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5PM Out of Here
Suit: We don't need to do that right away, we can do it tomorrow.
Boss: We should do it today. Why put off until tomorrow what we can do today?
Suit: I was thinking about killing you yesterday.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM And I Expect to Be Hungover Monday
Suit #1: I'm going to need that project done for Monday. Can you get on that right now?
Suit #2: It's Friday, and I have beer to drink. It's really going to have to wait.
4881 Yonge Street
Toronto, Ontario
5PM Finally, the Weekend
Suit #1: How did your glasses break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM If It's Not Coming, We Need to Know
Suit: We need that information RSVP.
Minion: Uh, ASAP?
Suit: I don't think so.
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Joe
12PM Right from the Start, It's Been a Hard Job
White shirt: Who is in charge of the build here?
Blue shirt: I am in charge of getting it up.
White shirt: Okay, so you're the erection supervisor.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
3PM To Talk about It, on the Other Hand...
Suit #1: So, you feeling better today?
Suit #2: Man, I'm never eating Indian again.
Suit #1: Can't have been that bad.
Suit #2: It's just not manly to pee out your bum.
Hospital
England
6PM Brevity is the Soul of Wit
Texan suit: I'm looking for that Can Do attitude, not Can't Do.
British suit: Fuck off.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
12PM My Secret? I Keep a Bottle of Everclear in the Supply Room
Suit #1: Dude, that guy is falling over drunk in the middle of the day!
Suit #2: Lucky bastard.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jealous too
10AM Yeah, They Have All Kinds of Crap
Female suit: This chair is too high. My feet barely touch the floor. I should order a step stool from the Office Supplies Department. Do you have the catalog?
Male suit: They have stool samples in there?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM Although I Did See His Face in My Door Knocker
Suit #1: I called Jim* about that question we had concerning the asset and stock consistency regs' application to foreign target affiliates.
Suit #2: Yeah? What did he say?
Suit #1: Well, apparently he had a heart attack last week and passed away. I haven't heard back from him.
Washington, DC
10AM Snakes in a Colon
Suit #1: So she said the snake got loose in her apartment and they can't find it.
Suit #2: Well, until they do, she's gonna have to sleep with her ass up aganst the wall!
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
10AM Why Vacations Were Invented
Suit dancing with self through cubicles: Hubba, hubba! Ding, ding! I dance like a washing machine!
Cottonwood Lane
Colleyville, Texas
Overheard by: I don't dance at all...
5PM She Also Thinks Betsy Ross Is a Clothing Designer
Lady suit #1: There is a quote by Mark Twain that would be perfect for our presentation, just as a conclusion. What do you think?
Lady suit #2: Um, is that Shania Twain's dad?
St. George's Terrace
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: not a shania fan
11AM Why Don't You Give It to Me Now So I Can Call You Later and Get It from You
Suit #1: Why didn't you call me?
Suit #2: I didn't have your number.
Suit #1: If you called me I could have given it to you.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
10AM For Murphy, It's Skywriters or Nothing
Suit: It's been a big thing. I've sent a bunch of emails about it.
Boss: Yeah, I've ignored them. Sorry.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: It's not my project
11AM Between Meetings
Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn't let me wear plastic pants.
"Suit" #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.
4 Irving Place
New York, New York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit #1: Why is the boss laughing like that?
Suit #2: She's reading the staff's self evaluations.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
10AM I've Seen a Grown Man Unravel Like a Sweater
Male suit: You and your va-jay-jay...
Lady suit: Yeah, so? Guys are obsessed with their dicks. -- I'm just protective of my va-jay-jay.
Male suit: That's 'cause it's just out there hanging around -- anything could just snag it! At least yours is tucked away.
Lady suit: Anything could snag it? Oh my god. Like a hang nail?!
Male suit: Yes.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
2PM At Least, I Think That's What It Was
Suit #1: I think my memory has improved since I started taking those Ginkgo biloba tablets.
