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3PM After the Rohypnol Kicks In.
Graphic design girl: How do you lick that off someone's boob?
Parsippany, New Jersey
11AM Much of What We Learn about Our Colleagues Should Be Forgotten
Developer: Oh, man... I got caught in the wave of girl-fart... It smelled like a mixture of diarrhea poopie and menstrual cycle!
State and Water Streets
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
12PM Is There Anything It Can't Do?
Web artist: Man, it's cold out here! Thank God I bought my mittens.
Graphic artist: I hate wearing mittens... When my hands are cold, I just use my crotch.
731 Pilot Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sr. Graphics Goddess
5PM Yeah, but I Always Do
Designer #1: Hey Susan*, did you have a traditional Pearl Harbor celebration?
Designer #2: Yes, I did. I--
Designer #1, interrupting: --Did you make airplane noises on the drive home?
495 Union Avenue
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: one cubicle over
11AM Why People Leave the Midwest
Outraged copywriter: I think it's time for lefties to conform and make check marks like the rest of us.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: righty and proud of it
9AM A Better Question Is Why They Smell This Way
Employee: Why do you have rubber gloves?
Photographer: Don't worry about that.
Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Not surprised
9AM ... I'll Bring Booze and the Necessary Plug-Ins
Female designer: If you show up, you can watch me use your hard drive.
IT guy: Ummm...
44 Canal Center Plaza
Alexandria, Virginia
5PM Oh, I Try to Keep My Hand In
Photographer: Okay, I took pictures of the reigning Woody the Woodchuck and the two that are aiming to replace her when she retires. Can you tell the current one?
Designer, staring intently: This one?
Photographer: Wow, good job! You know your Woodys!
323 East Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beesley
11AM None of Your Trendy Rat Milk for Me
Designer: I just don't trust anything that doesn't come out of a cow!
Newspaper
Melbourne
Australia
9AM Sure, Get Me a Crowbar
Graphics guy: What format are these files?
Boss: They're from the guy next door.
Graphics guy: Okay, but what kind of files are these supposed to be? There's no extensions so I can't open them in anything unless I rename them all and just guess the extension until I get it right.
Boss: Can you open them and check?
2245 Royal Windsor Drive
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Bob
9AM Me Neither. Isn't Advertising Cool?
Art director: Don't you have to be educated to do your job?
IT guy: Nope.
11 E 26th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jeremy
11AM That Was MasterBeta Testing
Developer #1: We've never run the application in a clustered environment.
Developer #2: Yeah, but we've run it in a cluster-fucked environment.
Canal Park
Cambridge, Massachusetts
12PM I've Voted for Them in Every Election Since 1992
Designer: How are you on vaccuum-packed sausage wieners?
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM Dead Men Tells no Tales, Says I
Designer: It's National Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Writer: I know.
Designer: You already knew? And you didn't tell me? I should smack you.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
9AM First They Came for the Trans-Fats and I Didn't Speak up
Writer: 'Portly' sounds cute. Sounds like a nice, bald, fat man in a three-piece suit.
Designer: 'Portly' sounds like someone with grease stains on their shirt from dropping a piece of chicken.
Writer: That's not 'portly!' That's obese!
Designer: What's the difference?
Writer: Obese is like those Subway ads before Jared lost his weight. When he was all wild-eyed and savage. Clothes all stretched out, nothing laundered, brimming with Big Macs and Crisco sandwhiches.
Designer: They should outlaw Crisco. Just straight out make it a crime.
Writer: Yeah.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
4PM Lifting, Puking, and Shooting: The Lloyd Roid Story
Designer: I can't find a photo to represent personal trainers. The only stock images we have are too creepy. Look kind of like an after-school special.
Writer: Like a molesting-kids after-school special? Or the kind about bulimia?
Designer: A cross between those and the ones about steroids.
Creative director: Oh. That sounds OK. Use whatever you guys have.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
9AM At Last We Learn How Howard the Duck Got Greenlighted
Writer: I told you that duck was evil.
Designer: I know.
