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10AM Because Do I Ever Have the Middle East Excursion Package for You...
Customer, entering store: Hi.
Travel agent: Are you ready to book something today, or are you just going to ask questions?
Queen Street
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Random Eavesdropper
5PM You Know You're Getting Old When the Kid from Jerry Maguire Is Having Children of His Own
Charity worker: His name was Brandon*, and he was about six and he has Down Syndrome and eye cancer, so he has one glass eye, but you can't tell. But sometimes it plops out. He also needs a major hip replacement, but he does walk most of the time. He can't talk. He's sooo cute.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Bora
4PM No, on the Guy He's Kneeling Next To
Boss, looking at photograph: Geez, look at the smile on this guy!
Peon: That's a mustache.
Middlemount, Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Glad he shaves...
2PM If You Steal Other People's Staplers, You Deserve at Least a Coma
Office guy: I mean, I wouldn't wish death on anyone, but if we came back from break and she died... I'd be secretly happy.
Office girl: Yeah. Like, if I had to choose someone in the office to die--
Office guy: --It would be her.
Office girl: Totally.
Office guy: Anyway, have a lovely Christmas!
Office girl: You, too! Happy holidays!
Melbourne
Australia
12PM 'Cause I'm Getting Hungry
Secretary on phone: So, ummm, yeah -- I just wanted to check if your horse still had his boy bits or not...
Perth
Australia
11AM When the Blood-Dimmed Tide Is Loosed
20-ish peon #1: I have to go and see my sister and her new baby.
20-ish peon #2: You'll come back smelling like babies. I love that smell.
20-ish peon #3: They smell like uterus.
Parliament Place
West Perth
Australia
10AM When the Boss Is Happy, We Can All Relax
Boss, quietly singing: I'm a chubby little monkey, monkey, monkey -- I'm a chubby little monkey...
Harris Street
Pyrmont
Australia
Overheard by: i am too!
4PM You'll Look Just Like Justin Timberlake
Drone: Just shave your bum fluff off and stick on your face!
Canberra
Australia
5PM Sadly, the Answer to "Where's the Bathroom?"
Consultant giving directions over phone: Yeah, it's like an hour away. An hour and a half at the most. Actually, it could be more like two hours... Or two and a half. Probably more like three. About four, I'd say.
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
2PM And the Bar's Set Pretty High in Australia
CSR #1, after moving offices: Does the mouse get plugged into the monitor or the computer?
CSR #2: [Stares in disbelief and silence, and then starts laughing.]
CSR #1: I can't believe I just said that. That's the most stupid question I've ever heard!
Perth
Australia
4PM Gimme a Hand with It, Okay?
From inside copy room: Oh my god, my flap's gone up! Don't you hate it when your flap goes up?
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: EM
9AM Did I Mention the Horses in Gynecological Stirrups?
Medical scientist #1: You know, they've got sheep in the basement...
Medical scientist #2: Our basement?!
Medical scientist #1: Yeah. It's for heart surgery experiments. They bring them up for MRIs at night.
Medical scientist #2: There are sheep using our MRI machines?!
Medical scientist #1: Well, they're only small ones...
Hospital, Flemington Road
Parkville, Victoria
Australia
2PM Friday Afternoons Quickly Degenerate into Hide-and-Seek
Assistant: What are you up to?
Boss, gleefully: I'm fucking about!
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
5PM She Also Thinks Betsy Ross Is a Clothing Designer
Lady suit #1: There is a quote by Mark Twain that would be perfect for our presentation, just as a conclusion. What do you think?
Lady suit #2: Um, is that Shania Twain's dad?
St. George's Terrace
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: not a shania fan
9AM Guess We Could Tell Her Who's Dead, but What Fun Is That?
Female coworker #1, sobbing in bathroom: I can't believe he's dead!
Female coworker #2: Neither can I!
Female coworker #3: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
Senior female partner, entering bathroom: Having a bad day? [Coworkers #2 and #3 nod.] You know what works for me?
Female coworker #3: Oh... Yes? What would that be?
Senior female partner: I put one hand over my heart, and the other hand over my stomach. I breathe in deeply. I then say to myself, 'I'm here. I'm right here, right now.' It works every time! I feel better straight away! [Long silence, then] Okay, well, [waves goodbye and leaves].
Female coworker #3: Wow. You've got to be fucking kidding me!
