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10AM Jack Spratt for the Twenty-First Century
Intern: I've never had butt sex. I'm saving it for marriage. Since I'm not a virgin anymore, I have to save something for my husband.
Friend: You're so dumb. You should have done what I did. I ONLY have butt sex, so I'm still a virgin.
Pour House Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, District of Columbia
5PM Another Conquest for Gerald
Cute intern reading UPS package label: Hey, Gerald*, you got a big package!
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: fatty
11AM Especially If You're Playing Cricket at the Time
Australian guy: Pardon my language, but my last boss was such a cunt.
Intern: I feel like it's more acceptable to say the C-bomb when you have an accent.
Spring Street
Oyster Bay, New York
1PM And Still Had Time to Paint My Apartment
Manager: So, how was your weekend?
Intern: Good. I cheated on my boyfriend with two guys.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: The Temp
11AM Gotta Unpack the Suitcase or Your Clothes Get Musty
Hot intern #1: You know why I love wearing miniskirts on Mondays?
Hot intern #2: Maybe. Why?
Hot intern #1: Because I can air things out after a weekend of hard work.
Hot intern #2: Oh, hey, I wonder if that would work for me...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: not getting any
2PM Update Database
Temp: This person gave their email address as being at "hotmail.con". Should I enter it as "hotmail.com"?
Employee: No, put whatever is on the application.
1776 West Lakes Parkway
West Des Moines, Iowa
9AM She Stole a Kid from a Gay Couple? That Is Low
Intern: Candace's* mom is sixty-five! And she's had seven kids from, like, eight different guys.
1325 East-West Highway
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: mathwizrd
9AM A Super Wal-Mart?
Associate: Do you think you could survive if we dropped you in the middle of the rainforest?
Temp: No way -- I would die for sure.
Associate: What about if we dropped you in a Wal-Mart?
383 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
11AM Your Cubicle Seems to Have Reached the Saturation Point
Intern on third day of work: This is probably something I should have asked the first day, but... where's the men's room?
Madison Avenue
New York, New York
1PM Has Also Locked Herself Inside It
Temp at day's end finding her car's been running since lunch: Oh, my! I must have forgotten again!
Sweeten Creek Road
Asheville, North Carolina
3PM Dear Diary: I Think I Really Impressed Donna Today!
Hot intern girl: It sucks that we have to seal all these envelopes today.
Jewish intern guy: Yeah, well, I make it into a game, you see. I pick a number, and if I can't seal that many envelopes in one minute, a bomb explodes!
Hot intern girl: Wow.
West Loop, Galleria Area
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: In the cube next door
4PM There's No Room for Books at This Water Cooler
Coworker: Did you watch The Office last night?
Temp: No, I was reading.
Coworker: Well, buddy, you're working XYZ* Cable now. You better catch up so you know what we're talking about.
Temp: I'm a temp, I'm done this week anyway.
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Sixtwentysix
9AM And I've Got a Runny Coke-Sniffer
Intern to friend: My dancing-on-the-bar muscles hurt!
Elevator
New York
12PM What Happened to Bacon?
Intern girl #1: What's that smell?
Intern girl #2: What smell?
Intern girl #1: It's like... Grape Popsicles.
Intern girl #2: Ah, yes. That's the smell of the law.
City Hall
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Rachel
2PM Let's See... You Look Like about a Size Eight...
Interning scientist #1: Dammit, I can't find my spleen! I lost my spleen!
Interning scientist #2: Well, I have extra spleens -- you can have one of mine if it works.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: HK
12PM Guy's a Total Psycho. I Broke up With Him Months Ago, But He Won't Stop Calling.
Intern, answering phone: Good afternoon, Science Committee...Mike*, Buzz Aldrin is on the line.
Mike*, rolling his eyes: Oh shit.
Rayburn House Office Building
Washington, DC
4PM 'Steaming the Laundry,' From Page 949 of the Kama Sutra
Co-Worker: You need to preheat your hooha. This is too much.
