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5PM He Hit the "Escape" Key and Exploded
Programmer: Does anyone want a free, almost clean keyboard?
Tech support peon: Not until you tell us what you just 'almost cleaned' off of it.
Programmer: Jeff*.
Tech support peon: Uhhh, no thanks.
Islington, London
England
9AM Of Course, the Functional Invisibility Is Good for Robbing Banks
Woman #1: I hate these bloody name tags!
Woman #2: I know! The straps are so long! Everyone keeps peering down at your belly before looking up at your face!
Woman #1: I prefer the name tags you can clip on your lapel...
Woman #2: Yes, at my age I'd actually rather men stared at my tits and not at my stomach.
Old woman exiting stall: Honey, at my age you're chuffed if they look anywhere at all!
Conference, St. Andrews Place
London
England
2PM Bunnies: We're Concentrating on Our Careers
Receptionist: Yeah, the Deals Team all have babies about the same age. They must have just all at once started procrastinating like bunnies!
30 Warwick Street
London
England
Overheard by: Supertemp
3PM Cubicle Butt
Sales guy: So, Tim*, you're finished training that guy already?
Support dude: Yeah, it was going to be all day, but his bottom got sore and he had to go home.
Islington
London
4PM Bad Enough We Never Mastered Central Heating
Trainee: Would you mind closing that window? The cold air is making my skin peel off.
London
England
12PM Important Safety Tip, Ian -- Thanks!
Coworker #1: So, I got my girlfriend to give me a wax job on the weekend -- y'know -- down there.
Coworker #2: Oh, yeah? How was that? Nice?
Coworker #1: No... She waxed my piercing off through the skin.
Coworker #2: Shit!
Coworker #1: Yeah...
Government Department
London
England
5PM It's in Our Strategic Plan
Manager in meeting: We'll hit that bridge when we come to it.
London
England
4PM He's Looking for Something with Souvenir Merchandise
Tourist: Do you have any Opera?
Employee: We have The Marriage of Figaro.
Tourist: Hmmm, no. What about Lion King?
TKTS booth, Leicester Square
London
England
1PM Might As Well Die Thin with a Hoagie in Your Mouth
Office girl #1: So, she's like, definitely got AIDS... That's what I heard.
Office girl #2: Really? No way! She's way too fat to have AIDS. It makes you really skinny.
Office girl #1: I wish I had AIDS -- you could eat whatever you liked.
Office girl #2: Yeah, I suppose... It would mean you might die, though.
Office girl #1: Hmmm, we're all gonna some day, though.
Office girl #2: Yeah.
London
England
Overheard by: Cecilia
12PM A Better Solution Than 'Always Turn Left'
Receptionist on phone: I know, this piercing is the best! Now whenever I have sex with someone really stupid, they are bound to find it!
The Generator Hostel
London, England
Overheard by: JJK
2PM Jobs: Aha! We'll Start Attaching a kid to the 50GB Models. They'll Sell Like Hotcakes
IT woman #1: How do you work this thing?
IT guy #1: What is it? An iPod?
IT woman #1: Yeah, I'm trying to restart it but I don't know how.
IT guy #3: Ctrl, alt, delete!
IT woman #1: Don't any of you have iPods to help me out?
IT guy #2: I'll call my kids.
Maersk Offices
Algate, London
3PM Here, I'll Show You with My Fingers -- The Difference Is the Long One in the Middle
Senior consultant: Hey, what's the difference between four and five?
Consultant: How am I getting paid less than you?
Waterloo, London
Overheard by: he said what I was thinking
3PM Well, You Guys Are the Engineers, So If You Say It Needs to Be Made out of Platinum...
Tech: So do you think that we should go for this project?
Boss: Absolutely. The client is ridiculously stupid, but they are open-minded.
Bishopsgate, London
Overheard by: whyamIhere?
3PM After Delegating His Memory to Abby, Frank Experienced Difficulty With Remote Access
Boss, on phone: Abby*, it's Frank*. I'm at the British Library, and there's a man looking at me.
Abby, on other end of phone: ...Yes?
Boss: Who is it?
British Library, 96 Euston Road
London, England
Overheard by: hapless
9AM Back to Work
Admin: It says here, "his marriage stopped due to alcohol and wanking too much."
Pause
Admin: Hold on...... maybe it says "working to much."
101 Whitechapel Road
London, UK
Overheard by: nurse
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker #1: How do you spell "vulnerable"? V-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e?
Worker #2: No, it has an "l" in it. V-u-l...
Worker #1: Pfff, no. It's v-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #2: It has an "l" in it. V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #1 gets the dictionary and struggles to find it under v-u-n.
Worker #1: Oh...How peculiar! Hang on.
Worker #2: V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e. Would you like me to give you the Latin root and related words? Vulnerare...vulnus...
Worker #1: Well, I never! It has an "l" in it! Well, well. You don't pronounce it like that, though. What's the "l" for?
Worker #2: ...It's for making it a real word.
200 Green Lanes
Palmers Green, London
UK
Overheard by: Peachey
4PM Meeting with the Brits
Client: I measured it, it was 4 centimetres!
Salesman: What's that in millimetres?
Client: Did you even go to school?
297 Munster Road
Fulham, London
UK
Overheard by: Marshall
1PM Lunch
Co-worker: This lunchtime let's lock ourselves in a toilet cubicle with a knife, some string and a needle, and see what happens.
144 Uxbridge Road
Shepherd's Bush, London
UK
12PM Order New Server
Director: ...so, do you have any ideas why all these clips are showing up as being not on server?
Engineer: Ah, yes, it's a procurement error. We bought shit.
201 Wood Lane
Shepherd's Bush, London
UK
3PM Sensitivity Training
Office Manager: There's a time and a place for shoulder massages and it's not here and now.
Employee: It's not a massage. I was rubbing my hands up her.
Aldine House, New Bailey Street
Salford, Manchester
UK
12AM If Only Monsters Were Still a Fantasy, There
Office guy #1: Dude, you're making me nervous with that letter opener.
Office guy #2: Why's that?
Office guy #1: Because you look like you played too much Dungeons & Dragons back in the day.
18 Adam & Eve Mews
London, England
