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Customer Service (Best Of) All Categories > People > Customer Service
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12PM And What about the Lady Who Told Me It Would Be 2,880 Minutes?
CSR: Yes, if you do your payment online it can take two business days to post.
Customer: The other person told me 48 hours! Which one is it? I'm always given different information!
411 Smithfield Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mrswackado
9AM Your Love Is Only a Tragic Illusion. Questions?
CSR: Good morning. ABC Bank* -- how can I help you?
Customer: I'd like to talk to the person who answers the phones after hours -- y'know, the 24-hour line?
CSR: The 24-hour line is automated, but I can put you through to--
Customer: --No, no, no. I want to talk to the lady who answers the phone when you're closed.
CSR: Oh, see, that's not an employee. It's a recording.
Customer: What? No. See, I spoke to her three times last night and she knows my situation, so I need her. Is she there during the day?
CSR: ... Sir, it's not a real person. It's a recording [hangs up].
Decatur, Tennessee
10AM Things Don't Always Go Smoothly at Karl Rove's House
Customer support rep: Okay, let's take a look at the installation instructions.
Customer: You mean that little book? That looked like documentation so I threw it away.
Fairfax, Virginia
1PM Why Was He Playing with His Instrument in the Closet All by Himself?
CSR on phone: Hello? What? Your son popped his G-string on his instrument? ... Was it on his personal instrument?
Duluth, Georgia
Overheard by: Yellow
5PM We Present: An Instant Customer Service Classic
Customer: Why are you billing me for this stuff?
CSR: Did you make the purchases on your credit card statement?
Customer: Yes, but I already paid for them. I used my credit card.
CSR: Yes, but now you have to pay your credit card bill.
Customer: That's stupid. Why would I pay for something twice?
4325 17th Avenue S.
Fargo, North Dakota
5PM I've Already Told You Everything I Know
Man: Is this the Information counter?
Bored worker: Yes.
Man: Can I have some information?
Université de Montréal
Canadia
11AM Since I Haven't Mastered Inner Typing
Manager on phone to computer terminal manufacturer: That terminal still isn't working properly, and if you don't fix it soon the customer is going to tell me to shove it up my ass... And I'm not prepared to do that at this time.
1462 Erie Boulevard
Schenectady, New York
Overheard by: It wouldn't fit mine
4PM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: Excuse me, I'm not a woman I am a man and you are being very nasty...I'm not yelling at you; do you want me to yell at you?
1650 Broadway
New York, NY
12AM Balki's Almost Got the Idiom Down
CSR #1: We've had problems like this all day.
CSR #2: Yeah, there's something going on somewhere in Denmark.
28001 Napier Road
Wixom, Michigan
4PM Unveiling the Official Phallic Status Symbol for the Twenty-First Century
CSR: Hey, your phone's open!
Courier: [looks at his crotch]
1813 East 9th Street
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
5PM I Keep a Potato on the Box and Everything
XYZ* interviewer: Thanks for your time. Do you have any questions for me about the company?
Interviewee: I do -- I have XYZ cable at home. How come it's so terrible?
1500 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: It's Not That Bad
9AM The Company Requires Me to Invoke the Snooze-You-Lose Provision
Customer: I didn't realize that I was eligible for this discount!
CSR: Well, we talk about the discount right on the cover letter.
Customer: Well, it's not right on the application!
CSR: We can't put it on the application, but sir, it's right there in the second paragraph of the cover letter.
Customer: But some of us are lazy and don't read the cover letter!
CSR: I'm not trying to be rude, but we can't help it if you don't read what we send you.
181 West Madison Street
Chicago, Illinois
12PM A Better Solution Than 'Always Turn Left'
Receptionist on phone: I know, this piercing is the best! Now whenever I have sex with someone really stupid, they are bound to find it!
The Generator Hostel
London, England
Overheard by: JJK
2PM I Learned That from Watching The L Word
Waitress: What can I get for you this evening?
Tourist: My brother here really wants to try some sushi, but he's never had any.
Brother: I'm afraid I can't handle the sushi.
Waitress: Oh, honey, no man can handle the sushi.
Sushi Samba
New York, New York
3PM And I'm Not 100% Sure about Kangaroos, Either
Pizza Hut driver: Would you rather fight a kangaroo or wolverine?
Pizza Hut CSR: Well, kangaroos are pretty tough, but wolverines aren't real.
7th Street and Union Hills
Phoenix, Arizona
12AM Finally, Someone Explained TP to Me!
Customer: So where in the instruction manual does it tell me to save the receipt?
Customer Service Rep.: You're kidding me, right? You mean to say that you have to be told to save your receipt?
Customer: Yes, I do.
Customer Service Rep.: So, if you were to go out and buy a roll of toilet paper, it would have to say "Tear here, wipe there" or else you wouldn't know how to use it? Because both are pretty much common sense, sir.
835 41st Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: christiana (while doing remote observations on customer service calls)
5PM But You Will Need to Bring in a Wire So I Can Hang Myself Later
Desk clerk on phone: No, ma'am, you don't need a cable for the wireless network.
328 West Lane Avenue
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Amused, if I wasn't dealing with the same idiot
5PM Perhaps the World's Fattest
CSR: I always put '25' when it's supposed to be '52.' I must be anorexic.
1500 JFK Boulevard
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: indigo
9AM Back to Work
Hosting rep: Alright sir, I reset your password so you can log in.
Pause
Hosting rep: Are you ready for it now?
Pause
Hosting rep: Ok sir, it's all capital letters... It is I-D-1-0-T.
4800 Concentric Boulevard
Saginaw, Michigan
10AM Because Man Do I Need to Pass Today's Compulsory Drug Test
Nurse with very thick accent: Hi, what's your name?
Patient: Huh?
Nurse: That's nice, can I have a urine sample?
Highland Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
9AM How to Get Put on Hold Until Your Kid's Out of Diapers
Staff: Hi, this is Happy Toddler, Inc.*, how can I help you?
