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3PM It's Only Partially about the Kids
Hockey dad: If this snow keeps up, there won't be any hot-tubbing with the hockey MILFs tonight.
Bachelor: Hockey MILFs?
Hockey dad: You better believe it.
Highways 24 and 401
Cambridge, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: My kid's on the wrong hockey team
10AM Requiring a Constant Airflow Across Her Cooling Fins
Lady #1: Yeah, so I saw Evie* over at the courthouse, and she yells at me, 'Yo, girl, you wearin' panties?' And so I say back, 'Yeah, I sho' am!' Her mother gets right up and tells me she ain't wearin' any panties.
Lady #2: Haha. Why she at court?
Lady #1: Some probation thing.
1340 Forest Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Reggie Queen
9AM And Those Are More Valuable Than a Life
Woman: My sister got out of rehab on Tuesday and died of an overdose on Friday, and I just got the rehab bill in the mail.
Friend: I'd tell thems to stick 'at bill up they asses -- that shit didn't work! It's like gettin' a bad weave! You don't pay fo' no bad weaves, does you?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
9AM Inconvenient, but True
Chick: I can't pee when the janitor is in there.
Dude: What, it throws you off? Try peeing while Al Gore is peeing right next to you on his phone. I usually just turn around and walk right back out.
King Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: misnomer
3PM Therapeutically and Preventatively
Chick: Nice flowers!
Dude: Yeah, I had a bad day yesterday and treated myself. You ever have one of those?
Chick: Yeah, but I just drink.
1440 Broadway
New York, New York
12PM Brain Food?
Guy: Do you think it's possible to be allergic to... you know?
Girl: No, I don't know...
Guy: Sure you do.
Girl: No, I don't know what 'you know' is!
Guy: Yes, you know!
Girl: What? You mean, like, condoms?
Guy: No, like you know -- vagina...
Girl: Why on earth would anybody be allergic to vagina?!
Guy: Cause, you know, it's like fish.
Customer service call center
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: MBN
2PM Everyone I've Ever Slept with Has Been Beautiful
Guy looking across street: Is that girl sexy?
Friend: That's a dude, man. How's your eyesight?
Guy: I can see fine, I just can't see clearly.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: alan
2PM Now What the Hell Are We Gonna Do about Our Infection Rate?
Cowboy #1 looking at catered lunch: Well, they sure didn't leave us any knives or anything to use with these cold cuts!
Cowboy #2: You're right!
Cowboy #1: I'd use mine, but I don't know if it's been rinsed this week... Haha!
Cowboy #2: Haha! Mine either!
Cowboy #1: Haha, yeah, and I know where mine's been!
Hospital conference room
Twin Falls, Idaho
4PM How to Get 25 Hours Out of Your Day
Old lady to another: Sometimes when I'm out in the garden and I have to go, instead of walking all the way to the bathroom I just go in my pants and drop them in the washing machine on the way inside.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Disgusted in Stall #1
4PM But Then My Kids Go and Put Them in Their Mouths
Hot girl #1: So, I itch.
Hot girl #2: Uh-oh. Time for cranberry tea. Get some at lunch.
Hot girl #1: And there's a big bump on, y'know, the opening.
Hot girl #2: Are you washing your toys after use them?
Hot girl #1: Every time?
100 Wilshire Boulevard
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: No longer hungry!
2PM Great, Now I Have to Explain to Her What Football Is
Young man #1: Would you rather take a shit right here in the mall and get arrested and laughed at, or have Mike Ditka sit on your face?
Young man #2: Dude, I'm on the phone... No, Mom, that was just some guy... Mike Ditka is an old football coach, Mom... No, he's not here, he's in Hollywood or somethin'.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
11AM Cut Scenes from Midnight Cowboy
Bus driver: Your bus pass isn't working.
Passenger: Sorry, man, it should. I just got it yesterday... It's new.
Bus driver: It's just not working... Just come on anyway. I love you, man.
Passenger: Thanks, bro. I love you, too.
Downtown bus terminal
New York, New York
3PM Is History the One with the Quadratic Equations?
Chick: My father went to Timbuktu.
Dude: Where is that, again?
Chick: Some county in Africa.
Dude: Some country in Africa?
Chick: Yeah. Africa is like Europe -- made up of lots of countries.
Dude: Oh. I was never good at history.
Chick: I think you mean geography.
Dude: Oh, yeah...
Dulwich Hill
Sydney
Australia
1PM And Turn the Egg Timer As Needed
Girl #1: So, they really didn't have sex on Valentine's Day?
Girl #2: Yep.
Girl #1: Here's the thing -- he cooks her dinner, asks advice on wine... The least she can do is lay there for nine minutes.
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: steff
9AM But Unfortunately, I Can't Cross the Street on My Own Yet
Bus boy #1: I went to the new hostess's MySpace page.
Bus boy #2: The little mousey girl?
Bus boy #1: Turns out she's bi. Got a picture on there of her getting nailed from behind by another chick with a strap-on.
Bus boy #2: God, if my mom would let me, I would marry her!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
2PM To Be Fair, He's Staying Home with Seven of the Laker Girls
Chick: So, what are you doing tonight?
Dude: Going out.
Chick: Where are you going?
Dude: Somewhere.
