Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
Bimbettes (Best Of) All Categories > People > Bimbettes
Recent | Best Of
11AM Even a Dumb Chick Is Right Once Every Thousand Years
Bimbette #1: Like, what's a millennium?
Bimbette #2: I think it's, like, when the year changes or something.
Video store,
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: A Thousand Years of Blondes
11AM Call Transfer
CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is "A guy."
4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California
2PM Actually, They're from Albany
Girl #1: What country is Paul* from?
Girl #2: He's Albanian. [Girl #1 is silent.] You know... Albania?
Girl #1: Isn't that where all the albinos come from? I didn't know Paul was albino!
Copperfield College
Melbourne
Australia
4PM Challenge: Answer This Without Using a Double Entendre
Woman sipping her soda through a straw, the day after the super bowl: If I suck hard enough, will Justin Timberlake come?
Lincoln Village Drive
Rancho Cordova, California
Overheard by: That's What She Said
12PM Just When I Learned to Tell Time, Too
Bimbette: I hate that I have to memorize a new date everyday.
Monroe and LaSalle Street
Chicago, Illinois
11AM Not Physically Possible? Someone's Never Read the Bible
Office girl #1: Is it raining out?
Office girl #2: No way, it's sunny! Unless it a sun shower.
Office girl #1: A sun shower is not physically possible.
Office girl #2: Ummm, you've never seen it rain while the sun's out?
Office girl #1: Oh, I thought you meant literally, like giant balls of fire falling from the sky...
Michigan
Overheard by:
3PM Nebraska?
Fashionista: We live in the dumbest world on the planet.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, New York
9AM Time to Prepare for That Eventuality
Teen girl: If I don't get an A on this English test I'm going to be even screwed-er.
High school
Sterling, Virginia
Overheard by: The Mean Teacher
2PM The Klan Has Fallen on Hard Times
Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain't never snuck into no white person's house and put poison in they're food! But Whitey's oppressin' me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!
545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington
12PM There's Nothing That Can't Be Accomplished Through Sex and Dishonesty
Coed #1: He had told me not to do anything special for his birthday. He said to forget he was having a birthday at all. But then he came over, and I could tell that he was down.
Coed #2: Because it was his birthday, and he was thirty.
Coed #1: Yeah.
Coed #2: And he's dating an eighteen-year-old.
Coed #1: Shut up. So then we had sex? And it wasn't, like, the most amazing time, but I faked it. But, like, really over the top? And he was happy the rest of the day!
University & College Avenues
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: over 30
12PM Diversity: Understanding One Another's Backgrounds
African American Female: So, [Becky], where are you from?
Native African Female: Uganda.
African American Female: Oh, I thought you were from Africa!
7500 Greenway Center Drive
Greenbelt, Maryland
2PM Why Josie Spoiled in the Heat
Chick #1: Sometimes when I'm not wearing a bra and I don't want my nipples to poke out I put Band-Aids over them.
Chick #2: You put mayonnaise on your nipples?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
Chick #2: Mayonnaise?!
Chick #1: Yeah, Band-Aids.
9th and Broad Street
Chattanooga, Tennessee
12PM Of Course They're Expensive --They're Moloko Dispensers
Hick girl #1: Look, I'm just saying, that bitch was a bitch.
Hick girl #2: She is such a bitch.
Hick girl #1: I know. And her costume wasn't even funny.
Hick girl #2: I don't think they're supposed to be funny. I think they're supposed to be scary.
Hick girl #1: Her tits are scary.
Hick girl #2: She's always showin' her tits. I don't wanna see them scary-ass tits.
Bitch: My tits are expensive, you stupid hick bitches.
Hick girl #1: Why didn't you say you were in there, bitch? God, you're a bitch.
Hick girl #2: Bitch.
Nashville, Tennessee
3PM Also Thinks Everyone from 'Idaho' Is a Slut
Coworker #1: I don't know, he was weird. And plus, I've never dated a guy from Indiana...
Coworker #2: Wait... He was Indian?
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Cubica
5PM The Human-Powered Watercraft Speed Record Is a Seductive Mistress
Girl #1: It's like that kid that was kidnapped for all those years, and then they found him and he was back with his family... but then he died a few years later in a boatorcycle accident.
Girl #2: A boatorcycle accident?
Girl #1: I meant motorcycle.
