Woman to coworker: And I was like, “Whatever, you don't pay my bills!” (pause) Well, actually, he pays all of my bills. Buffalo, New York
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer? The boss storms out. Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later. 2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Income auditor guy: I want to buy my fiance a gift like make-up.
Income auditor gal: Cool, how much you set for it?
Income auditor guy: 30 Egyptian pounds.
Income auditor gal: You could buy a blusher with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well then, how about cheap make-up?
Income auditor gal: You can’t buy anything with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well how much do you think I need?
Income auditor gal: About 500 EGP to buy her one of those cute boxes that’s full of make-up and perfumes.
Income auditor guy: With 500 EGP, I could send her to a plastic surgeon and get change. Translated from the Arabic. Le Meridien Makadi Bay Hotel
South Hurghada, Egypt
Fat bank manager: I need to leave a deposit right on your lap.
Hot teller: Oh, dear lord. Fifth Third Bank
Indianapolis, Indiana Overheard by: Shatmandu
Boss: Our donor, Mr smith, has been very generous with his wife. (muffled giggles from rest of room) Err…Mr smith and his wife have both been very generous. (room collapses into laughter)
England Overheard by: Mazzarina
CEO, during meeting: Okay, that will wrap it up. Does anyone have anything else?
Manager: I just want everyone to know that I won't be around this weekend because my ex-wife told the kids they won't be having any fun this summer because she doesn't have any money. I am going to pick them up and try and let them have fun. So if you need me I won't be around.
(all room is silent)
CEO: Okay, then does anyone have anything else today? Manhattan, New York
Insurance representative: If you were to come to us individually, it would cost you about $45 a month, but since you guys get a group rate, it's only $8.61 every other week. That's less than $23 a month! Kirkland, Washington Overheard by: Ferox
Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?
Soccer mom: So which is the better value?
Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each?
Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large.
Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh! Dunkin Donuts
Long Island, New York Overheard by: Heavy D
Underling to manager, during video conference: You pay me for my brain, but all you use me for is my fingers. Seattle, Washington
Worker: Yup, it takes a lot more than a million dollars to be a millionaire these days. Hermiston, Oregon