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12PM Or We Could Just Play Darts on a Photo of Mel Gibson Again
Bimbette news assistant: I'm going to go to Target tonight and find something real Jewish and bring it in... Oooh, maybe I could find a piñata -- a Jewish piñata... With a menorah for a tail.
1401 Shop Road
Columbia, South Carolina
3PM Nebraska?
Fashionista: We live in the dumbest world on the planet.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, New York
2PM PETA May Have Gone Too Far This Time
Bimbette coworker: They're gonna skin your mother-in-law and give it to a zebra!
860 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
2PM And Leap Weeks
Bimbette: Twenty days -- that's, like, five weeks, right?
Patient peon: No.
Bimbette: I mean, business days.
Patient peon: ... No.
Mercer Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: choking on giggles
3PM Put a Nice Potted Plant on It?
Fashion designer girl #1: I really want a bookshelf, but I don't have any books.
Fashion designer girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.
8360 Melrose Avenue
West Hollywood, California
10AM More of a City-State Than a Country
Office girl #1: But I thought he was, like, Mexican or Brazilian or something.
Office girl #2: No, he's Filipino.
Office girl #1: Oh, so, like... Um...
Office girl #2: It's like half-Mexican, half-Chinese.
Office girl #1: But he's gay, right?
Office girl #2: Definitely -- all gay.
Office girl #1: He's from Gay Land!
Ad agency
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Half-Offended-Half-Laughing
4PM Godless Liberal Pacifists That They Are
Office girl #1 while watching the patriots vs colts game: Who are you rooting for?
Office girl #2: New England.
Office girl #1: Hey, where is New England, anyway?
Office girl #2: Ummm, it's a region up North.
Office girl #1: Oh, I knew it was in Canada somewhere!
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Sara
1PM My Hard Drive's Been Zionized
Bored tech guy: Can I help you?
Bimbette: Yeah, um, I need an update on my anti-Semitic virus program.
Bored tech guy: You mean 'Symantec'?
Bimbette: Yeah, that's what I said -- anti-Semitic.
Quinnipiac University
Hamden, Connecticut
10AM What's the Upside Here?
Chick on cell, going to see her dad at work: Not shaving my legs is my chastity belt -- now I can get drunk and not be a slut.
Main Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by:
4PM Dammit, I'm Looking for Reasons to Do This
Worker bee #1: I don't know about dating him. I can't get over the age difference. It would be--
Worker bee #2: --Like raping a child?
Worker bee #1: Well, no...
Worker bee #2: Not your, like, son...
Worker bee #1: [Silence.]
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Cube Eavesdropper
1PM Every Office Has Its Own Oral History
Office tech, fiddling with printer: I'm still getting that sensor dustiness error.
Office bimbette: Oh! I know how to fix that! You have to open it up and blow. Just give it a good blow and then it's fine!
922 3rd Street
Sedro-Wolley, Washington
Overheard by: T-Rex
12PM Trying to Turn on the Wheels in Her Brain Is the Hard Part
Blonde peon #1: My husband just texted me to tell me to turn on my all-wheel drive. He must think I'm an idiot.
Blonde peon #2: Well, it is icy.
Blonde peon #1: I mean, I only have four-wheel drive.
18th and Oak Streets
Kansas City, Missouri
10AM But I'm Thinking There Should Be
Office girl on the phone with boyfriend: So, my therapist says that I'm doing a great job. He said I could be the poster girl for mentally ill people who are successful because I take my meds, go to work, have a healthy relationship and stuff, you know? And I was totally flattered and agreeing with him, but then I thought, 'You know, my parents are proud of me and stuff, but they wouldn't want the world knowing I'm psycho, and it would probably embarrass them a little.' So my doctor looks at me and says, 'Um, you know there's not really a poster girl, right?'
214 Lincoln Street
Allston, Massachusetts
11AM He Would've Just Used Them for Sex... Oh, Wait.
Bimbette employee: I mean, like, if you gave Thomas Jefferson the Internet, he totally wouldn't have freed the slaves.
Department store
New Hartford, New York
Overheard by: Jenn
2PM Yes. No. Shut Up!
Girl: Did signing the Articles of Confederation makes us confederates?
Quinsigamond Community College
Worcester, Massachusetts
11AM Not Physically Possible? Someone's Never Read the Bible
Office girl #1: Is it raining out?
Office girl #2: No way, it's sunny! Unless it a sun shower.
Office girl #1: A sun shower is not physically possible.
Office girl #2: Ummm, you've never seen it rain while the sun's out?
Office girl #1: Oh, I thought you meant literally, like giant balls of fire falling from the sky...
