Girl: So I have this friend with an eight-month-old baby, and she named him ‘Color.’ It’s a little weird, because the baby’s dad is African-American… But the baby looks really white, so that makes it better. Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Guy: Fuck, she is just a total bitch.
Woman #1: What race is she?
Woman #2: Duh, female. 720 Bay Street
Girl: Omigosh, I learned something today. Did you know that bras have an adjustable strap? Well, the one I’m wearing today was always loose and showing my boobies a little, but then I adjusted the strap, and whoa, let me tell ya, my boobs are like five feet higher in the air, and they are fully covered.
Winston-Salem, North Carolina Overheard by: azn
Slutty waitress: My baby daughter is driving me insane!
Waiter: That'll teach you to pass out at parties.
(slutty waitress glares, storms off)
Waiter, shrugging: Well, it should. Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana Overheard by: Shatmandu
Female legislator: I love professional ball players. They, uh… tackle well.
20 Legislative Plaza
Woman #1: So we went shopping this weekend and I found the perfect dress but the chest part was too small.
Woman #2: You would think with boob jobs being so popular that they would just make tops bigger.
Woman #1: Yeah, just like SUVs. 2800 28th Street
Santa Monica, California
Bimbette reading back of Animal Farm: Wait… This is just like Charlotte’s Web!
Richmond, Virginia Overheard by: Really?
Office girl #1: What’s wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled. N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois Overheard by: The Temp
Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain’t never snuck into no white person’s house and put poison in they’re food! But Whitey’s oppressin’ me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!
Outside Seattle, Washington
Co-worker #1: I think the pills of my dreams would allow me to eat whatever I wanted and never get above a size 4.
Co-worker #2: Those already exist. They’re called laxatives. 147 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY Overheard by: Jess