Customer: I bought these Happy Toddler baby wipes yesterday and instead of a single wipe you'd expect to be protruding from the center so you can pull them out, this one I got had a bunch of wipes protruding out, looking like a hernia. I had to hold down the bulk of the wipes from the center. I had to get my tweezers and fish into the depths of the container and finally pull out a wipe.
Staff: Ok, ma'am. Can I put you on hold?
Perth, Western Australia
Overheard by: only hernia-ed it
5PM If That's Not Normal, I Don't Want to Know What Is!
Metrosexual CSR: I don't know -- I just feel like most normal straight men shouldn't know all the lyrics to Rent.
915 Broadway
New York, New York
1PM Oh, It's All Connected
Rep on phone: Sir, the character limit for your domain name has nothing to do with your World of Warcraft game.
Phoenix, Arizona
5PM I Get the Deduction -- That's What Counts
Cashier to customer #1: Awww, how cute! Is he your son?
Customer #2: No, he's my son.
Cashier, pointing to customer #1: Are you sure? He looks like his son!
Government building
Washington, DC
10AM Viagra?
CSR waving papers around: How do you get the thingy to do the stuff?
323 E Grand River
Howell Michigan
Overheard by: Pam Beasley
11AM Pay Bills
Customer: I want to pay my bill. I know it's two months overdue, so I
wanted to come and pay it in person.
Customer Service: According to our records they shut off your cable today.
Customer: But they said I had until today to pay the bill.
Customer Service: Well, your cable has been shut off today.
Customer: But today's not over yet!
Customer Service: It is for you.
11020 Flatlands Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Paul
11AM Please Hold It Up So I Can See It
CSR: Thank you for calling Widgets Inc.* How may I help you?
Customer: I'm calling about my bill.
CSR: OK, which bill are you calling about?
Customer: The one I received.
3445 North M-291 Highway
Independence, Missouri
4PM He's Also Been Divorced for Three Years But Doesn't Know It
Client: Why do I have financial charges? It was a plan for "same as cash" for eighteen months.
CSR: Well, sir, we sent you eighteen months of statements telling you that if you don't pay by the due date, you'll have financial charges to pay and exactly how much they would be.
Client: You expected me to read my mail?
Citibank
Toronto, Canada
Overheard by: Citi Slicker
10AM Possibly from Your Verbal Diarrhea
CSR: Do you like my dress? The website called it a muumuu, but I call it a dress. I don't like dresses, but I wanted to wear one today. Did you know I don't like silk dresses? They make me feel naked, and I don't like feeling naked except when I'm naked -- like when I'm naked in the shower... I ordered this dress from a website I found at work, and I got it in a box a week later. I don't think it should have been in a box, because the box could have been damaged and then my dress would have been ruined, because boxes don't protect anything.
Annoyed coworker: Um, you have a stain on your muumuu.
Coralville, Iowa
9AM When Nuns Teach Sex Ed
Customer service rep: I don't know what that is, but let me explain it to you.
Wallingford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Cubicle Co-Worker
5PM That's a Wrap
Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that's out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won't come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What's that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that's coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft's going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It's what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft's new computers?
Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania
9AM Go Go Gadget Fake-Smile!
Employee, loudly and angrily into walkie: I am implementing customer service now!
620 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
9AM Otherwise You May Call Back
Employee: Okay, I'm going to hang up now, but I want you to continue talking.
524 West 57th Street
New York, New York
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR: Today needs to be over. I'm so seriously ready to slit my wrists--
The phone rings.
CSR: Good afternoon. This is [Nelly], how can I help you? Oh...hi! How are you doing?...Oh, I'm great! Mm-hmm, yes, of course! I just have to pull up your previous order...Oh, really? Oh! Well, that's okay!...No, really!...Oh, stop it! Ha, ha! Okay, well thanks for calling anyway! Yes...Thank you, I will! You also, okay? M'kay, bye!...Jesus. Okay, so, what the fuck was I saying again?
950 Tower Lane
Foster City, California
11AM Call Transfer
CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is "A guy."
4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California
9AM Back to Work
Help Desk #1: If I'm going down it ain't gonna be for rocks. It'll be a bank or something.
Help Desk #2: Or manure.
1900 East 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
3PM You Look Vaguely Female, and I Dig That about You
Creepster hitting on CSA: Hey, there you are again.
CSA, without making eye contact: ...Hey.
Creepster: You know what? You so beautiful.
CSA doesn't respond.
Creepster, with spittle flying from between front teeth: Has anyone ever told you that you're very photo-generic?
Animal Hospital
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: another CSA
4PM I Came to Glasgow on a Holiday of Self-Mortification
CSR on phone: Yes, I know. I'm sorry, I am French.
Percepta, Sauchiehall Street
Glasgow
Scotland
1PM Customer Service
CSR on phone with client: Yes sir, just click on the bl-b!
CSR: I'm terribly sorry, sir, my manager just hit me in the face with a beachball.
40 King Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
2PM And the Bar's Set Pretty High in Australia
CSR #1, after moving offices: Does the mouse get plugged into the monitor or the computer?
CSR #2: [Stares in disbelief and silence, and then starts laughing.]
CSR #1: I can't believe I just said that. That's the most stupid question I've ever heard!
Perth
Australia
4PM Hey, It's Your Name
CSR on phone: Your name, please?
Client: Patti Thomson*. That's Thompson, without a P.
CSR: No P in Patti?!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
12PM Lunch
Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don't know your life. Bitch!
1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana
11AM I Wouldn't Put That Off
Cajun: Now I'm thinking about filling the giant jar of babies I have with formaldehyde.
Goodwood Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Booyakish
10AM One-Handed, Too
Customer: I know it sounds like my husband drinks too much, but he really doesn't.
Alcohol-company CSR: Hey, I talk about alcohol all day long. You can't shock me.
Customer: Well, I write erotica, so I talk about sex all day long!
Alcohol-company CSR: Really?
Customer: Yeah. I just turned in my manuscript today, but it was three weeks late. I keep telling my editor, "I don't write smut on demand!" But I write very good smut.
800 Market Street
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Easily Entertained
1PM Because That's Our Target Market
CSR on phone with customer: Well, are you normally a weak-minded person?
