Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Or at Least Faking a Seizure?

Female paralegal: I was in the bank the other day and I saw this cop — oh my god, he was so gorgeous. I wanted to hold up the bank just to get his attention.
Male lawyer: Ever think of saying hello? Cafeteria, Supreme Court
Nassau County, New York Overheard by: Big Larry

I Never Should’ve Shown Grandma How to Use the Internet

Employee: Hi, can I help you? Customer’s cell rings. Customer: Hold on a sec… [answers cell] Hey! did you talk to Jeremy*? He is pissed at you… Why? ‘Cause you put gay shit all over his MySpace! There is a guy with a huge dick on his MySpace! Yeah! You better help him get it off ’cause he doesn’t know how! Okay, bye.
Employee: Uhhh…
Customer: Yeah, can I get a sundae, please? 1050 Montauk Highway
Copiague, New York Overheard by: i hate customers…

5PM That’s a Wrap

Secretary: I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what’s up?
Secretary: So you’re Indian, right? I’m going to an Indian funeral today. And I’m not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well…you’re not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they’re so Indian that they’re going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn’t mean you can laugh. Also wear all white. 1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC Overheard by: callmeahab

Remember When We Accidentally Took Out the Wrong Colon? Oh, We Laughed!

[In the ER.]
Nurse #1: Oh my god.
Nurse #2: What?
Nurse #1, looking horrified: I just entered all of these notes on the wrong patient’s file.
Nurse #2: It’s okay. Just go back, delete, and re-enter them for the right patient.
Nurse #1, distressed at herself: But that’s awful! What would have happened?
Nurse #2, shrugging: ‘s’okay, happens all the time. Hospital
Beckley, West Virginia