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4PM Well Ms. Lohan Can Afford It
Suit, about lady smoking crack on stoop: Isn't she a little dressed up for a crackwhore?
3008 Lincoln Boulevard
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Not smoking any
5PM As Long As It Doesn't Cut into Our Coke-Snorting Time
Suit #1: So, where are we going?
Suit #2: Does it matter? We're going there.
Suit #1: I don't care about the food, I just want to know I can get a drink.
Suit #2: It's a lunch place, but yeah, it has a bar.
Suit #1: Good.
Suit #2: Is that all you're going to do for the next two weeks? Drink during lunch?
Suit #1: Mmm-hmmm.
Suit #2: Oh... I guess that's okay.
485 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
5PM This Is My Concerned Face.
Lady suit: Well, if she is suicidal, she shouldn't be traveling alone...
Male suit, staring into distance: Mmm-hmmm.
Lady suit: ... Or drinking alone...
Male suit, staring into distance: Mmm-hmmm.
Penn Station
New York, New York
Overheard by: passerby
11AM By Virtue of Entertainment Not Provided
Suit #1: You can't deny that Bryant Gumbel is an entertainer.
Suit #2: Yes, you can.
77 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts
10AM Why Vacations Were Invented
Suit dancing with self through cubicles: Hubba, hubba! Ding, ding! I dance like a washing machine!
Cottonwood Lane
Colleyville, Texas
Overheard by: I don't dance at all...
5PM She Also Thinks Betsy Ross Is a Clothing Designer
Lady suit #1: There is a quote by Mark Twain that would be perfect for our presentation, just as a conclusion. What do you think?
Lady suit #2: Um, is that Shania Twain's dad?
St. George's Terrace
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: not a shania fan
9AM Don't People Usually Get Whiter Staying at the Seattle Ritz?
Suit #1: So, I heard they put you up at the Ritz in Seattle!
Suit #2: They did! I stayed there over the weekend. It was so nice...
Suit #1: Gangsta, son, gangsta.
Suit #2: That's how I roll, homie.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Amused
12PM They Don't Look Too Good, Either
60-ish suit in Cubs jacket on cell: I'm on the bus right now. I'm going to the Cubs game. Well, I just left Dad, and I gotta say, it doesn't look too good. They're feeding him through a stomach tube and they've got him on a drip. You know, he had that quadruple bypass a couple of years ago and he's got diabetes now... He's been unconscious most of the time when I visit him, and... Yeah, well, don't wish me good luck. The Cubbies are the ones who need it!
Clarke Street bus
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: priorities schmiorities
3PM You Mean Rhode Island Red?
Lady suit: Did you see that chicken?
Male suit: What?
Lady suit: Yeah, the chicken with the keyboard...
Male suit: Um...
120 Fairview Park
Washington, DC
11AM A Rip in the Space-Time Continuum? Very Bad.
Suit #1: Hey, Jeff*, has there ever been a Friday-the-13th on a Monday?
Suit #2: Uh...
Suit #1: Man, that would be the worst day ever.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
12PM Right from the Start, It's Been a Hard Job
White shirt: Who is in charge of the build here?
Blue shirt: I am in charge of getting it up.
White shirt: Okay, so you're the erection supervisor.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
11AM You Know How She Kinda Leaves a Bad Taste in Your Mouth?
Suit: You know, this whole process is like making out with your cousin.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
9AM Don't Even Get Them Started on Sippy Cups
Suit #1: What was that?
Suit #2: What?
Suit #1: You just hid something when I came up.
Suit #2: It was my juice box, because it's... You know...
Suit #1: What? There's nothing wrong with drinking juice from a box. I love juice boxes.
Assistant, walking up: What are you guys talking about?
Both suits, in unison: Nothing.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cube Guru
12PM As a Condition of His Parole
Suit #1: Well, what about Harry*? We could put him on the local board. He has a lot of connections around the city.
Suit #2: Wait, didn't he just get out of prison?