175 South 3rd Street
Columbus, Ohio
1PM This Job Never Gets Any Easier, Does It?
CSR: The best way to get through lasers is break dancing!
Columbus, Ohio
12PM It Must Be Love
Physical therapist: ... So he drove all the way down here, and I didn't even get his clothes off. We've just been back there talking the whole time.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Which kind of therapy?
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR #1: What does IT stand for?
CSR #2: Idiotic tendencies.
CSR #1: Oh, so that's why we forward them all the stupid questions.
4800 NW 1st Street
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: customerserviceslave
5PM Somebody Hit His 'Reset' Button
CSR: Do you know your son's name? Your secret question is "What is your son's name?" Do you know your son's name?
Person resetting password: No, ma'am, I don't know what that is either.
Mishawka, Indiana
1PM An Irate Number 8 Refused to Fund Future Episodes of Sesame Street
Accounts payable tech: It's the letter eight. I mean the number eight.
6430 S. Fiddler's Green Circle
Denver, Colorado
3PM Fat Gene Linked to Responsibility-- More Details to Follow
Female CSR #1: Did you get a brownie?
Slightly-larger female CSR: No, I can't leave my desk and work to get a brownie. That would be brushing off my duties.
Female CSR #1: Well, I'm not a fat person. I wouldn't know.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR on phone: Call back tomorrow and we'll see if we can get the world to revolve around you.
175 South Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
11AM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: Sir, would you mind slowing down just a little bit?You're really giving me a lot of information, and it's not really
registering in my brain because I'm still trying to type in all the
other crap you told me.
5129 Beverly Glen Village Lane
Norcross, Georgia
12PM Is Ellen on Fire?
CSR on phone: May I speak with Ellen*?
Other line: Who?
CSR on phone: Ellen.
Other line: Ellen? This is a fire station. It doesn't ring a bell.
14610 IH 10 West
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: kelynsh
8AM Customer Service Calls with Happy Endings
CSR: No, Courtney is with a customer right now. Can I take a message?...Oh, Courtney just hollered and she's off the customer now.
106 West Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
9AM Dirt Cheap?
Customer: How much for a bulk load of cedar mulch?
Teen cashier: Uhhh... it's about 50 dollars per yard.
Customer: What's topsoil?
Teen cashier: It's like dirt.
350 Goose Lane
Guilford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Donde Esta
12PM I'll Pipe Some Random Noises into Your Earpiece
Admin on speaker: Can I please have the Electronics department?
Sears rep: Okay, hold for a while.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
5PM Yes... Yes... You'll Understand Why When You Meet Him
CSR on phone: So, we've set you an appointment with the specialist. His name is Allen*... and Allen is a guy.
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Because Do I Ever Have the Middle East Excursion Package for You...
Customer, entering store: Hi.
Travel agent: Are you ready to book something today, or are you just going to ask questions?
Queen Street
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Random Eavesdropper
12PM Kevin Requested New Monitor--Follow Up
CSR: I just took a look at the survey and noticed that at the very beginning it says "this survey is design". Shouldn't that say
"designed"?
IT: Probably...I cut and pasted.
CSR: Can it be changed?
IT: No, I etched that survey directly into your screen. To change it we would have to buy you a new monitor.
1 Woodland Hill Drive
Babson Park, Massachusetts
11AM 10,000 CSRs Can't Be Funny
CSR #1 on phone: Hello, are you there? Marco? Marco?
CSRs #2 and #3, simultaneously: Polo? Polo?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
2PM Probably Why She Has Problems Landing the Plane
CSR #1: She just has a hard time with things, you know? Being deaf and partially blind and all...
CSR #2: Well, that can be hard.
Austin, Texas
11AM Tech Support
Customer rep on phone: No, ma'am. I'm sorry but I can't come to your room and fix your equipment....because I'm not on the third floor. I'm in Denver and you're in San Francisco.
11400 Westmoor
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: losing patience
1PM Customer Service Desk
Customer: So I just bought a DVD/VCR player here and I put it in my boyfriend's car but it wasn't really my boyfriend's car because that car that I put the player in is gone now and my boyfriend's car is still here.
Pause
Customer: Is there a form or something that I can fill out?
400 North Alafaya Trail
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: KTB
1PM Stupid Bitch. Lucky Me.
Bitter CSR: She got some flowers delivered... I should take them -- I bet she doesn't even deserve flowers... But I probably don't deserve her abusive boyfriend.
2610 Portland Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: also flower-less and bitter
11AM Customer Service Retraining
Co-worker #1: Did you just say you asked the location to give the
customer a little ass?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, ass...ya know, assistance.
Co-worker #1: Um...once again...ass is not the abbreviation for
assistance.
Boss: What's going on?
5330 E. 31st Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
11AM Twelve Full Months of Scary Doll Eyes
Worker: Hello! Are you looking for anything in particular?
Eight-year-old boy: Barbie!
Calendar kiosk, Victoria Mall
Victoria, Texas
5PM But My Ability to Double Entendre Is Functioning Quite Well
CSR: Hang on, I'll use my fingers... My head isn't working today.
Clovis, New Mexico
Overheard by: 23 minutes longer & i'm outta here
9AM Back to Work
Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.
1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR: How do I transfer calls?
Teller: You're an idiot wrapped in moron.
845 North Gilbert Road
Gilbert, Arizona
10AM Get Me Two Pirates!
CSR: I need, like, four more arms and three more eyeballs. That way I could do more than one thing at a time.
Tempe, Arizona
4PM What Do You Mean by "Try"?
CSR: Would you like to try it in your mouth?
4700 River Road
Riverdale, Maryland
12AM A Jewish Vampire, Apparently
CSR: Is Mike there?
Man: Do you know what day it is?
CSR: What does that have to do with anything?
Man: Well it's Sunday!
CSR: I know that! Can I talk to Mike?
Man: No it's Sunday and he isn't alive on Sunday because he's a vampire!
375 Ghent Road
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: No Longer Employed
1PM Dude, You're Not Getting That Dell!
Customer: Yeah, like I need to get this purchase authorized for school supplies and stuff.
