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3PM I Am So Suing Myself
Intern #1: That whole team is full of white receivers.
Intern #2: What's wrong with white receivers?
Intern #1: They're slow, man. I hate to be racist, but they are slow.
Intern #2: Yeah...
Intern #1: Hey, can I be racist against my own race?
1555 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
3PM Some Fortune Cookies Get Lost in Translation
Intern: Today is not your year.
3250 Mary Street
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: my today wasn't so bad
4PM They Understand That They Need to Use Smaller Words
Intern: I think I need to dye my hair blonde again. People understand me better when I'm blonde.
Charleston, South Carolina
12PM Hey, I Know Where It's Been
Temp girl: You'll go on a date and sleep with random guys, but you won't touch my nose?!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: disgruntled
11AM Especially If You're Playing Cricket at the Time
Australian guy: Pardon my language, but my last boss was such a cunt.
Intern: I feel like it's more acceptable to say the C-bomb when you have an accent.
Spring Street
Oyster Bay, New York
1PM Under Citizenship, Just Put 'Good'
Auditioning guy: So, what should I put down for 'Citizenship'?
Casting intern #1: Were you born in the United States?
Auditioning guy: Yes.
Casting intern #1: Then put down that you're a U.S. citizen.
Auditioning guy: Does it matter that I moved to Oregon for eight months?
Casting intern #1: Did you really just--
Casting intern #2, cutting him off: --No, it doesn't matter.
MTV dating show auditions
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Liz
3PM Oh, Shut Up and Put Your Shirt on
Office guy: Have you been working out?
Intern: Uh, yeah, why?
Office guy: I can tell [walks away].
Intern, to another: Was he just hitting on me?
Parkway Drive
Hanover, Maryland
11AM Translation: I Would Kill to See You in Shorts
Worker bee: Are you new here?
Temp: Oh, I'm just temping.
Worker bee: Do you like it?
Temp: Yeah, I'm really enjoying it here.
Worker bee: It's so casual.
Temp: Yeah, I'm glad I can just wear jeans.
Worker bee: You could wear shorts if you wanted. I mean, I don't know if you wear shorts, but people here do, so you totally could. If you wanted.
6300 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
10AM Even the Attorney General Can't Do That Indefinitely
Helper: You're wonderful -- like a pie face.
Receptionist: Like a pie face? Wonderful people are like pie faces?
Helper: Um, obviously you don't understand I have my own language.
Receptionist: ... Well, then what's a pizza foot?
Helper: Look, you can't just be making things up!
4601 Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Nator
12PM What Happened to Bacon?
Intern girl #1: What's that smell?
Intern girl #2: What smell?
Intern girl #1: It's like... Grape Popsicles.
Intern girl #2: Ah, yes. That's the smell of the law.
City Hall
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Rachel
2PM But You're Certainly Correct about Her Gargantuan Gazongas
Male intern, about passing coworker: Wow... Those were some tremendous titties.
Female manager: Okay, so you know I'm your manager, right? You probably shouldn't say 'titties' to me.
Plymouth, Michigan
1PM Dude, Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Meditation Monks
Intern, about weekend: My favorite monk wasn't in my meditation class, which was upsetting!
202 West 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
4PM ... Now It's Just Bubbling a Little. Wanna Listen?
Coworker: Hey, how was your weekend?
Intern: Great! It's stopped itching and-- [Coworker walks away.]
Washington, DC
3PM Printers Practice Malicious Compliance
PhD-level analyst: Oh, the copier is printing the whole five hundred pages of that report! I only want the first page! Stop, stop, stop! Why wont it stop?!
Temp: You have to actually press a button. It doesn't work on voice command...
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
9AM Actually, It's Our Co-Worker, Rita
Office peon orienting a temp: And this, well, it may look like a copier, but it's really--
Temp: --A space ship?
1166 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
3PM On the Plus Side, I've Lost Five Pounds Since We Became Friends
Queer temp on phone: God, I hate Lynn*! I can never spend any long periods of time with her because we can never eat. Why does she have to be anorexic? Why can't she just be bulimic so she can at least eat with me and then puke it all up later? Hell, she can even use my finger or toothbrush!
1515 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jas
12PM Ahoy, Space Station, Prepare to Be Boarded!