Collins Street
Melbourne
Australia
4PM And Neither of Them Knows It
Office chick #1: But why does she do that?
Office chick #2: It doesn't matter -- her boyfriend is so gay!
Melbourne
Australia
10AM What Do They Expect at a Snail Salon?
Large customer lady: I leave a big puddle... That's how people know I've been here!
Melbourne
Australia
1PM They'd Rather Be Called "Interns"
Wailing lady peon: Nooo! I have three boobs!
187 Thomas Street
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: mellamaphone
9AM Have You Considered Beating Him?
Peon #1, about son: Yeah, so he's just at that age where he's throwing things around now. I mean, he'll grow out of it, but it's annoying replacing his dummy every time he throws it away.
Peon #2: How old is he?
Peon #1: Twenty-three.
Clarendon Street
East Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
2PM Get Out the Bear Mace, Sweetie
Passenger: My daughter is burning that DVD for you. I'll drop it by when she's done it.
Station worker: Thanks! You really don't have to.
Another mother, to her toddler: Sound's like someone's breaching copyright!
Turramurra Station
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Andrew
11AM You Mean Argue for Years about What to Build?
Boss: We'll have to develop this from Ground Zero principles.
5 Thomas Holt Drive
Sydney
Australia
5PM According to My Personality Profile
Boss: I would rather be dressed in chaps and a police cap at the Blue Oyster Bar than be subjected to the XYZ Company* auditors.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: K67
2PM Actually, They're from Albany
Girl #1: What country is Paul* from?
Girl #2: He's Albanian. [Girl #1 is silent.] You know... Albania?
Girl #1: Isn't that where all the albinos come from? I didn't know Paul was albino!
Copperfield College
Melbourne
Australia
4PM Prepare to Be Snubbed and Not Recognize It
Company rep: Good morning, monsieurs and madames! I thought we were all friends, but I've heard that someone here thinks I'm pretentious.
Law firm
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Megsie
2PM I've Got 99
Customer: Can you direct me to the problems office please?
Receptionist: The problems office? I've never heard of them.
Customer: Oh... Maybe they closed down...
Receptionist: What kind of problems did they solve?
Customer: Any kind of problems!
Receptionist: Am I able to help?
Customer: Nah...I'll just come back another time.
Gold Coast
Australia
Overheard by: Cam
9AM I Wouldn't Still Be Here If It Weren't My Company
Admin girl: Are you sure you don't have any meetings scheduled this afternoon or want to leave early to get a start on your weekend?
Boss: Nope, I'm all free this afternoon and thought I'd catch up on paper work.
Admin girl: Oh, okay.
Boss: Why?
Admin girl: Because when you leave early I normally give you 10 minutes' headway and then sneak out myself.
Boss: Ugh, just go already.
Brisbane
Australia
9AM Those're the Odds When Your Best Customer's Layla
Employee #1, getting up: Stupid customers...
Employee #2: Yeah, they always come when you're on your knees.
Fast food place
Carlingford
Australia
1PM Enough to Make a Raft and Sail to New Zealand
Worker bee: I've got a carton of condoms. Do you think that will be enough?
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Rachelle
12PM But Since You're Standing Right Here, I Can Just Tell You in Person
Boss: Can we talk for a few minutes?
Colleague: In a minute. I need to finish writing nasty emails to staff who don't learn.
Boss: We can't write nasty emails! We have to be encouraging.
Colleague: Dear sir, I'm delighted to be able to tell you that you are a complete idiot...
Australia
11AM None of Your Trendy Rat Milk for Me
Designer: I just don't trust anything that doesn't come out of a cow!
Newspaper
Melbourne
Australia
11AM So: Questions?
US sales manager in teleconference: We gotta let the elephant be the hot dog right outta the shoe.
5 Thomas Holt Drive
Sydney
Australia
11AM I Suggest You Glue Your Ass to Your Own Chair
Office drone #1: What's a funnier prank -- if I tape the the receiver to the boss's phone, or if I fix it so she can't open the drawer?
Office drone #2: Um, maybe you should... [looks pointedly at returning boss behind drone #1].
Office drone #1: I know! I'll glue her coffee mug to her desk. Bitch'll be spewing!
Boss, standing right behind drone #1: Bitch is behind you.
Harris Street
Pyrmont, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: get back to work!