CSR: Yes, sir. Can you tell me the primary cardholder's name?
Customer: Yeah, that would be me. My name is on the card.
CSR: No sir, you are on the account. I need the primary cardholder; is he available?
Customer: No, he is in Florida or Georgia or something. Dude call my Dad, he can tell you all about it.
CSR: I need to ask you some security questions first. Do you know the primary cardholder's date of birth?
Customer: Uh, dude, this really sucks...I can't remember his birthday...Dude that's pretty sad I don't even know my father's birthday.
CSR: OK, sir can you give me the last 4 digits of the social security number on the account for the primary cardholder.
Customer: Dude, are you kidding? I will tell you anything about me that you want to know I just want to get this stuff going, y'know?
CSR: Sir, can you hold?
Customer: Sure.
2 minutes pass.
CSR: OK sir, I have blocked the card. Please inform your father that he will need to give us a call to take the block off the card.
Customer. Dude, this fucking sucks. I have any information you need about me, why can't you call my dad?
CSR: I am not calling your dad sir, please inform him that he will need to give us a call to have the block taken off the card.
Customer: Dude you are really starting to piss me off, dude.
CSR: Sir you can't verify any of the security questions, and I can't approve this transaction.
Customer: ...Dude call my dad! He will give you anything you want to know.
CSR: I am not calling your dad, sir.
Customer: Dude, you have so just lost 4 accounts!
3615 Brotherton Road
Cincinnati, Ohio
1PM After Much Wrangling...Finally, Canadia Was Sold
Customer: Is fifty percent off of $100, like, $50?
Employee: No. Not at all. It usually works out to $35.95.
Customer: Really?
2223 Victoria Avenue East
Regina, Saskatchewan
10AM When It Gets Wedged Under a Bridge Abutment, Don't Come Crying to Me
Customer rep: Hey, it's 112 inches tall. Is that legal?
Truck rep: No.
Customer rep: Well, we're doing it anyway.
1368 Old Fannin Road, Suite 400
Flowood, Mississippi
Overheard by: the Intern
4PM Needs Some Fresh Air
Customer service: Is your desktop on the screen of your laptop?
Customer: Yes.
Customer service: Okay, go ahead and close all windows.
Customer: My apartment does not have any windows.
245 Crossroads Parkway
Bolingbrook, Illinois
3PM Breakroom
Customer service clerk #1: Whew! It stinks in here. Did the bug exterminator guy spray for bugs in here today?
Customer service clerk #2: No, one of the sales reps just walked through. You are smelling salesman cologne.
5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
4PM Man Support Desk
Customer: Hey, the spell checker is broken. When I type in complete
gobbledygook, it doesn't mark that as wrong. Can you fix that?
Tech: When you learn how to type real words and they are misspelled, then you are allowed to ask me questions.
9598 Cortana Place
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
11AM That's Network TV for You
Analyst: The problem, though, is that it's not child pornography -- just the regular kind.
16340 North Scottsdale Road
Scottsdale, Arizona
9AM Waiter, I'll Have the Couch Potato with a Side of Gullible
Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn't working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It's simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you've been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It's easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see... [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in -- stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it's dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I'm a professional. We'll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay... [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver's magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It's a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you're away for most of the year.
CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits 'wake up' signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.
Caller: That's amazing! Who'd have thought... a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.
Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama
3PM Coffee Break
CSR: Jesus, this coffee tastes like it was brewed in a colostomy bag.
Admin: I think it tastes delicious.
CSR: You would.
4800 NW 1st Street
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: customerserviceslave
12PM We Only Sell Fabric That Looks Like Meat
Customer: I need fabric.
CSR: OK. What type of fabric do you need?
Customer: I need fabric.
CSR: Um, could you be more specific?
Customer: I need fabric that looks like cloth.
425 West 15th Street
New York, NY
5PM That's a Wrap
Tech on phone in next cube: How can I help you? ... Uh huh. Well like it said in the doc, you have to name the files alphabetically for that to work. ... Alphabetically means from A to Z. ... No, sir, you can't name one file code_abc and the next one code_aba, a is before c... Yes, abz would work. ... Numbers come before letters. ... You're welcome. [hangs up phone] Fuck this shit, I can't even smoke it. I'm going home!
800 S Canal Street
Chicago, Illinois
1PM Lunch
CSR: You know sometimes when you blow, you can feel it in your throat?
Secretary: No, I don't blow that hard.
CSR: Well, I blow hard and I can feel it sometimes. It sucks.
541 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Eve S Dropper
12AM Y as in Why Would You Use Neurotransmitter?
CSR: ...Gwendy. G like goat, W, E, N like neurotransmitter...
5409 N. Florida Avenue
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen Brown
4PM Of Course, Now I'll Have to Sue Him
CSR: Stan* filled my pipeline with so much hardware it made my whole third quarter.
Hilton Head, South Carolina
3PM Call Center
CSR: So then he goes, "This is Motorola, right? Because with that voice of yours, for a second there, I thought I called the wrong number" oh, but it didn't stop there...he keeps on with "you know, like, a 900 number, right?" I mean, eww...I did not need to know that.
1301 East Algonquin
Schaumburg, Illinois
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR: This is my senior picture in high school.
Manager: You were a cheerleader?
CSR: Yeah.
Manager: What happened?
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
9AM He Should Ask to Speak to a Buddhist CSR, Fluent in the Language of Reincarnation
Heated caller: So let me understand this: if I die, I get $100,000?
CSS rep: No. If you pass, your beneficiary will receive $100,000.
Heated caller: But it is my money. I am paying the premium for it. I should be able to get my money. Why can't I have my money?!
CSS rep: Because you will be dead, ma'am.
Heated caller: That's ridiculous. I want to speak with a manager.
1 Sartan Way
Merrimack, New Hampshire
Overheard by: CSS Nightmare
12PM Just a Little One That Will Change the Way I See Things
Female customer: My sunglasses are broken. One of the screws fell out, and a guy in here yesterday said they would replace them with a new pair.
Woman behind counter: Oh, I remember you. You're just looking for a screw, right?