Suit #3: Eh, he's paid his debt to society. Plus, I'm sure he's looking for a job.
Conference room
New York, New York
2PM At Least, I Think That's What It Was
Suit #1: I think my memory has improved since I started taking those Ginkgo biloba tablets.
Suit #2: Really? I bought a bottle of those, like, two months ago, but I don't remember where I put it.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
9AM Everybody Says That about the Vatican
Suit: It was kind of like Little Red Riding Hood, except with Mexican hookers.
Irving, Texas
9AM A Golden Shower
Suit on phone: Yeah, you better remember how to take a shower.
59 Camelot Drive
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Sorry, I'm washing my hair tonight
12PM Nothing Was Ever the Same after Howie Got the National Geographic Channel
Suit on cell: So, my division is like an aborigine, and their division is like a rhinoceros.
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: Spittake
9AM I Can't Believe We Give Out an Award for That, Anyway
Suit to another: So I am supposed to feel vindicated because my father is a bigger liar than I am?
300 Block of Julia Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: dyslexicMot
2PM If It's Not Coming, We Need to Know
Suit: We need that information RSVP.
Minion: Uh, ASAP?
Suit: I don't think so.
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joe
1PM First, They Walk into a Bar
Suit: So, your friend is Puerto Rican and he's donating a kidney to a Jew? How can they do that?
California Street
San Francisco, California
10AM I've Seen a Grown Man Unravel Like a Sweater
Male suit: You and your va-jay-jay...
Lady suit: Yeah, so? Guys are obsessed with their dicks. -- I'm just protective of my va-jay-jay.
Male suit: That's 'cause it's just out there hanging around -- anything could just snag it! At least yours is tucked away.
Lady suit: Anything could snag it? Oh my god. Like a hang nail?!
Male suit: Yes.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
5PM The Church Watches Priests Closely These Days
Serious suit on cell: If he does that then he's going to have to give up the hookers and drugs, and I am not kidding.
San Jacinto Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Going Into Politics?
4PM She Attended the Finest Charm Schools Rikers Has to Offer
Suit on cell: Did you hear that she peed her pants in the bar? Yes, I am talking about the girl who tried to beat my ass.
2220 Colorado Avenue
Santa Monica, California
11AM Time for a Conversation with Jessica Simpson
Hardhat: Don't eat the tuna salad in the cafeteria. It made me throw up.
Suit: Food poisoning takes a while. How long did it take to make you sick?
Hardhat: About 5 seconds. All I can figure is, someone must've put fish in it - I'm allergic to fish.
7th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
1PM But Otherwise It's Totally Synthetic Furniture for Me
Suit: I'd do it just to say I had hair on my ass.
385 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
5PM That's Not Baggage -- Those Are Wedding Gifts
Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks -- they have too much baggage.
3250 42nd Street
New York, New York
3PM Plus, You Know How They All Make Sweeping Generalizations
Suit #1: He was an okay analyst and he knew a lot about the markets, but--
Suit #2, interrupting: --So what was the problem?
Suit #1: Well, he was from the South so he couldn't write very well.
110 Wall Street
New York, New York
5PM A Little Cerebral, Though
Suit: I don't like movies with subtitles. You spend all your time reading instead of watching the movie.
Lady suit: Uh-huh.
Suit: Oh, I saw Wild Hogs this weekend. It was a hoot.
7 Hanover Square
New York, New York
3PM To Talk about It, on the Other Hand...
Suit #1: So, you feeling better today?
Suit #2: Man, I'm never eating Indian again.
Suit #1: Can't have been that bad.
Suit #2: It's just not manly to pee out your bum.
Hospital
England
10AM The War's Gonna Get Expensive If We Have to Care for the Injured
Female suit on cell: I can't understand why they couldn't just fix him up there in Baghdad... It was only his arm... And it was still attached!
North Charleston, South Carolina
5PM Tonight's Movie: Livestock and Two Smoking Barrels
Suit: You need to get off your ass, take control of your life, and have that stupid cow arrested before she kills me.