5PM No Gay People in This House!
Coworker #1: She got to the point where she couldn't leave the house anymore. She had that -- what do you call it -- homophobia.
Coworker #2: Ah, I think you mean 'agoraphobia.'
Coworker #1: No, I'm pretty sure it's homophobia.
Coworker #2: ... If you say so.
187 Thomas Street
Sydney
Australia
12PM Without Him, I Don't Want a Liver
Cashier #1: So, how are you?
Cashier #2: Oh, you know -- I'm still really upset about--
Cashier #1: --About that whole David* thing?
Cashier #2: Yeah, I'm still really upset about us breaking up.
Cashier #1: Oh... Yeah...
Cashier #2: But he called last night and said he'll think about getting back together.
Cashier #1: Oh, well... that's good, isn't it?
Cashier #2: So then I drank a whole bottle of bourbon by myself in two hours.
Perth
Australia
3PM So I Just Tell Them to Go Home
Girl: How many pieces of fish in the six pack?
Manager: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know what to say to customers.
Brisbane, Queensland
Australia
12PM And Remind Ourselves That We Still Have Our Freedom
Reception guy: Are you guys going on a puppy run?
Worker: Nah, just going to XYZ Office*.
Temp: Puppy run?
Reception guy: Yeah, when we're a bit crabby we go across the street to the pet shop and look at the puppies.
Temp: Oh.
Adelaide
South Australia
1PM Which Is How They Get You
Cube rat #1 in response to a mime: Thank you, Marcel Marceau... Hey, is he dead?
Cube rat #2: I hadn't heard anything.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Silent Observer
3PM My Name's Trevor and I'm an Engineer. Hi, Trevor!
Woman on phone: He gave me a book of his own poetry that he'd had published and everything! But he's not a total fairy, though... He used to be an engineer.
Westmead
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: every3rdthought
3PM Is History the One with the Quadratic Equations?
Chick: My father went to Timbuktu.
Dude: Where is that, again?
Chick: Some county in Africa.
Dude: Some country in Africa?
Chick: Yeah. Africa is like Europe -- made up of lots of countries.
Dude: Oh. I was never good at history.
Chick: I think you mean geography.
Dude: Oh, yeah...
Dulwich Hill
Sydney
Australia
5PM Sounds Like Somebody Needs Half a Millipede
Coworker: This is one of the weirdest places I've ever worked. Ally's* rummaging in the bin for half a millipede, Jane* has to pathologically lock everything, and I'm going psycho telling people I don't need hugs.
Mallett Street
Sydney
Australia
5PM Slowly, but Nevertheless
Worker: Bower birds are cool -- they've got it going on. Cassowaries are cool, too. They can eat a dog.
Leederville
Perth
Western Australia
Overheard by: Going on holidays
9AM I'm Not Much, but I'm All I Think About
Mother: Put those toys away. Think of the other kids who come here.
Little kid #1: Yeah, we've gotta think of the other kids.
Little kid #2: I don't want to think of the other kids. I only want to think about me.
Doctor's waiting room
North Rocks, Sydney
Australia
9AM Tinted Chromosomes
Coworker #1: You've got really pretty eyes.
Coworker #2: Thanks.
Coworker #1: It's like you've got, um... What is it...?
Coworker #3: Downs Syndrome?
Coworker #1: Contact lenses.
Kmart
Adelaide
South Australia
10AM You Know -- Australian Yoga
Guy: What are you going to do in Melbourne?
Girl: One of the days I'm there I'm going to go from bar to bar -- you know, just explore myself.
Mounts Bay Road
Perth
Australia
12PM Only Under the Table
Customer: Do you sell cheeseburgers?
Jewelry store
Sydney
Australia
12PM She's Just Trying to Avoid Tipping
Waitress: Can I help you, ma'am?
Middle-aged woman: You shouldn't call women 'ma'am.'
Waitress: Oh... Why not?
Middle-aged woman: Because 'ma'am' is short for 'madame,' which is a name for a woman who owns a brothel. Do you know what a brothel is?
Waitress: Ah, yes.
Middle-aged: Good. Besides, for young women you should call them 'miss.'
Waitress: Okay, can I help you, miss?
Middle-aged woman: Don't call me 'miss.'