Michigan
Overheard by:
1PM Only Less Preachy
Bimbette reading back of Animal Farm: Wait... This is just like Charlotte's Web!
Book store
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Really?
9AM Time to Prepare for That Eventuality
Teen girl: If I don't get an A on this English test I'm going to be even screwed-er.
High school
Sterling, Virginia
Overheard by: The Mean Teacher
2PM Actually, They're from Albany
Girl #1: What country is Paul* from?
Girl #2: He's Albanian. [Girl #1 is silent.] You know... Albania?
Girl #1: Isn't that where all the albinos come from? I didn't know Paul was albino!
Copperfield College
Melbourne
Australia
10AM I'm Thinking of Knitting One
Cute chick holding up ballpoint pen: How does this work?
250 Bloor Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: working on a manual
5PM What Made Her Decide to Have That Surgery?
Chick to coworker: Ohhh, okay. Maybe she should stop getting f-ed in the nose. It's only gonna make her uglier.
Upper West Side
New York, New York
4PM It Means God Leaves Us Alone and We Do Likewise
Former Mormon chick: I'm not really into religion anymore.
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Former Mormon chick: Yeah. I think I'm a Deist.
Dude: That's interesting.
Former Mormon chick: I need to research what that means, though.
Salt Lake City, Utah
12PM You Really Need to Go with Original Manufacturer's Equipment for Internal Organs
Girl on cell: I totally need to go to a doctor. I think I have that imitation bowel syndrome!
Office
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
4PM That's Where the Magnifyning Glasses Grow
Bimbette #1: We are so lucky we can't have forest fires here in Georgia.
Teacher: Forest fires can happen anywhere.
Bimbette #2: Nah, you gotta be closer to the equator than Georgia.
123 Broad Street
Dacula, Georgia
Overheard by: smokey the bear
12PM His Business Model Is Predicated on People Being Stupid
Bimbette: Do you have any, like, advice for the test?
Tutor: Yeah -- if you get a fraction, then you probably got it wrong. Fractions are really bad. Like, if you get 81/3 or some other stupid number...
Bimbette: Right. Fractions are bad. Got it.
Girl passerby: You know that simplifies, right?
Tutor: You are such a nerd.
Middle school
Carmel Valley, California
3PM They're Not the Brightest Neon Lights in the Casino
Cocktail waitress #1: What's a late-term abortion?
Cocktail waitress #2: I'm not sure, but I think it's when you have an abortion when the baby's being born.
Cocktail waitress #1: Ew! They can do that?! [A few minutes later] Where is Washington state?
Cocktail waitress #2: I think it's near Seattle...
Cocktail waitress #1: You think they meant to say 'Washington, DC'?
Cocktail waitress #2: I don't know, but that's pretty dumb of them if they did mean DC. People can get confused, you know?
Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: HannA
5PM You Mean the Planter?
Blonde salesgirl on phone with IT: My computer is not working.
IT guy: Did you plug everything in right?
Blonde salesgirl: Yes! Of course! The light is on, but nothing's happening. [IT guy goes to her office, bends over, presses power button and walks out.] But the light was on!
IT guy: That's your screen. The computer is the big box on the floor.
Office, Meilleur Street
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: ID-10-T
5PM Yeah, but My Head's Not Full Yet
Office girl #1: I want to start reading more books.
Office girl #2: Didn't you just read yesterday?
11940 Jollyville Road
Austin, Texas
10AM There's a Very Long List of Things You Can't Imagine
Girl in breakroom avoiding meeting: Ugh! I can't imagine anything worse than doing conference calls all day.
Girl reading Maus, Part II: [Stares.]
Southlake, Texas
Overheard by: I love Frenchie
12PM Just When I Learned to Tell Time, Too
Bimbette: I hate that I have to memorize a new date everyday.
Monroe and LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois
12PM But I Think We've Tapped into a Potential Goldmine
Chick #1: Did you know that they're making Coke kosher for Passover?
Chick #2: [Blank stare.]
Chick #1: They're putting sugar in it.
Chick #2: [Continues to stare.]
Chick #1: Normally, it has corn syrup in it.
Chick #2: ... Oh! The soda!
200 Varick Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mardi
3PM So I Just Tell Them to Go Home
Girl: How many pieces of fish in the six pack?
Manager: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know what to say to customers.
Brisbane, Queensland
Australia
12PM They Could, but They Don't Have To
Blonde #1: I think Starbucks made the fire alarm go off in our building so that everyone from our building would go there and get a coffee.
Blonde #2: Oh my god, can they do that?
West 6th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
10AM Now I Might Actually Have to Talk to Him!
