Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Admins All Categories > People > Admins
Recent | Best Of
9AM My Eyes Shut Off If I Exceed My Quota
Man: Is that a real rugby shirt or one of those trendy fake ones?
Woman: It's a trendy one. It's Ralph Lauren. Can't you read the r. F.I. C.?
Man: Well I didn't want to stare... I stare enough already!
Georgetown, Kentucky
11AM Wow, Will You Be My Strategic Incompetence Mentor?
Secretary: She asked me to file these but I'm not quite sure how she wants them.
Lazy old receptionist: Just do it wrong and she'll quit asking you to do stuff. That's what I do.
Crown Point, Indiana
Overheard by: the one that usually asks
12PM I Hate It When It's Their Turn to Hide
Boss to secretary: Have you seen my pants? Check behind the door.
Los Osos, California
3PM Why She's No Longer Allowed to Write Movie Reviews for the Company Newsletter
Female admin assistant to another, about cubicle relocation: I mean, I like it all just fine, but if I had a wiener I wouldn't get a boner or anything.
Houston, Texas
2PM Says the Woman Who Watches Paris Hilton's My New BFF?
Female admin: I'll be in charge of this project--it'll be my baby.
Safety trainer: Retarded?
Storrs, Connecticut
12PM For the Last Time, You're Supposed to Pass the Bar
Attorney: It's not so cold out.
Secretary: Is that why your nose is bright red?
Attorney: No, that's because I've been drinking.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amused intern
4PM They Tend to Cut Into My Boob-Watching Time
Admin on phone with engineer: Hello, it's me. (pause) At the desk. (pause) I know, what are you wearing? (pause) Haha...okay, we need to end this conversation, because I do not need to go to a seminar.
Boston, Massachusetts
3PM Clearly the Best Part Of Angels and Demons
Secretary to another, talking about movie: I know, I am soooo into antimatter!
Austin, Texas
9AM Engineers Often Develop Delusions Of Godhood
Engineer to secretary: I don't want to be accused of misplacing nine years of your life!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: 812
12PM I Told Him He Was My Only Client!
Ghetto EKG tech: How is you gonna pay fo' yo' rent now that you got that big house?
Even more ghetto secretary: I'm gonna have to suck a lot of dick!
(passing-by physician gives an uncomfortable glance at them)
Ghetto secretary: Oh shit! I shouldn't have said that out loud!
Tampa, Florida
5PM Except She Didn't Carry a Tomahawk
Boss: My daughter used to have a friend when she was little. The kid's mom was from Sweden and the dad was from Slovenia, one of those countries in...where is it again?
Admin: Eastern Europe.
Boss: Exactly, one of those Indian countries.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: workingwithmorons
11AM Hey, in England They Have a Whole Day Devoted to Boxes.
Receptionist: Would you like to keep the box it came in?
Admin: Hmm... No, it's okay, thanks.
(later)
Receptionist: That box was really cool because it just folds down. You don't have to cut any tape off because it doesn't need tape.
Admin: Damn! Missed out on a good one.
Receptionist: It's still here!
Admin: I think I have too many. But how often do you come across a really great box?
Receptionist: What have our lives come to?
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: cardboard cut
11AM Maybe He Has a Lead on Carmen Sandiego
Admin, screaming into phone: What do you want me to do? I can't do this now, I'm at work! (pause) Well, I can't deal with this now, I'm working! I don't know what to tell you! (pause) I don't have any damn money!! I spent all my money on that private investigator! (pause) I can't do this now, I'm at work!
Boss: Sarah, in my office now.
Admin: I have to go, my boss needs me.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Jeremy Hawn
10AM "Deadline" Seems Even Worse, Somehow
HR head: So, when's the, uh...I guess, "drop-dead date" for your baby?
Hugely pregnant admin: Uh...what? You mean the latest date before my doctor induces?
HR head: Yeah. The drop-dead date.
Hugely pregnant admin: Wow.
Phoenix, Arizona
3PM And Request to Be Buried with the Paper
Admin, looking up from newspaper and greeting guest: Hello, Mr Blue. Please have a seat, director Green will be right with you.
Mr Blue: You know, if you were my employee and you were reading the paper at your desk, I would fire you.
Admin: If I were your employee, I would kill myself.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Civil Servant
12PM Though I Admit the Body Hair Is an Issue
Office admin: I'm no one's monkey! My dances are spontaneous!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: snapszen
12PM He Sits Around All Day, Thinking These Up
Admin to office manager: Do you want to talk to Michelle with ABC company?
Office manager: No, just put her in my voice mail.
Admin, picking up call: Michelle, she's actually at a karate tournament right now. Can I put you in her voice mail?
Nashville, Tennessee
5PM Raise Your Hand If You Know People Who Are Raising Their Grandchildren
Senior administrator: Speaking of birth control, how is your daughter?
Professor: Knocked up.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
5PM Your Contempt for the Customer Reveals Itself Without Warning
Purchaser on telephone: Yes, Singleton. "S" as in "Sam," "I" as in "India," "n" as in "Nancy," "g" as in "Gary," "l" as in "laugh," "e" as in "echo," "t" as in "Tom," "o" as in "Omar," "n" as in "Nancy." Singleton.
Administrator: Thank you, Ms. Simpleton.
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Really??
10AM And Does It Have Anything to Do with Cookie Monster's Eyes?
New admin asst: Where can I find this address?
Office manager: I usually just google the company name and get it from their website.
New admin asst: You what?
Office manager: I look it up on google.
New admin asst: What's google?
Santa Anita Arcadia, California
2PM Sometimes a Box Pun Quote Just Makes Our Day
Female older admin: That's not my box.
Male supervisor: Well, it was listed as yours.
Female older admin: Not my box. Not my box.
Male supervisor: Well, maybe Kate just thought it looked like yours.
Female older admin: Nope. (pause) I am still missing my box. That is not my box.
Male supervisor: Hmmm, Caroline was missing her box too, maybe this is her box. (louder) Hey Caroline, what does your box look like?
Caroline: What?
Female older admin, under breath: Not my box.
Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
Overheard by: I'm tired today.
1PM I Speak Several Sub-Saharan Languages
Boss: Can you come help me with this Excel thing? I deleted something that I needed.
Admin: Okay. Well, you should just click "undo".
Boss: What's "clickundo"?