Candlewood Chinese
Western Australia
5PM Paris Latsis Needs to Work on His Game
Customer: So, yeah, the wedding's off. I just couldn't deal with her mother, you know?
Salesgirl: Totally.
Customer: She was just always sticking her nose into our business -- we couldn't get a moment of peace.
Salesgirl: Yeah.
Customer: And then, of course, [my wife] goes and tells her about my impotence, and it all went downhill from there.
Salesgirl: God. Well, you did the right thing. Just hang in there.
Customer: Mmm. Anyway, it was really nice meeting you, Julie*.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
12PM The Ballerinas Decide to Go to America
Bimbette: Hey, remember the time we broke the toilet?
Blonde: Yeah, stuff like that happens to us.
Bimbette: I wonder what will happen to us next...
Blonde: Let's have a threesome with someone famous!
Bimbette: With who?
Blonde: A Beatle... John Lennon?
Bimbette: Duh, he's in America!
Blonde: Duh, he's dead!
Bimbette: Yeah, but he's still in America.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Same Cubicle, Different Pair
2PM Dr. Seuss Successfully Split the Difference
Yuppie girl: I found a turtle over the weekend. I put it in my backyard.
Flakey girl: What did you call it?
Yuppie girl: Myrtle.
Flakey girl: Is it fertile?
Yuppie girl: Is it what?
Flakey girl: Is it fer-tile? I was rhyming...
Yuppie girl: No, it's a turtle.
Flakey girl: Myrtle, the fertile turtle.
Yuppie girl: You're like Phoebe of Friends.
Flakey girl: You're like Ross.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne
Australia
3PM I Asked You First
Old lady coworker: Toys? Yeah, I still play with toys. I have heaps of toys.
Old guy coworker: Yes, I love toys, too. Toys, toys, toys. Toys without the boys.
Old lady coworker: What?
Old guy coworker: What? What are you talking about?
Bourke Street
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Jay Blue
1PM I Woke Up Three Months Early!
Cashier #1 to customer: Have a good Easter.
Cashier #2: And have a Merry Christmas.
Cashier #1: Oh, shit.
Woolworth's
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Lydia the Great
2PM There's Really Very Little Difference Anymore
Magazine writer #1: So, it turned out the chick I took home from the party was a gymnast!
Staff members: Wow... That's hot... Lucky git...
Magazine writer #2: Why, what's so great about gymnasts?
Magazine writer #1: Um... Well, they're really flexible...
Magazine writer #2: Oh, well, you should see the guy gymnasts, then!
Staff members: [Silence.]
35-51 Mitchell Street
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: and he's OUT!
1PM I Can Read Okay, but I Remember It Backward
Bimbo: I'm probably the most dyslexic you can get without actually being dyslexic.
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia
Overheard by: non-dyslexic
9AM Never Again
German teacher: Well, we're going to have to relocate to another classroom for a while. It seems there's a rat problem in this one.
Student: Are you going to gas them?
Glenunga International High School
Adelaide, South Australia
5PM How You Can Tell Who Went to Catholic School
Coworker #1: The film was so violent... I don't really like realistic-looking violence.
Coworker #2: Yeah, neither do I. Although, I did get some perverse enjoyment from watching The Passion of the Christ.
Coworker #1: But in this one it's all the nice people getting hurt.
500 Harris Street
Ultimo, Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Dan
1PM That's Why I Have an Assistant
Guy: ... And there's no way I'll fellate myself.
Crowded elevator, 201 Sussex Street
Sydney, Australia
11AM That Certainly Gives You More Career Choices
30-something coworker to staff member's nephew: So, you can get weapons... Can you also cast spells and do magic?
Nephew, playing a medieval computer game: Yeah. That's called 'Religion.' Some people get really into religion, but I don't. I just like killing stuff.
University of Sydney office
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Wil Dog
2PM Skipped School to Watch Monty Python
Office radio just played 'High Hopes,' by Frank Sinatra.
Flaky girl: What's a 'rubber tree plant'? Is it, like, a plant made of rubber, or a plant you get rubber from?
Yuppie girl: It's a Rubber. Tree. Plant. So, like, a plant-tree.
Flaky girl: What's that?
Yuppie girl: Like, a baby tree.
Flaky girl: So, a baby tree is a plant?
Yuppy girl: Well, it's like how a baby duck is a duckling. It's not really a duck.
Flaky girl: So, a baby is not really a human?