Writer: But you kept trying to squeeze him in the layout anyway.
Designer: I know. He looked so tempting when I first saw him! But that duck was the spawn of Satan.
Writer: I told you he was a freak.
Designer: He lured me in!
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I don't really want to know.
5PM Your Testimony Is Highly Suspect
Designer: Here, just try it.
Writer: No.
Designer: Come on! Why are you being so stubborn?
Writer, shouting: I am not putting that in my mouth! It's all limp!
Pause.
Writer, shouting into hallway: I was talking about French fries!
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel
5PM It's Either That or Get One of Those Helper Monkeys
Editor #1: I have finger toes.
Photographer: You mean like long and bony?
Editor #1: Yeah, I can, like, pick stuff up with them.
Editor #2: Do you pinch people with them?
Editor #1: Yeah. I always pinch [my wife]. She hates it.
Editor #2: God is just preparing you for when you lose your arms.
333 North Meridian
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: fransen comes alive
11AM Tonight on SportsChat: Wankers Talk Wanking
Designer: Gosh, I just hate when you're watching a porn and they cut to the guy's face. It's always such an unfortunate time. I should write a letter of complaint.
IT guy: Yeah, if you only had a free hand.
Leverington Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: JB
2PM And Delaware Is a Small Town
Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]
10 Office Park Circle
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Stacy Kate
4PM Well, Try to Keep All Your Balls in the Air
Account director: Are you slammed?
Designer: Yeah, I'm juggling David's* package along with everything else.
111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
1PM I Sentence You to Death... By Bubinga!
Office manager: ...and his mantle, it's made out of Bubinga!
Designer: What the hell is Bubinga?
Writer: It's Ubuntu's neighbor?
Designer: Do they have a Wiki?
Writer: Yeah, I think they do!
100 West Broad Street
Hazleton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Slave to technology
4PM Well, Pardon Me While I Prestidigitate Your Complementary Anaphylaxis
Account manager: You did a fantastic job on these business cards!
Art director: Shut up! Don't condense me.
Account manager: I'm serious! You're a curiative genius!
214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
1PM Design Meeting
Designer to photo researcher: Try to find a nice child abuse shot.
10801 N. MoPac Expressway
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: always listening
2PM Marketing Push
Boss: I need you to bust out that postcard ASAP! It's priority number six!
Designer: Um, does it have to be done now or do five other things have to be done first?
Boss: Six is the new one!
Designer: I didn't get that memo.
15335 Morrison Street
Sherman Oaks, California
11AM Design Session
Designer: We can't afford naked people. All of those photos are rights managed. So tomorrow I'm bringing in my digital camera.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
10AM Editorial Meeting
Designer: Do you ever wonder if some of the girls here were hired for their looks? Oh, I'm not talking about you -- I know you were hired because you're a good writer.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
2PM Cover Shoot
Photographer: You can't just leave and not tell anyone. You guys left and no one was here to help.
First assistant: Look, I'm sick of you bitching at me about this petty bullshit. Don't talk to me unless you've got something important to say.
Second assistant: Mom and Dad are fighting again.
2616 Industrial Row Road
Troy, Michigan
2PM Debriefing
Creative director: Alright, nice work, guys.
Designer: Before you leave, can I grab you real quick--
Creative director: Depends on where.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
4PM Smoke Break
Ad Design #1: I'm having trouble of sleeping and was thinking of getting Ambien.
Ad Design #2: You're too young to take sleeping pills. Have you tried crack?
151 West 34th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Sarah
5PM That's a Wrap
Director #1: Hey, why are you packing up? Is your office moving tomorrow?
Director #2: Uh, no. I just got fired.
Director #1: Oh, wow. There's really just not a way for this not to be awkward is there?
7201 Metro Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
2PM Order Supplies
Designer: Sure I'll take a notepad. As long as there's not cats on the cover.
111 East Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
11AM Comps Due
Manager: Why are you sending me comps at 1:30 in the morning?
Designer: Because I wanted to work on them at home, and then when I was home I couldn't work on them until Loveline was on the air and I could listen to some relationship advice at the same time.
Manager: Oh, that makes perfect sense.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
9AM Back to Work
Designer: Hey, you left your turn signal on. Better turn it off or you'll run out of blinker fluid.
Secretary: Oh, okay. I don't even know how to check that. I'll have the guy at the dealership fill it next time.
201 Forrester Drive
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Ape
4PM Department Meeting
Designer: Have you seen [Dustin] around?
Writer: Nope.
Designer: Hmm. I haven't checked his office yet.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
10AM Client Meeting (Off-site)
Designer: I know this stage like the back of my palm.
1438 North Gower Street
Los Angeles, California
3PM Coffee Break
Copywriter: Were you looking for me?
Designer: Sorry?
Copywriter: Before, when I was in that meeting...it looked like you were looking for me.
Designer: Ah...Where I walked over, sighed, and declared "Tragedy"; I was actually looking for the coffee. The window to your meeting room just happened to be behind the machine. You guys have better coffee than our side.
12655 Beatrice Street
Los Angeles, California
1PM Lunch
Writer: What the heck is going on with you?
Designer: Why?
Writer: Because I messaged you like three times.
Designer: Oh. I didn't see it.
Writer: Thank god I wasn't sending you my suicide note.
Designer: You would do that through Yahoo!?
Writer: I don't know. Maybe. Is it too informal?
Designer: Kind of. I mean like print it out or something. Then somebody could drop it in my box.
Writer: What font would I even use?
16430 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Miel
2PM Update Files
Admin: One of our districts is having trouble modifying a document from our website.
Graphic Designer: It can't be modified. It's a PDF.
Admin: Right. So I was wondering if you would turn off the PDF so they can make their changes.
Graphic Designer: ...Um, no.
2100 I-70 Drive SW
Columbia, Missouri
1PM Lunch
Designer: So I took the dead cat by the tail and chucked it over the fence and I thought, "Man. If the people at work could only see what a bumpkin I am."
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
4PM Annual Report Due
Editor: You got a little insert action going on there?
Paginator: Yeah, you like it?
Editor: Oh yeah, I like it.
Paginator: What about this, you like this?
Editor: That's great.
9 Long Pond Road
Plymouth, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Miss Persnicket
11AM Meet the New Girl
Office Manager: ...who knows, maybe Crystal is a very nice person.
Design Assistant: But I hate people named after rocks.
228 Gerrard Street East
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: J.B.
2PM QA
Tester: Dude, did you see this? There's a button in the software that says "Fuck Off."
Designer: So?...That's a feature. Did you press it?
Tester: Yeah...it just went away.
Designer: And did it make you feel better?
Tester: Strangely, yeah. Yeah, it did.
Designer: See?
211 Van Buren Street
Nashville, Indiana
Overheard by: Scott
9AM Bright-eyed and Bushy-tailed
Graphic Designer: So let me know when you can get me that FreeHand job, I'm not busy today.
Art Director: No problem.
650 South 6th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
10AM Architects Meeting
Designer: So, there's two kinds of erections, right?
40 24th Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
3PM Call Maintenance
Computer guy: I wonder what it is that makes it feel so damn cold in this building sometimes?
Graphics dude: Maybe it's the temperature.
Dyess Air Force Base
Texas
Overheard by: Michael Philippus
4PM Finish Layout
Designer: Hey, look, I'm finished with Page 2, now all I need are your lottery numbers.
EA: The numbers aren't in yet...It's going to be another 40 minutes before they come in.
Designer: Well, can't you just forecast what the numbers will be?
200 E. Las Olas Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: W. Texas Mike
3PM Work on Newsletter
Graphic designer: I'm looking for those "In Memoriam" listings. I know they're buried around here somewhere.
2400 Grove Boulevard
Austin, Texas
12PM That's Right; He Apparently Knows How to Read
Client: You need to fix this design; the text is way too big.
Web designer: What is the text size in your browser set to?
Client: It's on large so I can read it better.
1335 Columbus Avenue
San Francisco, California