Dayton, Oregon
Overheard by: glad to be in a different department
3PM Have Her Fax Us a Whole Box, Okay?
Boss to secretary: We're out of paper? Hold on, I'll call Julie and have her fax me a sheet and we can photo copy it.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: can't say ... I'm laughing to hard
2PM My Way Of Telling You to Get a Cell Phone
Receptionist, answering phone: Good afternoon, how can I help you? (pause) I'm sorry, she no longer works at this office. (hangs up phone)
Receptionist to executive secretary: It was for you.
New York City, New York
1PM That's the Last Time I'll Buy a LieBook
Boss: Why can't I open this file?
Secretary: Because you did not click on the file.
Boss: I swear this computer lies to me all the time!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: telling lies to the computer
5PM She'll Also Say This When She Gets a Pink Slip
Legal secretary: And then the phone calls started to peter out.
Paralegal: What? Peter? As in "dick"?
Legal secretary: No! "Peter out" means "to come slowly to an end."
Paralegal: Oh. (pauses) Still sounds a lot like a dick.
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Wondering if everything has to be naughty
2PM We Don't See Arrests in Most Product Liability Cases
Office attorney: What are you guys talking about?
Admin assistant: Roachy cop porn. I mean, roachy popcorn.
Fairfield, Ohio
5PM ...Four Times in One Day.
Secretary: Have you seen that movie The Happening?
Boss: Is that with Marky Mark?
Secretary: I think so, that's Mark Wahlberg right?
Boss: Yeah, can you feel the vibrations?
Secretary: I don't think you're allowed to ask me that.
Las Cruces, New Mexico
4PM Or Worse
Secretary: Now the plant's by me, I can make sure none of you are over-watering it!
Random office peon: Or urinating in it when no-one's looking.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: pretty sure that happened
9AM Let's Just Skip Ahead to the Part Where You Give Me the Chalice with Iocane Powder
Administrative assistant to receptionist: I think you think I'm thinking of something other than what I'm thinking of...not what you're thinking of.
Duluth, Georgia
Overheard by: Huh?
1PM The One Made Of Gingerbread?
Supervisor, hanging up phone with crazy caller: She said Nancy Pelosi told her she could call in.
Secretary: Who's that?
Supervisor, stunned: The Speaker of the House?
Secretary: What house?
Supervisor: The one of ill-repute down on Marshall Street.
County Courthouse
Norristownm, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
3PM With My Dreds
Admin: You need a haircut.
Service guy: I need to go club some baby seals.
Irvine, California
Overheard by: i just answer the phone...
12PM You're Fired.
Admin #1: Do you have an ETA on that report?
Admin #2: No. I'm not familiar with ETA. Is that the name of a company?
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: You can't make this up
9AM Or Did He Already Come?
Secretary #1: Did Jack come to work today?
Secretary #2: I don't know, I think he called in sick.
Secretary #1, on phone with front desk: Hey, is Jack off today?
Indiana, Pennsylvania
3PM Why'd I Give Grandma My Work Number in the First Place?
Admin on phone: That's not a problem, Brenda, I can do that for you now. (hangs up). Old hag!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: clare
9AM Reader Poll: Which Is More Obscene?
Communications manager: So what did you do this weekend?
Female site admin, as garbage truck drives by: I rediscovered Lionel Richie.
Communications manager, confused: You discovered lesbian orgies?
Female site admin: Wow.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
12PM No Wonder He's Terrified
Female admin #1: So, how's Pepe doing?
Female admin #2: He's a figment of his own imagination.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Melissa
9AM Who You Are with Your iPod Is Who You Are in Life
IT guy: I've got the 80 gig iPod, the black leather case...
Secretary, interrupting: You know, I have an iPod, but I've never been able to get it to work.
IT guy, shocked: Ummmm, Sheryl, do you really want to admit that?
48th & Main
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: that sounds about right
12PM We Can't Have Radio Control Cars Zipping Down the Hallways
Admin assistant: So, the batteries are in that bin over there when you need them, you know, for office uses and stuff.
Boss: Yeah, no personal use for your...personal toys.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Kimberly
9AM Thank Goodness I Experience a High Volume Of Patrolmen
Secretary #1: I just read that thong panties are "bacteria highways" from back to front!
Secretary #2: I am highway-free, I think. Maybe some traffic jams, though.
Secretary #1: Huh?
Fairbanks, Alaska
Overheard by: OMG
5PM The Employee Tennis Retreat Should Be Interesting
Admin #1: Ya know, for all the quirky ways about her, Susan really is adorable.
Admin #2: Oh, yay! She is very attractive, but sometimes ya just wanna smash her.
Houston, Texas
11AM Well, Initially With This Scalpel, but Ultimately With a Bone Saw
Secretary: Where are my scissors? Did you take my scissors? You're always taking my stuff!
Junior suit: Do you see me cutting anything?
Secretary: I'll cut you up.
Junior suit: With what?
Wall Street
New York City, New York
9AM Drop a Bunch Of Condoms on the Floor, and He'll Immediately Tell You How Many There Are
Secretary: So, what's her husband like?
Manager: Oh, he's kind of like Mr Bean...you think he may be slightly autistic but he's still really sexually attractive.
Secretary: Uhh...
Office
Sydney
Australia
9AM Any Other Dreams I Can Crush Before Lunch?
Secretary #1: Is your boyfriend coming for Christmas?
Secretary #2: Yeah! He's in med school in Seattle studying to be an ER doc, so I don't get to see him much.
Female doctor, just coming into room: Them! Don't get me started on ER docs!
Secretary #1: Oh?
Doctor: They can't keep their pants on--and the married ones are worse!
Albany General Hosptial
Albany, Oregon
5PM Well, Once My Chestnuts Start Roasting on an Open Fire...
Secretary: I figured that's why you were upstairs...going crazy with a cheese log.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: sounds yummy
2PM A Lesson I'm Sure You've Learned After the Last Time.
Boss: If the phone rings, and I'm still here...
Secretary: You're not here?
Boss: Right. I don't care if it's Carmen Electra calling for an emergency titty-fuck.
Rhode Island
Overheard by: Lauren
11AM Peter Prison-Shower Always Gets His Way
Developer on phone with admin: Yeah, just add it to the list. The account name is 'consumer', password 'buttfucker'. Thanks.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Mr. the Snake
10AM Lick Me and You'll Be Awake All Night
Secretary #1: I have Mountain Dew.