Suit #2: Really? I bought a bottle of those, like, two months ago, but I don't remember where I put it.
2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
11AM A Rip in the Space-Time Continuum? Very Bad.
Suit #1: Hey, Jeff*, has there ever been a Friday-the-13th on a Monday?
Suit #2: Uh...
Suit #1: Man, that would be the worst day ever.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
4PM Danny Here Takes Care of Exasturbating the Boss
Ditzy intern: I know you're busy so I'm not going to exasturbate things...
Suit: Oh, not at all... In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.
1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
11AM "Oh, so she is that qualified!"
Office Manager: You hired her, but you haven't interviewed anyone else. Is she that qualified?
Suit: Actually no, she doesn't have any experience working as an engineer.
Office Manager: Then why not interview some other people and see if you find someone better?
Suit: Because I don't feel like interviewing. Besides, she has a really nice rack so I will at least have something good to look at.
1042 Hamilton Ct.
Menlo Park, California
9AM The Extraction Went Further Than Expected
Suit: I really don't think my wife got a total abdominal hysterectomy in a dentist's office... That's probably the wrong code...
Palo Alto, California
9AM Don't People Usually Get Whiter Staying at the Seattle Ritz?
Suit #1: So, I heard they put you up at the Ritz in Seattle!
Suit #2: They did! I stayed there over the weekend. It was so nice...
Suit #1: Gangsta, son, gangsta.
Suit #2: That's how I roll, homie.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Amused
2PM Proofing White Paper
Suit: How do you spell "dyslexia"? I keep mixing up the letters.
3 Second Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
12PM They Don't Look Too Good, Either
60-ish suit in Cubs jacket on cell: I'm on the bus right now. I'm going to the Cubs game. Well, I just left Dad, and I gotta say, it doesn't look too good. They're feeding him through a stomach tube and they've got him on a drip. You know, he had that quadruple bypass a couple of years ago and he's got diabetes now... He's been unconscious most of the time when I visit him, and... Yeah, well, don't wish me good luck. The Cubbies are the ones who need it!
Clarke Street bus
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: priorities schmiorities
9AM Everybody Says That about the Vatican
Suit: It was kind of like Little Red Riding Hood, except with Mexican hookers.
Irving, Texas
5PM As Santa Often Says...
Suit: Well, if a tiny old Korean tried to grab my sack, I'd probably want to jump him, too.
5850 Canoga
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Legal Ho'
11AM Budget Meeting
Boss: I am not going to repeat myself... I said I am not going to repeat myself.
Suit: You just lost all credibility.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit: Your last name is Smith. Are you related to a Nelson Smith?
Clerk: No, Smith is my marriage name. That reminds me; I need to file for divorce.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Dude, If You Can Put It in Your Own Box, You Should Charge Admission!
Suit: We need to start putting our meat in someone else's box.
401 Merritt 7
Norwalk, Connecticut
9AM Sorry, We Lost All of Ours, Too
Management material: Can I have a job application? I came in last week for one but I lost it.
277 Coalinga Plaza
Coalinga, California
Overheard by: Jaime who deals with dumb people
5PM That's Not Baggage -- Those Are Wedding Gifts
Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks -- they have too much baggage.
3250 42nd Street
New York, New York
5PM I Hear They Get Great Benefits
Woman in suit: I'm doing prostitution now.
441 4th Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: David
11AM Should Stop That Necktie from Fraying
Man: I'm going to get my thing cauterized. [Pause] Not my thing, but my thing.
Primark Eastbourne
United Kingdom
4PM Luckily We Had Clear Written Guidance on How to Do That
Suit #1: I am about finished writing up the policy on policies.
Suit #2: Uh huh.
Northwestern University, 2020 Ridge
Evanston, Illinois
4PM Well Ms. Lohan Can Afford It
Suit, about lady smoking crack on stoop: Isn't she a little dressed up for a crackwhore?
