Archive for the ‘Technology’ Category

… Impotence, Incontinence, Flatulence, Priapism…

Training instructor: You should not upgrade the software right when a patch comes out. Sometimes it may have bugs.
Student: So, it’s like when you take a drug, sometimes it can have side effects like—
Training instructor: Yeah, but let’s keep the discussion focused on software.
Student: —Throwing up, vomiting…
Training instructor: Uh, yeah. Madison, Alabama

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Tell You What — Half Price for You. You Can Give the Six Dollars to Me

Girl #1: Ummm, we need to make copies, and we don’t want to spend a lot of money.
Student worker: The copier over there is 10 cents, same as everywhere on campus.
Girl #1: That’s so expensive!
Student worker: You could also scan the papers and print them out. That’s free.
Girl #1: What do you mean?
Student worker: Ummm, you can put them on the scanner, hit ‘Scan,’ and then when they pop up, hit ‘Print.’
Girl #1: I don’t know about this whole scanning thing — it sounds really complicated.
Girl #2: But that sounds better than making copies. I mean, we only need 12, and I don’t want to spend 12 dollars. Campus library, Bemidji State University
Bemidji, Minnesota

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3PM On-the-Job Training

Assistant: Hey, I couldn’t figure out how to put it into Word from Excel. So here you go. Boss: You just cut and paste it. Assistant: But you can’t do that from Excel to Word, it won’t let you. Boss: Yes, you can, just right-click and copy and paste it. Assistant: Trust me, I just spent the whole morning trying to, it’s a locked document. Boss: OK, 1947 called, and they want their technology ability back. What’s wrong with you? Hey, who hired you again? 300 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts Overheard by: Cam

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I Never Should’ve Shown Grandma How to Use the Internet

Employee: Hi, can I help you? Customer’s cell rings. Customer: Hold on a sec… [answers cell] Hey! did you talk to Jeremy*? He is pissed at you… Why? ‘Cause you put gay shit all over his MySpace! There is a guy with a huge dick on his MySpace! Yeah! You better help him get it off ’cause he doesn’t know how! Okay, bye.
Employee: Uhhh…
Customer: Yeah, can I get a sundae, please? 1050 Montauk Highway
Copiague, New York Overheard by: i hate customers…

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