Intern: We're still talking about the steaming the laundry, right?
Pickard Theater
Brunswick, Maine
Overheard by: grappling with zippers
4PM Danny Here Takes Care of Exasturbating the Boss
Ditzy intern: I know you're busy so I'm not going to exasturbate things...
Suit: Oh, not at all... In fact, better that you exasturbate me than the boss.
1901 Main Street
Columbia, South Carolina
3PM Oh, Shut Up and Put Your Shirt on
Office guy: Have you been working out?
Intern: Uh, yeah, why?
Office guy: I can tell [walks away].
Intern, to another: Was he just hitting on me?
Parkway Drive
Hanover, Maryland
11AM Product Test
Supervisor: What are you doing?
College kid #1: Spraying each other.
Supervisor: Do you know what is in those bottles?
College kid #2: No.
Supervisor: Why would you spray each other with something you don't know?
College kid #2: It's fun.
Supervisor: It's acetone!
College kid #1: Is that like water or something?
Supervisor: God, I'm going back to my office.
465 Paul Road
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Nick I
4PM ... Now It's Just Bubbling a Little. Wanna Listen?
Coworker: Hey, how was your weekend?
Intern: Great! It's stopped itching and-- [Coworker walks away.]
Washington, DC
9AM I Guess He Knew One before We Were Together
Trainee: My boyfriend likes this perfume. He says it smells like the inside of a clean woman.
Training class, Cosmetic company
California
10AM Even the Attorney General Can't Do That Indefinitely
Helper: You're wonderful -- like a pie face.
Receptionist: Like a pie face? Wonderful people are like pie faces?
Helper: Um, obviously you don't understand I have my own language.
Receptionist: ... Well, then what's a pizza foot?
Helper: Look, you can't just be making things up!
4601 Spicewood Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Nator
5PM Just to Bachelorette Parties
New assistant on phone: Hang on, I have to look up our address... Well, I've never had to mail myself to work.
Renaissance Center
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: JuJu
12PM Ahoy, Space Station, Prepare to Be Boarded!
NASA intern: Okay, kids, let's put on our pirate costumes and play spaceman!
Research center
California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
3PM On the Plus Side, I've Lost Five Pounds Since We Became Friends
Queer temp on phone: God, I hate Lynn*! I can never spend any long periods of time with her because we can never eat. Why does she have to be anorexic? Why can't she just be bulimic so she can at least eat with me and then puke it all up later? Hell, she can even use my finger or toothbrush!
1515 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jas
12PM And Sober Now, Thank God
Peon: I've seen her before at bars, but now she's just different... She's more cold now.
Intern: It's just sobriety. It changes people.
Peon: Good point. Wait, aren't you, like, 19?
Intern, offended: I'm 20.
F Street
Washington, DC
11AM Yet You Can Speak Hebrew
Guy #1, in Hebrew: So, what retarded kid are you working with today?
Guy #2, in Hebrew: Dude. Those kids are around here, you know.
Guy #1: Yeah, but no one here knows Hebrew.
Guy #2: This school's like half Jewish. They might.
Guy #1: Not the retarded ones. They have enough trouble with English. You should know that -- you work here, too.
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Knows Hebrew
11AM Translation: I Would Kill to See You in Shorts
Worker bee: Are you new here?
Temp: Oh, I'm just temping.
Worker bee: Do you like it?
Temp: Yeah, I'm really enjoying it here.
Worker bee: It's so casual.
Temp: Yeah, I'm glad I can just wear jeans.
Worker bee: You could wear shorts if you wanted. I mean, I don't know if you wear shorts, but people here do, so you totally could. If you wanted.
6300 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
12PM Hey, I Know Where It's Been
Temp girl: You'll go on a date and sleep with random guys, but you won't touch my nose?!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: disgruntled
4PM Interviews
Intern #1: How did the interview go?
Intern #2: You know how punctuality is a good thing?