Female customer, after entire store stops laughing: Aren't we all, really?
1051 North Rush Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Standing behind you
1PM That's Hardly a Reason. He Must Have Smelled Bad.
Customer: I would like to complain about the woman who works here. She was very rude to me for no reason, even yelling, and then made me leave.
Clerk: Are you the guy who was walking around naked?
Customer: Oh...ah, well... [Leaves quickly]
Porn store
Bozeman, Montana
9AM Back to Work
CSR: Where the fuck are my pants?
102 W. Washington
Colby, Kansas
11AM Confirm Hotel for Conference
CSR: Okay sir, that's one, six, A as in apple, T as in ticket, nine, four, S as in snow, zero as in orange, thirteen.
1277 Deming Way
Madison, Wisconsin
1PM Sorting Mail
CSR: I just got one of those uh, uh, NAFTA things. What does that stand for? National Automobile--
Supervisor: Um, I think it's North American Free Trade Agreement. Or Association. One of those two.
CSR: Are you sure it's not National Automobile something?
Supervisor: I think you're thinking of NASCAR?
CSR: Ahh, yes.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, NewJersy
Overheard by: office peon
12AM Communication's Overrated, Anyway
Co-worker: Would you like to receive our free catalog in the mail?
Customer: No speak engliss.
Co-worker: Ha, ha. Oh, that sucks.
Customer: Si.
628 Broadway
New York, NY
Overheard by: Hannah Haddix
12AM Stupidity is an International Language
Dell Support operator: OK, sir, now I'm going to need you to insert your System CD. Do you have that handy?
Irish customer: Is dat dis Pentanium ting?
The other listeners on conference laugh.
Dell Support operator: Excuse me, sir, there's a lot of background noise. I'm just going to turn off the other microphones.
--As a novel approach to caller boredom while waiting for a techSupp droid to become free, Dell have instituted a situation where callers get to listen in while said droid deals with the calls ahead of one in the queue.
So the overhearing was actually pretty widely geographically
distributed, between:
The charmin' Irish Callcentre colleen, who was wherever in Ireland Dell have their support centre;
Her interlocutor, who by his accent was also in that country;
The various other listeners-in, who might have been anywhere in
Europe;
Me, at Long Lane, Newbury, England.
Overheard by: CDWriter
10AM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: If the item you need to return doesn't fit back in the box, maybe you could snip off the edges to make it fit. Either way it will all get back to our warehouse.
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
11AM Relationship Management
Manager to customer: At what point do you see this conversation getting any better for you?
10 Scotia Street
Boston, Massachusetts
2PM Monitor Calls
Customer: Can you put directions for the delivery man on the label?
CSR: Sure.
Customer: Tell him to give it to me through the back door.
CSR: The back door?
Customer: Yeah.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
4PM Interviews
CSR: That guy was such a moron! And he kept trying to tell me he had a
photographic memory. I thought to myself, "Yeah, well you must be out of film."
7350 Tilghman Street
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: jara
11AM Urgent: Call About Credit Bill
CSR: Could you guys not talk while I'm on the phone?...And could you not breathe either?
1650 Bobali Drive
Harrisburg, Pennsyvania
Overheard by: Erin Spohn
7PM Where There's Smoke, There's a Tech Support Call
CSR: They're sending out an engineer to ascertain whether the unit is actually on fire.
730 Paseo Camarillo
Camarillo, California
Overheard by: Dave Brown
12PM It's the Fifty-First!
Clerk: Ma'am I can't take this money.
Lady: Why not? It's good American money.
Clerk: Ma'am this money is from Canada.
Lady: Is Canada not the 50th state of the U.S. or are you stupid or something?
Clerk: I'm not the one that's stupid.
13697 W. Colonial Drive
Winter Garden, Florida
3PM So Many Jobs Are Made Interesting Only By the Arbitrary Exercise of Petty Authority
Customer service person: I'll be right with you, ma'am. He was first.
Female customer: No, he wasn't.
Customer Service person: Yes, he was.
Male customer: No, I wasn't.
Customer service person: Yes, you were.
Bank of America
New York, New York
Overheard by: Stretch
2PM Interviews
Nursing Aide: What do I do?
CSR: Just fill out the brown application.
Nursing Aide: Okay, I filled out my name, but where do I put my address?
CSR: No ma'am, the brown application. That is a calendar.
99 Hudson Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: praying I don't need medical attention
5PM That's a Wrap
Customer on phone: Can I get reimbursed for herbal remedies through my flexible spending account?
CSR #1: No. Holocaustic medicines are not eligible for reimbursement unless you receive them as part of doctor's visit.
CSR #2: I think you meant holistic.
CSR #1: Whatever. Same thing.
2302 International Lane
Madison, Wisconsin
11AM Monitor Calls
CSR: Sir? Sir, are you there?
Customer: Oh, I dozed off! Sorry I do that sometimes.
Later in the call...
CSR: Is that okay, sir?...Sir, are you still there?...Sir? did you fall asleep again? Sir?
Customer: Why would you ask me if I fell asleep?
5767 West Sunrise Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: cubiclejunky
11AM Conference
CSR: Here's the agenda. You'll notice my name is missing from the list because I plan on going home at 4PM.
Admin: I notice [Dawn] isn't on the list either.
CSR: That's because I figure wherever I put her on the list, she'll end up under the guy's table anyway.
3601 South Broad Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Coordinator
1PM And Don't Even Get Me Started on Latex Blends
CSR: Don't you slide out of leather easier than cloth?
Hammarlund Way
Middletown, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Weasal whisperer
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR: Did you look at the fax machine?
Tech: Yes, it's gorgeous!
203 Floral Vale Boulevard
Yardley, Pennsylvania
12PM Handle Customer Complaints
CSR: Ma'am, my system is backed up and my computer is going down on me.
300 Rosewood Drive
Danvers, Massachusetts
9AM Yet I Still Wish It Were Sunday...
Support Desk: I wonder why preachers are so hateful? Out of all the customers I've dealt with, preachers are all so mean. They're worse than Canadians
5330 East 31st Street
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: donrae moore
12PM Relax -- That's Just Canadian for "Good Morning"
Overworked CSR: Sir, at any point in our conversation today did I provide you with my name?
Customer: No.
Overworked CSR: Good -- fuck you [hangs up].
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
11AM Personal Call
CSR on phone with daughter: My mom never picked me up when I had cramps. You're staying at school. Period.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
12PM Monitor Call Desk
CSR: I can't understand her. She's confusing me...She's talking all smart and stuff.
3320 West Cheryl Drive
Phoenix, Arizona
12AM "...and what kind of plastic is it made of?"
Customer: I want to ask you about the solid wood tubing. Is that
hollow?
CSR: The Solid Wood Tubing?
Customer: Yes.
CSR: No, it is solid.
Customer: Oh, I see.
737 Main Street
Buffalo, New York
12AM Just Put It In Your Pocket
CSR: So you'd like to rent a 12 foot stepladder?
Customer: Yes...How big is that?
CSR: Well, it's about 12 feet, sir.
Customer: I can strap that on top of a cab, right?
533 Canal Street
New York, NY
1PM If It's Too Hard to Process, Just Pretend You Didn't Hear It
Avis clerk: I just love your little beanie!
Jewish guy: It's actually called a yarmulke. I'm Jewish, and all Jewish men wear them.
Avis clerk: Oh! Well, you have yourself a merry Christmas!
Charlotte Airport, North Carolina
Overheard by: Renjeau
2PM Setting Goals
CSR to manager: Sometimes there is a fine line between making people happy and getting them to shut up.
1300 Arlington
Itasca, Illinois
3PM Smoke Break
CSA #1: So today is the official start of winter. Who cares?
CSA #2: To some people that is important.
CSA #1: Like who, bears?
CSA #2: To some people it's a winter holiday
CSA #1: Like who, Canadians?
1000 Semmes Avenue
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Chastain
2PM Customer Care
Passenger: Is this flight going to be full?
CSR #1: Yes, we expect a full flight today, sir.
Passenger: Why is that?
CSR #1: Um... well, I guess a lot of people made reservations, sir.
Passenger: Uh...No, I mean, it's Tuesday. People don't fly on Tuesdays.
CSR # 2, whispering to coworker: Wow! A talking dog!
Avenida Tael S/N, MEX (Mexico City International Airport)
Overheard by: Trece
10AM Exit Interview
CSR: I feel bad though that I'm leaving -- I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don't feel bad. We got our money's worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
3PM Smoke Break
CSR: I just got a call from a guy that was looking for a customer service number for the phone company but he didn't want an automated number, so I told him that most customer service numbers are automated. He told me, "I am a therapist; I know how the phone system works."
6010 Exchange Parkway
San Antonio, Texas
5PM That's a Wrap
Customer: Excuse me sir, do you think this paint color will look good in my living room?
CSA: I don't know! I've never been in your living room.
150 Route 17 North
East Rutherford, New Jersey
12PM Lunch
CSR #1: Do you remember Barbie?
CSR #2: Barbie? Was she the one who used to chain her chair to her desk?
CSR #1: No, that was someone else -- Barbie was the one who used to have Barbie dolls all over her desk and pink fluffy pens and stuff?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon is having a ball today
9AM I Swear They Live Here
CSR: Can you give me your daughter's measurements?
714 NE Hancock Street
Portland, Oregon
9AM Tell Me What You Think a 'Book' Is
Patron: Ummm, I'm looking for a book.
Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it's called?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?
Patron: Yeah.
Librarian: You know you're in a fuckin' library, right?
Austin Public Library
Austin, Texas
1PM If Our Customers Won't Behave, We Fire Them
VP on phone with angry customer: Well, I'm sorry that nobody has been here to take your calls or return your messages yet. We've been busy in the office lately... Yes, I understand it's frustrating, but we're doing all we can... Okay, look Larry*, look -- the reason nobody's here whenever you call is because we just got caller ID last week, and everybody ignores you because nobody wants to deal with you because you're an asshole... Yeah, I heard you were a real piece of work to our receptionist... You're an asshole! Yeah? Well, I don't care if we have your business anymore. Asshole!
Beltsville, Maryland
Overheard by: The abused receptionist
11AM Conference
Help Desk #1: Who should we send?
Help Desk #2: Let's send [Jessica].
Help Desk #3: She's perfect.
Help Desk #2: Of course, she's female.
Help Desk #1: Yeah, she's very female!
123 Pitkin Road
Plainfield, Vermont
9AM They're At It Again
Phone drone #1: So this guy's going to call the Better Business Bureau because I suck.
Phone drone #2: You suck?
Phone drone #1: I don't just suck, I suck!
Phone drone #2: You suck what? Don't answer that.
175 South Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
12AM Man Ordering Take-out
Coworker: Yes, I ordered Italian ice from your menu...Oh, so you don't have any more Italian ice. Hmmm, what else would I like?...Oh, you don't have Italian ice, but you have iced tea?...um, what?
1251 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
4PM Train CSRs
CSR: So is there anything else I can help you with?
Customer: I'm not sure; are there any questions I didn't ask yet?
605 5th Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: listening in
2PM Orientation
CSR: So if someone calls and asks to be transferred to Darryl, I transfer the call to Darryl, right?
51 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
10AM Take Calls
Phone Rep: Sir, are you self-employed?...OK. And do you own the prison?
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
5PM Just the Grilled Water, Then
Server: Are you ready?
Customer: I don't know what I want. What do you like?
Server: When the customer makes up his mind and orders.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: I Like the Grilled Tuna
2PM Routine Transaction
Teller: Sir, can you please send in your ID since you want to cash this check
Customer: Well, there's a problem. I lost my ID, but I can give you my social security number, birthday, and even tell you the last several transactions on my account to verify.
Teller: Ok, what's your birthday and social?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: Ok, what were the last three charges on your account?
Customer: [gives information]
Teller: So...what's this $450 charge Passion Parties?
Customer: [Laughter] Uh, that's something my wife is involved in.
730 Adkins Boulevard
Jackson, Mississippi
Overheard by: Nathan Best
12PM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: No ma'am, I cannot get the part to you today. If I could beam myself to your house and deliver the part myself, I would. But since I can't, you will have to wait for overnight shipping.
553 Benson Road
Benton Harbor, Michigan
2PM Call About Car
Old man: My car was stolen this morning. It's been a terrible day. I had my son come all the way out to drive me over to see you, because you're my agent.
Insurance Agent: What would you like me to do about it?
37383 6 Mile Road
Livonia, Michigan
Overheard by: Next-door Nancy
12PM Update Records
Man: I'd like to change the name on the account. She's been dead for a while now.
CSR: For how long?
170 Utopia Road
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: Mellen
10AM Call Center
CSR: Seriously, when you think you've gotten the weirdest call you could get...someone calls about a conch shell.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Lindroid
12PM Now That We've Bathed and Bedded You
Cashier, handing customer a receipt: And here's a memento of our time together.
Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Jacksonville, Florida
11AM Why the President Has a Press Secretary
CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I'm fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay... That's uh... He's uh... standing right over there...
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]
Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy... He's all yours.
1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted
3PM I Just Hate Being Held Accountable for My Actions
CSR: Thanks for calling Widgets Inc.* How may I help you?
Client on phone: Yeah, I was just talking to Roger* and we lost connection. Maybe you can finish walking me through whatever.
CSR: Sir, we do not have a Roger. You were just talking to me. We didn't lose connection. You hung up on me and I was walking you through understanding that our software does not do "whatever."
Eighth Floor, Galleria
Hoover, Alabama
12PM But You Can Pour This Cappuccino in Your Underpants
Starbucks customer: Yes, I'd like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that's what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't sell that here anymore.
Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: a smarter customer.
5PM That's a Wrap
Customer service manager: Okay, now I'm going to grab my hipflask, hide behind the bushes, and drink myself stupid.
98 Toryork
North York, Ontario
Canadia
1PM Lunch
CSR: Oh my god. I just spilled soup on my glasses! I was eating soup and it splashed on my face.
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
1PM Sir, You Need More Services Than I Can Provide
CSR: OK, sir, go ahead and click on the logo in the top left of your screen.
Customer, on phone: I don't see that. I'm on a page that says "Welcome," then "My Profile."
CSR: OK, go ahead and click on "My Profile."
Customer: I don't see that.
9800 Fredericksburg Road
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: Raydran
9AM Wait, Did I Say That Out Loud?
Customer: Here's my order number.
CSR: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: What can you tell me about my order?
CSR: Um. What would you like to know?
Customer: You tell me. What does your computer tell you?
CSR: It tells me lots of things. What you ordered, when you ordered it. How can I help you?
Customer: Tell me everything your screen tells you about my order.
CSR: What would you like to know?
Customer: No, I want to know what you know about my order.
CSR: Well, I can tell you when it shipped, when it was delivered. Would those help?
Customer: No. What else?
CSR: Well, it would take me a really long time to read you everything I have here.
Customer: Oh. Well, let me explain. [Gives explanation]
CSR: I see. So you just want UPS to pick up this order?
Customer: Are you an idiot? That's what I've been saying the whole time!
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon can't wait for the weekend
11AM Another Victim of the 'Math Is Hard' Barbie
Barista: What are you going to do when you grow up?
Little girl: Doctor.
Barista: You want to be a doctor? That's wonderful!
Little girl: No. Mommy told me to marry doctor and have kids. I want 27!
Ft Valley Road
Flagstaff, Arizona
11AM Jesus: The Way You People Treat Each Other, I Hate You All!
CSR, sighing at computer: Jesus hates me. [Alarmed when notices customer] I didn't mean that.
Customer: No, it's okay. He probably does.
1400 Apalachee Parkway
Tallahassee, Florida
1PM Why the New York-Ohio Worker Exchange Program Fell Apart
Elderly customer: I'd also like a two-liter of Coke.
20-something cashier, smiling: Certainly.
Elderly customer: You know, I really like your demeanor and attitude.
20-something cashier: Up yours, old man.
Elderly customer: [Stunned silence.]
20-something cashier: Have a nice day!
6780 Goshen Road
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Delivery Expert
11AM Order Staples from OfficeMax
Help desk #1: The staplers are hopelessly broken this time.
Help desk #2: We spend all our time fixing the staplers. Perhaps hwe should just call ourselves Stapler User Services instead of Computer User Services.
3203 SE Woodstock Boulevard
Portland, Oregon
1PM What a Fulozer
CSR on phone: And what size product do you have?
Customer: Where do I find that?
CSR: It should be on the front of the label, probably on the bottom.
Customer: No, it's not there. All it says there is 'Eight fulozos.'
CSR: Uh... Do you mean 'Eight fluid ounces'?
Customer: No... It says 'Fulozos.'
1905 Aston Avenue
Carlsbad, California
12PM Canadians Keep Zoloft in the Water Supply For Moments Like This
CSR on speakerphone: Hey, when am I going to get my email fixed? I have things that I need to send out to clients.
IT guy: Oh, yeah, we sent you an email requesting some more information. We need you to send that email back before we can fix your issue...Hello? Are you sending that email?
CSR disconnects the call.
CSR: I'm going on break now.
1616 27th Avenue NE
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
2PM Eudora Downs Sydrome
Agent: Thank you for calling the help desk. Can I have your first and last name, please?
Customer: Is Eudora down?
Agent: Um, Eudora is a program that is isolated on your computer. It is not a system or network of everyone's email.
Customer: Is Eudora [campus email] down?
Agent: No.
Customer: I'll call my cable company.
Customer hangs up.
University of Wisconsin
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Brandon
2PM System is Down; Call IT
IT: Okay, try it now.
The problem solved, it works.
Call Center: Wait, wait, wait. Don't start jerking each other off just yet...We still have to test one other thing.
101 Empty Saddle Trail
Hailey, Idaho
4PM Sure, Just Wad it up so it Fits Through Those Little Holes in the Phone
Customer: Do I have to pay for that over the phone?
Customer service agent: Yes, ma'am.
Customer: Do you take cash?
Glenwood Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: suse
4PM This Dramatization of the Importance of Negative Numbers is the Grittiest Schoolhouse Rock Yet
CSR: Customer Service, this is Sheri*. May I have your account number please?
Customer: Why is my account negative?!
CSR: Well, if you give me your account number, I can look it up and go over your transactions with you.
Customer gives information, CSR verifies, and the conversation continues.
CSR: Well, ma'am, looks like your opening deposit on Tuesday was 25 dollars... And then you withdrew 40 dollars from the ATM on Friday.
Customer: And...?
CSR: Well, 25 dollars minus 40 dollars is negative 15 dollars.
Customer: I don't understand what you are trying to tell me.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
4PM So You'll Have to Buy a Clue Somewhere Else
Customer on phone: Can you transfer me to the Electronic section?
Best Buy clerk: Uh, anyone in particular?
Customer on phone: Yes, Electronics.
Best Buy clerk: Sir, you do realize we are an electronic store, right?
Bowie, Maryland
10AM Just Got His Room the Way He Likes It
Cashier: Okay, so can I get your address so we can ship the unit to you? [Old lady gives the cashier her address.] And you, sir? What's yours?
40-year-old son wearing a 'Vote for Pedro' shirt: It's the same as my mom's.
RadioShack
California
Overheard by: SK
1PM System Overload
CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause]
CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause]
CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause]
CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause]
CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up]
CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you...try not to laugh...
730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas
Overheard by: El Gee
1PM Maybe I Shouldn't Have Let Him Borrow All That Poe
Librarian: Have you met the new assistant director? He reminds me a lot of Randy -- you know -- Ralphie's little brother from A Christmas Story. Nobody wants to hang out with him. The other day I asked him how he was, and he actually held up a piece of rope and said, 'Oh, I'm hanging in there!' and gave me a creepy smile.
60 7th Street
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: Grace
12PM Monitor Calls
CSR: Oh, you work on computers? You probably know more than I do so this should be an easy call, huh?
25 Brooklyn Avenue
Forsyth, Georgia
5PM I Thought She Loved Me 'til I Got This Gift Card
Cashier: Okay, your total is $9.63, and can I have you first name for the order?
Customer: McKnight.
Cashier: McKnight?
Customer: Yes.
Cashier: That's your first name?
Customer: Yes.
Cashier: Your mother didn't like you very much, did she?
Panera Bread
Evans, Georgia
Overheard by: Phil
11AM Cut Scenes from Midnight Cowboy
Bus driver: Your bus pass isn't working.
Passenger: Sorry, man, it should. I just got it yesterday... It's new.
Bus driver: It's just not working... Just come on anyway. I love you, man.
Passenger: Thanks, bro. I love you, too.
Downtown bus terminal
New York, New York
3PM Sir, You'll Have to Take Your Green Tiger Outside
Customer with CD: Don't make fun of the Transformers.
Bookseller: I'm not making fun. I had that soundtrack. I lost it in the hurricane.
Customer with CD: Well, you can't have mine.
Bookseller: I have The Matrix.
Customer with CD: I have the touch.
Passing customer: And I have the power!
Barnes & Noble, Irving Mall
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: shelving drone
1PM I Mean, I Am Your... Line, Please?
Waiter: Señorita, would you like something to drink?
Guest: Si, a mojito, please.
Waiter: Muy bien. And señora -- if you need anything else, do not hesitate to ask me. I am your master. I mean, you are my master. No... Uh... I am here to serve you.
Hotel bar
San Jose
Costa Rica
Overheard by: Pura Vida
10AM Coffee Break
Marketing manager: Maybe you should have one pink and one blue for your kids.
CSR: Oooh, yeah!
Manager: Well, wait, what do pink and blue make? Purple? No.
CSR: No?
Manager: No, black and blue make purple. Or was it black and red?
421 Northwest Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana
11AM It's Discipline, Not War Crimes
Voice on PA: Attention, Barnes and Noble shoppers, will the customer looking for the 'Bataan Death March' please come to the Children's Department? Thank you.
Southlake, Texas
4PM ... I Seem to Have Lost Possession of It
Cell phone technician: This is Mariah*, how can I help you?
Customer: Yes ma'am, I just bought the Sony Exorcism phone, and...
7111 N Prince Street
Clovis, New Mexico
Overheard by: it's a sony ERICSSON!!!! LMAO
10AM The Last Event He Remembers Clearly Is V-J Day
Old man: Excuse me.
CD store employee: Yes.
Old man: Where do you keep your Negro music?
CD store employee: What?
Old man: Your Negro music!
Grandson: He means rap music.
CD store employee: Oh, over there.
1st Avenue North
Seattle, Washington
1PM Are You Immune to Postal Death Rays? We're Hiring!
Girl: One stamp please. [Crusty mail lady puts Christmas stamp on envelope.] Oh, ummm, does it need to be that one? [Crusty mail lady shoots death rays with eyes.] But they're Jewish! [More death rays.] But I'm asking them for a job! [Crusty mail lady rips off Christmas stamp and replaces with flower stamp.] Ummm...
Crusty mail lady: Fifty-one cents.
Post office
Michigan
Overheard by: Jen
5PM That's a Wrap
CSR guy: I swear to God, if [Becca] wasn't pregnant I would have tackled her.
515 N State Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
11AM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: Okay, I'm sending a trouble ticket up for investigation on that for you. Here's the ticket number in case you want to call and yell at us.
4800 Concentric Boulevard
Saginaw, Michigan
11AM Monitor Calls
Customer Service Specialist on phone: No, sir. You just had a credit line increase yesterday...Well, sir. That's how the potato chips.
Customer Service Specialist: ...Damn towelhead.
14700 Citicorp Drive
Hagerstown, Maryland
12PM Monitor Calls
CSR on phone: [Comtech], accounts receiveable, this is [Brett]...Yes, this is [Comtech]...This is the accounts receivable department, yes...My name is [Brett]...[Brett]!
420 5th Avenue
New York, NY
