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4PM Why Do I Always Get the Callers with the Tough Questions?
Caller on speakerphone: Is so-and-so in?
Office girl: No, he's out for the week.
Caller on speakerphone: Okay, well, I had you transfer me to what's-his-name before. Is he in?
Office girl: No, I think he's gone for the day.
Caller on speakerphone: Do you even work there, or are you just an answering service?
Office girl: Ummm...
Wisconsin Avenue NW
Washington, DC
12PM They Could Call Me Peter Dust-Pan
Receptionist: You know He-Man and how when he lifts his sword he gets a sudden jolt of steroids?
Stylist: Yeah.
Receptionist: Well, wouldn't it be awesome if I could lift the broom and become a broom god?!
Stylist: Um, no.
Barber shop
Noblesville, Indiana
12PM 'Cause I'm Getting Hungry
Secretary on phone: So, ummm, yeah -- I just wanted to check if your horse still had his boy bits or not...
Perth
Australia
1PM For the Last Time, Attending to Your Cuticles Isn't Your "Job"
Receptionist: Ugh! I don't understand how I can do my job when the phone keeps ringing!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: doing her job
4PM You Get Used to Double-Entry Is the Best I Can Say
Receptionist: You can do that while you're sleeping?!
Accounting girl: Well, yeah.
Receptionist: ... Does it feel good?
Accounting girl: [Shrugs.]
Hutchinson, Kansas
Overheard by: The Temp
1PM And Send Off a Whole Bunch of Crap
Secretary: I gotta shit... I mean, I gotta check my e-mail.
900 N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: say what?
2PM No Good Will Come of Doing the Math on This
Receptionist, twirling: I love my skirt today. It's lovely. It's all loose and twirly.
Admin assistant, passing by: Just like you!
Receptionist, brightly: Better than being tight and clingy!
Boston, Massachusetts
5PM Meet Baltimore's Best Receptionist
Receptionist: I just want to punch you in your eye 'cause you're getting too upset!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
12PM But Being a Western State Is So Much Cooler
Secretary: Do you think Texas is a southern state?
Wise woman: I guess.
Secretary: It is the furthest south you can go.
2200 Neal Street
Commerce, Texas
Overheard by: Gibby
3PM She'll Do Anything to Boost The Simple Life's Ratings
Salesman: Hello, Nicole*.
Receptionist, collapsing on the floor: Oh my god! I'm throwing myself off the building!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Temporary Receptionist
11AM Reader Poll: Who's Your Office Kevin?
Receptionist answering phone: XYZ Law Firm*. How can I help you?
Assistant, on the phone: Hey, it's Kevin*. While I'm buying supplies, can I get myself some candy?
Receptionist: No, just get what's on the list.
Assistant: But last time I got candy and everyone liked it.
Receptionist: No, no candy.
Assistant: Okay. Um, about the light bulbs... Did you want me to buy frosted or clear ones?
Receptionist: I don't know. It doesn't matter. Just get the clear.
Assistant: Yeah... Um, no. They don't have any clear.
2223 East Speedway Boulevard
Tucson, Arizona
10AM Even the Attorney General Can't Do That Indefinitely
Helper: You're wonderful -- like a pie face.
Receptionist: Like a pie face? Wonderful people are like pie faces?
Helper: Um, obviously you don't understand I have my own language.
Receptionist: ... Well, then what's a pizza foot?
Helper: Look, you can't just be making things up!
4601 Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Nator
4PM But It Turns Out I Was Wrong
Receptionist on phone in earshot of a client: She said that she told her manager, 'I hate my fucking job.' I told her that it was completely inappropriate to say 'fuck' at work.
Austin, Texas
9AM Purring and Headbutting Means She Likes You
Receptionist: I told him, 'It doesn't matter if she's weird or if she meows like a cat, she's still your teacher...'
4 Choke Cherry Road
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: I never had teachers like that
4PM If It Makes Any Difference, I'm a Man
Receptionist: Girl, you're young, you're skinny, you've got a boyfriend who makes you happy, and you're not cramping. You were doomed to have a shitty week here before you walked through that door.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: They're not bitter or anything, though...
10AM Um, You Must Be Very Popular
Receptionist: Well, I wouldn't know. I don't go into the men's room.
Cintas lady: That's where I get most of my pleasure at!