Secretary #2: Excuse me?
Secretary #1: I have Mountain Dew. (pause) My boobs are sweating.
Wilmington, Delaware
1PM A Fatal Misunderstanding About the Meaning of "Troubleshooting"
Boss to secretary: At my last job, the two tech guys were the happiest. Except for the one that killed himself.
Denver, Colorado
9AM I'm Sure I Don't Need This Much Purell
Administrative assistant: Are you feeling okay?
Redneck supervisor: You know me, sometimes I like to overdose.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: (Not so Redneck) Supervisor
4PM Dirty or Clean?
Secretary to boss: So then I put a sweat sock over his head and left it there for about seven hours.
Boston, Massachusetts
12PM Isn't There Some Kind Of Back-Door Solution?
Tech #1 to admin, while fixing cabling issue: You want me to pull it out now?
Tech #2, walking by: Uhhh...
Monroe, North Carolina
Overheard by: Wary Technician
1PM Hah-- The Laws Of Space-Time Are Putty in My Hands!
CEO: So, how long will it take you to set that up?
System admin: Um...two minutes?
CEO: Five. You've got five. See, I doubled-and-a-halved it for you!
System admin, developer, designer: What?
State & Water
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
4PM My House Is on Fire, My Children Are Gone!
Consultant: Happy birthday, ladybug! Are you okay?
Admin: I'm fine, I just feel awful.
Consultant: Did you go out drinking last night?
Admin: Yeah, I had Crown and Cokes all night, and shots at every bar, but that's not why I feel bad.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Red Head
2PM Every Office Has Its Ninja
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
4PM Which Has Been Lifted, Due to Cornea Movies Like Brokeback Mountain
50-something admin talking about a gay couple she knew in the past: Back then there was an astigmatism associated with it.
Medical Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wow am I glad my last day is in a week.
9AM Allllll the Time, Baby
Flustered admin: Hey guys...does your hand ever get sweaty on the mouse?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Pod Buddy
1PM And It's 2008.
Project manager: So what do you think the chances are that we will have a meeting giving us the status of what is up?
Admin: I'd say the odds are better that the girls' gymnastic team will win the 2006 Super Bowl.
Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: teh aml
11AM ..."Which of the Sales Guys Are You Going to Have Intercourse With?"
Benefits & payroll lady: So which of the sales guys are you going to do?
Admin: (awkward silence)
Benefits & payroll lady: Ummm...let me rephrase that...
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: uh i hope none of them
5PM Not to Be Confused with the Compulsive Nintendo-Playing Syndrome "Wario-osis"
Secretary #1: Yeah, he has warosis. That's when you've just gotten back from a war and you have all this trauma from it.
Secretary #2: Oh gosh. I've heard of that - my granddad had it when he got back from the war.
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
9AM And Lend a Hand
Female secretary: Anybody need a really big box? Cause I got one! (pauses, then everybody in the room starts giggling) Oh, grow up!
6th Ave
New York, New York
Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants
1PM No One Respects Breasts More Than a Man Who's Never Touched One
(crunching water bottle noise)
Girl admin, in sassy tone: Hey! Those are the breast cancer water bottles--show some respect!
IT guy: Yeah--that's why I'm...
Girl admin: Squishing it?!
IT guy: You said it! Not me!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: That's what she said
5PM "Acceptance Of Diversity" Day Takes an Interesting Turn
Server admin: Yay! Malaria!
State & Water
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
1PM The Most Menacing of All the 50
Satisfied admin: Yeah, we've got the state of Connecticut's address.
Norwel, Massachusetts
Overheard by: That's right Connecticut, we know where you live.
11AM I Just Meant: "You're a Dirty Ho"
Young admin, talking about boyfriend who just moved: Yeah, but I'm really good with long distance relationships.
Manger: So you say, but haven't you cheated on all your exes so far?
Young admin: Um, yeah...technically.
Manger: So basically you just always find someone to fill the hole when they're gone. Shit! I mean void...I *so* didn't mean it like that!
Santa Maria, California
1PM She Ends Every Sentence with "...In Your Butt!"
Funny boss to admin: Sugar turns into fat and it just sits...in your butt!
Omaha, Nebraska
10AM K-Fed's Custody Testimony, in a Nutshell
Gossipy secretary: I don't mean to say she's a moron, but she's a moron.
New York City, New York
5PM ...I Could Get Nailed for the First Time in a While
Secretary (singing to herself to the tune of "If I only had a brain"): If I only had a hammer...if I only had a hammer...
Morris Plains, New Jersey
5PM A Vast Improvement on My Usual Pea Brain
Ditzy secretary to ditzy friend: I just ate, so I have total lunch-brain right now.
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
3PM Is He the Same One Whose Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks and Soda?
Chubby secretary: So, my friend from college was roommates with this guy who went to high school with this girl whose brother was eaten by Jeffrey Dahmer!
Friend: Oh my god! You could have been killed!
Tampa, Florida
3PM ...How Are You at Sharpening Pencils?
Admin assistant: Can you get us these things from Starbucks? (hands list to intern)
Intern: Yeah. (pauses, looks at list) This one says "no milk"...do you think that means fat free"?
Admin assistant: Uh...
W 45th
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Actually, it said 2 percent.
4PM Will You Still PDF Me in the Morning?
Male coworker to secretary at computer: Can you unzip something for me?
Easton Commons
Columbus, Ohio
3PM I'm Thinking the Shredder Is Full of It
Admin #1: I would really like to take a solid shit one of these days.
Admin #2: Mud butt?
Admin #1: Total.
Admin #2: Hmmmm.
Admin #2: More fiber is needed.
Admin #1: What has a lot of fiber in it?
Admin #2: I don't know...let me look.
Richfield, Minnesota
10AM 'Cause Home Is Where the Pancreas Is
Drug rep: All the regulations in this industry just keep getting more strict all the time. I set up a meeting the other day with one of our medical reps and a doctor I know and I couldn't say a word the entire time except to introduce them. I was like a mouse on the floor.
Admin (laughing hysterically): Do you mean "a fly on the wall"?
Drug rep (embarrassed): Give me a break. It's Friday morning and I'm wearing a suit for a meeting that was canceled and nobody told me. I'm going home!
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: Genyis
2PM I Haven't Been This Excited Since Janie Had That Gun
Admin: Be careful, Brenda* has a bowie knife!