NASA intern: Okay, kids, let's put on our pirate costumes and play spaceman!
Research center
California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
5PM Just to Bachelorette Parties
New assistant on phone: Hang on, I have to look up our address... Well, I've never had to mail myself to work.
Renaissance Center
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: JuJu
1PM And Nobody Will Talk about Building 231
Intern: You'd expect building 233 to be right next to 230, but 230 is, like, totally inside and 233 is totally, like, right here.
NASA Ames Research Center
California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
5PM Another Conquest for Gerald
Cute intern reading UPS package label: Hey, Gerald*, you got a big package!
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: fatty
1PM And Still Had Time to Paint My Apartment
Manager: So, how was your weekend?
Intern: Good. I cheated on my boyfriend with two guys.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: The Temp
1PM Has Also Locked Herself Inside It
Temp at day's end finding her car's been running since lunch: Oh, my! I must have forgotten again!
Sweeten Creek Road
Asheville, North Carolina
11AM Gotta Unpack the Suitcase or Your Clothes Get Musty
Hot intern #1: You know why I love wearing miniskirts on Mondays?
Hot intern #2: Maybe. Why?
Hot intern #1: Because I can air things out after a weekend of hard work.
Hot intern #2: Oh, hey, I wonder if that would work for me...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: not getting any
4PM Bad Enough We Never Mastered Central Heating
Trainee: Would you mind closing that window? The cold air is making my skin peel off.
London
England
4PM In Court He Refers to the Judge As "Venerable Dickhead"
Intern: Holy shit, it's cold in here!
Sandy*, ancient secretary: Allen*! This a law office -- a professional place of business. We do not use profanity in this office. What if a client had been waiting in reception and heard you use that kind of language? In the future I would ask that you refrain from using that kind of language. I'm sure the partners would not appreciate you speaking that way to your coworkers, especially those who are older than you.
Partner, entering five minutes later: Jesus-fucking-Christ, it's cold in here! Goddamn, Larry* -- cheapskate son of a bitch won't turn the heat on until nine. Sandy, get me Larry's number so I can give that asshole a piece of my mind. Fucking dick. Every goddamn winter he pulls this shit. And Sandy, make some coffee for these interns -- it's like 40 degrees in here!
Law office
New York, New York
11AM A Move Known As "The IT Sidestep"
Temp: We found some old mice in the trashcan. I don't really think they belong in there.
Tech guy: I think that's a problem for facilities. Are they dead or alive?
Maryville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cinderella
9AM And I've Got a Runny Coke-Sniffer
Intern to friend: My dancing-on-the-bar muscles hurt!
Elevator
New York
1PM That, and an iPod Nano
Temp: I, like, can't believe I don't have herpes yet.
1212 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
12PM And Remind Ourselves That We Still Have Our Freedom
Reception guy: Are you guys going on a puppy run?
Worker: Nah, just going to XYZ Office*.
Temp: Puppy run?
Reception guy: Yeah, when we're a bit crabby we go across the street to the pet shop and look at the puppies.
Temp: Oh.
Adelaide
South Australia
11AM Your Cubicle Seems to Have Reached the Saturation Point
Intern on third day of work: This is probably something I should have asked the first day, but... where's the men's room?
Madison Avenue
New York, New York
11AM Yet You Can Speak Hebrew
Guy #1, in Hebrew: So, what retarded kid are you working with today?
Guy #2, in Hebrew: Dude. Those kids are around here, you know.
Guy #1: Yeah, but no one here knows Hebrew.
Guy #2: This school's like half Jewish. They might.
Guy #1: Not the retarded ones. They have enough trouble with English. You should know that -- you work here, too.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Knows Hebrew
12PM Good -- My Therapist Is Always Projectile-Diagnosing Me
Assistant: I don't think you're crazy. I may vomit on you, but I don't think you're crazy.
9050 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, California
11AM Have to Wonder How She Got a Teaching Certificate
Assistant: I just talked to the stupidest woman ever. It was an honor. At first it was frustrating before I was overcome by the joy.
141 River's Edge Drive
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Heather
9AM He's an Arkansas Leg Hound -- Best to Let Him Finish
Camera assistant: Your dog's getting drunk off my pants.