Yuppie girl: So it would be easy for the ant to move it.
St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: I Dont Have Very High Hopes For These Two
5PM Who Can't See Their Fingers
Coworker #1: Ha! They have phones with big numbers for people with fat fingers.
Coworker #2: Dont be mean -- they're probably for deaf people.
25 North Terrace
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: collins
10AM Who's One Beer Short of a Six-Pack
Bartender #1: How many beers are in a six-pack?
Bartender #2: I work with a fucking idiot.
Subiaco
Australia
Overheard by: I'm ordering wine
9AM Receptionists Have a Limited Ability to Extrapolate
Manager: It is important that you put any call through to me today -- my mother-in-law is dying.
Receptionist: Is she okay?
Manager: No, she's dying.
Davey Street
Hobart
Australia
2PM And What about Graverobbers? Sometimes They'll Kill You Just to Get Your Jewelry
Girl #1: It's so scary hearing about people dying.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally... You can die from so many things. You can die from death, sickness...
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: elle
4PM It Was an Attempted Coop d'État
Girl #1, walking past: There was a ruckus in the office but we sorted it out.
Girl #2: It's funny, whenever I think of the word ruckus I think of, like, chickens.
Girl #3: Oh my god, there were chickens in the office?
University Drive
Gold Coast, Australia
Overheard by: Jess
1PM Even in the Black Hills You See White People
Aussie: Is Motown a black state?
American: Uh, actually Motown is a nickname for Detroit, and a record label.
Aussie: Is Detroit a black state?
American: No, it's a city.
Aussie: Is Tennessee a black state?
American: Whaaa... there's no such thing as a black state.
Aussie: There isn't?
Reservoir Street
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Yank Down Under
12PM Because I've Heard Stories About These 'Dingoes'
Employee on phone with child care center: Ummm, I don't know... do you have trouble with children escaping?
Canberra, Australia
Overheard by: the entire, amused office
9AM How to Get Put on Hold Until Your Kid's Out of Diapers
Staff: Hi, this is Happy Toddler, Inc.*, how can I help you?
Customer: I bought these Happy Toddler baby wipes yesterday and instead of a single wipe you'd expect to be protruding from the center so you can pull them out, this one I got had a bunch of wipes protruding out, looking like a hernia. I had to hold down the bulk of the wipes from the center. I had to get my tweezers and fish into the depths of the container and finally pull out a wipe.
Staff: Ok, ma'am. Can I put you on hold?
Perth, Western Australia
Overheard by: only hernia-ed it
12PM Nobody Who Says 'Languish' Would Ever Get Promoted in the US
Boss: So, I have a problem with giving you the job, even though I know you can do it.
Worker: What's the issue?
Boss: You seem to be annoyed with us, and you're not upbeat enough after what happened.
Worker: What happened is that I lived the values, delivered on everything, then the organization totally screwed me over, gave my job to someone else, and left me to languish for a year with no certainty about my future. Now you're saying you can't give me another job because you've been such dickheads?
Boss: I know it sounds bad.
388 George Street
Sydney, Australia
1PM Why Rich Babies Get Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Lady #1: I'm very tired. I went out last night.
Lady #2: Oh, did you have a lot to drink?
Lady #1: Of course not, I'm pregnant.
Lady #2: It's pretty bad to drink when you're pregnant.
Lady #1: Yeah, it's so expensive, and you've gotta save money to buy baby stuff.
Goulbourn Street
Sydney, Australia
2PM He Doesn't Recognize Countries That Achieved Independence After 1800
Male employee #1: How did Costa Rica go in the World Cup?
Male employee #2: Who does he play for?
Male employee #1: Are you serious?
Male employee #2: What? Is he on the Australian team or something? Is that why I'm meant to know him?
Perth, Western Australia
Overheard by: you've got to be kidding me!
4PM The Ends Justify the Means
Builder #1: Do we have a hole puncher?
Builder #2: Yeah, it's over there near Diane's* fat arse.
Builder #1: You can't say that! That's sexual harrassment! Diane, don't worry, love. You've got a great arse.
Construction Site Office
Townsville, Australia
Overheard by: Naomi
4PM No, But Seriously, You've Gotta Clean Up That Blood
Teacher #1, to teacher #2: I like my vagina the way it is, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
Aberfoyle Park High School, Taylors Road East
Aberfoyle Park, South Australia
Overheard by: Megan
1PM It's For Really Long Plaques
Puzzled Irish girl: Look at that! Magnetic bookmarks! What a stupid idea!
