard SE
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
4PM Annual Review
Lawyer: You need to learn how to be human. Be less perfect; you don't have to be so precise about everything. Be less professional. Any questions?
Secretary: Yeah. Do you have a handbook for how to be human?
Lawyer: Oh, now you're going to be a smartass.
701 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: Are we loud in meetings?
Co-worker #2: Some of us are.
Co-worker #1: Let me correct that: are we allowed in meetings?
3650 131st Avenue SE
Bellevue, Washington
4PM Train CSRs
CSR: So is there anything else I can help you with?
Customer: I'm not sure; are there any questions I didn't ask yet?
605 5th Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: listening in
2PM Forward FedEx to Kevin
Co-worker: Can you e-mail a hard copy of that file to me?
1420 5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
9AM They Sure Said It
Employee: Mondays come way too often.
Supervisor: Yes, once a week.
4708 Lacey Bpulevard SE
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
3PM Bathroom Break
Supervisor: Where the hell have you been for the last 15 minutes?
Employee: I had to use the restroom.
Supervisor: What--all the way in the main building?
Employee: That's the one.
Supervisor: Why not use the one over here? You just like to waste time, don't you?
Employee: Actually, I like the soap better.
4708 Lacey Boulevard SE
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: Chris Shard
11AM Grab a Quick Smoke
Co-worker #1: There's an all-hands meeting today at 11:45.
Co-worker #2: Oh, I'm going to be busy then. Do I have to go?
Co-worker #1: Do you have hands?
4540 Lacey Boulevard SE
Lacey, Washington
Overheard by: Melisa
11AM Layouts
Co-worker #1: Thank you so much [Dan] for getting me all of the ledes that I needed for the articles so last minute.
Co-worker #2: Oh, it's no problem. It was easy, I can show you how to do it.
Co-worker #1: No, I'd rather you do it, thanks.
Co-worker #2: I can easily show you.
Co-worker #1: If there was a fire and you were burning, I'd assume you'd have a cell phone, so I could still call you and you'd still do it for me.
2105 C Street
Vancouver, Washington
11AM Project Meeting
Project Leader: We are anticipating problems we haven't anticipated before.
4820 150th Avenue NE
Redmond, Washington
5PM Don't Ask Him Why His Cell is Off
User: If you don't turn my cell phone back on today, I'll tell the families of my patients and their lawyers that you are responsible for the patient's death, because I couldn't be reached!
Call center operator: Sir, if you are expecting your patients to die, perhaps they should switch to a different physician...
310 W. Bakerview Road
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Josh Sinnett
5PM I Overheard That the Genie is Still Laughing at You
Co-worker #1: Wanna go in, say...10 minutes? Or do you need longer?
Co-worker #2: How about 15?
Co-worker #1: I knew that was what you were going to say!...I think I wasted my wish when I said, "I'd like to know what people are
going to say, right before they actually say it."
1835 Terminal Drive
Richland, Washington
12AM Yeah, But No Competitors Had It Then
Dev: But I have wanted tabbed browsing for seven fucking years!
One Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
12AM Presenting: The Nerdiest Coversation Ever Held
Engineer #1: A charred, dark husk of evil smoldering into infinity would be cool.
Engineer #2: I'd prefer the Dyson Sphere. Though I personally find Niven ringworlds much more aesthetically pleasing.
Engineer #1: But a husk!
Engineer #2: A Dyson sphere could be kind of a husk.
Engineer #1: Come on! Spooky husk!
Engineer #2: No! No spooky husk!
Engineer #1: Aww.
Engineer #2: ...We can make the Dyson Sphere kind of spooky if you insist.
401 Elliott Avenue W
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Bjorn Townsend
12AM They Finally Made a Paris Hilton RPG
Video Game Developer: Why am I naked and corrupted?
24742 SE 28th Place
Seattle, Washington