Culver City, California
4PM Danny Here Takes Care of Exasturbating the Boss
Ditzy intern: I know you're busy so I'm not going to exasturbate things...
Suit: Oh, not at all... In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.
1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
12PM And Sober Now, Thank God
Peon: I've seen her before at bars, but now she's just different... She's more cold now.
Intern: It's just sobriety. It changes people.
Peon: Good point. Wait, aren't you, like, 19?
Intern, offended: I'm 20.
F Street
Washington, DC
2PM I Have to Go Change My Pants
Intern: Lou* just said he really likes my sense of humor! He said I'm self-defecating! Can you believe it? Lou thinks I'm self-defecating -- he thinks I sit in my own shit! Lou's so cool.
Lou, two cubes away: I said 'self-deprecating,' you idiot.
Intern: Oh.
6707 Democracy Boulevard
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: One cubicle over
4PM There's No Room for Books at This Water Cooler
Coworker: Did you watch The Office last night?
Temp: No, I was reading.
Coworker: Well, buddy, you're working XYZ* Cable now. You better catch up so you know what we're talking about.
Temp: I'm a temp, I'm done this week anyway.
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Sixtwentysix
12PM Reminds Me of My Days As a Teenager in Jersey
Hissing sound comes from reception area.
New graphics intern: Is that compressed air?
Admin: Oh, yeah.
New graphics intern: Sweet.
Washington, DC
9AM I Guess He Knew One before We Were Together
Trainee: My boyfriend likes this perfume. He says it smells like the inside of a clean woman.
Training class, Cosmetic company
California
11AM Haven't We Been Through This?
CSR lady: Looks like you two are gonna have to conversate via email from now on.
Intern: Conversate? You mean 'converse'?
CSR lady: I mean 'conversate.' Same damn thing.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
2PM Let's See... You Look Like about a Size Eight...
Interning scientist #1: Dammit, I can't find my spleen! I lost my spleen!
Interning scientist #2: Well, I have extra spleens -- you can have one of mine if it works.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: HK
9AM A Super Wal-Mart?
Associate: Do you think you could survive if we dropped you in the middle of the rainforest?
Temp: No way -- I would die for sure.
Associate: What about if we dropped you in a Wal-Mart?
383 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
4PM You're Hired! You Start Work As a Mule on Monday
Chick: Hi, I'm here for the interview...
Employee: Alright... What's your name?
Chick: I'm here for an appointment at 3:30.
Employee: Oh, it's noon right now, so... not for a while!
Chick: Oh, is it? Ohhh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm, like, really blazed right now.
Northlake Boulevard
West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: cool, im hungover.
3PM Dear Diary: I Think I Really Impressed Donna Today!
Hot intern girl: It sucks that we have to seal all these envelopes today.
Jewish intern guy: Yeah, well, I make it into a game, you see. I pick a number, and if I can't seal that many envelopes in one minute, a bomb explodes!
Hot intern girl: Wow.
West Loop, Galleria Area
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: In the cube next door
4PM There's a Rumor They're All Cylons
Coworker: Tell the intern to do that.
Boss: The intern? She has a name.
Coworker: You know who I meant.
Boss: It's Rebecca*! Let's not be racist.
Coworker: Interns aren't a race!
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
11AM Yeah, Tell Him We Canceled Favorite Animal Friday
Coworker leaning on office door: Hey, have you seen John*?
Horse puppet appears peeking from under John's desk.
Horse puppet: John's not here right now. Can I take a message?
Coworker, slowly backing out of office: Uh...
8700 NW River Park Drive
Parkville, Missouri
Overheard by: Hapless intern
9AM I Could Have Been Strung-Out in the Corner Weeks Ago!
Coworker #1: Dude, you know that your nose is bleeding?
Intern: Shit, thanks for the heads-up.
Coworker #2: Damn, kid, I wish I woulda known -- you could have gotten me some blow.
Government building
Dayton, Ohio
10AM Jack Spratt for the Twenty-First Century
Intern: I've never had butt sex. I'm saving it for marriage. Since I'm not a virgin anymore, I have to save something for my husband.
Friend: You're so dumb. You should have done what I did. I ONLY have butt sex, so I'm still a virgin.
Pour House Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, District of Columbia