3008 Lincoln Boulevard
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Not smoking any
4PM The English Don't Think So
Suit #1: He's from England, from some place called Portsmouth. I think it's spelled P-O-R-T-S-M-I-T-H, but it's pronounced like Ports Mouth.
Suit #2: Wait. Is it Ports Mouth, or Ports Smith?
Suit #1: I don't know. It's some place in Europe, I think.
Hotel
Kowloon, Hong Kong
China
Overheard by: Embarrassed American
1PM First, They Walk into a Bar
Suit: So, your friend is Puerto Rican and he's donating a kidney to a Jew? How can they do that?
California Street
San Francisco, California
5PM May I Suggest Decaf, Sir?
Suit: Why do we have Swiss Miss and Nesquik?
Warehouse guy: Ummm, they're not the same thing.
Suit: How so? They both make hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Well, maybe cause Swiss Miss goes in milk and water?
Suit: So why don't we just keep this around? It's a multi-tasking hot chocolate!
Warehouse guy: Huh? Ummm, well, maybe people like the way Nesquik 'multi-tasks.' It can be put in cold or hot milk. Good for the summer.
Suit: And this can't?
Warehouse guy: Dunno. Don't think so...
Suit: Forget it! I'll have coffee!
The Boulevard
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: CoffeeJunky
9AM Refuses to Watch Baseball Because of the Flies
Suit: The other way I learned it, from Schoolhouse Rock, is that the alligator is hungry and so wants to bite the larger one.
Woman coworker: Ohhh... I see. That would confuse me, because it's got animals.
919 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: i guess graduating elementary school just was
2PM Reports Due
Suit #1: Hey, I can't believe you actually remembered to take care of it.
Suit #2: Why? I have a great memory. I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
12PM Tech Support
Suit: Why hasn't this customer's problem been fixed yet?
Tech Guy: Because I'm the only person supporting this product; I'm really backlogged here. Every time I close one log I open four more. We don't have enough people here to keep up.
Suit: Oh...well keep up the good work.
500 Lafayette Road
Hampton, New Hampshire
5PM A Little Cerebral, Though
Suit: I don't like movies with subtitles. You spend all your time reading instead of watching the movie.
Lady suit: Uh-huh.
Suit: Oh, I saw Wild Hogs this weekend. It was a hoot.
7 Hanover Square
New York, New York
3PM Plus, You Know How They All Make Sweeping Generalizations
Suit #1: He was an okay analyst and he knew a lot about the markets, but--
Suit #2, interrupting: --So what was the problem?
Suit #1: Well, he was from the South so he couldn't write very well.
110 Wall Street
New York, New York
12PM God Save the Queen's English
US suit: ...a dedicated router.
UK suit #1: I'm sorry to interrupt, but it's actually "roo-ter".
US suit: A rooter is a swine. If you're going to be in America, speak English.
UK suit #2: Two hundred years, and they still haven't gotten it yet!
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
12PM As a Condition of His Parole
Suit #1: Well, what about Harry*? We could put him on the local board. He has a lot of connections around the city.
Suit #2: Wait, didn't he just get out of prison?
Suit #3: Eh, he's paid his debt to society. Plus, I'm sure he's looking for a job.
Conference room
New York, New York
5PM The Church Watches Priests Closely These Days
Serious suit on cell: If he does that then he's going to have to give up the hookers and drugs, and I am not kidding.
San Jacinto Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Going Into Politics?
9AM A Little Accident with the Stove... Why?
9 to 5-er: I've smelled burnt human, and it doesn't smell like chicken.
Austin, Texas
5PM That's a Wrap
Suit #1: Are you going to the farewell party for [Liz]?
Suit #2: I don't know yet. Does she know she's leaving or is it a surprise party?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
2PM Come On! When She Bites the Male's Head Off? Priceless
Suit: Who knew she had a sense of humor? She seems like someone more amused by insects mating on National Geographic.
Wausau, Wisconsin