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California and Northwest All Categories > Places > United States > California and Northwest
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12PM For Some Reason, I Picture Debra Winger in This Role
Coworker: I'm lucky I wasn't raised by my mother. I'd have turned out a total slut. She'd wear high heels to her job at the sawmill.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Innocent Bystander
1PM But I Understand That Hooters Girls Can Be Scary
Senior director to group of scientists: Well, it's not like they're just licking each other's boobies!
Bay Area, California
Overheard by: marblecargirl
10AM Isn't Everyone's?
Photographer: Are you saying my cock is funny?
Culver City, California
Overheard by: LaLa Land
11AM Chinese Hamster Gynecologists?
Minion: Do you seriously want to go off on a Chinese hamster ovary tangent? I mean, who gives a crap?
1959 NE Pacific Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
10AM Went Right Through a Stop Sign
Clerk #1: Sorry, I'm a little dyslexic.
Clerk #2: My dog died of dyslexia!
1901 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Office Droid
10AM Captain Obvious Has Bowel Movements, Too
Guy in stall #1: Hey, what's up? Yeah, okay. You still wanna do that today?
Massive eruption occurs from next stall.
Guy in stall #2: Huh? Oh, that... I'm taking a shit right now...
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
5PM God, I Love My Job
Engineer: It might be dangerous if it ignites, so I think I should heat it up to 600 degrees and see if it catches on fire.
1190 4th Street
Ontario, California
9AM Still Curious about the Gasoline, George?
Computer nerd: Last night I had to set my monkey on fire.
California State University
Northridge, California
Overheard by: Scott
10AM She Used to Be Rather Restrained
Newlywed coworker: I am all about leather.
33 New Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
10AM Next You'll Be Claiming People Lived in Mexico Before the Spanish Colonized It!
Customer: That's a pretty name. Different.
Cashier: Yeah, you don't see it much up here. It's Mexican.
Customer: Don't you mean it's Spanish?
Cashier: No, it's Mexican in origin.
Customer: Racist.
Sprague and Sullivan
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: It's this whole other country
11AM Maybe Gidget Goes Pentecostal
Little girl, pointing at Ann Coulter's Godless: Who's that lady, daddy?
Dad: She's some crazy lady who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Little girl: She looks like she should be in movies.
Dad: [Shocked silence]
Little girl: But not very good movies.
Dad: Ha! That's my girl.
Auntie's Bookstore
402 West Main Avenue
Spokane, Washington
9AM 2006: Al Qaeda Reaches Alaska
Admin: Do you need help with anything?
Engineer: Nobody ever asks that here. What are you up to?
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Overworked
4PM Can We All Agree That What They Do Is Not 'Acting'?
Client #1: Yeah...[My girlfriend] used to be an actress.
Client #2, looking at photo on client #1's desk: Yeah? I think I have seen her before.
Client #1: Yeah? You watch a lot of porn? She used to be a porn actress.
Client #2: [Silence]
Airport Plaza
Long Beach, California
10AM Lyle's Mistake Was Planning the 12-Days-of-Christmas Diorama from Memory
Co-worker on the phone: Really? And he had six donkeys?
1400 Lacey Boulevard
Hanford, California
Overheard by: suzanne
9AM Back to Work
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Uh, excuse me?
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Um...yeah.
Customer: Oh, well you're not supposed to be.
Cashier: What?
Customer: Well, it says you're not supposed to be open until 10!
Cashier: Um...oh, well pharmacy opens at 10. We've been open since 8.
Customer: Okay, well I can come back.
Cashier: Um, okay...but we are open right now.
Customer: Okay, well then all I want is a box of cigarettes.
4405 1st Street
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
9AM Back to Work
Coworker #1: See, this is my new man bag.
Coworker #2: Oh, nice! So manly.
Coworker #3: Man bag? Sounds like scrotum.
270 County Hospital Road
Quincy, California
4PM Summer Ad Campaign
Employee: Well, did we decide against boobs?
163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker on phone: What time does she get in?...That's kind of late. I'll leave Lydia* with my mom, no reason to drag her all they way to the airport and back. Maybe we can find some place to have sex in the car on the way down there...Maybe I shouldn't say stuff like that when I don't have a ceiling or real walls.
333 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
9AM Back to Work
Older dude: You know, you shouldn't bite your nails.
Executive assistant: You shouldn't be a drunk.
45 West Portal Avenue
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jerkey
2PM Office Prank
Employee #1: I saw you run to the bathroom. So I followed you in and heard you frantically trying to put the protective cover on the seat.
Employee #2: Yeah. And?
Employee #1: Then I shut the light off.
Employee #2: Oh that was you? Well just so you know, I'm a master at pooping in the dark.
6255 Sunset Boulevard
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Ron
9AM Back to Work
Employee #1: I was on time every day this week.
Employee #2: What? No way. You? Please, you're always late.
Employee #1: No, seriously.
Employee #2: Dude, weren't you late today? You're always late on Fridays.
Employee #1: I got here at 8:35 but normally I show up at 9am, so I wasn't late today.
Employee #2: 8:35 is late. Everyone else shows up at 8.
Employee #1: I have to take my daughter to school so that's why I'm typically late...but um...her school's out now for the summer so...yeah, I just forgot to set my alarm.