Boss: I think I just drooled on myself.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Joyful
12PM Unless You're Playing a Fun Memory Game with Yourself
Secretary on her first day: So, I should only delete the messages I don't want to keep?
Raleigh, North Carolina
9AM ...When It Should Show Three Cherries and a Gold Coin
(at 11:11 am)
Admin #1: My clock is broken!
Admin #2: Really?
Admin #1: Yes, it's showing all ones!
Bedford, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Trapped In My Cube
2PM They Look Divine
Bored secretary: Don't my nails look great? That stand in the mall polished them with dead sea scrolls!
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
12PM I Mean, How Much Tooth Enamel Do I Need?
Secretary #1: You know, purging...it's gross, but it works.
Secretary #2: Yeah, and it only takes a few weeks to work.
Secretary #3: Whatever it takes, I guess.
Atlanta, Georgia
4PM Regan MacNeil Grows Up
Secretary in a loud voice, walking down hall: I'm evil, I have a lot of evil thoughts!
Market Street
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Urban Achiever
2PM I Gotta Say, She Gives Me Hope
Secretary on phone to other secretary: Yeah, I know, like he wants us to go out and pull people off the street to get them in here... What the fuck? (pause) Oh, the hooker who works at the corner by the station is still alive, I saw her the other day, some dude dropped her off out front, she got out wiping her mouth, ewwww, it was totally nasty! But she's still alive!
Lincoln Park, Michigan
4PM Learned It in Prison
Female cube dweller: We're moving next week, but it's taking forever to get everything packed. Michael is such an anal packer.
Charleston, South Carolina
5PM Why There Are So Few Mexican Internet Cafes
Cube rat #1: Hey Chris, go install this on Ben's computer.
Cube rat #2: (lets out audible fart)
Cube rat #1: Never mind.
Cube rat #2: Hey, I'm only getting two bars for my laptop's Wi-Fi connection.
Cube rat #3: It's because that damn fart cloud is out blocking the signal!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cube Rat Holding Nose
4PM And a TV, a Hot-Plate, a Pup Tent...
Secretary, looking for manager: Have you seen Thomas* anywhere?
Peon at photocopier outside restroom: Yeah, he's just gone in there. I think he might be a while.
Secretary: Why?
Peon: He was carrying some sandwiches and a coffee.
Onehunga
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: KiwiBloke
1PM Eventually, You Run Out of Things to Say to Your Conjoined Twin
Admin to boss: Well, you're totally opposite from me, but we have different brains.
Seattle, Washington
11AM It Would've Been Like a Bad Flashback to a Middle-School Party
Overworked admin: I typed up that document for you.
Stressed-out peon: Thanks for saving me several hours of incompetent, fat, fingering.
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: Roma Tekovi
4PM Or to Practice Your Marilyn Monroe Poses With
Admin chick: Here's a fan for your office.
PhD Chick: What's this for? To like cool me off?
Baltimore, Maryland
11AM ...As Is the Custom in Brooklyn.
(male admin yawns)
Female admin: Nap time?
Male admin: I never sleep.
Female admin: You never sleep? What, do you put toothpicks in your eyes to keep them open?
Male admin: I'm going to write that down, that's a good idea.
Female admin: At least you choose to stay awake, rather than your husband waking you up by coming home at 1:30 in the morning.
Male admin: At least he didn't pee in the bed.
New York City, New York
12PM A Beachball With Eyes
Administrator (filling water bottle at cooler): Hey.
Office worker (walking by): Hey.
Administrator: How are you?
Office worker: Good.
Administrator: How is the baby?
Office worker: Fat.
Hanover Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mr. Uncreative
4PM They're Both on Sale at Wal-Mart
Admin #1: I have to have my green tea to protect me from other people's colds!
Coworker: It's too early for cold season. Yes, do whatever it takes to stay healthy.
Admin #1: Yes, and I also like echinacea but dont have any.
Admin #2: Ah, I like euthanasia too.
(pause)
Admin #2: Wait, what's the difference between euthanasia and echinacea anyways?
Fairfield County, Connecticut
3PM Phone Sex Needs to Be Surreptitious When There Are Children Around
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
12PM So We're Engaged
Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.
Crewe
England
2PM At Least You Skipped the "Analyst" Part of My Title
Admin: Here's your new door tag.
Advisor: "Stud serv prog coord"? That's my new title?
Admin: Well, it's abbreviated.
Advisor: Can we make the text smaller so it's not abbreviated?
Admin: Why? You don't want to be a stud service?
Advisor: I'm afraid they wouldn't get their money's worth.
Lake Road
Merced, California
Overheard by: sooo true.
5PM I Cut My Lip on the Dismount, Though
Attorney: I drank 14 beers last night.
Admin: You counted?
Attorney: I counted this morning. That was a solid performance, if I do say so myself.
Pearl Street
Austin, Texas
2PM Turns Out She's Prone to Rear Collisions
Nervous admin: I am sorry *Eddie is not available, he is currently doing... Doing a customer.
Dealership
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Full Service rep
2PM And How Many Times Has This Happened to You?
Client on phone, returning from lunch: What, we have a meeting now? I'll be there in ten minutes. Is [the boss] around?
Admin: Yeah, he's right here.
Client: Good, go kick him in the shin for me.
Admin: Um, you're on speakerphone.
Client: I hate you! How many times have I told you never to put me on speakerphone!?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
9AM An Admin's Tail Goes from Side to Side/ But a Sales Tail Goes Like This
Sales person: Did you just say, "dildo"?
Office admin: No! I said, "tail goes".
Sales person, laughing: Wow. That's not what I heard.
Office admin: You seriously need some alone time.
James Street
Syracuse, New York
10AM To Be Fair, Though, It Also Ebbs.
Systems administrator: No, it isn't a flowchart, it's a chart that just happens to flow.
Aberdeen
Scotland
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Auditor in the corner
11AM Fine, I'm All Done Making Cookies for You
Gay admin: I'm thinking of taking a gym class at a community college next quarter. What do you think I should take?
Straight admin: Badminton. Yep, definitely badminton. That's nice and gay.
Sunnyvale, California
4PM Choked on Her Eggs? Worst Menstrual Period in History!
Admin #1: So, Sally* choked on her eggs, and then she said her throat was bleeding and had to leave.
Admin #2: Damn. She chokes on food more than Mama Cass.