1 Indiana Square
Indianapolis, Indiana
12PM My Secret? I Keep a Bottle of Everclear in the Supply Room
Suit #1: Dude, that guy is falling over drunk in the middle of the day!
Suit #2: Lucky bastard.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jealous too
4PM Danny Here Takes Care of Exasturbating the Boss
Ditzy intern: I know you're busy so I'm not going to exasturbate things...
Suit: Oh, not at all... In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.
1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
4PM The English Don't Think So
Suit #1: He's from England, from some place called Portsmouth. I think it's spelled P-O-R-T-S-M-I-T-H, but it's pronounced like Ports Mouth.
Suit #2: Wait. Is it Ports Mouth, or Ports Smith?
Suit #1: I don't know. It's some place in Europe, I think.
Hotel
Kowloon, Hong Kong
China
Overheard by: Embarrassed American
10AM The Wind in Willow
Tall lady: This wind is blowing up in my vagina!
Suit: I thought I heard something.
Taylor Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: stan
11AM Although I Did See His Face in My Door Knocker
Suit #1: I called Jim* about that question we had concerning the asset and stock consistency regs' application to foreign target affiliates.
Suit #2: Yeah? What did he say?
Suit #1: Well, apparently he had a heart attack last week and passed away. I haven't heard back from him.
Washington, DC
2PM Dude, If You Can Put It in Your Own Box, You Should Charge Admission!
Suit: We need to start putting our meat in someone else's box.
401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut
12PM Oh My God, You Are Walking It!
Suit on cell: Can I call you back in a minute? I'm about to, uh, walk the lizard. Okay, bye.
Guy in stall: It's 'drain the lizard,' you idiot.
534 Broad Hollow Road
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
5PM For Bernard, the Processes of Digestion and Elimination Had Become Suboptimal
Greasy suit as his chili is served: ... And that's exactly why I go in to get colonics.
Skyline Chili
Cincinnati, Ohio
1PM Dream On!
Suit #1 with backpack: I'll just be a minute -- I gotta go to the men's room to take a squirt.
Suit #2: Want me to hold your bag while you go?
Suit #1: I hope nobody heard that.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
9AM The Extraction Went Further Than Expected
Suit: I really don't think my wife got a total abdominal hysterectomy in a dentist's office... That's probably the wrong code...
Palo Alto, California
2PM Come On! When She Bites the Male's Head Off? Priceless
Suit: Who knew she had a sense of humor? She seems like someone more amused by insects mating on National Geographic.
Wausau, Wisconsin
11AM Should Stop That Necktie from Fraying
Man: I'm going to get my thing cauterized. [Pause] Not my thing, but my thing.
Primark Eastbourne
United Kingdom
2PM God, How I Want Her
Contract attorney: Ann Coulter? She looks like a bag full of antlers.
575 7th Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Daniel
10AM It's in the Bill of Rights
Suit: If we wanna make fun of freakin' roosters, guess what?! We're gonna make fun of freakin' roosters.
3565 Atlanta Highway
Athens, Georgia
2PM And I Won't Read to the Blind Either! They've Got Braille!
Suit #1: Hey, you always participate in the office Volunteer Day events. You did the March of Dimes Walk earlier this year. Are you going to paint the homeless shelter next month?
Suit #2: No. I did the March of Dimes Walk because the babies can't walk it. The homeless can paint their own shelter.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
12PM Waistline: It's the Cheesesteaks
Harvard MBA student: So, are you flying back tonight? What airport are you flying into? New York?
Suit: Why would we fly to New York? We're from Philadelphia.
Harvard MBA student: I didn't know Philadelphia had an airport.
Suit: It's the fifth-largest city in the U.S., of course it has an airport.
Harvard MBA student: Largest city? Based on what?
Suit: Uh, population...
Harvard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Not hiring any MBAs
9AM Sorry, We Lost All of Ours, Too
Management material: Can I have a job application? I came in last week for one but I lost it.