Intern #1: Oh my gosh, were you late?
Intern #2: No, I was two weeks early.
1150 17th Street NW
Washington, DC
3PM Rachel's Birthday Thing
Boss: Those cupcakes are delicious. What a sugar rush!
Intern: I broke out in hives.
Boss: In hives?
Intern: A rash. My skin is very sensitive.
Boss: To sugar?
Intern: Yup.
Boss: That's amazing.
Intern: When I was a kid I got sick and I had to have, like, ten X-rays a day. Literally, five X-rays a day. And I think that messed up my photons.
Boss: Your photons?
Intern: Yeah, that's how X-rays work, you know? They reverse your photons. That's how they get the image.
Boss: Oh.
Intern: That's why my skin is so sensitive, because they messed up the photons. They won't admit it, because they don't want me to sue them. But I know what's up.
10 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY
Overheard by: pixelvisions
5PM Well, You'll Be Working Six Feet Under Me
Lady, to receptionist: Hi, I'm here for my internment...Oh, no! I mean internship!
875 Stevenson Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Waiting for Internment too
12PM Made from 100% USDA Grade A Cops
Temp: All the food here is good, especially the bacon. I mean, this is real bacon, not the kind you buy at the store.
Culinary school
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: I'm surrounded by idiots
3PM Some Fortune Cookies Get Lost in Translation
Intern: Today is not your year.
3250 Mary Street
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: my today wasn't so bad
5PM That's a Wrap
Office worker: Can you come in tomorrow, say, 6PM?
Intern: Naw, I got my fencing class.
Office worker: What?
Intern: You know, just in case the English attack again.
717 D Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dannie Boyer
9AM It's Funny, Though -- There's This One Where Everyone Has a Four-Year Sentence
Intern chick: Where's Ithaca?
Bronx boy: It's upstate.
Intern chick: Upstate?
Bronx boy: Way upstate.
Intern chick: So where are we?
Bronx boy: We're southern. The very southern tip of New York.
Intern chick: OK, how far north is it?
Bronx boy: Really far north... it's near prisons, if you really want to know the truth.
125th Street & Lenox Avenue
New York, New York
12PM It's Snobby in California
Product Manager #1: It's Spring Break.
Product Manager #2: How come we don't get Spring Break?
Intern #1: Because you're no longer young.
Intern #2: Or pretty.
777 4th Street
Los Angeles, California
11AM Haven't We Been Through This?
CSR lady: Looks like you two are gonna have to conversate via email from now on.
Intern: Conversate? You mean 'converse'?
CSR lady: I mean 'conversate.' Same damn thing.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
12PM Reminds Me of My Days As a Teenager in Jersey
Hissing sound comes from reception area.
New graphics intern: Is that compressed air?
Admin: Oh, yeah.
New graphics intern: Sweet.
Washington, DC
12AM Tell That to Richard Pryor
PR gal: We need a really memorable tag line, like "Stop, Drop and Roll" from the '80s. Whatever happened to that, anyway?
Intern guy: It still works if you're on fire.
41 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
11AM A Move Known As "The IT Sidestep"
Temp: We found some old mice in the trashcan. I don't really think they belong in there.
Tech guy: I think that's a problem for facilities. Are they dead or alive?
Maryville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cinderella
1PM That, and an iPod Nano
Temp: I, like, can't believe I don't have herpes yet.
1212 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
11AM Checking Gmail
Intern at computer, to self: I gotta get out of this relationship. She's sending me pictures of jewelry.
3330 Founders Road
Indianapolis, Indiana
1PM Why 'American Government Conspiracy' Will Always Be an Oxymoron
Intern #1: I will do all of your House bills if you get up and dance right now!
Intern #2: No.
Co-Worker: Why would you pay all of his house bills if he dances? That's like $100!
Intern #1: House, like House of Representatives!
Co-Worker: We have access to the legislature's power bills?
Political Office
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jason B.
