Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning. Bellingham, Washington
Sports editor: I think you need to apologize for that.
Opinion editor: Okay, but you need to meet me halfway. I’m sorry for hitting you, but you need to apologize for existing. 5211 Old Charlotte Highway
Monroe, North Carolina
Woman to coworker: And I was like, “Whatever, you don't pay my bills!” (pause) Well, actually, he pays all of my bills. Buffalo, New York
Older woman: This is the first day since you started here that I haven't talked to you!
Younger man: I know! I'm going to go home and write about it in my diary! Anoka, Minnesota Overheard by: Will he use his sparkly pen?
Coworker: Derek’s* married? To a WOMAN?!
165 West 46th Street
New York, New York Overheard by: Beth
Suit #1: Good morning, pal!
Suit #2: I'm not your pal…
Suit #1: Well, sure you are, buddy!
Suit #2: Look, my day would be far less painful if you'd stop referring to me using synonyms of “friend.” M'kay?
Suit #1: Sure thing, friend!
(Suit #2 storms out)
Suit #3: That's a new record…fifteen seconds! Bank
Young guy to girl: I see you everyday and I'm completely unaffected. Valparaiso, Indiana Overheard by: jake
Woman #1: I feel bad he’s stuck talking to her. I feel like I should rescue him.
Woman #2: Oh, they deserve each other; they’re both full of shit.
Woman #1: But his is a different kind of shit.
Woman #2: Yeah; his is bull, hers is horse. 175 S. Third Street
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that. 777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Owner: Have you proposed to her yet? When are you gonna propose to that girl? You're not getting a bonus, a raise, or a review until you get down on your knees.
Owner: For her! Rogers, Arkansas