277 Coalinga Plaza
Coalinga, California
Overheard by: Jaime who deals with dumb people
9AM A Little Accident with the Stove... Why?
9 to 5-er: I've smelled burnt human, and it doesn't smell like chicken.
Austin, Texas
9AM Refuses to Watch Baseball Because of the Flies
Suit: The other way I learned it, from Schoolhouse Rock, is that the alligator is hungry and so wants to bite the larger one.
Woman coworker: Ohhh... I see. That would confuse me, because it's got animals.
919 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: i guess graduating elementary school just was
4PM Luckily We Had Clear Written Guidance on How to Do That
Suit #1: I am about finished writing up the policy on policies.
Suit #2: Uh huh.
Northwestern University, 2020 Ridge
Evanston, Illinois
5PM May I Suggest Decaf, Sir?
Suit: Why do we have Swiss Miss and Nesquik?
Warehouse guy: Ummm, they're not the same thing.
Suit: How so? They both make hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Well, maybe cause Swiss Miss goes in milk and water?
Suit: So why don't we just keep this around? It's a multi-tasking hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Huh? Ummm, well, maybe people like the way Nesquik 'multi-tasks.' It can be put in cold or hot milk. Good for the summer.
Suit: And this can't?
Warehouse guy: Dunno. Don't think so...
Suit: Forget it! I'll have coffee!
The Boulevard
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: CoffeeJunky
10AM Snakes in a Colon
Suit #1: So she said the snake got loose in her apartment and they can't find it.
Suit #2: Well, until they do, she's gonna have to sleep with her ass up aganst the wall!
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM Why Don't You Give It to Me Now So I Can Call You Later and Get It from You
Suit #1: Why didn't you call me?
Suit #2: I didn't have your number.
Suit #1: If you called me I could have given it to you.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
1PM I Dare You to Ask If He Has a Navel
Suit: Jim's* door is locked. Is he not here?
Woman #1: No, his mother's in the hospital.
Suit: Damn!
Woman #1: Not very synthetic, is he.
1500 John F. Kennedy Boulevard
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not synthetic, very real
10AM For Murphy, It's Skywriters or Nothing
Suit: It's been a big thing. I've sent a bunch of emails about it.
Boss: Yeah, I've ignored them. Sorry.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: It's not my project
4PM Why I Have No Pictures on My Desk
Lackey: So that's your wife, huh?
Suit: Yep.
Lackey: She's a grade-school teacher?
Suit: Yes.
Lackey: She looks like that one that had sex with her thirteen-year-old student.
275 West Wisconsin Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
11AM But That Wasn't Working, So I Switched to George
Suit #1: So I was banging Alice in her office, and she started crying. It reminded me of George and Meredith in Grey's Anatomy.
Suit #2: Wow! That must have been a turnoff.
Suit #1: No, I kept going. I just pretended I was banging Meredith.
80 J Street
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Extra Character
10AM Yeah, They Have All Kinds of Crap
Female suit: This chair is too high. My feet barely touch the floor. I should order a step stool from the Office Supplies Department. Do you have the catalog?
Male suit: They have stool samples in there?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Once We Manage to Think Something, We'll Know What It Is We Think
Suit #1: We need a visualization of the vision so we can see the motion and apply it to the organization.
Suit #2: Right!
World Financial Center
New York, New York
Overheard by: misspygmy
9AM I Think the Motherboard Is Pregnant
Suit: Help desk? My computer went down on me.
Tech support: Please hold on. [Places suit on speaker phone] Can you repeat that?
Suit: My computer went down on me!
Tech support, with entire support team laughing in the background: So, what's the problem?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM And I Expect to Be Hungover Monday
Suit #1: I'm going to need that project done for Monday. Can you get on that right now?
Suit #2: It's Friday, and I have beer to drink. It's really going to have to wait.
4881 Yonge Street
Toronto, Ontario
5PM As Santa Often Says...
Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I'd probably want to jump him, too.
5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Legal Ho'
5PM I Hear They Get Great Benefits
Woman in suit: I'm doing prostitution now.