Girl #2: Yeah, I was gonna say... if he was boatorcycling it would have been his own fault. I mean, he shouldn't have been boatorcycling.
Girl #1: I know!
4310 Sherwoodtowne Boulevard
Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
3PM So I Just Tell Them to Go Home
Girl: How many pieces of fish in the six pack?
Manager: Are you serious?
Girl: Well, I don't know what to say to customers.
Brisbane, Queensland
Australia
2PM In My Defense, I Also Talk about Sex All Day Long
Chick: Dude, you're such a poser. You talk about food all day long and then go home and eat salad. You're not a real fatty like me. Talk to me when you join the club.
500 West 4th Street
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
4PM He's Been Burned Before
Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.
7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lane In Richmond
5PM When Your Job Is Over Hard
Waitress: Can I ask you something? This customer wants two eggs. But he wants them fried. Do we even do that here?
Manager: Um, yes. Actually most eggs are fried. There's over easy, sunny side up, over hard...
Waitress: Oh, really? OK. Whatever.
30th & Walnut Streets
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Just having oatmeal
12PM It's My Fitness Program
Female co-worker: Yeah, these bruises on my legs? I wish I could say they were from S&M. Actually, I was just drunkenly stumbling around.
33 New Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McN
1PM The Truth Is Just too Explosive
Female coworker #1: I just don't know what to tell my kid.
Female coworker #2: What about?
Female coworker #1: Well, my six-year-old wants to know what's the difference between a lamb and a sheep.
Female coworker #2: Oh, that's tough. What are you going to tell her?
Female coworker #1: I dunno, probably that they are just similar species.
South Research Place
Central Islip, New York
2PM Well, You and I Could Still Meet
Manager: So, the meeting is cancelled.
Office hoochie: And I put a clean thong on for this!
1950 Broadway
Oakland, California
Overheard by: mcbutters
12PM His Business Model Is Predicated on People Being Stupid
Bimbette: Do you have any, like, advice for the test?
Tutor: Yeah -- if you get a fraction, then you probably got it wrong. Fractions are really bad. Like, if you get 81/3 or some other stupid number...
Bimbette: Right. Fractions are bad. Got it.
Girl passerby: You know that simplifies, right?
Tutor: You are such a nerd.
Middle school
Carmel Valley, California
3PM Smoke Break
Worker #1: Do you know a sabbatical is?
Worker #2: Isn't that when you don't have sex?
Worker #3: I think professors take sabbaticals?
Worker #2: Wasn't Ross on a sabbatical?
Worker #3: I think it's a break from working.
Worker #2: So I was right. A prostitute on sabbatical wouldn't have sex.
4725 Peachtree Corners Circle
Norcross, Georgia
2PM IT Visit
IT guy sneezes several times.
IT guy: I think I'm allergic to the flowers on this screen.
Nearby blonde: Really? You can change the screen saver if you want.
Paddington Street, Paddington
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: Jane Kenny
3PM Let's Go Rob an Ann Taylor First
Ghetto chick: Girl, I don't want to rob a grocery store lookin' like this.
McDade's
Jackson, Mississippi
1PM Beauty's Still Awaiting the Kiss That Will Awaken Her Sleeping Mind
Bimbo named Jennifer answering office phone: Hello, this is Janet, how can you help me?
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: LMAO
1PM Only Less Preachy
Bimbette reading back of Animal Farm: Wait... This is just like Charlotte's Web!
Book store
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Really?
10AM What's the Upside Here?
Chick on cell, going to see her dad at work: Not shaving my legs is my chastity belt -- now I can get drunk and not be a slut.
Main Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by:
4PM And Why Can't They Control Their Tendency to Generalize?
Asian girl hanging up phone: Why can't Asian people speak English?!
133 East 13th Street
New York, New York
12PM They Could, but They Don't Have To
Blonde #1: I think Starbucks made the fire alarm go off in our building so that everyone from our building would go there and get a coffee.
Blonde #2: Oh my god, can they do that?
West 6th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
10AM I'm Thinking of Knitting One
Cute chick holding up ballpoint pen: How does this work?
250 Bloor Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: working on a manual
10AM Kinda Like Alien Vs. Sexual Predator
Girl on cell: Did I show my tits? Well, I know what that means. If a guy dreams about a girl he knows and she's naked, then it doesn't mean that he, you know, likes her or wants to fuck her. It means that he cherishes her. Yeah, really. [Long pause.] Well, I don't know what that means. That's the weirdest dream I ever heard.
