Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Outbursts (Best Of) All Categories > People > Outbursts
Recent | Best Of
3PM I Thought That Was Supposed to be Happening in Your Office?
Boss: Jeez Louise, we're just nailing each other over here!
Kansas City, Missouri
12PM They're Finally Gonna Cork That Pesky Volcano
Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a helicopter ride over Kilauea, but the helicopter company charges $100 more if you weigh more than 200 pounds. Hope they don't weigh me on the spot since I am not sure I will be less than 200 pounds unless it's in the morning, after I've had a pee, and I'm nude...Does anyone have any topics they'd like to add to the agenda for today?
Manager: Um...yeah, I do, but give me a minute.
560 McCarthy Boulevard
Milpitas, California
Overheard by: CW Slave
12AM Pissed Off v. Pissed On (Worst Aesop's Fable Ever)
A handicapped client has had to be restrained for assaulting a staff.
Co-worker #1: Your behaviour was completely out of line. You hit me, tried to bite me and pissed all over my leg. How would you like it if I pissed on you if I was angry at you?
Client: I wouldn't like it.
Co-worker #1: Hey [Jake], when you are angry at your girlfriend, do you piss all over her and try to bite her?
Co-worker #2: No, I don't. We talk things out and listen to each other. Why did you piss on us during the restraint?
Client: You guys were not listening to me.
2a Ormonde Avenue
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia
4PM Return Truck
U-Haul guy #1: Okay! Pickup on the right...dropoffs on the left.
U-Haul guy #2: Yeah...Pickups on the left, dropoffs on the right.
U-Haul guy #1: What? No! You're fucking it up, dickhead!
3270 Broadway
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Co-worker on phone: Well, when I asked you over for lunch I asked if there was something you didn't eat besides cheese...Well I'm just saying you should have told me you didn't eat pork when I asked...Yes, I know you're Jewish...Well whatever you are, you're an idiot and a liar. You should have told me about the pork...Ew, she's your first cousin.
622 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
8AM Cheap or Pushy, You're Still Making It Hard for the Rest of Us
Partner: Fuck that!...Fuck you! I am not cheap! I want what's rightfully my client's!
200 Park Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: GJG
1PM Marx Predicted This
Little girl, to employee making a purchase: You can't shop here! You're supposed to work! You're not people!
801 North Congress Avenue
Boynton Beach, Florida