3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona
3PM Expense Report
Employee: I've never traveled for work before. Is there a per diem, or...?
Boss: Well, there's an allowance of ten dollars a day for breakfast, fifteen dollars a day for lunch, and twenty-five dollars a day for dinner. So, fifty dollars a day. But save all your receipts, you have to turn all of them in to get credit for what you spend.
Employee: So if I ate a banana for breakfast and a banana for lunch...could I go to a Braves game at night?
Boss: [squinting] Uh...
Employee: Okay, how about this: a banana for breakfast, a banana for lunch, and prostitutes in the hotel room?
Boss: You know, why don't you go to a Braves game?
Employee: That sounds great, thank you!
12920 SE 38th Street
Bellevue, Washington
10AM Student Conference
Teacher: Are you sure that this is a note from your mother?
Kid: Yeah, she wrote it with her own hand.
Teacher: Okay, so you are going to tell me that you were out for two weeks because your mom had to go to Chicago to buy a bed?
Kid: That's right. We only buy our furniture in Chicago.
Teacher: Okay, but I don't believe it. That's like the note you sent me saying you would be attending a funeral in two weeks. That your grandma was going to be dead in two weeks.
Kid: Yeah, so what.
Teacher: Well, you tell me, was that planned or did she come about with some unfortunate accident?
Kid: They can never pin it on me.
Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada
4PM Technical Know-How
Boss on phone: Wait, wait, wait, does your computer have Google on it? Yeah, just type it in there.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
5PM That's a Wrap
Coworker #1: Hey, is this your Eagles CD.
Coworker #2: Yeah, that's mine.
Coworker #3: Bullshit, you don't even know who the fucking eagles are, douchebag.
Coworker #2: It's my fucking CD, I've had since highschool.
Coworker #3: Yeah right, somebody left that on your desk -- there's no way that's yours.
Coworker #2: Bullshit, this is mine.
Coworker #3: Alright, if it's yours name one fucking song by the Eagles, one song!
Coworker #2: Man, I don't know the names of songs, I just know the music.
Coworker #3: Wow, you're fucking ridiculous!
Coworker #2: Okay, okay, well they did "Welcome to the Jungle."
714 4th Street
Corvallis, Oregon
Overheard by: Ryan P
3PM Trip Planning
Wine tech #1: So I heard you are going to France next week.
Wine tech #2: Yup. Next thursday.
Wine tech #1: So how long will it take you to drive there?
8555 Sonoma Highway
Santa Rosa, California
12PM Lunch
Food service worker: What type of soda would you like today?
Female customer: Large.
Food service worker: Yes, mam'm. But what type or flavor did you want?
Female customer: I said large.
Food service worker: Yes, ma'am. Diet Coke? Sprite? Coke? What type?
Female customer: Are you fucking stupid or something? Large. A large soda. How many times do I have to tell you?
San Diego Mall Food Court
San Diego, California
12PM Lunch
Coworker #1: I think he had some kind of superdog
Coworker #2: What is a Superdog?
Coworker #1: I think they are dogs that do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to retarded kids or something.
Coworker #2: Oh... okay, yeah, I know the ones.
5885 NW Cornelius Pass Road
Hillsboro, Oregon
Overheard by: Curious Listener
11AM Call Transfer
CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is "A guy."
4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California
1PM Number Crunching
Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don't know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you're on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He's right there, isn't he? He's always right there, lurking...
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
11AM Department Meeting
Marketing muckety-muck: ...I mean, you can put all the jewels that you want to on that girl, but if she doesn't have the surgery, it's not going to do any good.
163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
4PM Paradigm Shift
Boss #1: What's he doing up there? We're not supposed to park there now.
Receptionist: Subverting the dominant paradigm?
Boss #1: Which means?
Receptionist: Breaking the rules?
Boss #1: Hah! That's great. Hey [Boss #2]! You're subverting the dominant paradigm!
Boss #2: You don't know what subvert means!
Boss #1: I don't know what the hell paradigm means!
Boss #2: Now as for dominant. . .
Boss #1: Shut up!
3211 Martin Luther King Jr. Way S
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lowly Peon
2PM Getting Things Done
Boss: Where the hell were you? I need to call someone.
Assistant: I was in the bathroom.
Boss: But I needed you.
Assistant: You told me to be more efficient, so when nature called, I answered on the first ring.
151 El Camino Drive
Beverly Hills, California
9AM Back to Work
Tech support guy on phone: Hi, I was wondering if you had a hair dryer?
...No, I have a meeting in about an hour, and I spilled coffee on my pants, and I don't want to go this meeting with wet pants.
...I figured since you have such beautiful hair that you probably have a hair dryer.
...Well, thanks anyway, but a curling iron is probably not going to work.
160 Rio Robles
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Mitch Shiver
10AM Checking Specs
Web designer on phone: It says "new as of date." What does "as of" mean?
1800 Ninth Avenue
Seattle, Washington
12PM Lunch
RVP: Hey, I thought you were out sick today.
Sales manager: Nope, I was just tired.
RVP: [peeved] Nice.
Sales manager: Hey, you brought me here for my brutal honesty.
8833 W. Sunset Boulevard
West Hollywood, California
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: ...Um...orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