4PM Rearrange Cubes
Intern: You're just going to have to hold it while I push down on it. You hold still and I'll push. Ugh. It's too big. It just won't fit.
1450 Broadway
New York, NY
3PM I Am So Suing Myself
Intern #1: That whole team is full of white receivers.
Intern #2: What's wrong with white receivers?
Intern #1: They're slow, man. I hate to be racist, but they are slow.
Intern #2: Yeah...
Intern #1: Hey, can I be racist against my own race?
1555 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
4PM They Understand That They Need to Use Smaller Words
Intern: I think I need to dye my hair blonde again. People understand me better when I'm blonde.
Charleston, South Carolina
12PM Team Meeting
Co-worker #1: So how's your belly button?
Co-worker #2: Um...it's okay.
Co-worker #1: You know my dad's scar looks like he has 3 belly buttons.
Co-worker #2: Oh yeah? Well, my friend's isn't even in the right place. It's like way down here.
Intern #1: So it's like she has a extra vag?
Intern #2: This is like the weirdest thing I've heard at work.
600 Water Street SW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ADS
9AM It Begins
Boss: Remember that time I hit you with chicken? Man, that was awesome. I was just glad it didn't happen your first day, becuase you would have quit or something...I'm still sorry about that, by the way.
Intern: It's okay. I like getting hit with chicken.
16 W. 19th Street
New York, NY
11AM Work on Template
Temp: I have a few questions about the PowerPoint project that I'm trying to get my head around.
Manager: Okay.
Temp: So what do you want again?
Manager: I just want a template...Something visual that we can use over and over.
Temp: What do you want in it?
Manager: I don't know. That's why I want a template. So I need you to create something that looks like the department standard, with our logo and so on, the right corporate background color, with dummy copy as placeholders.
Temp: So where do I find the words you want in it?
Manager: They don't exist yet. We're working on that. That's why it's a template and not a final project.
Temp: So what do you want in all the boxes?
Manager: Nothing. Just a place so I can go in and write it. I just want a formatted background and text boxes in place.
Temp: Right, but what should I put in the text boxes?
Manager: Whatever you want.
Temp: So let me get this right: You want me to create a PowerPoint with place for different words.
Manager: Yes.
Temp: But you don't know what the words are?
Manager: That's why it's a template.
Temp: I see. So I will just use one of the PowerPoint templates.
Manager: No. It needs to be in the style of the company. Those are too generic.
Temp: I'm confused.
Manager: It seems so.
Temp: Can I just do it in Word?
111 East 59th Street
New York, NY
4PM Bad Enough We Never Mastered Central Heating
Trainee: Would you mind closing that window? The cold air is making my skin peel off.
London
England
9AM I Could Have Been Strung-Out in the Corner Weeks Ago!
Coworker #1: Dude, you know that your nose is bleeding?
Intern: Shit, thanks for the heads-up.
Coworker #2: Damn, kid, I wish I woulda known -- you could have gotten me some blow.
Government building
Dayton, Ohio
6AM The Tissues Were Doused in Self-love
Employee: Ew! You're dousing your sandwich in tabasco sauce!
Intern: I'm dousing it in self-hatred.
4 W. Oakland Avenue
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Vivian X
12PM If I'd Known It Would Just Be a Slobbering, I'd Have Done It Myself
Architect: Did you see the dog?
Intern: Yeah, he slobbered on my pant leg.
Architect: I sent you because I didn't want to get bit.
Square Lake Road
Bloomfield Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Eero Plain
1PM And Nobody Will Talk about Building 231
Intern: You'd expect building 233 to be right next to 230, but 230 is, like, totally inside and 233 is totally, like, right here.
NASA Ames Research Center
California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
9AM He's an Arkansas Leg Hound -- Best to Let Him Finish
Camera assistant: Your dog's getting drunk off my pants.
Culver City, California
4PM In Court He Refers to the Judge As "Venerable Dickhead"
Intern: Holy shit, it's cold in here!
Sandy*, ancient secretary: Allen*! This a law office -- a professional place of business. We do not use profanity in this office. What if a client had been waiting in reception and heard you use that kind of language? In the future I would ask that you refrain from using that kind of language. I'm sure the partners would not appreciate you speaking that way to your coworkers, especially those who are older than you.
Partner, entering five minutes later: Jesus-fucking-Christ, it's cold in here! Goddamn, Larry* -- cheapskate son of a bitch won't turn the heat on until nine. Sandy, get me Larry's number so I can give that asshole a piece of my mind. Fucking dick. Every goddamn winter he pulls this shit. And Sandy, make some coffee for these interns -- it's like 40 degrees in here!
Law office
New York, New York
12PM Good -- My Therapist Is Always Projectile-Diagnosing Me
Assistant: I don't think you're crazy. I may vomit on you, but I don't think you're crazy.
9050 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, California
2PM Laugh at Interns
Intern #1: Well, we got these power packs for our laptops. But how do we charge them?
Intern #2: Um...you plug it in the wall!
Intern #1: How was I supposed to know that?
300 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
3PM He's Secretly a Huge Cystic Fibrosis Fan
Office manager: Did you make an anonymous donation to our MS bike team?
Intern: I wish!
51st Street and 5th Avenue
New York, New York
3PM My Brain Is Still in Its Original Wrapping
Employee: So, we were going to mail all these invoices, but instead we're going to fax them since our postage machine died. Just put them on here and press start.
Temp: Okay! Got it.
Temp begins faxing.
Employee: Um, you have to take them out of the envelopes first.
380 Interlocken Crescent
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: Catherine
12PM At the Johnny Carcinoma Show
Boss: So did you work things out?
Intern: Yeah, I talked to him when I dropped the tumor off.
Martin Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: sleeping with my eyes open
1PM Dude, Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Meditation Monks
Intern, about weekend: My favorite monk wasn't in my meditation class, which was upsetting!
202 West 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
1PM Nothing Tastes as Good as Friends...hip
Intern #1: Can I try your sandwich?
Intern #2: Let me think about it for...no. Friendship, food: two very different things.
136 Tooley Street
London, England
Overheard by: Jessica Reed
12PM Find New Intern
Worker #1: Yeah, maybe he wasn't the best intern.
Worker #2: How was I supposed to know he'd go off his meds?
Worker #1: He sure did love opening mail, though.
Worker #2: Yeah. He sure did love opening mail.
270 Lafayette Street
New York, NY
6PM There's No P in Team
Intern #1: Hey, are you going to the bathroom?
Intern #2: No, do you need me to?
633 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: There he goes, tossing his salad again. Isn't that a phrase? Doesn't that mean something? "Tossing the salad"?
Temp: Yes, it's a phrase.
Worker #1: But what does it mean? Is it like, "I'm gonna kick your ass"? "I'm gonna toss your salad"?
Temp: Um, not exactly.
Worker #2: Yeah, I've heard that, too. What does that mean? Do you know?
Temp: Yes, I know, but it's kind of inappropriate for work.
Worker #1: Oh really? What does it mean?
Temp: It's inappropriate for work.
Worker #1: Oh come on, just tell me.
Temp: Well, it's...analingus.
Worker #1: Oh. Really?
Worker #2: I never heard that.
Worker #1: "I'm gonna toss your salad". Huh.
Worker #3: ...If anyone was made uncomfortable by this conversation, come talk to me later.
900 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
1PM Lunch
Intern: So yeah, the first twenty minutes I was just sitting next to him in the breakroom I didn't say a single word.
Engineer: Does he freak you out that much?
Intern: Well no, I just thought he didn't speak any English.
Engineer: So you finally said something?
Intern: Yeah, I tried to make some small talk by asking what cubicle he sits in. But he spent the next 5-10 minutes trying to explain.
Engineer: He's not that bad at English...
Intern: I don't know. He kept asking what direction was North. By the time I made him point to it, I wished I never said anything. Seriously, what do cardinal directions have to do with your cubicle?
41131 Vincenti Court
Novi, Michigan
11AM Research
Staffer working on Patriot Act: Power is always abused; we were putting the Japanese in intermittent camps in the thirties during World War I.
Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern
10AM Send [Tim] Over to Tech Support
Manager: [Tim], are you going over the off-site location?
Intern: Yes, I have to pick up the loaner laptop for [Kelly].
Manager: Can you drop this off to shipping and receiving while you are there? Might as well stone 2 birds.
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
4PM They Mean That They'll Hold It for You, Guy
Co-worker: ...and if you have to go to the bathroom, just buzz me or the office manager. You don't have to hold it.
Temp: Good to know this is a compassionate work environment.
1000 Vermont Avenue, NW
Washington, DC
1PM Even His Core Constituency Is Turning on Him
Intern: When is Bush's last term?
Employee: Um, right now. It ends in '08.
Intern: Good. 'Cause he's stupid.
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Is summer over yet?
1PM Lunch
Intern #1: So are you lactose intolerant?
Intern #2: No, I'm not lactose intolerant, it just makes my throat close up.
304 Hudson Street
New York, NY
2PM Find New Intern
Secretary #1: That was a funny email you sent earlier; I couldn't
stop cracking up.
Secretary #2: Hey, I just try to make you all laugh.
Intern: For you to make them laugh all they have to do is look at
your face.
28 State Street
Boston, Massachusetts
1PM Lunch
Secretary: Aw, look at you. You look so ethnic today.
Intern: Huh?
Secretary: You look like you should be seating people at a Chinese resturaunt.
Intern: Hey!
Secretary: No, in a good way...
72 Wall Street
New York, NY
4PM Get More Bins
Marketing Manager: Do we have any more blue bins?
Summer minion: Oh my God, no! Those bins are disappearing like a fat kid on cake.
66 Wellington Street W
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
11AM Yeah, Tell Him We Canceled Favorite Animal Friday
Coworker leaning on office door: Hey, have you seen John*?
Horse puppet appears peeking from under John's desk.
Horse puppet: John's not here right now. Can I take a message?
Coworker, slowly backing out of office: Uh...
8700 NW River Park Drive
Parkville, Missouri
Overheard by: Hapless intern
12PM Lunch
Temp: Apparently he eats his cat's leftovers.
140 West 45th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: another temp
2PM Summer Internship Starts
Intern: Where's will-call? I have to drop off tickets.
Security dude: Will Call? Who's that? [Calls manager over]
Manager chick: You're looking for Will?
662 6th Avenue
New York, NY
4PM Hire New Intern
Intern: I've got to start looking for a job.
Secretary: Did you talk to your Placement Office about networking?
Intern: They sent me some contacts. But they were in the Pacific.
Secretary: Did you contact them?
Intern: I don't even speak Japan.
1010 Gratiot Avenue
Saginaw, Michigan
3PM Smoke Break
Intern: They didn't have Guinness, so we had pure Jameson and Bailey shots.
Manager: Oh, well.
Intern: Laced with something else.
Associate: PCP?
Intern: Who knows?
Manager: Could it have been PCP?
Intern: It tasted awfully sweet.
10 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY
Overheard by: pixelvisions
5AM Especially at that Special Olympics Race
Intern #1: I walk funny in high heels.
Intern #2: Everyone looks retarded in heels.
200 Orange Street
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Samurai Jacqueline
1PM Under Citizenship, Just Put 'Good'
Auditioning guy: So, what should I put down for 'Citizenship'?
Casting intern #1: Were you born in the United States?
Auditioning guy: Yes.
Casting intern #1: Then put down that you're a U.S. citizen.
Auditioning guy: Does it matter that I moved to Oregon for eight months?
Casting intern #1: Did you really just--
Casting intern #2, cutting him off: --No, it doesn't matter.
MTV dating show auditions
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Liz
5PM Would It Help If I Offered You Cunnilimbo?
Intern: I'm sorry that I didn't turn in my time sheet on Friday. I was on vacation and didn't have access to a computer.
Payroll official: Well, I'll let it go this time. Just don't keep us in lingo again.
130 Cremona Drive
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: A disbelieving employee
3PM Printers Practice Malicious Compliance
PhD-level analyst: Oh, the copier is printing the whole five hundred pages of that report! I only want the first page! Stop, stop, stop! Why wont it stop?!
Temp: You have to actually press a button. It doesn't work on voice command...
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
12PM And Remind Ourselves That We Still Have Our Freedom
Reception guy: Are you guys going on a puppy run?
Worker: Nah, just going to XYZ Office*.
Temp: Puppy run?
Reception guy: Yeah, when we're a bit crabby we go across the street to the pet shop and look at the puppies.
Temp: Oh.
Adelaide
South Australia
7PM Imagine Trying to Explain Semi-colons to Her
Supervisor: Yes?
Temp: Are the dot by the letters and the dot by the numbers the same thing?
11405 Bluegrass Parkway
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: powerof3
2PM I Have to Go Change My Pants
Intern: Lou* just said he really likes my sense of humor! He said I'm self-defecating! Can you believe it? Lou thinks I'm self-defecating -- he thinks I sit in my own shit! Lou's so cool.
Lou, two cubes away: I said 'self-deprecating,' you idiot.
Intern: Oh.
6707 Democracy Boulevard
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: One cubicle over
4PM There's a Rumor They're All Cylons
Coworker: Tell the intern to do that.
Boss: The intern? She has a name.
Coworker: You know who I meant.
Boss: It's Rebecca*! Let's not be racist.
Coworker: Interns aren't a race!
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
2PM And Delaware Is a Small Town
Intern: Is DE the state code for Detroit or Delaware?
Graphic designer: Um, Detroit is a city.
Intern: [Silence]
10 Office Park Circle
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Stacy Kate
4PM You're Hired! You Start Work As a Mule on Monday
Chick: Hi, I'm here for the interview...
Employee: Alright... What's your name?
Chick: I'm here for an appointment at 3:30.
Employee: Oh, it's noon right now, so... not for a while!
Chick: Oh, is it? Ohhh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm, like, really blazed right now.
Northlake Boulevard
West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: cool, im hungover.
3PM Why Generation Y Already Out-Earns Generation X
Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly--so much, that you're like, "Whoa, this isn't real. I'm not doing this!"?
Intern: Umm...
Assistant: Like, when you're staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you're like, "Whoa! That's not my face! This isn't real!" Hasn't that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That's usually when I stop drinking.
900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC
9AM Actually, It's Our Co-Worker, Rita
Office peon orienting a temp: And this, well, it may look like a copier, but it's really--
Temp: --A space ship?
1166 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
2PM But You're Certainly Correct about Her Gargantuan Gazongas
Male intern, about passing coworker: Wow... Those were some tremendous titties.
Female manager: Okay, so you know I'm your manager, right? You probably shouldn't say 'titties' to me.
Plymouth, Michigan
9AM At the Annual Association of Homophobic Lexicographers Banquet
Intern #1: So is there a difference between homogenous and homogeneous?
Intern #2: Yes, one means "composed of one thing," and the other is, like, a gay Einstein or something.
Rayburn House Building
Washington, DC
Overheard by: the Best and the Brightest
11AM Have to Wonder How She Got a Teaching Certificate
Assistant: I just talked to the stupidest woman ever. It was an honor. At first it was frustrating before I was overcome by the joy.
141 River's Edge Drive
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Heather
1PM If the Terrorists Haven't Won, the Idiocy Has
Temp: So maybe this'll finally get the English fighting with us.
222 S. Riverside Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