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
10AM How America Keeps Its Suits in Line
Receptionist: With girls it's okay to imagine things and dream. Boys, you do that, you're gay.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: True Believer
2PM Oh, Yeah, You Gotta Keep Your Pool Clean
Receptionist #1: You know, I need a big, magic tool. One that doesn't take batteries.
Receptionist #2: Hahaha!
Receptionist #1: For my pool! To clean my pool... Get your mind out of the gutter...
Receptionist #2: [Still snickering.]
State Street
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: broken girl
10AM Plus, I'm a Cat Owner, If You Follow Me
Receptionist #1: Oh we're sorry.
Male customer, trying to pick up his cat from the vet: What?
Receptionist #1: We were talking about personal stuff.
Receptionist #2: Yeah, aren't we typical women? Talking about guys?
Male customer: Well, to be honest, like a typical guy, I wasn't paying attention.
Magazine Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
4PM But before Having Sex with My Husband
Receptionist: That goes on my to-do list right below having sex with a midget.
Madison, South Dakota
9AM Collect Them All! Trade with Your Friends!
Secretary: What I'd give for an eight-year-old vagina again...
Orange County, California
2PM Bunnies: We're Concentrating on Our Careers
Receptionist: Yeah, the Deals Team all have babies about the same age. They must have just all at once started procrastinating like bunnies!
30 Warwick Street
London
England
Overheard by: Supertemp
12PM Those Are Real?
Account rep: Is this other elevator still broken?
Receptionist: Correct.
Account rep: But, but, isn't that, like, a fire hazard?
Receptionist: Um, see those signs that say 'In case of fire, do not use elevators'?
Account rep: Oh. Right.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad she's not a firefighter
2PM Help Yourself to a Sandwich While You're Down There
Receptionist on phone: Look under my dress. There should be paper and a pen.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Liz
11AM I Can Turn This Single into One If You Have a Paint Pen
Receptionist: No, cash or check only. [Student reveals he only has nine dollars.] Hm. Do you have a 10-dollar bill?
UMW Student Accounts Office
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Guillermo
9AM Watch Out! She's Packing an Oozy
Secretary: Stop it... Stop it! I will menstruate all over you!
Citic Tower
Hong Kong
China
12PM More Than You Get Most Days
Receptionist #1: What's the forecast for next Sunday?
Receptionist #2: Sixty-nine and sunny.
Receptionist #1: Sixty-nine? That's all I get for my birthday?
221 Longwood Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
10AM The Drugs Help
Receptionist: I'm sorry ma'am, but that offer expired over a month ago -- we can't honor it.
Biotech: Oh, I'm sorry, but when you've got a real job, it's hard to get out sometimes.
Receptionist: Hmmm... Well, when you work two jobs and go to college full-time, sometimes it's hard to put up with idiots.
Rivertown Parkway
Grandville, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
10AM Okay Fine, It Was Paperwork, Okay?
Delivery guy: When I got out of the Air Force I thought I was done with paperwork, but it looks like I'm destined to do paperwork.
Receptionist, uninterested: Oh, really?
Delivery guy: Yeah, but most of my time in the Air Force I can't talk about.
Receptionist: Uh-huh.
Delivery guy: It's top secret stuff.
Receptionist: Oh, okay.
Delivery guy: Can't talk about it.
Receptionist: So don't.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Waby
11AM I Study Marital and Martial Arts
Receptionist: If he does that shit again I'm going to tie his ass hairs together and kick him in the shin.
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: buenisima
2PM That's What You Said about Auto Theft
Tech steward: Daniel Radcliffe -- I'd rob that cradle.
Receptionists: Ewww!
Tech steward: Whatever. He's legal in Britain.
22nd and Walnut Streets
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily G
10AM Whatever. Distract Him While I Get the Rope
Exasperated meeting contact: I think the temp I hired is mildly retarded, so I'm going to need your help with this.
Concierge: My mother drank and smoked while pregnant with me.
Penn and Liberty Avenues
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
3PM You'd Be Surprised What's in There
Teacher's aide: Where did you find the sticky, gooey stuff (Tacky Finger)?
Secretary: In my drawers.
Contour Road
Gaithersburg, Maryland
10AM No, Your Children Do
Receptionist: Does the president have to pay the mortgage on the White House?