Puzzled boyfriend: Why?
Puzzled Irish girl: Well, where are you ever going to find a metal book?
Puzzled boyfriend: Hmm, yeah, you're right.
Perth, Australia
Overheard by: Gina
9AM Back to Work
Employee on phone: Wait, let me read you the email he sent out this morning: "Just a reminder that today, like every Friday, is acquittals day. So acquit, acquit, acquit away, and keep the frightening audits at bay." Yep, poetry...See? This is why I'm leaving.
Elizabeth Street
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Tigertail
5PM That's a Wrap
Coworker #1: Dammit! I hate being poisoned!
Coworker #2: You know, something tells me that you aren't doing paperwork.
460 Canning Highway
Perth, Australia
1PM Bathroom Break
Coworker: You can totally tell who's in the next toilet cubicle by the sound of the shit when it hits the water.
Harbour Esplanade
Melbourne, Australia
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss: Oh you fucking idiot!
Pause
Boss: Why don't you just go home, you wanker!
Boss walks out of the office.
Employee: Who are you yelling at?
Boss: Me, I'm going home!
301 Pirie Street
Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: Jessica
12PM Lunch
Coworker #1: I can't believe he sells drugs. He just doesn't look the type.
Coworker #2: He works in procurement. He's probably really good at it.
Park Road
Milton, Queensland
Australia
11AM Client Meeting
Boss talking to client and client's son in front office: So this is your youngest boy, isn't it? I've met him before.
Client: Uh... I don't think you have.
Boss: Yeah, I'm sure I have.... He's Down's Syndrome, isn't he?
Client: No
98 Fitzroy Street
Grafton, Australia
Overheard by: gus shanks
1PM Meeting on Meetings
Program manager: I think we should adopt the behaviours from the charter for meetings of the [Partnerships] section. [Steven], why don't you read them out?
[Steven]: Respect other's opinions and feelings, stay focused, turn off mobile phones, question self before others, participate enthusiastically and share experience and knowledge, have some fun....
Employee: Anyone telling me to have some fun at meetings better think again.
Elizabeth Street, Surry Hills
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Ness
2PM IT Visit
IT guy sneezes several times.
IT guy: I think I'm allergic to the flowers on this screen.
Nearby blonde: Really? You can change the screen saver if you want.
Paddington Street, Paddington
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Jane Kenny
3PM Ringing Up
Customer: Will this XBox game work on a Playstation 2?
Salesperson: No.
Customer: Well, I will try it, but if it doesn't can I return it?
Clarke Crescent
Perth, Western Australia
Overheard by: Kiran
1PM Lunch
Receptionist: He's charged with digital rape, but I don't see how you can rape someone over the internet.
501 Latrobe Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
3PM Smoke Break
Consultant: First she was in Picture magazine, and that was okay. Then it was People magazine, and that was all right. But then she did Hustler, and that one really disturbed me. I mean, it's strange to look at porn magazines and see your daughter naked, y'know?
44 Phillip Street
Parramatta, New South Wales
Australia
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss on phone: I was thinking about trying one of those vibrating condoms...Yeah, i've heard they are really great...Yeah, reusable. At least I'd re-use them, I'm not paying $15 for one time!...Yeah, I know. I just need to find a guy. I was thinking of calling [Keith] to see what he's doing on the weekend.
113 Wicks Road
North Ryde, New South Wales
Australia
9AM Back to Work
Worker on phone: When can you come in today?...Well, I don't know how long it takes to file an Apprehended Violence Order.
94 Todd Street
Alice Springs, Northern Territory
Australia
Overheard by: Daniel Waudby
2PM Book Room
Co-worker: So I'm staying with these two guy friends of mine but it's not like it'll cost more. The hotel I mean. Because they'll sleep in one bed together and I'll sleep in the other. They've done it before. Not that they're gay, but when you're cheap you'll sleep with anyone.
250 George Street
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia
1PM Lunch
Co-worker on phone: Let's take the new Financial Controller from [the client] out to lunch. Is she cute?...Oh, it's a guy...Does he have a sense of humor?