Chick: Oh. With who?
Dude: People.
Chick: You're staying home tonight, huh?
Dude: Yeah...
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: cupcakee
9AM I'm Going to Give Him One More Chance...
Chick #1: He didn't even give me flowers today.
Chick #2: I can't believe that.
Chick #1: I know. I mean, if you fuck a girl and knock her up, you give her flowers on Valentine's Day, miscarriage or not.
Chick #2: For real.
McCormick Road
Hunt Valley, Maryland
Overheard by: Jenna
9AM Substantial Evidence of a Rocky Mountain High
20-something chick: Was it Colorado?
20-something dude: Yeah, that sounds right. There were a lot of unicorns.
Auburn, Massachusetts
9AM Natural Selection Blows It Again
Chick #1: I miss birth control.
Chick #2: Me, too. Condoms are complicated.
South Inwood Road
Dallas, Texas
12PM Friend: Ummm, You Didn't Hang Up?
Chick on cell: Uh-huh... Yeah. Okay. Call me later. [Snaps phone shut and turns to friend, loudly] So, oh my god, she has chlamydia and--
Horrified retail guy: --Okay, I didn't hear that...
Chick on cell: I did not say it that loudly... right?
Horrified friend: Yeah, you really did...
Shop 13, 1100 Pacific Highway
Canadia
Overheard by: Not that loud...
10AM We Don't Know, Either
Dude #1: That's impossible.
Dude #2: No, it isn't. I've seen a chick do it with a blender before.
Dude #1: Holy shit.
Sacramento City College
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Melissa
10AM You Should Write All Important Memos There
Girl holding can of soup: Well, one can makes soup for more than one person.
Guy staring blankly: Uh-huh.
Girl: So, how many do you want to get?
Guy: I can totally see down your shirt, by the way. Now, what?
Girl: Were you listening to a word I was saying?!
Guy: No, I was staring at your breasts.
Red River H-E-B supermarket
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Natalie
4PM Unfortunately, Someone Else Gave Janie a Gun
Dad's friend: So, your daughter turns 34 tomorrow?
Dad: Yeah, I sent her a card.
Dad's friend: What does it say?
Dad: 'Happy Birthday, Sweetie. You've finally grown into your bra size.'
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
1PM Causing Very Mixed Feelings, Indeed
Woman to friend: I'm so going to hit you in the vagina for that!
950 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
4PM If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit
Guy: Why can't you just have the party at your place?
Girl: 'Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: ....
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.
Eastlake
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Nosey
10AM Jack Spratt for the Twenty-First Century
Intern: I've never had butt sex. I'm saving it for marriage. Since I'm not a virgin anymore, I have to save something for my husband.
Friend: You're so dumb. You should have done what I did. I ONLY have butt sex, so I'm still a virgin.
Pour House Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, District of Columbia
1PM And She Was So Smart for Figuring That Out
Girl: Did you notice the way their baby looked?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: It's because she didn't do drugs or alcohol when she was pregnant. It makes a big difference, you know? That's why the baby is so smart.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
12PM She's Charging 20 Dollars for the Answer. That Seems Reasonable.
Woman #1: What's 20 percent off of 90 dollars?
Woman #2: It'll cost 20 dollars.
Queen Street
Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: just doing my job
10AM And If You Put Your Tongue in my Mouth, Does That Cure Cancer or Something?
Experienced woman: So, Chuck* came over last night and made me sit on his face.
Inexperienced woman: Why? Does that, like, help breathing or something?
21 Oak Street
Hartford, Connecticut
4PM What Early Urkel Exposure Does to Ghetto Children
Thug #1: Yo, man, this place is lined up!
Thug #2: Yo, this place got more lines than algebra class.
Thug #1: Man, this place prob'ly got more signs in it.
Thug #2: Fo' sho'. It prob'ly got more cosines in it, too.
Coliseum Ottawa, 3090 Carling Avenue
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Beth
1PM When the Wellness Program Merged with After-Hours Self-Development
Woman #1: I can't just walk. I want a six pack.
Woman #2: Oh, I'll never have a six pack. I'm round in the middle, and I got no back!
Man: What the hell?
Woman #2: It's a rap song. Ain't my fault you've got no culture.
460 West 34th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: ahhaha
11AM Have You Considered Art School?
Girl #1: I should be a professional killer
Girl #2: What are you talking about?
Girl #1: Well, I was really good in riflery in camp. I hate people. And I love wearing black.
40 West 57th Street
New York, New York
3PM Smoke Break
Co-worker #1: What's been up?
Co-worker #2: Yeah.
Co-worker #1: You have no idea what I've just said.
Co-worker #2: Is that right?
Co-worker #1: Never mind.
10 Mackay Drive
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
7AM Then You'd Need to Raise Money for Broken Hips
Girl #1: Hey, do you want to do the Ann Landers 5k with me?
Girl #2: Ann Landers has her own 5k?
Girl #1: Yeah, it's to raise money for whatever she died of.
Girl #2: I thought she just died of being old. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a 5k to raise money to prevent old?
835 N. Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
4PM That's Really Up to Her
Lady: ...and I told [Jeff] that I had really expected at least six inches last night.
1600 Oakley Park Road
Walled Lake, Michigan