University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Amused Psych Prof
9AM This Woman Also Finds "The Family Circus" Funny
Co-Worker: I spilled my milk this morning and my husband was like, "Don't cry over spilled milk." He's always saying funny things like that.
Carmel, Indiana
1PM West of the West Bank
Blonde hostess: So, I started saying, 'Oy' all the time this summer, and someone asked me where that word came from. I think it must just be a midwestern thing to say, huh?
Ames, Iowa
2PM And Leap Weeks
Bimbette: Twenty days -- that's, like, five weeks, right?
Patient peon: No.
Bimbette: I mean, business days.
Patient peon: ... No.
Mercer Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: choking on giggles
1PM My Hard Drive's Been Zionized
Bored tech guy: Can I help you?
Bimbette: Yeah, um, I need an update on my anti-Semitic virus program.
Bored tech guy: You mean 'Symantec'?
Bimbette: Yeah, that's what I said -- anti-Semitic.
Quinnipiac University
Hamden, Connecticut
2PM They Were Gangbanging Me That Night
Cute office peon: What's wrong, Tom*?
Tom: I'm just feeling a little depressed today.
Cute office peon: Why?
Tom: I had planned this party over the weekend, and no one showed up.
Cute office peon: Don't feel bad about that, Tom. It's not your fault that your friends can't come!
5500 University Parkway
San Bernardino, California
Overheard by: And she knows this how?
5PM If You Get One of These, Just Regift It
Guy: That's because you broke it!
Hot blonde: I know, I totally put it in the wrong hole.
Guy: You should be more careful.
Hot blonde: I added more liquid, but I get no smoke.
Guy: Did you make sure to re-insert the thingie?
80 Grasslands Avenue
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
10AM There's a Very Long List of Things You Can't Imagine
Girl in breakroom avoiding meeting: Ugh! I can't imagine anything worse than doing conference calls all day.
Girl reading Maus, Part II: [Stares.]
Southlake, Texas
Overheard by: I love Frenchie
11AM Now I Just Work, Go Home, and Cry Myself to Sleep
Girl: I gave up dick for lent.
Jericho, New York
12PM Trying to Turn on the Wheels in Her Brain Is the Hard Part
Blonde peon #1: My husband just texted me to tell me to turn on my all-wheel drive. He must think I'm an idiot.
Blonde peon #2: Well, it is icy.
Blonde peon #1: I mean, I only have four-wheel drive.
18th and Oak Streets
Kansas City, Missouri
3PM They're Not the Brightest Neon Lights in the Casino
Cocktail waitress #1: What's a late-term abortion?
Cocktail waitress #2: I'm not sure, but I think it's when you have an abortion when the baby's being born.
Cocktail waitress #1: Ew! They can do that?! [A few minutes later] Where is Washington state?
Cocktail waitress #2: I think it's near Seattle...
Cocktail waitress #1: You think they meant to say 'Washington, DC'?
Cocktail waitress #2: I don't know, but that's pretty dumb of them if they did mean DC. People can get confused, you know?
Hotel and casino
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: HannA
1PM On the Plus Side, I Got Almost All the Way Through My Signature
Female coworker: I pulled my butt muscle taking a whiz!
150 Batson Drive
Manchester, Connecticut
3PM You're Right about the Cemetary Plots, but Not for the Reason You Think
Bimbette peon: This is my last weekend of being twenty-one! I can't believe I'm so old. I might as well start picking out cemetery plots. I am going to get shit-faced this weekend -- my last weekend of youth! [Old coworker stares blankly.]
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Tisk Tisk
2PM I Don't Want Too Much Blood Reaching My Brain
Bimbette #1: Oh my gosh, this choker is, like, choking me! Can you loosen it, please?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. Do you want it, like, way looser?
Bimbette #1: Yeah... Oh my gosh, it's so tight it's cutting into my-- Well, I know girls don't have Adam's apples, but it's cutting in right there!
Bimbette #2: Is that better?
Bimbette #1: No. It's too loose. It needs to be tighter.
Scottsdale, Arizona
10AM More of a City-State Than a Country
Office girl #1: But I thought he was, like, Mexican or Brazilian or something.
Office girl #2: No, he's Filipino.
Office girl #1: Oh, so, like... Um...
Office girl #2: It's like half-Mexican, half-Chinese.
Office girl #1: But he's gay, right?
Office girl #2: Definitely -- all gay.
Office girl #1: He's from Gay Land!
Ad agency
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Half-Offended-Half-Laughing
12PM Lots Of Women Had to Share Bras During the Depression
Office tease: Did you watch it? Did you watch 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Office perv: I think I'm gonna be sick...
Office tease: Wasn't it the most disgusting thing you've ever seen?
Office slut: Wow, you made Kevin* nauseous? Okay, now I'm interested.
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
1PM Every Office Has Its Own Oral History
Office tech, fiddling with printer: I'm still getting that sensor dustiness error.
Office bimbette: Oh! I know how to fix that! You have to open it up and blow. Just give it a good blow and then it's fine!
922 3rd Street
Sedro-Wolley, Washington
Overheard by: T-Rex
12PM You Really Need to Go with Original Manufacturer's Equipment for Internal Organs
Girl on cell: I totally need to go to a doctor. I think I have that imitation bowel syndrome!
Office
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Jason Carr
2PM Fill Out Questionnaire
Woman: I hate working here. It makes me want to throw my morals out the window, and become a slut.
Co-worker: A slut...There's an image for you.
Woman: I don't mean I want to be a slut. I just want to know what all these people are like in bed. No one small, of course.
Co-worker: So you'll be handing out a questionnaire?
56 59 Junction
Baldwin City, Kansas
12AM How About Thinking? If You Haven't Done It, It's New to You
Blonde: I was thinking, this is totally the time to invent something new and make a ton of money...my problem is that I can't think of anything new.
2424 Burton Street
Grand Rapids, Michigan
1PM Renoir: Doc, I'm Going to Need More Tetrodoxin
Blonde #1: I wonder... Did they have photography when this artist was alive?
Blonde #2: Well, I don't really know. Why do you ask?
Blonde #1: Well, how did they get the people to stand still long enough to paint their faces and stuff?
The Louvre
Paris
France
Overheard by: Mindy WIlson
4PM It Means God Leaves Us Alone and We Do Likewise
Former Mormon chick: I'm not really into religion anymore.
Dude: Oh, yeah?
Former Mormon chick: Yeah. I think I'm a Deist.
Dude: That's interesting.
Former Mormon chick: I need to research what that means, though.
Salt Lake City, Utah
4PM That's Where the Magnifyning Glasses Grow
Bimbette #1: We are so lucky we can't have forest fires here in Georgia.
Teacher: Forest fires can happen anywhere.
Bimbette #2: Nah, you gotta be closer to the equator than Georgia.
123 Broad Street
Dacula, Georgia
Overheard by: smokey the bear
1PM And It'll Never Be "The Boss"
Clerk: What is your occupation, ma'am?
Girl: Umm, a co-worker.
1 S. Maple Street
Jamestown, Ohio
3PM Fundraiser
Woman: Oh, Survivor Evening? Is that, like, for people who watch Survivor? Oh, breast cancer...cool!
6710 Clayton Road
Richmond Heights, Missouri
Overheard by: Transient Girl
1PM 'Color Melanin Jones'
Girl: So I have this friend with an eight-month-old baby, and she named him 'Color.' It's a little weird, because the baby's dad is African-American... But the baby looks really white, so that makes it better.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
10AM I Was Promised That As a Condition of My Employment
Sales chick #1: So, if the sun dies, then we're all dead?
Sales chick #2: Yup.
Sales chick #1: But what if we eat the people that die first?
Sales chick #2: We'd all die pretty soon anyway.
Sales chick #1: Oh... But I can still eat the dead people, right?
4606 Lankershim Boulevard
North Hollywood, California
4PM Dammit, I'm Looking for Reasons to Do This
Worker bee #1: I don't know about dating him. I can't get over the age difference. It would be--
Worker bee #2: --Like raping a child?
Worker bee #1: Well, no...
Worker bee #2: Not your, like, son...
Worker bee #1: [Silence.]
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Cube Eavesdropper
2PM Bimbo Breakthrough
Bimbo #1: I gotta go, I can't be late to my class. It's important.
Bimbo #2: What class?
Bimbo #1: Sociology. And by important, I mean I'm probably going to fail it.
1000 University Place
Newport News, Virginia
12PM Snorting Gravy Is Fun, but It's Not Enough
Blonde: Mmm... It smells so good in here. Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now!
Friend: I know!
Arkansas
4PM She's Seen All of Edward G. Robinson's Films
White rich girl leaving mall with friends: I am so much more gangsta than you!
Mall
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Am I Really in Iowa?
12PM And of Course He Was There at the Time
Bimbo: She really didn't betray him other than sleeping with someone else.
1300 Riverside Avenue
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: dazed and confused
1PM And What Is That Bright Object in the Sky?
Pale girl: Look at these freckles on the back of my hand. Oh, my -- what is this dark ring?!
Smoker: That's called a tan.
130 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
4PM Oh, Sorry, the Thingamajig Was Fubarred By the Whatzit and Corrupted Your Jimmyjam
Tech guy: Yeah, so I tried to open the file, and it said something, something, file can't open, something.
Client services girl: Gee, thanks, tech.
1619 Broadway
New York, New York
5PM Yeah, but My Head's Not Full Yet
Office girl #1: I want to start reading more books.
Office girl #2: Didn't you just read yesterday?
11940 Jollyville Road
Austin, Texas
2PM I Can't Wait 'Til the Nuns Check!
Tween girl #1, going through underwear: Oh my God, so I could, like, totally get the blue ones and wear them on school spirit day!
Tween girl #2: Totally!
Victoria's Secret
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Becky
10AM And by That I Mean Those Little Plastic Containers Shaped Like Lemons
Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice... from lemons.
Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Prefer Limes
2PM We'd Have to Ask Tyra Banks's Photographers about That
Office hottie: I don't know how easy it is to Photoshop arm fat into muscle.
Newtown Square, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Boner Police
12PM Or We Could Just Play Darts on a Photo of Mel Gibson Again
Bimbette news assistant: I'm going to go to Target tonight and find something real Jewish and bring it in... Oooh, maybe I could find a piñata -- a Jewish piñata... With a menorah for a tail.
1401 Shop Road
Columbia, South Carolina
2PM When Will Those Long Nights at the Truckstop Pay Off?
Office girl #1: I have a canker sore.
Office girl #2: Maybe it's herpes.
Office girl #1: No -- I wish.
971 Coley Drive
Mountain Home, Arkansas
Overheard by: data entry girl
12PM Bratwurst Stories Would Never Approach the Popularity of Taxicab Confessions
Hot Asian: Why do we have to talk about war shit? Why not talk about our bratwurst stories? I had one with my dad at the county stadium when I was eleven - it was great!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: ncarch
11AM He Would've Just Used Them for Sex... Oh, Wait.
Bimbette employee: I mean, like, if you gave Thomas Jefferson the Internet, he totally wouldn't have freed the slaves.
Department store
New Hartford, New York
Overheard by: Jenn
2PM Waiting Room
Girl #1: I use the pull and pray method.
Girl #2: Girl, pull and pray...they never do it. It doesn't work.
Girl #1: Yes it does! It just doesn't work ninety percent of the time.
45 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: not dating either of them
5PM That's a Wrap
Worker: Crap. It's Wednesday afternoon and I already have Friday brain.
842 South 2nd Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
12AM A Rejected iTunes Promo
Co-worker #1: I don't really like music.
Co-worker #2: Oh, yeah?
Co-worker #1: I think there are only 200 good songs in the history of the world.
Co-worker #2: And the rest are crap?
Co-worker #1: Well...they are no good. I have downloaded 130 of the 200 from the net, but the others are too hard to find.
Co-worker #2: Ohhhhkay.
2300 Prospect Road
Fort Collins, Colorado
3PM Did It Rob a Convenience Store?
Cute chick holding up water bottle: Has this water gone bad?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: only cause i peed in it
2PM The Chef Went on to Win a Nobel in Physics
Girl #1: The lasagna I had for lunch was made funny. It had air in it.
Girl #2: How'd they get air in the lasagna?
Girl #1: I think it was after the layer of sauce.
Bay Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
9AM Tonight's Movie: Dirty, Unsexy Money
Drunk girl: How am I going to get home? I don't have enough money! Oh, except for the thousands of dollars falling out of my ass.
Chicago, Illinois
4PM Godless Liberal Pacifists That They Are
Office girl #1 while watching the patriots vs colts game: Who are you rooting for?
Office girl #2: New England.
Office girl #1: Hey, where is New England, anyway?
Office girl #2: Ummm, it's a region up North.
Office girl #1: Oh, I knew it was in Canada somewhere!
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Sara
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: I think the pills of my dreams would allow me to eat whatever I wanted and never get above a size 4.
Co-worker #2: Those already exist. They're called laxatives.
147 Columbus Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Jess
2PM Yes. No. Shut Up!
Girl: Did signing the Articles of Confederation makes us confederates?
Quinsigamond Community College
Worcester, Massachusetts
3PM Put a Nice Potted Plant on It?
Fashion designer girl #1: I really want a bookshelf, but I don't have any books.
Fashion designer girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.
8360 Melrose Avenue
West Hollywood, California
12PM By Birth, Marriage, or Popular Acclamation?
Blonde: I'm queen of the Gentiles!
Owings Mills, Maryland
3PM From True Life: I Have a Telekinetic Boyfriend
Female coworker: My boobs keep moving!
New York City, New York
2PM PETA May Have Gone Too Far This Time
Bimbette coworker: They're gonna skin your mother-in-law and give it to a zebra!
860 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
5PM So Much Nicer Than the Blocking
Female legislator: I love professional ball players. They, uh... tackle well.
20 Legislative Plaza
Nashville, Tennessee
11AM No, That Kind Really Sucks
20-something chick #1: Yeah, can I get a ham and cheese sandwich on fellatio bread.
20-something chick #2: Ummm, I think it's called 'focaccia' bread...
Lafayette, Indiana
11AM Tonight's Special is Medallions of Flaming Liberal on Toast Points
Bimbette: I'm not a flaming liberal. I think you should be able to kill any animal you want... and eat it, too!
135 Baltimore Street
Hanover, Pennsylvania
5PM What Made Her Decide to Have That Surgery?
Chick to coworker: Ohhh, okay. Maybe she should stop getting f-ed in the nose. It's only gonna make her uglier.
Upper West Side
New York, New York
5PM I Just Want Permission, I Don't Care Whose
Blonde on cell: Yeah, well, I didn't think I could either 'cause I was on those antibiotics, but he said I could, so that's cool.
Elevator, large insurance company
Bloomington, Illinois
Overheard by: even that was too much information for me
12PM Update the [Janet] File
[Janet]: You can drown if you drink too much water.
[Janet]: Summer is my favorite month.
[Janet]: Where is Latin? Isn't that a country?
[Janet]: The funniest thing I heard today, I said it myself. I said, "You mean John White, the black man?"
Co-worker #1: I've heard about some diets that help regulate the acid-base balance in the blood. Is there any validity in those diets?"
Co-worker #2: I think that your kidneys help do that.
[Janet]: My equilibrium does that.
Instructor: Emphysema patients have chronic weight loss.
[Janet]: Is that why you gain weight when you quit cigarettes?
2070 North Rivers Business Center
Charleston, South Carolina
1PM Lunch
Co-worker #1: I like working with you guys, 'cause you guys are wild.
Co-worker #2: My "wild" fell off a long time ago.
1301 Riverplace Boulevard
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Sum Ting
11AM Why Not Both?
Hot office chick: So, do you think I should come in early? Or do you think I should come when I'm done?
Scottsbluff, Nebraska
11AM Before I Put It in Mothballs For the Summer
Warehouse worker: You look nice today. You going somewhere after this?
Girl in dress: No, I just wanted to air out my vagina.
Emeryville, California
Overheard by: warehouse peon
11AM Coffee Break
Woman #1: So we went shopping this weekend and I found the perfect dress but the chest part was too small.
Woman #2: You would think with boob jobs being so popular that they would just make tops bigger.
Woman #1: Yeah, just like SUVs.
2800 28th Street
Santa Monica, California
12PM Mmmm, Poisonberry...
Office bimbette: Did you use your new pen yet? Did you smell it?
Broadway
New York City, New York
1PM Despite What I Did on the Howard Stern Show
Bimbette, loudly: My name is not Kielbasa!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: we call her Meathead
9AM My Eyes Shut Off If I Exceed My Quota
Man: Is that a real rugby shirt or one of those trendy fake ones?
Woman: It's a trendy one. It's Ralph Lauren. Can't you read the r. F.I. C.?
Man: Well I didn't want to stare... I stare enough already!
Georgetown, Kentucky
5PM And Apparently There's Also This Other Thing? Called Panties?
Girl: Omigosh, I learned something today. Did you know that bras have an adjustable strap? Well, the one I'm wearing today was always loose and showing my boobies a little, but then I adjusted the strap, and whoa, let me tell ya, my boobs are like five feet higher in the air, and they are fully covered.
Career Center
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Overheard by: azn
4PM Well, At That Point a Small Night Demon Gets Onto a Treadmill Under the Hood...
Dude: If you really want to save money on gas then you should get a hybrid car.
Chick: Hybrid? Does that mean it runs on electricity?
Dude: Uh...yeah
Chick: Well what happens when the sun goes down?
317 West Main Cross Street
Findlay, Ohio
Overheard by: Crut
12PM But I Think We've Tapped into a Potential Goldmine
Chick #1: Did you know that they're making Coke kosher for Passover?
Chick #2: [Blank stare.]
Chick #1: They're putting sugar in it.
Chick #2: [Continues to stare.]
Chick #1: Normally, it has corn syrup in it.
Chick #2: ... Oh! The soda!
200 Varick Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mardi
5PM Now Where's That Airplane Glue?
Girl: Oooh, I feel dizzy.
Coworker: Why?
Girl: This marker, I think.
Coworker: What about it?
Girl: Well, it says 'scented,' but when I smelled it it gave me a headache.
Coworker: That says fluorescent, as in it's a highlighter.
Girl: It says scented.
Coworker: Fluorescent means 'brightly colored,' it doesn't mean 'smell me.'
Girl, muttering: Well, I wouldn't smell it again anyway because it didn't smell very good.
38 Exchange Street
New Hampshire
Overheard by: Crystal
6AM Just So Long as They Clipped Those Whiskers
Graphics editor: Did she get a makeover?
Producer who yelled at me for no reason: Uh...she's got a different outfit.
12 W. 27th Street
New York, NY
3PM And That Was Just for the Left One
Chick #1: That's a really nice dress. How much did it cost?
Chick #2: Oh, um, $3500.
Chick #1: $3500! For a sun dress?!
Chick #2: Oh! You said "dress." I thought you said "breasts."
3200 Fifth Avenue
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Snarfed my Soda
1PM Raise Your Hand If You Assumed "Get My Freak On" Meant Something Else
White attorney,at deposition: Are there any activities you used to do before the accident that you can no longer do?
Trinidadian woman, 55: I can't get my freak on anymore.
White attorney, smiling: Remember, I have to report this to a bunch of other white people. How often did you used to freak before the accident?
Trinidadian woman: Oh, I went to dance clubs all the time. Plus I used to go hiking all the time.
White attorney: And by "hiking," you mean walking on nature trails, right? I mean, that's not some hip-hop slang, right?
Trinidadian woman: Yeah, just walking up mountains and stuff.
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
2PM He's Imagining a Python Swallowing a Pig
Assistant eating sub sandwich: Man, I'm full already.
Hoochie coworker: You just consumed less than four inches of that thing. Heck, I usually stuff at least a 12-inch down my throat...
Assistant: Uh, yeah, I'm definitely done now...
California
Overheard by: californiatrinity
5PM Could Have Happened to Any of Us
Office girl #1: What's wrong?
Office girl #2, gagging: I was miming committing suicide by glue stick, and I accidentally inhaled.
N Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: The Temp
11AM Jeez, I Already Know How to Pass Out at Parties
Slutty waitress: My baby daughter is driving me insane!
Waiter: That'll teach you to pass out at parties.
(slutty waitress glares, storms off)
Waiter, shrugging: Well, it should.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
1PM Too Bad It's Another Part That Got the Clap
Girl #1: My boyfriend is in the pen.
Girl #2: For how long?
Girl #1: He's been there for three years.
Girl #2: Wow! You've been faithful to him for three years?
Girl #1: My heart has been...
2720 Villa Prom
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: FrancesDanger
5PM You Mean the Planter?
Blonde salesgirl on phone with IT: My computer is not working.
IT guy: Did you plug everything in right?
Blonde salesgirl: Yes! Of course! The light is on, but nothing's happening. [IT guy goes to her office, bends over, presses power button and walks out.] But the light was on!
IT guy: That's your screen. The computer is the big box on the floor.
Office, Meilleur Street
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: ID-10-T
10AM But I'm Thinking There Should Be
Office girl on the phone with boyfriend: So, my therapist says that I'm doing a great job. He said I could be the poster girl for mentally ill people who are successful because I take my meds, go to work, have a healthy relationship and stuff, you know? And I was totally flattered and agreeing with him, but then I thought, 'You know, my parents are proud of me and stuff, but they wouldn't want the world knowing I'm psycho, and it would probably embarrass them a little.' So my doctor looks at me and says, 'Um, you know there's not really a poster girl, right?'
214 Lincoln Street
Allston, Massachusetts
5PM Darwin, You Want to Field This One?
Guy: Fuck, she is just a total bitch.
Woman #1: What race is she?
Woman #2: Duh, female.
720 Bay Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
1PM Two Weeks, Even
Girl #1: It doesn't really feel like Friday.
Girl #2: What does it feel like?
Girl #1: I don't know. It feels like a week from Friday.
220 Kroncke Drive
Sun Prairie, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Luke
11AM As Required by the Laws of This State, I Hereby Sentence You to 6 Months of the History Channel
Blonde: What's your last name?
Brunette: Monroe.
Blonde: Oh! Are you related to Marilyn Monroe?
Brunette: No, but I am related to the president.
Blonde: George Bush?? No way!
60 Wall Street
New York, New York
2PM She Couldn't Find the Container of White Powder
Blond barmaid: What's in a whiskey and coke?
Pesto Café
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: retired from the service industry
3PM You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.
Marketing professor: How many countries are in Africa? I'm going to go around the room, and each of you give me a number.
Student #1: 50?
Student #2: 62?
Student #3: 54?
Marketing professor to sorority girl: How many do you think?
Sorority girl: I thought Africa was a country.
Peoria, Illinois
3PM I don't foresee a lot of sudoku success for her.
Office bimbette: So, my friend got me a Sudoku book, but I can't start doing it yet because she has to send the Sudoku pencil. It has an eraser on the end -- only Sudoku makes them that way.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
4PM So White She Doesn't Know What's Happened to the N-Word
White girl: Jesus, I just got called a nigger!
Filipino girl: What? On your break?
White girl: Yeah! And by a black person. Homeless. Wouldn't give her money. I'm about as cracker as you get... total whitey. I mean, I'm wearing Banana Republic.
1900 Broadway
Oakland, California
12PM But I'm Thinking about Canceling My Slut License
Bartender: I was sitting at the bar having a beer before work, and an old lady came up and gave me the nicest compliment.
Manager: Oh, yeah? What did she say?
Bartender: She told me that I was a very pretty girl and I should get up off the barstool and quit being a slut all my life.
Manager: So, she really called you a slut.
Bartender: Well... I guess she did.
405 N Interurban Avenue
Richardson, Texas
1PM ... Anymore
Office chick #1: Don't squeeze it! All the goo will come out!
Office chick #2, playing with stress ball: Why, what happened?
Office chick #1: I got a little too excited and squeezed it until it popped... That's why I don't hold babies...
Arlington, Virginia
9AM If At First You Don't Succeed, Lower Your Standards
Drunk chick: Hey, bartender! Did anyone ever tell you you look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?
Bartender: No. What's Gilmore Girls?
Drunk chick: It's a show on TV. You should look it up. [To guy standing next to her] Hey, you look like this guy in this porn I have!
Dickson Street
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: laughing into my beer
10AM To Go With My Car-Shopping Outfit
Office bimbette #1: So, I bought a new car last night and I didn't need a guy to help me pick it out or make the deal or anything.
Office bimbette #2: For reals? What kind did of car did you get?
Office bimbette #1: A blue one.
California Street
San Francisco, California
10AM Now I Might Actually Have to Talk to Him!
Bimbette: I need a shorter stud for my Monroe piercing 'cause I can't go down on my boyfriend. And... I like to do that.
Piercer: That sucks for both of you then, because you can't have a shorter stud in yet.
Bimbette: I can't suck dick! [Her mom leaves the store.]
Lake Forest, California
Overheard by: indigo_dream