680 George Street
Sydney, New South Wales
Australia
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker: There were so many Jews in the concentration camps. Why didn't some of them join together and try and fight the Nazis?
195 Turbot Street
Brisbane, Queensland
Australia
1PM Run Errands
Receptionist: Argh! My arm is so itchy. I'm, like, allergic to work!
Co-worker: Stop scratching; you are making it worse! At lunch, go
and get an antihistamine to stop the swelling.
Receptionist: Antihistamine or antiinflammatory? I think it's
inflamed. What's the difference anyway?
Co-worker: Antihistamine is something that is not histamine, and
antiinflammatory is something that's not inflammatory.
Receptionist: So I'll ask the chemist?
25 Parramatta Road
Underwood, Queensland
Australia
4PM Order Covers
Co-worker on phone: Hi [Victor], I was just calling about the new nano covers. They are priced the same and everything but one comes with a little white strap and the other comes with a big black one...So it's just the customer's choice whether they want a big black one or a little white one?
432 St. Kilda Road
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Data Monkey
11AM Finalize Mailing
Editor #1: Did you check these names religiously?
Editor #2: Yeah, he's praying they're all right.
2 Holt Steet
Surry Hills, New South Wales
Australia
9AM Monday, Monday
Receptionist: Yeah, but if you say that then you're being illogical--
Exec: Ah, that's your problem, you've brought logic into the argument.
Receptionist: Um...
271 Rathdowne Street
Carlton, Victoria
Australia
4PM Work on Report
Office worker: I need to talk to you about this report you mentioned.
Manager: No, we can't talk about this now, not till tomorrow.
Office worker: Yes, but it's due tomorr--
Manager: No, no, no! Now is not the time to talk about it. Tomorrow is.
Office worker: But--
Manager: Tomorrow. Goodbye.
39 Murray Street
Hobart, Tasmania
Australia
3PM Coffee Break
Co-worker: Would you still talk to me if I peed on your car?
55 Southbank Boulevard
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
10AM Check Out the Lobby
A co-worker steps out of the elevator into the reception lobby.
Co-worker #1: Ew, it smells like a nursing home in here.
5 minutes pass.
Co-worker #2: Mmm, it smells good in here.
55 Southbank Boulevard
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Emily Hopkins
3PM Prepare Speech
Manager: What does the word "nugatory" mean?
Employee: I don't know but it sounds important.
Manager: I'll see if I can slip it into my next talk to staff, they won't know the difference.
North Terrace
Adelaide, South Australia
11AM Maybe Those Are Actually the Choices Down in Oz
Boss: Can you help me with this Word document? I want to change it so that the layout is horizontal instead of vertical.
Secretary: Okay, go into File, then Page Setup.
Boss: Yep.
Secretary: You see where it says "Page Source"?
Boss: Yep.
Secretary: Okay. Now you see where it says "Orientation"? Make your choice.
Boss: Gay or straight?
525 Collins Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Captain Pants
7PM It's Not Walking if You're in a Kangaroo's Pouch
Co-worker #1: How many kilometres in a mile?
Co-worker #2: 1.6.
Co-worker #1: Woo hoo! I've walked over a mile!
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: Well, I'm wearing my daughter's shoes, and now that I've walked a mile in them she'll never be able to tell me I don't understand her again.
223 George Street
Sydney, Australia
6AM A Single Bullet Can Make a Difference...If It Has Faith
Security Guard #1: Man, but 8 times! That's gotta hurt.
Security Guard #2: Can't be much difference to taking 7 slugs.
Wharf 8, Murray Street
Pyrmont
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: spleenboy
6AM Everything's Upside Down in Oz
Co-worker 1: ...they're always very nice people, though.
Co-worker 2: Who are?
Co-worker 1: Gay people. Very good linedancers.
Civic Drive
Greensborough, Melbourne
Australia
6PM Maybe A Landmine Metaphor Would Have Saved Her Job
Boss: Well, I threw myself in front of the bus for you.
Marketing chick: It didn't work then?
Boss: I threw myself hard, but nah.
Marketing chick: Too bad.
Boss: Yup.
Wharf 8 Pyrmont
Sydney, Australia
12PM I Left My Undies Down Under
Nurse: Where are your pants [Tobias]?
AlcoHobo: I must have forgotten to put them on before I left the house.
North Terrace
Adelaide, South Australia