1600 Utica Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: wish she hadn't voted
5PM The Silver Lining
Assistant: Where are all the great shoe sales? I mean, after September 11th there were some great sales!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Can't believe she still works here
2PM But He Is My Son
Office manager: He kinda looks like a Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: What?
Office manager: A Ninja Turtle. Don't you see it?
Receptionist: Ummm...
Office manager: You know, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: Oh, that kind of Ninja Turtle... I don't see it.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
11AM Talking to Voicemail Will Do This to You
Assistant on phone: Do you sell custom rings? Rings, yes... Rings. Rings! Rings... For fingers... Rings for fingers! You are a jewelry store, right? Rings... Rings!
Talent Management company
Beverly Hills, California
4PM He's Been Burned Before
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
3PM Is This One of Those Microsoft Interview Questions?
Receptionist: I'm going to Hawaii next week. If I wanted to swim under the entire island, how deep would I have to go?
1600 Utica Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
12PM Yes, Ask Him Why He Never Returns My Calls
Client on phone: May I talk to Mr. Ackerman*, please?
Receptionist: I'm sorry, but Mr. Ackerman doesn't work here anymore. Would you like to leave a message?
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
10AM By 'Dyke' You Mean She Has Sex with Men Who Aren't You?
Contractor: That hairy-legged bitch.
Manceptionist: Oh yeah, she's a fucking dyke. That's why she has a bastard child.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
12PM A Better Solution Than 'Always Turn Left'
Receptionist on phone: I know, this piercing is the best! Now whenever I have sex with someone really stupid, they are bound to find it!
The Generator Hostel
London, England
Overheard by: JJK
9AM Receptionists Have a Limited Ability to Extrapolate
Manager: It is important that you put any call through to me today -- my mother-in-law is dying.
Receptionist: Is she okay?
Manager: No, she's dying.
Davey Street
Hobart
Australia
12PM Well, You'll Have Lots of Time to Practice, Because You're Fired
Supervisor: Did someone order colored pencils from the office supply place?
Assistant: I'm thinking of becoming a caricaturist.
330 Madison Ave
New York City
11AM On His Unbirthday, the Mad Hatter's Staff Tried Hard to Please him
Warehouse manager: Anyone seen Joe*?
Office manager: I don't know where he is. He sent me an email at 2:03, so he's at a computer somewhere.
Sales guy: I haven't seen him in a while.
Office manager: I bet he went home and he's sending these emails from the web-mail!
Assistant: No, I went out to the warehouse not long ago and passed him on my way out there. He didn't look very happy though.
Sales guy: Why don't you bake him a birthday cake?
Assistant: But it's not his birthday!
Sales guy: It doesn't matter. Birthday cakes make everyone feel better.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
10AM She'll Hook It Up to Her Comptroller and Moniker
Receptionist: She's not here, would you like to leave her a note?
Client: I'll just send her an email, does she have a blueberry?
Stanford, CA
5PM He Whizzed Through Med School
Doctor: Who is that?
Assistant: It's Dr. Smith, he wants to know if you are going to the meeting.
Doctor: What, I can't go to the bathroom first? Tell 'em I'm peeing.
York Ave
New York, New York
Overheard by: the other assistant
4PM The Mistake Is Trying to Find Celebrities to Respect
Receptionist #1: Do you know who Jessica Simpson is dating?
Receptionist #2: No, I don't care. ... Who?
Receptionist #1: I read it in People so you know it's true. You're going to be so pissed.
Receptionist #2: Ok, who?
Receptionist #1: John Mayer!
Receptionist #2: Whaaaaaat?
Receptionist #1: I know, right?
Receptionist #2: Dude. What is with every celebrity guy I ever respected letting me down lately? First Jared Leto looking like a labia at the VMAs, now this?
Receptionist #1: At least it's not Dane Cook.
Receptionist #2: I know. At least he's preserved.
Receptionist #1: At least he wasn't tainted by her taint.
Taunton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: kerily
2PM She's Already Seen His Briefs
Lawyer: Hey, here's something that might interest you!
Secretary: I doubt it.
3415 South Sepulveda Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: i love this place
5PM They Really Improve the Reception on the Beamed Instructions from the Spider Aliens from Dimension X
Secretary: You know, those wireless headsets have been a boon for the homeless.
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: mmhmmm