441 4th Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: David
11AM It Goes Before the Arms Do
Corporate lawyer: What were we talking about again?
Helpful manager: One-armed lawyers.
Corporate lawyer: Ah, right. One-armed lawyers. Let me tell you, don't let anyone tell you otherwise that you don't start losing your memory as you get older.
Polite laughter from meeting attendees.
Corporate lawyer: So. Um. What were we talking about again?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
2PM That's What the Cargo Pockets are For
Suit on cell: I'm going home and changing into shorts. It's so hot out there I need to throw up.
Washington Mutual
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
3PM Paternity Leave
Suit #1: Hey, how are you? Haven't seen you in forever! Still married?
Suit #2: Yup, expecting my first.
Suit #1: Really! When?
Suit #2: November 7th. Bitch finally finished her PhD so she could work, and now she's pregnant!
383 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
11AM Interior Design
Suit #1: Dude, you should have a sex room in your new place!
Suit #2: I do. It's my bedroom.
Suit #1: No, I mean one room that is just wall-to-wall matresses and shit.
45 Wall Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
3PM Small Talk
Suit #1: Did you see the movie The Da Vinci Code? That monk creeped me out with his pale skin, white hair and all. He must be Albanian.
Suit #2: You mean albino?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
1PM Refueling
Power broker #1: Two large cappuccinos.
Cashier: Thank you. That will be $4.50.
Power broker #1: Where's the cinnamon?
Cashier: I'm sorry, we're out of cinnamon.
Power broker #1: Then I don't want it!
Cashier: Excuse me?
Power broker #2: Okay, let's just bring it back to the office.
Power broker #1: No! Just give me my money back. I can't drink the foamy milk without the cinnamon.
100 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mark
11AM Between Meetings
Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn't let me wear plastic pants.
"Suit" #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.
4 Irving Place
New York, New York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit #1: Are you going to the farewell party for [Liz]?
Suit #2: I don't know yet. Does she know she's leaving or is it a surprise party?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Proofing White Paper
Suit: How do you spell "dyslexia"? I keep mixing up the letters.
3 Second Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM The New-Hire
Suit: She graciously volunteered to confirm tomorrow's interviews. She says she likes people.
Supervisor: I find that hard to believe. She's from Detroit.
1252 Memorial Drive
Goral Gables, Florida
11AM Budget Meeting
Boss: I am not going to repeat myself... I said I am not going to repeat myself.
Suit: You just lost all credibility.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit #1: Why is the boss laughing like that?
Suit #2: She's reading the staff's self evaluations.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
10AM Coffee Break
Guy: The worst part of being a corrections officer is when the prisoners want to fight you.
Suit: Yeah, that seems like it would be dangerous.
Guy: No, it's just that I hate the paperwork.
327 Lakeshore Drive East
Dunkirk, New York
10AM Mailing Due
Suit: Did you send that acceptance to [Rutter]?
Admin: No. Just the offering.
Suit: I asked you to send the offering and the acceptance.
Admin: I heard you asking me to send the offering, but after that I blanked out.
Suit: Well, let me know when you blank back in.
520 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Greek Goddess
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit: Your last name is Smith. Are you related to a Nelson Smith?
Clerk: No, Smith is my marriage name. That reminds me; I need to file for divorce.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
4PM Team Meeting
Manager: I knew you were going to say that.
Team Lead: Really? How did you know that?
Manager: I have a third sense when it comes to this place.
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
2PM Make Offer
Suit #1: Well, you've heard more than I have. I can think of three candidates, then.
Suit #2: And one very close to you.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: There's Bill.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And Mark.
Suit #1: Yes.
Suit #2: And that good-looking guy from Connecticut, the one with the hair.
Suit #1: Right.
Suit #2: Hmm.
140 Broadway
New York, NY
12PM Work on Budgets
Project Manager: I can't get my numbers to balance with yours.
Budget Analyst: How much are you off by?
Project Manager: About a million.
5000 Ellin Road
Lanham, Maryland
Overheard by: Cantabile
1PM Lunch
Suit #1: So how have you been lately?
Suit #2: Eh, you know, overworked.
Suit #1: Yeah, same here...By the way, nice tan you've got there.
Suit #2: Thanks, you too.
590 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
2PM Reports Due
Suit #1: Hey, I can't believe you actually remembered to take care of it.
Suit #2: Why? I have a great memory. I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
9AM Back to Work
Producer: My friend went to the Galapagos Islands and was astounded. They have birds called blue boobies. Google "blue boobies". You'll see pictures of them.
Suit: I'm not searching for blue boobies on my computer. I'll get called into the office for a talk.
Producer: Oh, I'll do it...see?
Suit: Wow, who would have thought that would't have brought up a porn site?
1910 South Highland Avenue
Lombard, Illinois
5PM Finally, the Weekend
Suit #1: How did your glasses break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
5PM Out of Here
Suit: We don't need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
12PM Revisit Questionnaire
Suit #1: All my clients complain that the questionnaire package we require is too onerous.
Suit #2: Really? I never get any complaint about ours.
Boss: Well, have you ever seen his package? Maybe you two should get together and compare packages.
245 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
3PM Smoke Break
Suit #1: Over on 49th, there's a truck parked with a bunch of girls dancing in bikinis. It's to promote Cancun.
Suit #2: For you it's to promote a heart attack.
383 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
5PM That's Enough for Today
Suit #1: Oh, fucking great. This is how-- [Jon] is getting married. And I have to sign this stupid card along with everyone else like--
Suit #2: Wow, hostile much? We barely know him.
Suit #1: Oh, I know his fiancee quite...ugh, never mind.
71 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Intern hears all
3PM Coffee Break
EA: ...she's still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it's been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can't admit to himself that this happened. All he's said is, "I sent you to private school! Don't they have sex ed there?" and "How could this happen?" Which doesn't help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It's like, "Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip." But, well, she's the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don't. I never met mine.
40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS
2PM Call About Rewiring
Suit: Um, you have some sort of foreign object in your hair.
Electrician: Yeah, they threw confetti at me at the last office.
111 West Ocean Boulevard
Long Beach, California
3PM Cigarette Break
Admin: Hey, Simon Wiesenthal died! Who's he?
Suit: Oh, he hunted Nazis or something. Cool!
Admin: Cool that he died?
Suit: Cool that he's in my dead pool!
1600 Broadway
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: C. O'ntracter
10AM Hire New Temp
Attorney: Jesus, why do they keep hiring from the Gnome and Troll Temp Agency?
550 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
11AM Send Jeff a Card
Guy in suit: Hey man, I heard you got promoted?
Guy in lab coat: Yep. I'm pretty much all herpes now.
Guy in suit: Excellent.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
1600 Clifton Road
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Benay Tegoo
12PM Tech Support
Suit: Why hasn't this customer's problem been fixed yet?
Tech Guy: Because I'm the only person supporting this product; I'm really backlogged here. Every time I close one log I open four more. We don't have enough people here to keep up.
Suit: Oh...well keep up the good work.
500 Lafayette Road
Hampton, New Hampshire
2PM Sign Up for Baseball
Suit #1: So did you get a chance to pull up yesterday's numbers?
Suit #2: Nope...in all honesty I have been walking around holding a baseball all morning.
601 Congress Street
Boston, Massachusetts
4PM Better Check His Briefcase for Virgins
Suit #1: Why didn't you guys invite [Joe] to eat with us?
Suit #2: Well, we asked him to come but he responded with gibberish and broke out in foreign tongues.
Suit #3: Yeah, I think he's a terrorist.
US Department of State
2121 Virginia Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bradley
9AM Usually Crack is the Long-term Goal...
Suit: Let me introduce you to our crackhead intern...[Patrick].
51 West 52nd Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: E-nigmatic
4PM The Wino Says It on Thursday
Suit #1: So what's the occasion for drinks after work?
Suit #2: It's Tuesday.
Suit #1: ...Isn't that what a wino says?
645 Cathcart Street
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: BJ Blazkowitz
12AM Nothing is As Happening As Pleated Pants
Suit: On days other than Fridays, slacks are preferred. If you must wear jeans, black jeans are permitted, because they can look like, uh, a slacks process...is...happening.
490 S. Center Street
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Good Guy
6AM There Goes the Whole Function of Language
Businesslady: Where the hell is my charger, did I leave it at the office? I thought I put it in, but...Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk to myself.
TSA lady: Well, that's OK, Sugar. Sometimes we have to talk to ourselves because we're the only ones who can understand.
Sky Harbor Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
12AM We've Found Our Foreman
Lawyer: Have you been involved in any bike accidents?
Potential juror: I was hit by a car while riding my bike in the Hamptons. I was seriously injured, but I didn't die.
60 Centre Street
New York, NY
12AM Don't Forget to Order Flowers for Sunday!
Suit #1: So your mother thinks the tsunami is what's causing the bad weather in California?
Suit #2: You never know, she may be right.
Suit #3: Mother is always right...Mother knows best...
30 E. 33rd Street
New York, NY
12AM White Collar Always Means Class
Businessman: I painted her bedroom. She picked this ugly red color.
Businesslady: You know, you could hire someone for like $100 to do
that.
Businessman: It's one little bedroom. It's not like I'm handicapped.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
12AM It's More Nice When You Take 'Em Off
Businessman: You know, it's so nice when you have nice pants. You want to go out of your way to do things.
512 7th Avenue
New York, NY
12AM I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Men: Stupid
Secretary: Can I offer you gentlemen anything to drink?
Business hick #1: Yes, ma'am, I'd sure love a cup of black coffee.
Business hick #2: Yeah, the same for me, with cream and milk, please.
345 Park Avenue
New York, NY
12AM It's Not Charity If You Don't Mock the Recipient
Suit: When are you going to wear that neon green shirt?
Businesswoman: Oh, that shirt. He said he didn't like it, so I looked at it and I thought, "You know what? He's right!" It was hideous! So I went right away to that flea market place? The thrift store. Now someone else can wear it. Probably some homeless lady! Ha, ha, ha!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
4PM IT Girls: Always Uploading the Sarcasm
Suit: Excuse me, can you help me pick out a docking station?
IT Girl: Isn't that a personal decision?
1700 N. Beauregard Street
Alexandria, Virginia
12PM God Save the Queen's English
US suit: ...a dedicated router.
UK suit #1: I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's actually "roo-ter".
US suit: A rooter is a swine. If you're going to be in America, speak English.
UK suit #2: Two hundred years, and they still haven't gotten it yet!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
12PM The Zen of Lunch in the Office
Businesslady: Are there places to order in?
Networking Guy: I've got a whole book of places to order in from.
Businesslady: How long does it take?
Networking Guy: How long is a piece of string?
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
4PM Somehow Two Cliches Gave Birth to a Viable Metaphor
Suit: We are going to have to leverage everything in order to shift gears.
Employee: What?
615 Third Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Dwight Scott
6PM Brevity is the Soul of Wit
Texan suit: I'm looking for that Can Do attitude, not Can't Do.
British suit: Fuck off.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
11AM "Oh, so she is that qualified!"
Office Manager: You hired her, but you haven't interviewed anyone else. Is she that qualified?
Suit: Actually no, she doesn't have any experience working as an engineer.
Office Manager: Then why not interview some other people and see if you find someone better?
Suit: Because I don't feel like interviewing. Besides, she has a really nice rack so I will at least have something good to look at.
1042 Hamilton Ct.
Menlo Park, California
10PM I Only Drive Drunk in Moderation
Suit: It was 6 hours of nonstop powerdrinking. My wife was at a Christmas party and asked me to pick her up, and I said, "Even I would not get behind the wheel now!"
350 Madison Ave.
New York, NY
