Coworker: The kung pao chicken had too much pao. Jersey City, New Jersey
Senior editor to junior editor: Sure, he's a great writer. But he drinks his own pee.
Coworker: No… Honestly, if you give a man enough estrogen and provide enough nipple stimulation, he will produce milk.
Coworker: Their phone number is 800-pfaucet.
Customer: Is that capitalized? Chico, California
Coworker on phone: He had two career ideas: one was to start an internet porn site, and the other was to become a priest. Syracuse, New York
Coworker #1: Rio de Janeiro just won the vote to host the 2016 Olympic Games.
Coworker #2: Is that like a perfume? Charles City, Iowa
Catholic seminary library employee: Are you going to interview Jane's friend for the position?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No, I decided she wasn't qualified enough.
Catholic seminary library employee: That's a relief.
Catholic seminary library supervisor, surprised: Why do you say that? Don't you like her?
Catholic seminary library employee: It's just that… Have you ever overheard any of their phone conversations?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No.
Catholic seminary library employee: It's like they're in a competition over who has the most intense visions of the blessed Virgin Mary. We already get enough of that shit. California Overheard by: bless me for I have sinned
Manager: And then we need to do the joint… I mean, joint bill.
Accountant: I would prefer the first one. Kansas City, Missouri
Engineer: Damn, I'm tired. I was up all night with a case of the number threes.
VP: Number threes?
Engineer: You know, when you think you have to go number two, but actually you have to puke in the bathtub. Paterson, New Jersey
HR rep to boss: You might have to do the down-and-dirty thing. Dallas, Texas