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June 2009 Archives
5PM A Phenomenon I Refer to As The Streisand Syndrome
Manager to humming receptionist: You have a nice voice.
Receptionist: Yeah?
Manager: Well, not when you talk.
Scotts Valley, California
Overheard by: Mari
4PM And When She Comes Back She'll Be All Hopped Up on Java
Exec: I'm having problems receiving e-mail.
IT guy: It's the IMAP you are using. It's not compatible with the settings that you have in your program.
Exec: This is unacceptable. I want you to call IMAP and get this resolved immediately!
IT guy: I can't.
Exec: Why can't you do this?
IT guy: Because IMAP is out to lunch with HTTP.
Los Angeles, California
3PM Or Higher, If You Like Video Games.
Office girl #1: If you're 20, are you still in your teens?
Office girl #2: Yes, I think it goes up to 21.
London
England
Overheard by: Laura
2PM It Wouldn't Be Christmas Without Mr. Hankey
Male employee, leaving bathroom: Be careful in there. I just gave birth to a little brown man!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Gagging Uncontrollably
1PM Sometimes It's Best to Say, "What the Fuck Are You Doing?"
Receptionist, as boss "innocently" puts hand down his pants to re-adjust: Are you out all next week? I have something for you...but I left it at home.
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
12PM Though, Technically, This Smells Like Gin.
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: I expect the customer service to go hand in hand with the product I bought.
Apple store employee: I see, but there is water damage to the iPod.
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: But it did not happen while I have had it, it probably happened in the store.
Apple store employee: How long have you had it?
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: It's brand new.
Apple store employee: This model has been discontinued.
Disgruntled lady with broken iPod: Well whatever damage happened, I didn't do it. I didn't drop it in water.
Apple store employee: Ma'am, we don't put water in our iPods.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Celine
11AM Hey, If You Can Survive Hanson, You Can Get Through Anything
Office boy: The Jonas Brothers are another reason I want to kill myself.
Agoura Hills, California
10AM Have You Tried Consulting Our Ouija Board?
Bookseller in children's department: Can I help you find anything?
Mother: Has CS Lewis written anything new lately?
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
9AM Which Explains Why We Now Do It on My Back Porch
Russian coworker: Ice fishing isn't about fishing. It's about drinking vodka.
Denver, Colorado
5PM The Plumber?
Student #1: What's Joe's last name?
Student #2: Joe who?
Upstate New York
4PM Instead, He'll Just Build Another Pointless Presidential Library
Suit on cell: He was a good bad guy, y'know? But they should have made him disappear into a vortex!
Westwood, Massachusetts
3PM Every Office Employs Someone Who Neither Reads Nor Watches TV
Oblivious coworker: Yeah, those Australians are always doing that crazy stuff.
Coworker: They wrestle kangaroos, too.
Oblivious coworker: Wait! Are kangaroos real?
Chicago, Illinois
2PM Warm? Salty? On Your Chin?
Male office worker: So, what kind of nuts do you like?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Sean
1PM Chicken: Think How I Feel
Office drone #1: That's the thing about chicken, you never get tired of it.
Office drone #2: Well, some people do.
Office drone #1: Yeah, I do.
Charleston, South Carolina
12PM In Praying Mantis Divorce Court
Blonde coworker: I was just talking to him and he bit my head off. Literally!
Orinda, California
11AM Whether or Not You Find This Offensive Will Be Directly Proportional to Your Distance from the Mason-Dixon Line
Office brute, 15 minutes late to sexual harassment seminar, to female instructor: Sorry, darlin', I hope I didn't miss anything.
Austin, Texas
10AM The Boss Said I Should Spiff Up for Our Afternoon Meeting
Drafting dork: Hey, do you have any binder clips?
Female coworker: Why?
Drafting dork: I want to clip them to my nipples.
Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: I'mNotHazel
9AM I Can't Guarantee He'll Like You, Though
Woman #1: I want a boy! How do I make a boy?
Woman #2: Like a baby?
Woman #1: Yeah, like a baby boy.
Woman #3: Well, my cousin did it! There's one way to get a girl, and another way to make a boy. I can ask him if you want.
Manhattan, New York
5PM Pop Quiz: Which Employee Is Overweight? Show Your Work.
Male employee #1: What did you bring for lunch today?
Male employee #2: A salami sandwich.
Male employee #1: That's it? You can't just have salami as your main meat! You can garnish with salami, but you have to have other meat.
Des Moines, Iowa
4PM And Now You Won't Let Me Stick Anything In You at All
Temp, yelling to fax machine: If you would have sucked it right, there wouldn't be a problem!
Fayetteville, North Carolina
3PM Like Gay Men Have to Do
Boss to pregnant employee: Yeah, but it's not like you're growing the baby in your ass!
Calgary
Canadia
2PM Come Back and Talk to Me When Your Husband Poops in Your Shoe
Excited coworker: I have to tell you a story about Jackson.
Surly coworker: Wait, is Jackson your dog?
Excited coworker, excitedly: Yes!
Surly coworker: I have to go. (walks out of the room)
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: Snowmageddon
1PM Can't Be Gouda for Your Career
Cubicle drone: Oh my gosh, I have cheese everywhere!
Raleigh, North Carolina
12PM Bank Tellers Are Like Priests, Ma'am
Bank customer: As I sat down on the toilet I heard this sickening snap.
Bank teller: So you need a replacement ATM card?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sara
11AM ...And the Reverand Will Pronounce You Man and Wife
Employee: So, you just cut the head off...
Sydney
Australia
10AM He Always Bores Me with Inane Stories About His Kids
Worker: So, what did the phone company says about the phone line?
Boss: I don't know. The robot pick up the phone! I hate talking to a robot, so I hung up.
Greenwich Village
Manhattan, New York
9AM At Least He Learned How to Hold a Vomiting Woman's Hair
Woman #1: What are you doing for New Year's?
Woman #2: I don't have any plans yet, what about you?
Woman #1: Probably just sit at home and drink some wine.
Woman #2: Yeah, I did that last year, and I accidentally got completely bombed in front of my son, so I'm not doing that again.
Manhattan, New York
5PM ...on My Computer
Server #1 : So...yeah, I'm going on a cruise to Hawaii.
Server #2: Oh, wow, where are you leaving from?
Server #1: Florida.
Server #2: That's a really long cruise.
Server #1: No, it's not! They're practically right next to each other!
Twinsburg, Ohio
4PM The Day We Learned the Truth About the Bulge in Joe's Boxers
Coworker: I don't have a listing for anyone, period. Okay, wait...that is a lie. I have listings, just not like on a list or anything.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rusty
3PM Didn't You Promise Your Parole Officer You'd Keep Your Nose Clean?
Office worker, breezing past receptionist's desk: Hi!
Receptionist, furiously rubbing nose: Got an itchy nose, wanna fight?
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Spydoggie
2PM Worst. Pez Dispenser. Ever.
Office clerk: Woo! I got candy in *my* box!
Chattanooga, Tennesee
Overheard by: Wishing her box was as sweet
1PM It's So Sweet That You Believed Them
Young stylist: Well, most men don't understand there are different types of orgasms. Some can't get them from anything but oral.
Boss: Yeah, I have been that first guy for many girls.
Charlotte, North Carolina
12PM Though I Knew How to Walk in the Shoes Properly
COO: So my son, his sisters have started dressing him up in their clothes and their mother's high heels. I'll come home and he's clomping around in those shoes, and jewelry and a dress!
Openly gay office manager: That used to happen to me too!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
11AM ...Drooling.
CSR, about music video: When you watch the video you'll see two chicks making out. I'm to the left of them.
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM And I'm Trying to Get Ahead Of the Curve
Coworker: There's no way I can help you out this week, I've just been undulated with work lately.
Spring Garden St
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
9AM How Will You Say "Good Morning" to the Boss?
Coworker to another, fresh out of reconstructive shoulder surgery: You can't even flip people off. There is nothing more pathetic than a man who cannot raise his middle finger.
Financial District
Manhattan, New York
5PM Tonight on Cinemax: Executive Session
Reporter, explaining "executive session" privilege to another: The mayor could fuck a donkey in executive session, and they wouldn't have to tell me. But if she does it in the regular session, I'll be all over it.
Weatherford, Texas
Overheard by: Roxie
4PM Do I Have to Explain Snow Angels to You Again?
Cube dweller, looking at pictures of snow: Jesus lives in Buffalo!
Austin, Texas
3PM Australian Business Customs: The Short Course
Female boss: Guys will be swapping body fluids more than anyone else!
Mitchelton
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Beka
2PM The History Channel Causes Another Office Feud
Accountant: By the way, fuck Betsy Ross.
Santa Monica, California
1PM Have Mercy on Us, People.
Oblivious mail worker bee: Hey, Bob*. You have a really large package!
Manager, trying not to laugh: Wow. Uh, I'm not going to touch that one.
Oblivious mail worker bee: I don't blame you! If you need some help carrying that, let me know.
Sandy, Utah
12PM ...Or We'll Think You Hate Freedom.
Office manager: Dude, you can't stick boobs on your drawers.
Canberra
Australia
11AM How Is It That You Have That and I Don't?
30-something guy: How is it that you have his cell phone number and I don't?
30-something gal: I called him last month when I needed his sperm.
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Eh, what?
10AM ...Now I'm Going to Have Some Special Needs for This Meeting...
Executive to director: What are you doing at five pm today?
Director: Whatever you need me to be doing.
Executive: I'm interviewing a young lady with Down's syndrome and I was hoping to have someone sit in with me to make sure I don't say anything retarded.
Director: (blank stare)
Executive: Oh. Yeah. Like that.
Kansas City, Missouri
9AM For the Last Time, Dalmatians Are Supposed to Have Black Spots
Male worker to supervisor complaining about noise: Oh, I'm sorry. Are we interrupting the interesting conversation about your cancer dog?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
5PM That's What You Said About Carrot Top
CFO, looking for chocolate: It looks like a goddess with flaming hair or an upside-down horse.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Natalie
4PM The Line Between Cute and Crazy Is Obvious to Everyone but the Addict
Developer: And so I told the client that she can add cats till...the cats come home. And then I'm done with her. Because there's no fucking way I'm adding any more cats to this printer cartridge selling website.
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
3PM You Know It Doesn't Tell the Future, Right?
Male coworker #1: Before you leave, can I please rub your head?
Male coworker #2: Huh?!
Male coworker #1: I've always wanted to. It would make me really happy!
Orlando, Florida
2PM Every Golden Girls Episode, in a Nutshell
Elderly woman, exiting bathroom and laughing: Oh, that's just great for someone like me, who's single, selfish and horny!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: what were they talking about..??
1PM ...But That Was for Dancing in a Cage at the Dean's Party
Student: I didn't take out a student loan.
Financial aid employee: So, where did you think the check for $2500 was from?
Student: Okay, I see where you are going with that.
Topeka, Kansas
Overheard by: Financial Aid Folks
12PM How Does a Conversation at Work Begin "You Have a Cute Belly Button"?
Employee #1: You have a cute belly button.
Employee #2: Yeah, I know, but there's stuff in it. I am going to dig it out with a paper clip.
Employee #1: Ill.
Employee #2: Look at it!
Employee #1: Gross! Does it smell?
Lancaster, California
11AM Because It's Invisible to the Naked Eye.
Angry coworker to mailroom employee: Why are you ignoring my package?
Glenview, Illinois
10AM Why the Oprah Show Exists: Explained.
Employee #1: You sure talk a lot.
Employee #2: Well, I have a lot of things going through my head, and I think everyone should hear them.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
9AM You Knew They'd Come Up with Something Else Now That Waterboarding's Fallen Out Of Favor
Senior engineer: And just when everybody is about to explode...bam! Ice cream!
Albany, New York
5PM I Will Now Reject Every Helpful Suggestion You May Offer
Receptionist to coworker: So my bum hurts because I won't let it poo.
Winnipeg
Canadia
4PM Let's Just Say I'll Never Go Back to the Unitarian Church
Woman attending performance: It was twenty dollars per nipple.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: where's my 40 bucks?
3PM Says He's a "Customer" Who Needs "Service"-- Yeah, Right
Female office drone, about to answer ringing phone: Please don't be an idiot, please don't be an idiot...
(a minute later, as she puts the call on hold)
Damn! Another one!
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: She's Not Wrong...
2PM Is That How the Dodgers Escaped Brooklyn in 1957?
Coworker #1: Can you do me a favor?
Coworker #2: Depends. What is it?
Coworker #1: Can you use your vagina to get me a day off?
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Liz
1PM Go Easy on the Mayonnaise-- It's My First Time
Cockney waitress to customer: We haven't got any chicken sandwiches, but I can do an impersonation!
Rye
England
12PM We Thought So, Tim.
Customer service rep: Weren't you PMSing last week?
Coworker: Apparently, I was just being a bitch.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
11AM Two Girls, One Colt
Horse veterinarian to assistant: Okay, I'm going to need him sedated. Sue, you scrub him, and...Heather, get on the penis.
Cleveland, Ohio
10AM Fran Drescher Knew Exactly What to Do
Office girl: I think someone brought in a mail-order nanny on penis cake day.
Scarborough
Canadia
Overheard by: C.note
9AM Some Of Us Can't Wait for Life After People
Coworker, in earnest discussion: I think what's more of a concern these days is the complete disintegration of everything.
Croydon
England
5PM Mustang Owners Will Kill to Protect Their Babies
Boss: I need some old metal rims.
Office worker: Can I take some off of my neighbor's Mustang for you?
Boss: No, that's homicide.
Griswold, Connecticut
Overheard by: rememberwhatuheardwhenuwerentevenlistening
4PM Always Good to See Nation-Building Making Progress
American construction manager: The concrete cutter doesn't have hearing projection.
Afghan safety manager: If he does not make like this, I will fuck him!
Mazar e Sharif
Afghanistan
Overheard by: SafetyFirst
3PM It's California, Jake
Frazzled accountant: So yes, please mail me the statement ASAP! Yes, thanks, thanks. Okay, love you.
(after a minute, to peon)
Did I just say "I love you"?
California
2PM Fool Me Once...
Female coworker: Do you have pants on?
Male coworker: What?
Female coworker: Are you wearing pants?
Male coworker: Um... Yes?
Female coworker: Okay, good!
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Had pants on
1PM Meet the Inventor Of Mescalean Cuisine
Guy to friend: Just because I love mescaline doesn't mean I don't have standards!
Fort Worth, Texas
12PM No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service, People!
Waiter to other servers: Okay, just so everyone knows, there's a Sasquatch loose somewhere in the bathroom.
Chicago, Illinois
11AM He Sounds Exactly Like the Real Song!
Real estate agent #1: My son is teaching himself how to play guitar! He's getting real good!
Real estate agent #2: That's great! What's he using?
Real estate agent #1: This program called Guitar Hero.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: JMB
10AM Yahoo!
Older coworker: Lemme put it in your Google.
Meridian Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Mine?
9AM The Garbage Can Lid Hat Was a Nice Touch
Gay guy #1: You look very Sesame Street today.
Gay guy #2: Oh my god, that's exactly what I was going for!
Fashion Institute of Technology
New York City, New York
5PM ...and We Put Them in the Tacos
Store manager: These new shoes make me feel like I'm walking on dead babies. (pause) You know, before they hit rigor mortis.
Kitchener
Canadia
Overheard by: Drewerd
4PM Why Does It Also Say "No Fat Chicks?"
Wife, reading advertisement: What is an erotic petting zoo?
Husband: A what?
Wife, louder: An erotic petting zoo!
Husband, looking: That says "exotic" petting zoo.
Wife: Oh, well...that makes more sense.
Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
3PM Clearly the Best Part Of Angels and Demons
Secretary to another, talking about movie: I know, I am soooo into antimatter!
Austin, Texas
2PM Why Do I Find That So Flattering?
White male caseworker, over cubicle wall: We have off Monday?
Female caseworker: Yes, ma?am!
White male caseworker: Hey!
Female caseworker: Oh, sorry. I thought you were a black woman with a really deep voice!
Norristown, Pennsylvania
1PM Grey's Anatomy Plotlines Have Gotten Thinner Than Ever This Season
Distraught receptionist on phone: Derek, stealing boots was not our decision, it was your decision.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Receptionist #2
12PM Why Are My Nipples So Sore?
Male attorney #1: So it's been heavy these days?
Male attorney #2: Yeah, I can't wait for this period to be over.
(females nearby snigger to each other)
Manhattan, New York
11AM If You Don't Drink Coffee, You're Boring and All Your Stories Suck
Assistant: I'm going to Starbucks; can I get you anything?
IT tech: What's Starbucks?
Lawrence, Kansas
Overheard by: a girl who HASN'T been living under a rock
10AM Ooo, Let's Play Patty-Cake!
Male coworker #1: My hands are unusually soft and supple today.
Male coworker #2, putting on lotion: Now mine will be too! You got me in the mood!
Irvine, California
Overheard by: mikkele
9AM What, Asians?
Coworker on phone: I don't remember...do your people all wear those rubber latex gloves?
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Yikes! Who is she talking to?
5PM I Hear He's Religious.
Boss: How do you spell "Matthew"?
Receptionist: Ask Matt, he might know.
Vancouver
Canadia
4PM Was That a Threat, Ma'am?
Guard to woman, as metal detector beeps at her: Please step over here, ma'am.
Woman: I don't carry sharp objects on me...except my wit.
Guard: Please.
LAX Security Check-In
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: 2Aron
3PM Career Tip: Find Out Which Colleagues Not to Joke With. And Don't.
Coworker #1: It was amazing. He was the first blind man to climb mount Everest. He was in the news and everything.
Coworker #2: Did they say anything about his dog?
Coworker #1: What?
Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meesh
2PM Then He Changes His Shoes in Front Of Me, and It's Just Creepy
Project manager, reading e-mail from vendor: Hey, Travis*! What the fuck is this?
Travis*: Oh, yeah, that guy. He's like the fuckin' Mr Rogers of switchgear. Always with the "have a great day!"
Project manager: Hmm...
Travis*: And I'm all "you've got $140,000 in liquidated damages, so shut the fuck up, bitch, and get me my stuff!"
Fallon, Nevada
Overheard by: trippin on DayQuil
1PM 'Cause If You Stop Walking, You Die
Eager presenter: We need people who can walk the talk and live the walk.
Kirtland, Ohio
Overheard by: street smart, no street genuis!
12PM At Least That Means You're Gettin' Some.
Nurse #1: I have the worst zit right now.
Nurse #2: Seriously, I'm like a walking ad for herpes!
Hospital
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Hoping you're only talking about that cold sore...
11AM Like Real Sisters Ever Discourage Premarital Sex
Batty old receptionist to worker: So what did you do over Thanksgiving weekend?
Worker: Oh, I delivered twins!
Batty old receptionist: Okay...
Worker: I'm a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and my little sister got pregnant. Guess that means I'm not such a good Big Sister...
Beverly Hills, California
10AM You're Getting Warmer
Middle-aged woman: How many years are in a decade? Isn't it eight? Or nine? Or something?
Oshawa
Ontario
Canadia
9AM Remember What a Disaster the 70's Were?
Cube rat: We had to take them off so that we could trim the bush. Because, you know, you have to trim your bush.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Heather
5PM And Now the Nightly News With Poet William Wordsworth
Sales drone: I thought nature was dead?
London
England
Overheard by: Bemused Techie
4PM And Be Grateful I Don't Ask You to Travel Back in Time
Officer: Immediately!
Intern: Like now, immediately?
San Diego, California
3PM But at Least It Was Over Quickly, Am I Right?
Man, to woman he accidentally bumped into in elevator: Sorry, didn't mean to nail you like that!
Lansing, Michigan
2PM I'd High-Five You, but First I Have to Vomit
HR director: You look like hell. I mean, seriously exhausted.
HR manager: Thanks. That makes me feel tons better. Let me try it--you look like you're coming off of a three-day bender!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM And You Should See His Celebrity Impersonations
Female account manager: So I'm going to lunch with a guy that does female Viagra...
Female marketing director: What do you mean he does female Viagra?
Quiet Office, 5th Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: i heard that!
12PM "There's No Room at the Inn, Bitcheeesss!"
National sales director, about company Christmas tree contest: Fuck needy people. This is about Christmas!
Bonner Springs, Kansas
11AM It's a Short Career for Most Of Them
Luddite sales manager: What's "SSL"?
Lead developer: "Secure Socket Layer." It's a...
Marketing manager, listening to iPod: Who's an insecure soccer player?
Software Company
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kiwibloke
10AM Chinese Restaurants in Particular
Salesgirl: How was your first trip to New York? Have a good time?
Salesman: Oh my god, it was awesome! All the restaurants we went to were amazing! So expensive, though.
Salesgirl: Yeah, Manhattan's pretty pricey.
Salesman: Yeah. (pause). I think the restaurants are expensive because they have to import all their supplies onto the island.
Studio City, California
Overheard by: goofopet
9AM Engineers Often Develop Delusions Of Godhood
Engineer to secretary: I don't want to be accused of misplacing nine years of your life!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: 812
5PM Or Just a Communist?
Clerk #1: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Clerk #2: I'm not doing anything, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving.
Clerk #1: What, are you Jewish?
Leader Heights, Maryland
4PM I Mean Nuns! Nuns!
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: I have a joke for you.
Hot 20-something: Is it appropriate?
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: Yes, of course it is.
Hot 20-something: Alright.
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: So there were two strippers...
Hot 20-something: (walks away)
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: waiting for the rest of the joke.
3PM ...In Totally Unrelated News, I Met the CEO Today.
Coworker to another, during lunch: Would you know a maggot if you saw one?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Glad they didn't bring anything back for me.
2PM Her Rap Name Is "Fecal Masta"
Lady in stall: I am on the toilet! I am biting the bullet! I am making a song about poo! What does that say about you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
1PM Ever Wondered Why We All Walk Down the Hallway in V Formation?
Employee #1, about former boss: Why is her Facebook picture a bird?
Employee #2: She loved birds. She has a cajillion of them. When she worked here there was bird shit everywhere. There are still some remnants.
Falls Church, Virginia
Overheard by: My desk has a window
12PM I Told Him He Was My Only Client!
Ghetto EKG tech: How is you gonna pay fo' yo' rent now that you got that big house?
Even more ghetto secretary: I'm gonna have to suck a lot of dick!
(passing-by physician gives an uncomfortable glance at them)
Ghetto secretary: Oh shit! I shouldn't have said that out loud!
Tampa, Florida
11AM Not from One Of Those Little Packages, Though.
Art teacher, looking at another eating Pringles: Pringles are the perfect chip, based on the texture, shape, and lines. They fit perfectly in your mouth.
History teacher: I don't know. If you asked me, I'd just prefer a Lay.
Teacher's Lounge
Marvell, Arkansas
Overheard by: They Let Me Teach Children
10AM Jarvis Remembers the Alamo Burger
Male coworker to female coworker: So, did you have the diarrhea before lunch or after lunch?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Joel
9AM As My Nametag Clearly States
IT guy: Where do I need to put this?
Lady down the hall: If you can't get it in that one, just stick it in the back. It doesn't matter where you stick it. I'm easy.
Memphis, Tennessee
5PM Except She Didn't Carry a Tomahawk
Boss: My daughter used to have a friend when she was little. The kid's mom was from Sweden and the dad was from Slovenia, one of those countries in...where is it again?
Admin: Eastern Europe.
Boss: Exactly, one of those Indian countries.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: workingwithmorons
4PM And It Sometimes Takes Them Weeks to Open Their Eyes.
Blonde, ditzy coworker: Well, why would they send gloves? Babies are born without thumbs. Even I know that, and I don't have any children!
Westport, Connecticut
3PM As Spicy As Videoconferencing Ever Gets
Remote office: DC, have you got it up yet?
DC office: We've got it up, now we're trying to make it bigger.
Washington, DC
2PM Translation: "I Have No Hot Friends."
Male coworker: Do you have any hot girlfriends?
Female coworker: Why?
Male coworker: I need a date to the Christmas party. She needs to be hot, so that I can make all the other guys jealous. Conservative hicks.
Female coworker: Passive aggressive, much? And no, I won't submit my friends to you evil desires.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Female Peon
1PM At Which You'll Be Briefed on My Breathing, Sniffling, and Breaking Wind.
Coordination director to coworker who just asked complicated question: What? I'm eating carrots, so I can't hear. And something in the dressing is making me sweaty. Are you ready for our meeting?
Albany, New York
Overheard by: the equivalent of
12PM As That Graffiti in the Restroom Suggests
Female bookseller: How long does it usually take to get your deposit back on an apartment?
Male bookseller: It could be two or three months, depending on how big of an asshole they want to be.
Female bookseller: Hm. (pause) Yeah, I prefer smaller assholes.
Bookstore
Des Moines, Iowa
11AM Let's Just Say It'll Open Doors for You
Mailroom boy #1: And they say chivalry's dead.
Mailroom boy #2: What's "chivalry"?
Omaha, Nebraska
10AM What I Like to Call a Jersey Genius
Coworker, about botched client presentation: His learning curve is big. He'll make the same mistakes six times before he gets it, but after that sixth time, he'll never make that same mistake again!
Parsippany, New Jersey
9AM On the Plus Side, My Personal Shopper Reports Much Shorter Lines
High society chick #1: Holy shit! The market's falling off a cliff again. They keep sending me this stuff on my BlackBerry.
High society chick #2: Yeah, it's like really scary.
High society chick #1: I went to my horseback riding class yesterday, and now there's like half the people than before.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: mike sereny
5PM He's Only Authorized Girl-on-Girl Affairs.
Woman testing cologne to daughter: Oh, no, if I go home smelling like a man, dad will know what I've been doing.
Roosevelt Field Mall
East Garden City, New York
Overheard by: T-Dizzle
4PM On the Plus Side, Last Time I Did That, I Missed Most Of the 80's
Boss: Were you asleep?
Manager: No, I was just in the middle of a really long blink.
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Michele R.
3PM At Least This Time It Didn't Involve an ER Visit
Coworker #1, in copier room: That copier needs some KY.
Coworker #2: (hysterical laughing)
Coworker #1: Oh, no! I meant WD-40. I always do that!
Richmond, Virginia
2PM The Sash and Tiara Are Just One Facet Of the Office
Office drone on phone: There's a woman out there. Oh, that's not a woman, that's the governor.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: evelyn
1PM Every Office Has One Person Who's Confused by Metaphors
Lab tech #1, about piece of lab equipment: You have to make love to it.
Lab tech #2: Oh! That's way too big!
Lab tech #1: You just have to finesse it.
Lab tech #2: No, seriously, that's really big.
Eugene, Oregon
12PM Seriously, Ladies, Get Off the Steroids Before It's Too Late
Male buyer: Did you take care of Tina's Johnson?
Female buyer: (blank stare)
Male buyer: Well, that didn't sound right now, did it?
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Cupcake
11AM And You Say I Never Share My Emotions, Honey.
Cube rat on phone: I hate those poops that leave you feeling like you spent a night in jail!
Fairbanks, Alaska
10AM Blushing Furiously, I Dressed My Salad
Yelling receptionist: The first one I grabbed was completely naked!
Fairbanks, Alaska
9AM But I Decided to Let My Husband Wear Them for a Day
Sassy Asian woman: I wish I had my pants on today.
Hudson & Houston
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
5PM ...If the FBI Asks.
Cashier, ringing up books: Okay, ma'am, and would you like to donate a book to a foster child tonight?
Customer: No, it's okay, I'm already doing a foster child.
(cashier stares in shock)
Customer: Oh, wait. I meant to say I'm mentoring a foster child.
Barnes & Noble
Seattle, Washington
4PM My Mullet Is All Business in the Front.
Mike: What's Linkedin?
Ryan: It's Facebook for professional people.
Mike: Well, I should get on that, because I'm pretty fucking professional!
Wilmington, North Carolina
3PM Go Go Gadget Homophobic Armor!
Male barista, startled by close stance of male trainees: Dude storm, dude storm!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
2PM As I Put Down Under "Weaknesses" on My Job Application
Female cube dweller: I know! I am such a bad smeller!
Hartford, Connecticut
1PM Well, Thanks for the Educational Slideshow, Regardless.
Female employee, in front of doorway: Why are some really big and others small?
Male employee: Dunno, seems like it was meant to be.
United Way
South Florida
12PM Why Olympic Athletes Now Get Sesame Jack Chicken Strips Instead Of Medals
Mom: If she gets convicted, I'm taking you to T.G.I. Friday's.
Son: Can we go even if she doesn't? Because it will feel like a victory either way, then.
Courthouse
Mentor, Ohio
Overheard by: Bird is the word
11AM New-Employee Hazing Can Get Out Of Hand
Female cube dweller to coworker: Stop that, you don't know me well enough to bite my nipples!
Rockford, Illinois
10AM A Manhole Explosion Could Ruin the Holiday
Construction manager on phone: He said the manhole was okay as long as you stayed 6 inches away from it. (pause) Yeah. We're well over 6 inches. We're almost 8. (pause) Well, send me a nasty e-mail. (laughter) Just not too nasty, I don't want to feel bad before the Thanksgiving break!
Woodland, California
Overheard by: Wonderfully Amuzed
9AM Wouldn't It Be Easier Just to SuperPoke Each Other?
Seven-year-old coworker's daughter: You're a loser!
28-year-old office worker: Well, you're Barack Obama!
Seven-year-old coworker's daughter: You're John McCain!
28-year-old office worker: You're Sarah Palin!
Seven-year-old coworker's daughter: Well...you're Ashley Tisdale!!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: three_eyed_fish
5PM It's What All the Olympic Athletes Are Doing These Days
Male employee #1, at lunch, peeling a banana: So, I'm doing a detox diet, where I eat only fruit for two weeks, and a bit of meat is introduced during the third. It's rough, but I'm actually starting to feel more sprightly.
Male employee #2: I say...it really works? I should try it. I'm knackered, and I'm getting a paunch. I'd like to detox that baby from my midriff.
(thin, lovely, female coworker, clutching mug of coffee, enters lunchroom)
Male employee #2: Sophie, what do you do to keep fit? Do you eat fruit at breakfast, perhaps?
Sophie, taking sip of coffee: I believe for breakfast I had beer and chocolate biscuits.
High Holborn
London
England
Overheard by: Mr Tickle
4PM Not All In Living Color's Fly Girls Made It Big
Waitress: I wonder if I shake my cup around hard enough... Wait a minute, I don't know if flies ejaculate.
Searcy, Arkansas
3PM Who Didn't Play That Game in High School?
Manager, about getting her nails done: I wanna get just the tip red, I see lots of girls with the tip.
Annoying coworker: Just the tip?
Coworker: Wanna play a game called "just the tip"? Just for a second, to see how it feels.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Can we go crash a wedding now?
2PM How Many Guests on The O'Reilly Factor Feel
Female coworker on phone with manager: Yes, I know it's an impossible request. (pause) I don't know, either he thinks he's freakin' Jesus or he thinks I am. Either way, I'm about to get a cheap, perverse thrill out of crushing his entire belief system.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I think I'm Santa
1PM For a Moment I Thought We Finally Had Something in Common
Man, discussing his morning routine with dogs: I'm up early. I walk them, brush them out, wash their balls, and oh boy, that gets them excited, and then we get in some good play time!
Cubicle mate: Ummm, balls?
Man: Balls, the bouncy kind...they're female.
Cubicle mate: That's disappointing.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Chai Tea
12PM That Hot Chick in Human Resources!
Boss: Does anyone have a stapler?
Peon: No, but we have hope!
Chicago, Illinois
11AM For Instance, Amy Was the Sluttiest Of the Little Women.
Coworker #1: What else would you have been called?
Coworker #2: I was supposed to be Amy if I was a girl.
Coworker #1: Really?
Coworker #2: Yeah. I would've been a real little slut too.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: ttg
10AM And There Are Too Many Holes Involved.
Male coworker to female coworker: Hey, do you ever play golf?
Female coworker: No, I don't play with balls that small.
(male coworker chokes on drink)
Bellevue, Nebraska
9AM Kinda Fun Watching Her Squirm, Though
10-year-old boy to 10-year-old friend: It's happening again.
10-year-old friend: What? You mean, "it?"
10-year-old boy: Yeah, darn it, I can't help it.
10-year-old friend: I think you should tell your mom about it.
10-year-old boy: No, she doesn't have a penis, she wont know what I'm talking about.
Sprint Store
Gilbert, Arizona
5PM A New PC Makes Giddy Teenagers Of Us All
CEO receptionist: Oh, look! The IT fairy is here with a new PC!
IT guy, carrying computer: Um...?
CEO receptionist: Oh! I meant it like "tooth fairy," not the...you know, gay kind.
IT guy: Where do you want me to stick it?
CEO receptionist You can put it in the back, the boss is busy right now.
Hospital
Wisconsin
4PM The Remake Of Hamlet Left a Lot to Be Desired
(cute FedEx guy with hat on leaves office after dropping package off)
Female agent: Firecrotch or no firecrotch? I couldn't really tell.
Aspen, Colorado
3PM You Can't Do That!
Customer on phone, about catalog CD: I will just shove it in real fast.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: That's What She Said
2PM Like That Colored Dye That Appears When You Pee in a Swimming Pool
IT worker: I stated that. We cannot make this idiot-proof, but we can identify them.
Scottsburg, Indiana
Overheard by: Larry G. Case
1PM I Did Watch Every Season Of Veronica's Closet, If That's What You Mean
Straight cube-dweller, about hole punch: Well, it shouldn't go there. It should be out in the open on the desk where I can see it.
Gay cube-dweller: What, you couldn't see it sitting there?
Straight cube-dweller: Well, it lives on my desk, not in the closet.
Gay cube-dweller: It's a shelf above your desk, not a closet.
Straight cube-dweller: Well, you would know more about closets than shelves, wouldn't you?
West Lafayette, Indiana
12PM Another Victim Of a Misleading Midas Muffler Promotion
Cube dweller: Just like men can get breast cancer, women can get prostate cancer. My gynecologist screens all his patients for it.
North Carolina
Overheard by: Not too worried about it
11AM It Sounds Like a James Bond Temptress
Office supervisor: Could you please send our new price list to our office in Kuala Lumpur?
Receptionist: Is Kuala Lumpur a real place?
Office supervisor: Oh my god! (laughs, then leaves)
Receptionist, to other office colleagues: Why did he laugh at me?
Colleagues: You have got to be kidding!
Belmont
Western Australia
Australia
10AM Cat People: 1 Dog People: 0
Woman #1, in line to get coffee: Do you smell dog? I smell dog. Like, a wet dog or something.
Woman #2: Oh, it's probably my pants. My dog slept on them last night and I didn't have a clean pair, so I wore them.
Woman #1: Yeah. It looks like you have some dog hair on them too.
Woman #2: It will probably just brush off by the end of the day. (walks away nonchalantly with coffee in hand)
Downtown Omaha, Nebraska
9AM Why Did We Come to This Godless Country, Jimmy?
Irish construction worker #1, exiting job site: You know what's wrong with this job?
Irish construction worker #2, behind him: What?
Irish construction worker #1: We're workin' on an Irish bar, and there's no bloody beer!
Irish construction worker #2: Sure there is! There's Guinness!
Both, in chorus: In cans! (they spit on the ground)
Haigh Street
San Francisco, California
5PM Kinda Hip, Kinda Now, Kinda Happening
New project manager: Make it more...sciency.
Chemist: Sciency?
Project manager: You know, truthier.
Chemist: Did you have a stroke?
Project manager: This is just my project management style.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
4PM If I'm Off by Even One Millimeter, We Might Experience Complete Proton Reversal
Boss: Tara, there is a big stack of Christmas cards on your chair. Please put stamps on each one and make sure they are exactly a quarter inch from both the side and the top of the envelope.
Tara, to coworker: Can you bring a ruler over here? I need to put stamps on the Christmas cards.
Old Town
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Glad I'm not the new girl
3PM Why a Lot Of Fights Break Out in Heaven
Boy #1: Man, why'd you kill me?
Boy #2: No, I didn't kill you, he killed you!
Public Library
Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Chey
2PM ...Now You Said You Want a Big Mac, Large Fries, and a Coke?
Man on phone: The money is the same either way...but this time, no one goes to jail.
Los Angeles, California
1PM Says the Chick Who Calls a Party a "Potty"?
Woman on personal call: Oh, wow, they really talk like that? Y'all? (pause) I'm not sure I'd want to live down there. I can't believe they haven't learned how to talk yet!
West Warwick, Rhode Island
12PM By the Way, I'd Avoid Statements Like That on Your Date.
Nerdy barista #1, excitedly: Yeah, she said she wanted to hang out later!
Nerdy barista #2: Your life is like Tetris; all the pieces are falling into place.
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: nes
11AM Can't We Just Change Channels by Punching Her?
Woman on phone: Did she eat the other remote? Well, then you need to call Verizon and get a new one!
Crystal City, Virginia
10AM Ooo, What About Muslims?
Male coworker: You should send the calls to the UK, since they'll be open tomorrow. They don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Who else will be working tomorrow?
Female coworker: Jewish people. No...wait, that's Christmas.
St. Paul, Minnesota
9AM And, Speaking Of Which, Here's Your Free Pie.
Girl at restaurant to friend: Hey! Come sit by me!
Friend: I'm gonna sit down here instead.
Waiter to girl: Persuade him. Use your female seduction powers.
New York City, New York
5PM I'll Give You Four Guesses.
Male coworker #1, walking up to soda machine: Yippee, a free soda!
Female coworker: That's good karma.
Male coworker #1: Yeah, I earned this! Whoever lost this did some bad things.
(walks out smiling with two sodas)
Male coworker #2, entering: Hey! Who took my drink? I left it while I went to the bathroom.
Female coworker: What were you doing in the bathroom?
San Diego, California
4PM We're Looking for a Porn Site.
Lawyer, about purchasing domain name: Why don't you go through that website. What's it called? Who's your daddy dot com or something?
CEO: I think that's a different kind of website, Brett.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Receptionist
3PM That's Not a Nice Way to Refer to Carol from Accounting
Woman #1: How's it going?
Woman #2, sighing: I'm swimming through the mess...got my fingers in the dyke.
Boston, Massachusetts
2PM Seems Like the Yeast You Can Do
Female coworker #1: I smell fish. Do you smell fish?
Female coworker #2: I do. How 'bout you start washing your vag more often than you wash your car?
Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York
Overheard by: Molly Guns
1PM And We Are Always Looking for Something New to Try at the Employee Picnic...
VP: There is a reason why advertisers do not target user-generated content. They do not want their ads being placed next to naked women. With casual gaming and chess videos, they know what they get. Unless you have nude chess games...and in that case, I need to learn how to play.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Sabotage
12PM Maybe He's Studying to Be a Doctor?
Redneck woman: So you think chip's gay?
Son: I don't know.
Redneck woman: Maybe he just likes to look at pictures of naked men. Who knows?
Gainesville, Florida
11AM Hey, in England They Have a Whole Day Devoted to Boxes.
Receptionist: Would you like to keep the box it came in?
Admin: Hmm... No, it's okay, thanks.
(later)
Receptionist: That box was really cool because it just folds down. You don't have to cut any tape off because it doesn't need tape.
Admin: Damn! Missed out on a good one.
Receptionist: It's still here!
Admin: I think I have too many. But how often do you come across a really great box?
Receptionist: What have our lives come to?
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: cardboard cut
10AM Seriously?
Boss, about job applicant: If he's really serious, I want you to push him hard to see if he's serious.
Bethesda, Maryland
9AM Jesus, Dude, Order Online, Wouldya?
Customer: Can I get a pack of condoms?
Clerk: Yes, what kind would you like?
Customer: Um, whatever is smallest.
Union City, Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
5PM I Never Promised You a Real Word.
Employee #1: Give me an "h"! Give me an "o"! Give me an "n"! Give me an "o"! What does that spell?
Employee #2: "Hono"?
Employee #1: Yeah!
Department Store
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sars
4PM If It Is the Greatest Story Ever Told, Why Can't I Remember It?
Football fan, during Good Friday: Oh, why can't we all be happy in here? It's the birth of god today! Or something...
Football Club
England
3PM From Disney's Winnie the Double Poo
Employee/roommate #1: I'm sorry but I have to keep my poop in the refrigerator.
Employee/roommate #2: Only if you double bag it.
39th St & Broadway
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Annie
2PM You'll Look for Any Excuse to Press an Asshole, Herbert.
Frustrated old man, walking away from service call button at Home Depot: Might as well hang an asshole up there and press that!
San Diego, California
1PM Look Over There and Follow Bob and Janet's Shining Example
Employee: I just pulled up my information on the system and had a question.
Manager: You can't pull up your own information, you can pull up Sophie's, but not your own.
Employee: Oh, I didn't do anything on my file, I was just playing.
Manager: You can play with each other, just not yourselves.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Matt Bangsund
12PM ...Just Charge the Penis Enlarger to My Corporate Account
Loud HR director on "confidential" call: At the risk of sounding unethical...
Charlotte, North Carolina
11AM Maybe He Has a Lead on Carmen Sandiego
Admin, screaming into phone: What do you want me to do? I can't do this now, I'm at work! (pause) Well, I can't deal with this now, I'm working! I don't know what to tell you! (pause) I don't have any damn money!! I spent all my money on that private investigator! (pause) I can't do this now, I'm at work!
Boss: Sarah, in my office now.
Admin: I have to go, my boss needs me.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Jeremy Hawn
10AM As I Explain in Painstaking Detail to All Of My Dates
IT director: You have to think of an org chart as a sort of hierarchy.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
9AM Translation: Once It's in Writing, I Can Take the Credit
IT manager: What is the plan for the internal server deployment?
IT drone: We are going to the client on Monday to stand up the server.
IT manager: You promised me a plan by 5/1. Where is it?
IT drone: The plan is that we will go to the client on Monday and do the work.
IT manager: You understand, I need a plan. When can you get it to me?
Washington, DC
5PM Don't Worry-- I Only Wear Them When I Mock You.
Coworker #1: I didn't know you wore glasses!
Coworker #2: These are yours.
Manhattan, New York
4PM Yours Is the "Lollipop Guild" Song, for No Reason Whatsoever
Cube rat #1: Oh, I love that ringtone! That's from Wizard of Oz, isn't it?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead is my favorite song in that whole movie.
Cube rat #1: Who called?
Cube rat #2: My mother-in-law.
Cube rat #1, lauhging: Got any others?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I've got If I Only Had a Brain on there, too.
Cube rat #1: Who's that one for?
Cube rat #2: My boss.
Bossier City, Louisiana
3PM Oh, the Snickermanity!
Programmer, in otherwise quiet office: Wait, what? How is that "snickerdoodle" isn't in my phone's T9?
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
2PM Our Ancestors Were Hunters, You Know
Male intern #1: Was she hot?
Male intern #2: She had a huge rack.
Female intern: (laughs)
Male intern #1: What? Are boobs funny now?
Female intern: No, he just didn't really answer the question.
Male intern #2: Yeah, I did. He basically said "would you do her?" and I said "yeah."
Female intern: No, I mean, if you just saw her face, would you say she was pretty?
Male intern #2: If I saw just her face?
Female intern: Yeah.
Male intern #2: I wouldn't recognize her.
Des Moines, Iowa
1PM To Be Fair, She Sounded a Little Nuts.
Receptionist to boss: I just got a call from Mrs Smith. She said she fell out of her boat and hurt her scrotum.
Boss: Her scrotum?
Receptionist: Yeah, something on her back.
Boston, Massachusetts
12PM Um, Actually...
Manager: So there was this one time I spent $600 on snack foods.
Clerk #1: What?
Manager: Yeah, my friend and I went to the grocery store and bought a ton of food, but we also decided to bring along his cat in a backpack, and then we let him out in the store because we figured he was old and wouldn't escape...but he did. We lost him in the store, and then we left.
Clerk #2: You just left the cat behind?!
Manager: There's no stopping the Frito Bandito.
Maine Mall
Portland, Maine
11AM Tonight's Movie: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About the American Electorate But Were Afraid to Ask
Cube rat #1: My son asked me last night what happens if the President dies. Does the Vice President really take over? I wasn't sure what to tell him.
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I believe that is what happens, or maybe they hold another election to re-choose the President.
Cube rat #1: I guess it is hard to tell, since it has never happened before.
Cube rat #2: Yep.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Poking my eyes out
10AM Next I'll Be Attacking the Jews Like Mel Gibson
Manager, regarding cellphone contract: We did you, then we called back and did your wife. I'm sorry. We upgraded your wife. Wife 2.0, that's right. Please don't tell her I said that.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
9AM Both Were Reluctant to Break the Long, Uncomfortable Silence That Followed
Designer: The ball is out of my court.
Creative director: Where's it at?
Designer: I don't know.
Elgin, Illinois
5PM Is It Arrr-Rated?
Young cutie receptionist: Oh, fun, we get to dress up in costumes.
HR clerk: What are you talking about?
Young cutie receptionist: Well, if Andy can be at work dressed as a pirate, I should be able to wear a my kitten costume.
HR clerk: Andy got a metal filing in his eye. He went to the doctor and his eye is bandaged. Andy is not dressed as a pirate!
Young cutie receptionist: Does that mean the only way I can get to wear my kitten costume is if a doctor puts it on me?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
4PM If You Look Closely You Can Still See the Outline Of It in My Stomach
Coworker #1: (moans uncomfortably)
Coworker #2: What's wrong with you?
Coworker #1: I ate too much...at lunch, my hamburger was so big I had to close my eyes just to fit it in my mouth.
Toronto
Canadia
3PM NewsFlash: Woman Beaten to Death with Krullers. Ruled "Justifiable."
Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Employee: $2.99.
Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?
Employee: $2.69.
Soccer mom: So which is the better value?
Employee: Huh?
Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each?
Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large.
Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh!
Dunkin Donuts
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Heavy D
2PM Good One. Some Blood.
President #1, on teleconference: So that about wraps up what we discussed during the presidents' retreat. Did you have anything you wanted to add?
President #2 (after pause): Oh, I actually had you muted.
President #1: Okay, did you hear everything I said or do you need me to repeat anything?
President #2: Oh. Umm...no, I was going to the bathroom.
Baltimore, Maryland
1PM Why Men Are Seldom Allowed to Organize Play Groups
Coworkers, discussing three-year-old sons: We should have our kids cage fight.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Heather
12PM Necktie Symbolism Revealed!
Woman, tugging at coworker's tie: Your thing ain't long enough.
Man: If you keep pulling on it, it'll get longer!
Oak Ridge, Tennessee
Overheard by: Chris
11AM Tonight's Movie: Nightmare on West Main Street
(desk girl is on long, heated phone call with same client for fifth time before noon, hangs up, and sighs)
Coworker: Do you hear them in your sleep?
West Main Street
Aspen, Colorado
10AM The Next Six Months Should Be Fun
Manager: Because your job can be done more efficiently and less expensively overseas, you are being laid off. However, your particular layoff will be delayed for five months because the work you do on your contract cannot be done overseas. Your projected end date will be 10/31.
Employee: Um, please repeat that, and think about it while you do so.
Manager (after repeating): Oh. Um, sorry.
Upstate New York
9AM This Quote Makes Our Brains Snap, Crackle, Pop
Office guy: I brought bars.
Office gal: Special K?
Office guy: No, they're not Special K because they don't have Special K in them. They have Rice Krispies. They are way better then Special K bars. Cause Special K is corn, and these are rice.
Office gal: I thought you would bring shrimp.
Office guy: Yeah, I said that.
Office gal: Yeah.
Office guy: And then I got the look of the death from Kay. So I brought these instead.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: What kind of pot luck is this?
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