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: someone who can swallow
11AM And Even All through His Funeral
Admin on cell: He has to see a urologist -- the Viagra didn't work... The fucking clinic told him to get herbal supplements at Wal-Mart, and it worked. He was a squirting flagpole for hours!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hallwalker
10AM My Feral Cats Care!
Admin: Well, when you feel better we have to talk. We have to make sure everyone knows that my job is so important.
Manager, sighing: Yes, Terri*, we've had this conversation. It's not good to be so needy or crave so much recognition.
Admin: I have so much to offer! So many people are doing double work!
Manager: Cheer down, girlfriend. No one really cares.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
10AM And What of My Little Dog?
Network admin: Yeah, I saw Aladdin in the theater.
Help desk supervisor: That's because you're a faggot.
Network admin: No, it's because I have kids.
Help desk supervisor: Well, your kids are faggots, too.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Frank
1PM Say Her Keyboard's Emoticonstipated
E-mail admin: I am not taking a trouble ticket where she says, 'I meant to send a smiley face but instead sent a frowny face.'
St. Louis, Missouri
9AM ... For Sleeping with My Husband
Attorney: I'm so pregnant... My husband always says, 'Honey, you're a whale!' And then I tell him, 'Shut up! You're an immigrant!'
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it's a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
5PM And Wandering in Traffic?
Admin assistant: I hear that Jay-Z and Beyoncé actually have an open relationship.
India-Indian boss: Well, it is no surprise since she does not want to get married.
Admin assistant: I guess you're right.
India-Indian boss: I mean, why buy the milk when that cow is just outside?
685 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
12PM Let Me Just Set Up the Webcam
Paralegal: So, should I go ahead and do a dump on the computer?
Seneca Meadows Parkway
Germantown, Maryland
5PM Or Should It Go Under "B" for "Bubble"?
Admin: We received a brochure for a fog and bubble machine in the mail today... This is cool! Why are they sending us this?
Coworker: Oh, Alan* saw that at the trade show and wanted it. If we had a bubble party, would you show up in a bikini?
Admin: Of course! We'll file this under 'Awesome.'
San Luis Obispo, California
Overheard by: blueangelrock
9AM I Wouldn't Still Be Here If It Weren't My Company
Admin girl: Are you sure you don't have any meetings scheduled this afternoon or want to leave early to get a start on your weekend?
Boss: Nope, I'm all free this afternoon and thought I'd catch up on paper work.
Admin girl: Oh, okay.
Boss: Why?
Admin girl: Because when you leave early I normally give you 10 minutes' headway and then sneak out myself.
Boss: Ugh, just go already.
Brisbane
Australia
4PM I Was Shocked, but Not Surprised
Admin #1: Oooh, there's cheesecake in the fridge!
Admin #2: I don't really like cheesecake.
Admin #1: There's pecan pie, too.
Admin #2: I only like pecan pie if I make it.
Admin #1: What?!
Admin #2: I said, I only like pecan pie if I make it.
Admin #1: Oh! I thought you said 'if I'm naked'!
619 Dolley Madison Road
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Not the receptionist
4PM Someone Typing with One Hand
Marketing guy: Who printed all of these David Hasselhoff pictures?
29663 Arnold Drive
Sonoma, California
4PM And Its Regrettable Attendant Closeness
Graphics supervisor: They talked about touching.
7th and Flower Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Spongegirl
11AM There Was Also Some Mention of the Spitting
Former secretary: They fired me! Can you believe that? They fired me because they said I had a shitty fuckin' attitude!
Student government office
New York, New York
Overheard by: Still laughing
9AM Unfortunately, I Predict Six More Weeks of This Conversation
Administrative assistant: You know how they choose the pope with those smoke signals?
Staff member: Yeah...
Administrative assistant: It's kind of like Groundhog's Day, isn't it?
Staff member: Wait, what? The movie or the holiday?
Administrative assistant: Duh, the holiday! What would the movie have to do with the pope?
Staff member: Well, what does the holiday have to do with the pope?
Administrative assistant: What?
Willamette Boulevard
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Jenny
5PM Or Once That Definition Gets Relaxed
HR admin to uninterested IT guy: I'll be perfectly happy once I'm not morbidly obese.
1037 West 9th Street
Upland, California
Overheard by: Convinced she's correct
5PM Like Bob?
Former military guy: Yeah, back when I was enlisted we used to joke that if we ever won the lottery that we would take off all our military owned equipment and walk out the front gate of the base in nothing but our underwear.
Senior admin: Oh my gosh! Wouldn't that mean you would be considered AOL?
North MacArthur Boulevard
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10AM Which Is Also Part of the Joke
Mid-level manager #1: I've become a running joke.
Mid-level manager #2: Really? I didn't know you knew that.
Mid-level manager #1: [Long pause] I just caught on.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Cube dweller
1PM And What Is Your Plan for Keeping It from Them?
Analyst: I can give you the numbers in those divisions, but you can't go public with it.
Marketing manager: I'm not going to go public with it, just present it at a meeting.
Analyst: Who's going to be at the meeting?
Marketing manager: It's a stakeholder meeting. So, whoever wants to, you know. It's open to the public.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
10AM That's Where You Come In -- Nickel Washer
Estimator: We're going to sit on their heads until they shit nickels.
8531 Marginal Way
Seattle, Washington
1PM ... So Put This Plutonium in That Easy-Bake Oven
Senior project manager to younger engineer: To prove that something doesn't work you must first overload the crap out of it.
23rd Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: skippy
3PM I Prefer My Lies with Charts and Statistics
DBA: You're going to have to be more explicit when you say what you don't mean.
33rd floor, 1250 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Charliegator
2PM What Kind of Focus Group Is This, Anyway?
Copy chief: I'd rather see hooters than toe fungus any day.
2001 Lind Avenue SW
Renton, Washington
12PM Reminds Me of My Days As a Teenager in Jersey
Hissing sound comes from reception area.
New graphics intern: Is that compressed air?
Admin: Oh, yeah.
New graphics intern: Sweet.
Washington, DC
4PM Sometimes a Man Just Can't Help Saluting
Military contractor: Well, on one hand he said I was one of the most efficient people he's ever worked with. On the other hand, I almost got a lieutenant kicked out under 'Don't Ask Don't Tell.'
Eglin Air Force Base
Florida
4PM How the Files Got Covered with Ectoplasm and Vomit
Assistant manager: I wouldn't be able to find anything in these files even with a Ouija board and a fifth of Jack Daniels.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
5PM Gimpy Joe's the Only One Who's Got Privileges
System manager: Anyone who touches my calculator limps all day!
6105 Oakleaf Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
12PM I'll Pipe Some Random Noises into Your Earpiece
Admin on speaker: Can I please have the Electronics department?
Sears rep: Okay, hold for a while.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
4PM The Needle and the Damage Done
Assistant #1: The doctor said I can't have any more pain medication.
Assistant #2: She's just trying to keep you from getting hooked.
Assistant #1: Yeah, I guess she's right. I come from a long line of drunkards, addicts, and musicians.
6710 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
3PM We Were Perfectly Dysfunctional before You Butted In. Who Even Asked You?
Recruiter #1: The fax wouldn't go through. I don't understand it.
Recruiter #2: You left a staple in it.
Recruiter #1: So?
Admin: I think you're setting yourself up to fail.
330 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
11AM But That's Public Service, Isn't It?
Legislative aide: I just wouldn't want to be in the middle of a threesome. You have to keep going in and out, in and out...
House of Representatives Seat Selection, Michigan State Capitol
Lansing, Michigan
12PM Like Now, I Wish I Could Find the Exit
Manager #1: I really respect the fact that Bill Clinton was a Rhodes scholar. It shows how intelligent he is.
Manager #2: Yeah, me too. I'm terrible with maps. I respect anyone who can read one.
870 Winter Street
Waltham, Massachusetts
11AM Why Does This Have Coal in It?
Administrator: How was your Christmas?
Boss: Great. Now all I want is to get some sleep and find my underwear.
3740 Mill Creek Road
Mentone, California
12PM Shortly Thereafter He Was Favored with a Practical Lesson on the Differences Between Kung Fu and Tae Kwan Do
School director to parent considering enrolling child: Our classes are full. We have a waiting list.
Parent: [Blank look.]
School director: You are Chinese?
Parent: No, Korean.
School director: But you speak Chinese.
Parent: No, Korean.
School director: Well, that's the same thing, right?
Irving, Texas
9AM Love All
Project manager: Man, my partner nailed me in the ass last night! [Shocked coworkers stare.] Tennis... We were playing doubles tennis!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: CorpusChristi
3PM Is This One of Those Microsoft Interview Questions?
Receptionist: I'm going to Hawaii next week. If I wanted to swim under the entire island, how deep would I have to go?
1600 Utica Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
2PM You Should Have Had a Few Spares
Administrator on phone: Yeah, my cat passed away last Sunday. I put him in a paper bag and put it out on the curb for... for trash pick-up... What else could I do? Can't put him in the back yard. Yeah, I gotta get a new place. I can't stand the mice anymore.
Department of Education, 65 Court Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Emma
10AM No, I Quit Because None of Them Were Prostitutes
Male administrator: So, are you a prostitute?
Female administrator: Excuse me?
Male administrator: It's a line from that movie, Monster.
Female administrator: You can't just go around saying things like that to people.
Male administrator: Oh. Well, I used to do it all the time at my old job.
Female administrator: Is that why you're not working there anymore?
Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
11AM This Mid-Life Crisis Is Coming Together Nicely
CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning!
Admin: What?
CEO: I hit a garbage truck this morning! Broadsided it! Never even saw it!
Admin: You didn't see a garbage truck?
CEO: I know! I was doing like 40 miles an hour! And my kid was in the car!
1190 Del Rio Place
Ontario, Canada
Overheard by: Never riding with the boss
2PM Once You Hear the Phrase 'Tore My Ass Muscle,' the Worst Is Almost Certainly Over
Female employee: Are you limping?
Male employee: Yeah, I tore my ass muscle again.
Female admin: Just stop right there, I don't want to hear anymore.
84 Newbury Street
Peabody, Massachusetts
2PM Either Way, Really
Plumber: What do I have to do to install gas lines?
Admin: You have to take our class and enroll in a drug and alcohol testing program.
Plumber: You mean I gotta be on drugs to install gas lines?
Admin: No, sir, you have to NOT be on drugs.
Plumber: Oh, OK. I can do that.
5461 Southwyck Boulevard
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Emily
5PM After Successfully Outlawing Science, Kansas Gets Right to Work on Math
Topeka City Council Member: I thought we just voted that down unanimously, with the exception of one or two votes.
Capitol grounds
Topeka, Kansas
Overheard by: wscnsngl
9AM 2006: Al Qaeda Reaches Alaska
Admin: Do you need help with anything?
Engineer: Nobody ever asks that here. What are you up to?
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Overworked
10AM It's Always Happy Hour Somewhere
Admin on phone: I'm sorry, that person has left for the day. We close at 5 PM.
Caller: Well, it's only a little after 4 here, so does that mean that I, like, have to call you in your time zone?
Admin: Uh, well, yes. Yes, you do...
Mount Desert Island, Maine
Overheard by: snoopervisor
12PM He Already Has Plans For Them
Employee #1: Dave*, you're what, 27? You're too young to get married. You need to wait until you're 35 and then marry a 23 year old. Birthing is just "bam! bam! bam!"-- brutal on them. So you need to marry young.
Employee #2: So I need to work here for 8 years and marry a girl who is just graduating from here?
Employee #3: Start looking, man. She's in high school now.
Employee #2: She'd be what, 15? Hey, Jim*, how old are your daughters?
Employee #1: 13 and 15...Shut up!
3800 Victory Parkway
Cincinnati, Ohio
2PM No, the Birth Took Place Over a Span of Four Years
Admin #1: How old is his son?
Admin #2: Ten.
Admin #1: And how many kids does he have?
Admin #2: Three. They're triplets.
Admin #1: And they're all ten?
Route 1 South
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily Anne
10AM When Art History Majors Enter the Workforce
Admin #1: There is a 30% chance that it will rain today.
Admin #2: Wow! That means there is a 60% chance that it won't.
6606 Tussing Road
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
2PM If He's an Idiot and Can Steal Your Clients, That Makes You What?
Sales guy: Jason*, quit calling into my sales territory! You are a freaking poacher!
Jason: Poacher? I don't even like eggs.
Sales guy: You're an idiot.
6400 Congress Avenue
Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: Fried Egg
4PM Oh, Sorry, the Thingamajig Was Fubarred By the Whatzit and Corrupted Your Jimmyjam
Tech guy: Yeah, so I tried to open the file, and it said something, something, file can't open, something.
Client services girl: Gee, thanks, tech.
1619 Broadway
New York, New York
3PM The Crystal Ball Shows Me Outta Here and You Buying Three White Fur Bucket Hats
Admin: Can I go home after we've finished this bit? I don't usually work long Fridays.
Boss: I've got two nephews to buy presents for and then decide what to wear for a pimps and hos party after this, and you think you've got problems?
Woodingdean
Brighton, United Kingdom
11AM I'm So Almost Over Her
Office drone #1: Last week I was on MySpace, and I dropped my old high school girlfriend a line. Would you see this as being friendly or creepy?
Office drone #2: Well, did you search specifically for her?
Office drone #1: No, I seriously just happened across her through my high school's page, but unbeknownst to me she had just recently set up her account. I'm just freaked out that it looks like I've been trolling the internet waters waiting for her to surface and then, bam! Ten years ago that would have been the case, but not now.
Liberty Drive
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: giselle
1PM Someone Better Rife This Guy Before He Causes Any Serious Madage
Admin: I just ordered the pizzas, but I don't know if it's gonna get here. I kept telling them, "Our building is on Exalander Road," and they didn't even know where that was.
Boss: We work on Alexander Road.
Admin: I know, that's what I kept telling them. Exalander Road. But they had no clue.
Route 1 South and Alexander Road
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Emily
5PM Dear Diary, Tried to Talk to Steve Today. Got All Tongue-Tied. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Security guy: Um, can I help you?
Admin guy: No, I'm fine. I work here.
Security guy: Well, do you recognize me?
Admin guy: Um, yeah. I see you every day.
Security guy: I've never seen you before. Do I look different?
Admin guy: No.
Security guy: I'm older than when you last saw me.
606 St. Paul Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: lexbean
10AM Do Your Part to Prevent the Spread of Management
Administrator #1: A-chooo.
Administrator #2: A-chooo.
Administrator #3: A-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Administrator #4: Ah, the sounds of summer.
Falcon Way
Welwyn Garden City, UK
11AM I Banged Them Both, Though.
Admin: Do you know who dropped this off?
Manceptionist: No
Admin: Well, then do you know what they looked like?
Manceptionist: An old white lady with curly hair.
Admin: Are you sure she wasn't a black man, because Allan* said it was a forty-year-old black guy.
Office manager: Not unless he rolled himself in baby powder before he came in here.
Manceptionist: No. The black guy dropped off a manilla envelope and the old lady dropped off that.
Admin: This is a manilla envelope.
Manceptionist: Oh, then yeah the black guy dropped it off.
Allan: Well the black guy was definitely more attractive.
Office manager: And now we know which way you swing.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
3PM Slush Pile
HR manager: God, I hate it when you bring me that junk!
Admin: These are people's resumes.
HR manager: Fine, shove your junk in my box.
Admin: Excuse me?
HR manager: Just leave it in my box. I'll throw it away in the morning.
80 Grasslands Road
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
9AM Back to Work
Older dude: You know, you shouldn't bite your nails.
Executive assistant: You shouldn't be a drunk.
45 West Portal Avenue
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jerkey
4PM Prepping for Happy Hour
Administrator: Here's my theory on drunk driving: People get caught drunk driving because they never learned how to drive drunk when they were kids.
1445 Ross Avenue
Dallas, Texas
9AM Back to Work
Admin: It says here, "his marriage stopped due to alcohol and wanking too much."
Pause
Admin: Hold on...... maybe it says "working to much."
101 Whitechapel Road
London, UK
Overheard by: nurse
10AM Saying Hello
Boss: Hello Shannon*, how are you today?
Secretary: Just fine.
Boss: You keepin' outta trouble?
Secretary: Yes.
Boss: Oh... then you haven't heard...?
Secretary: What?!
Boss: Nothin'! I'm just messin' with ya!
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
1PM Following Up on Fax
Admin on phone: I'm sorry I just wanted to double check that you received it. I am a bit of a wigger.
Pause.
Admin: Wigger? You know, I wig out about stuff.
Pause.
Admin: No, I don't know another meaning to the word wigger, but I guess it's bad since your're telling me not to say it.
333 Earle Boulevard
Uniondale, New York
11AM Call Transfer
CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is "A guy."
4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California
3PM Tea Run
Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn't exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we're getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you're already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn't that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn't anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no.
3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
12PM Lunch
Male bank teller: I'm winning the Mega Millions tonight.
Female bank teller: I'm getting a brace for my leg.
Male teller: Screw that brace. When I win the Mega Millions we'll get you a new leg! We'll just cut that one off and I'll get you a prostate.
725 East Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan
10AM Mailing Due
Suit: Did you send that acceptance to [Rutter]?
Admin: No. Just the offering.
Suit: I asked you to send the offering and the acceptance.
Admin: I heard you asking me to send the offering, but after that I blanked out.
Suit: Well, let me know when you blank back in.
520 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Greek Goddess
5PM That's a Wrap
Boss: Okay [Megan], you're going to do all the work and I'm going to go get drunk.
Admin: Okay.
Boss: Oh, why was I born? I should've married rich.
Admin: Rich who?
99 Wall Street
New York, NY
11AM Radio for Backup?
Admin: Some angry guys are going to come in the office looking for one of the executives. They may threaten you and yell at you but just tell them to go away. Whatever you do, don't bother us with it.
Receptionist: Okay, while I'm up here fighting for my life, I'll be sure not to bother you all.
817 West Peachtree Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Elle George
5PM That's a Wrap
Admin: What time is it in France?
Worker: I think it's February.
Admin: Really?
3239 Satellite Boulevard
Duluth, Georgia
12PM Proof Copy
Liaison: I need you to look at this with your anal eye.
12447 SW 69th Avenue
Portland, Oregon
12PM Reboot Servers
Unix Admin #1: Hey [Garth], are you hung?
Unix Admin #2: Yeah, I would say that we all are.
8001 Development Drive
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: El Gee
2PM Unclog Machine
Admin: The fax machine says "jam error". Is that on our end or theirs?
100 Parsonage Road
Edison, New Jersy
9AM Back to Work
VP:I swear to God, the assistant at [DouglasCo] is so stupid.
Admin: Hey, even stupid people need jobs.
Coworker: Yeah. Some of them even make it to VP.
388 Greenwich Street
New York, NY
4PM Call Client
Admin on phone: Hi [Jeff], I've sent you 4 emails and left you 3 messages. Today is my birthday. What I really want for my birthday, more than anything else, is for you to call me back and answer my questions. Thanks. Bye.
10550 N Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
2PM Update Files
Admin: One of our districts is having trouble modifying a document from our website.
Graphic Designer: It can't be modified. It's a PDF.
Admin: Right. So I was wondering if you would turn off the PDF so they can make their changes.
Graphic Designer: ...Um, no.
2100 I-70 Drive SW
Columbia, Missouri
11AM Call HR
New Hire: Is there a limit on the annual tuition reimbursement amount?
Admin: Tuition...That's for schools, right?
New Hire: Uh, yeah. Is there someone else I should talk to about this?
1301 Dove Street
Newport Beach, California
3PM Smoke Break
Worker #1: Do you know a sabbatical is?
Worker #2: Isn't that when you don't have sex?
Worker #3: I think professors take sabbaticals?
Worker #2: Wasn't Ross on a sabbatical?
Worker #3: I think it's a break from working.
Worker #2: So I was right. A prostitute on sabbatical wouldn't have sex.
4725 Peachtree Corners Circle
Norcross, Georgia
2PM Training
Tech: Okay, now right-click there.
Admin: Here?
Tech: No, right-click. Right there.
Admin: Okay...
Tech: No, get rid of that. Right-click. Right there. Right-click. Right-click...Which button are you clicking?
Admin: The left one.
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
10AM Call Phone Company
Admin: The phones and internet are down temporarily.
Agent: Damn, I was expecting a phone call.
Admin: Yeah, sorry, there's nothing we can do about it. There's a
problem with the hard lines to our building.
Agent: Oh, I have an idea. I can fax them.
Admin: You can't. The phones and internet are down.
Agent: Right. Oh! I can send them an email.
Admin: You can't.
Agent: Why not?
Admin: The phones and internet are down.
Agent: Oh.
907 Massachusetts Avenue
Cambridge, Massachusetts
3PM Coffee Break
CSR: Jesus, this coffee tastes like it was brewed in a colostomy bag.
Admin: I think it tastes delicious.
CSR: You would.
4800 NW 1st Street
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: customerserviceslave
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: I like working with you guys, 'cause you guys are wild.
Co-worker #2: My "wild" fell off a long time ago.
1301 Riverplace Boulevard
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Sum Ting
3PM Shannon's Goodbye Party
Admin: We're going to miss you around here.
Employee: Well, I'd like to say that I'll miss being around here, but that would be untrue, so I'm not going to say it.
6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker: Crap. It's Wednesday afternoon and I already have Friday brain.
842 South 2nd Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
11AM Conference
CSR: Here's the agenda. You'll notice my name is missing from the list because I plan on going home at 4PM.
Admin: I notice [Dawn] isn't on the list either.
CSR: That's because I figure wherever I put her on the list, she'll end up under the guy's table anyway.
3601 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Coordinator
2PM Order "Alligator Ointment"?
Partner: I have alligators snapping at my ass.
Admin: That could chafe, so you may want to get an ointment for that.
2100 16th Avenue South
Birmingham, Alabama
11AM Distribute Atlases
Admin #1: Do you know how to spell Kazakhstan?
Admin #2: I didn't even know it existed.
79 Wellington Street W
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
3PM Cigarette Break
Admin: Hey, Simon Wiesenthal died! Who's he?
Suit: Oh, he hunted Nazis or something. Cool!
Admin: Cool that he died?
Suit: Cool that he's in my dead pool!
1600 Broadway
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: C. O'ntracter
2PM Call Tech Support
Admin: So at home I have the CD writer installed but it's just not working--
IT guy: Okay, you're all fixed up...and good luck with your burning problem.
238 Bedford Street
Lexington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sandy
7AM Why God Invented Admins
Co-worker: You know, it's pretty hard to kiss your own ass...
1500 E. Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
1PM Co-worker or Quote Machine?
Admin: I've always wondered what the metric system was.
Admin: I'm going to go home before I have a massive exploding in my head or something of that nature.
Admin: I'm just going to cut out my bladder. 'cause I'm getting really tired of having to go to the bathroom.
Admin: The mail leaves our office from our office at five o'clock and from there it goes to the post office. Then it goes to the post office in california before it gets to your guyses mailbox. So I wanna say that possibly it should probably get there today, I wanna hope so.
121 SW Salmon Street
Portland, Oregon
6AM He Also Invented Sticking Out Your Tongue
Admin #1: So like, what exactly is the big deal about Einstein anyway?
Admin #2: Uh, how about the Theory of Relativity?
Admin #1: Yeah, I know but like, what else?
University of Idaho
709 Deakin Avenue
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: infidel
6AM Just So Long as They Clipped Those Whiskers
Graphics editor: Did she get a makeover?
Producer who yelled at me for no reason: Uh...she's got a different outfit.
12 W. 27th Street
New York, NY
12AM A Rejected iTunes Promo
Co-worker #1: I don't really like music.
Co-worker #2: Oh, yeah?
Co-worker #1: I think there are only 200 good songs in the history of the world.
Co-worker #2: And the rest are crap?
Co-worker #1: Well...they are no good. I have downloaded 130 of the 200 from the net, but the others are too hard to find.
Co-worker #2: Ohhhhkay.
2300 Prospect Road
Fort Collins, Colorado
4PM Huey Long, Where Are You Now?
Male admin: Did you get up at 4:30 this morning? I don't think so.
Female admin: Yes, I did.
Male admin: You got up at 4:30?
Female admin: Yes.
Male admin: Why?
Female admin: I had to clean my chandeliers.
512 7th Avenue
New York, NY
12AM Just Die (So We Can Resurrect You) Already
Office Manager: Are the purple ones grape?
Bored Admin: No, they're not
Office Manager: Are they sugar-free?
Bored Admin: Ah, no, they're not.
Office Manager: They look eastery!
111 Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
6AM The Sweet Taste of Fools Getting Their Comeuppance
VP Fundraising: Mmm the aqueous coating on this brochure smells delicious.
Publication Manager: That's the residue from my Krispy Kreme.
2300 4th Ave.
Rock Island, Illinois
Overheard by: Holly Sparkman