Bimbette: I need a shorter stud for my Monroe piercing 'cause I can't go down on my boyfriend. And... I like to do that.
Piercer: That sucks for both of you then, because you can't have a shorter stud in yet.
Bimbette: I can't suck dick! [Her mom leaves the store.]
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: indigo_dream
5PM So Much Nicer Than the Blocking
Female legislator: I love professional ball players. They, uh... tackle well.
20 Legislative Plaza
Nashville, Tennessee
2PM Why Josie Spoiled in the Heat
Chick #1: Sometimes when I'm not wearing a bra and I don't want my nipples to poke out I put Band-Aids over them.
Chick #2: You put mayonnaise on your nipples?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
Chick #2: Mayonnaise?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
9th and Broad Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
2PM I Don't Want Too Much Blood Reaching My Brain
Bimbette #1: Oh my gosh, this choker is, like, choking me! Can you loosen it, please?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. Do you want it, like, way looser?
Bimbette #1: Yeah... Oh my gosh, it's so tight it's cutting into my-- Well, I know girls don't have Adam's apples, but it's cutting in right there!
Bimbette #2: Is that better?
Bimbette #1: No. It's too loose. It needs to be tighter.
Scottsdale, Arizona
10AM Kinda Like Alien Vs. Sexual Predator
Girl on cell: Did I show my tits? Well, I know what that means. If a guy dreams about a girl he knows and she's naked, then it doesn't mean that he, you know, likes her or wants to fuck her. It means that he cherishes her. Yeah, really. [Long pause.] Well, I don't know what that means. That's the weirdest dream I ever heard.
University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Amused Psych Prof
12PM Snorting Gravy Is Fun, but It's Not Enough
Blonde: Mmm... It smells so good in here. Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now!
Friend: I know!
Arkansas
12PM By Birth, Marriage, or Popular Acclamation?
Blonde: I'm queen of the Gentiles!
Owings Mills, Maryland
5PM I Just Want Permission, I Don't Care Whose
Blonde on cell: Yeah, well, I didn't think I could either 'cause I was on those antibiotics, but he said I could, so that's cool.
Elevator, large insurance company
Bloomington, Illinois
Overheard by: even that was too much information for me
5PM Now Where's That Airplane Glue?
Girl: Oooh, I feel dizzy.
Coworker: Why?
Girl: This marker, I think.
Coworker: What about it?
Girl: Well, it says 'scented,' but when I smelled it it gave me a headache.
Coworker: That says fluorescent, as in it's a highlighter.
Girl: It says scented.
Coworker: Fluorescent means 'brightly colored,' it doesn't mean 'smell me.'
Girl, muttering: Well, I wouldn't smell it again anyway because it didn't smell very good.
38 Exchange Street
New Hampshire
Overheard by: Crystal
4PM And Why Can't They Control Their Tendency to Generalize?
Asian girl hanging up phone: Why can't Asian people speak English?!
133 East 13th Street
New York, New York
2PM They Were Gangbanging Me That Night
Cute office peon: What's wrong, Tom*?
Tom: I'm just feeling a little depressed today.
Cute office peon: Why?
Tom: I had planned this party over the weekend, and no one showed up.
Cute office peon: Don't feel bad about that, Tom. It's not your fault that your friends can't come!
5500 University Parkway
San Bernardino, California
Overheard by: And she knows this how?
3PM Also Thinks Everyone from 'Idaho' Is a Slut
Coworker #1: I don't know, he was weird. And plus, I've never dated a guy from Indiana...
Coworker #2: Wait... He was Indian?
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Cubica
2PM In My Defense, I Also Talk about Sex All Day Long
Chick: Dude, you're such a poser. You talk about food all day long and then go home and eat salad. You're not a real fatty like me. Talk to me when you join the club.
500 West 4th Street
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
5PM If You Get One of These, Just Regift It
Guy: That's because you broke it!
Hot blonde: I know, I totally put it in the wrong hole.
Guy: You should be more careful.
Hot blonde: I added more liquid, but I get no smoke.
Guy: Did you make sure to re-insert the thingie?
80 Grasslands Avenue
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
1PM On the Plus Side, I Got Almost All the Way Through My Signature
Female coworker: I pulled my butt muscle taking a whiz!
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
10AM And by That I Mean Those Little Plastic Containers Shaped Like Lemons
Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice... from lemons.
Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Prefer Limes
1PM 'Color Melanin Jones'
Girl: So I have this friend with an eight-month-old baby, and she named him 'Color.' It's a little weird, because the baby's dad is African-American... But the baby looks really white, so that makes it better.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin