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December 2008 Archives
5PM Is It Okay If I Finish This in Crayon?
Customer completing an application form on phone: Would my sister be a sibling to me?
Washington, DC
4PM My House Is on Fire, My Children Are Gone!
Consultant: Happy birthday, ladybug! Are you okay?
Admin: I'm fine, I just feel awful.
Consultant: Did you go out drinking last night?
Admin: Yeah, I had Crown and Cokes all night, and shots at every bar, but that's not why I feel bad.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Red Head
3PM How Josh Ended Up in a Saudi Prison
Guy on phone with accent: I'm going to take a picture of you milking a camel--it's going to be super!
Main Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
2PM The Office Discontinued "Nitrous Wednesdays" After Just One Week
Male coworker: Why are you laughing so hard?
Female coworker: I have absolutely no idea, but her head is in my crotch!
Fairfax, Virginia
1PM Meatland Would Go on to Be a Board Game Flop
Boss on phone: It needs to be beef, not candy.
Victoria, Texas
Overheard by: Diana
12PM Nothing More Dangerous Than a Heart-Cloud
Rep #1: What are you looking at?
Rep #2: It's a Mexican government web page. You can see the clouds and stuff anywhere in the world.
Rep #1: Cool.
Rep #2: It's super cool. I like, like the clouds and stuff. Maybe I should have been a cardiologist.
Sioux City, Iowa
11AM I Have a Feeling That Led to My Itchy Throat in the First Place
Female coworker #1: I just haven't been feeling well lately.
Female coworker #2: Do you want to suck on something?
Westminster, California
10AM Yes, But I Loved Working for Girls Gone Wild
Interviewee: Did I sell my soul to the devil for $15.22 an hour?
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
9AM And I've Got Dibs on Your Honey Roasted Peanuts
Boarding agent: Last call for Felix Calderon, we're about to close the door on flight 2175. You've been waiting for it all day. (shortly after) Boarding has ended for flight 2175. Felix Calderon, you're S.O.L.
Bob Hope Airport
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Alan J. Pedersen
5PM And They Always Get Grumpy When I Wear My "Go Palestininians!" Shirt.
Jewish executive: The CEO of [name] company is coming from Israel for negotiations.
Redneck executive (exasperated): I hate dealing with Israelis! They're the hardest people to negotiate with. They're never satisfied with any deal you work out.
Jewish executive: (silence)
Redneck executive: It's like water torture!
Peon: Um, I think that's the Chinese.
San Mateo, California
4PM The Crew of Sesame Street Had an Unusual Reprimand System
Office drone: I'll have to tickle myself for that...
Ojai, California
Overheard by: IntellectualWhore
3PM But I Deflowered It and Everything!
Girl: Stop playing with my bush.
Guy: I'm not playing with it, I'm moving it out of the way.
Girl: Well, don't come in here if you have to move it.
Guy: I can't stay out here and get what I want without coming in, and the bush is in my way.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Mel
2PM I'm Beginning to Regret Telling You About My Eleventh Toe
Work bee #1: Do you get paid more because you speak two languages?
Work bee #2: No. I should, right? One would think...
Work bee #1: Yeah, seriously, speaking two languages is like having an extra toe, it makes you stand out.
Shelton, Connecticut
1PM Despite What I Did on the Howard Stern Show
Bimbette, loudly: My name is not Kielbasa!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: we call her Meathead
12PM Have You Tried Trimming Your "Tomato Patch"?
Older employee to younger employees: That's why I don't live in town. I would be in jail. They would say, "you can't have a beer out here" and "you can't be in the nude" no matter how hot it is in your tomato patch!
Roanoke, West Virginia
11AM More Than the Entire Cast of The Hills Has Ever Done
Employee to another: So she lost her two front teeth saving the potbellied pig jumping in the pool.
Silver Spring, Maryland
10AM Does It Ever Really Work?
Coworker on phone: Well, 69 works for me if it works for you.
Dana Point, California
9AM We're Skeptical-- Successful Group High-Fives Are Nearly Impossible
Director (without any trace of irony): So we're going to do a high five every time? That's a great idea!
Producer: Yeah--let's get you all in a circle for the high five.
Onscreen talent (forming a circle): Let's get merchandising! (group high five)
Westfield, New Jersey
5PM Regardless, Your Hand Should Not Be There
Unseen man in cubicle: I'm not touching it. I'm just mooshing it!
W 46th St
New York City, New York
4PM I Just Mean, I See You Reading a Lot of Menus
New guy to female coworker, handing her lunch menu: You look like someone who would be interested in this.
Female coworker: What is that supposed to mean?
New guy: Oh.
Main Street
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: so glad i'm not male
3PM ...Or Risk Being Fired?
Coworker to intern: So do you want to have a two hour jam session? For Jesus!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: claire
2PM Save It for Our 3 PM Coffee-and-Entendre Break
Female cube rat, reviewing document: This text is pixelated.
Male cube rat: What is that? (reads over her shoulder.) "Senior oral presentation"? (snickers) I don't think I want to know about that.
Female cube rat: Really, Jim? This early in the morning?
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Haven't had enough coffee yet
1PM Their Presentation on the Buddha Left a Lot to Be Desired
IT guy #1: Asian. Asiaaaann.
IT guy #2: Like, 800 years old. A thousand. Thousands of years old.
IT guy #1: Asian. Asian. Asian.
43rd & Madison
New York City, New York
Overheard by: WTF?!
12PM But I Love When He Gives Me Massages
Female suit to another: I don't mind the dude with extra fingers making my tamales.
Victoria, Texas
11AM After Our Little "Board Meeting"
Male employee, on his way out of meeting: And, by the way, I just want everyone to know that my jaw is still sore from yesterday.
Employee's boss, explaining to silent coworkers: He should probably add that he went to the dentist yesterday.
Denver, Colorado
10AM Yours Is Much Thicker, Though.
Dude: I just got back from waxing my board.
Receptionist: Oh, yeah? I noticed your board is long, like my husband's. Must be because you're both tall.
University Avenue
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: that's what she said
9AM Next to This Cunning Drawing of a Confused Bird
Grad student: How was the meeting?
Neurology professor: It was great, and this time I took really good notes, see? Right here I wrote, "Why is the neurons are gone?"
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
5PM Like Stimulants and Depressants?
Female suit to employee: I'm a weird person and I'm in a weird mood today, so you'd think they'd cancel each other out.
Iowa City, Iowa
4PM Though I Do Know Enough Not to Call Somebody "a Mix"
Office drone #1: Hey, did you know the new guy was a mix? Yeah, he's half Haitian and half Mexican.
Office drone #2: Really, no way!
Office drone #1: Yeah, really!
Office drone #2: Hmmm, shows what I know about people, I thought he was white.
Madison Ave
New York City, New York
3PM Outside of a Phish Concert
Developer, cleaning out fridge: Wow, I've never seen pink mold before!
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
2PM You've Typed the Word "Boobies" 57 Times
Cubemate to another: You know, I am thinking and typing at the same time...
Jersey City, New Jersey
1PM Wait 'Til She Launches Into "There's No Business Like Flow Business"
Employee, singing on the way down the hall: I need to change my tammmmmponnnnn
Coalinga, California
12PM I Know You've Never Heard Yourself
Temp #1: I have great hearing! Remember the test we'd take in school?
Temp #2: Yeah.
Temp #1: I remember one time you heard that girl, it was on half a zero and I heard it.
Cedar Place
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: evildead
11AM Who Buries a Dead Cat?
Loud office coworker a few cubes over: Why don't they make a big belt buckle out of it?
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Overheard by: Probably they shouldn't
10AM That, and All the Erotic Pastry Sex.
Male coworker: What's up with everybody being sick right now?
Female coworker: Seriously! I was sick a few days ago and went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor gave me an antibiotic but I didn't take it. I gave it to my husband because he's sick too.
Male coworker: What do you mean you didn't take it? Why are you being non-compliant with treatment?
Female coworker: Well, this is probably TMI, but I can't take antibiotics. They give me yeast infections.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by:
9AM I Like the Cut of Your Jib--You're Hired!
Interviewer: On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest...
Interviewee (interrupting): Do you ever do 1 as the highest and 10 as the lowest?
Interviewer: No, I really like 10 as the highest.
Interviewee, thoughtfully: Yeah, I do too...
Omaha, Nebraska
5PM And Suddenly the Judge Is Telling Me I'm in Contempt?
Attorney: Seamen. (employees chuckle in their cubicles). I just want to say the name.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
4PM What Happens When You Moonlight As a Really Cheap Stripper
Boss, muttering to himself as he walks away: Now, how did I get pennies down there?
New Haven, Connecticut
3PM From the American Gladiators Porno
Office clerk #1: Where did you put the batteries?
Office clerk #2: They go right here on the pole.
Office clerk #1: Wow! I like the long pole...look at it squirt!
Columbus Avenue
Lebanon, Ohio
Overheard by: Did I hear that right?
2PM She Twist-Tied My Heart, Yessir
Suit in a sea of suits: One man's garbage is another man's treasure... That's how I got my girlfriend!
Tarrytown, New York
Overheard by: Laughing in their Faces
1PM This Way You'll Never Forget It
CSR: So that is apartment "E," like "echo"?
Customer: Eh... No, no, no. "E" like "elephant"!
Kitchener
Ontario
Canadia
12PM ...You'll Need a Big Spatula to Get Her Off the Ceiling
Cube mate on phone: Yeah, with that spray-on chest hair...
Suitland, Maryland
Overheard by: Wondering if He is on a 70's show...
11AM Are You Doing This Deliberately?
Employee #1: Is George Harrison the guy that directed Star Wars?
Employee #2: No that's George Lucas.
Employee #1: Oh, but he was in Star Wars then.
Employee #2: No, that's Harrison Ford.
Employee #1: Oh. Wasn't Frank Sinatra in The Beatles?
Addison, Texas
10AM Everyone Retrieve Their Illegal Arms from Their Overhead Compartments
Amtrak conductor #1: There's no quiet car on this train, folks.
Amtrak conductor #2: That's right. This is the party train. We gonna get arrested tonight.
South Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: enigmattic
9AM The Power Steering Was Their Best Feature
Old lady in wheelchair: My first car's name was Chelsea.
Girl, pushing wheelchair: Oh, I have jeans and they are Chelsea, too... Bootcut, though.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: jullylully
5PM You Assume I'm a Bottom?
Cubicle dweller #1: What better way to die, backpacking across Antarctica?
Cubicle dweller #2: I can see the headline now, "Man dies while being sodomized by a leopard seal."
Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
4PM But That's Barely Even a Sandwich!
CR manager: I don't want some bulky thing, a 2-incher ought to do it.
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: Cubical Dweller Pita
3PM Rachel and Tara's Quest for Their Own Office Turns Ugly
Cube girl: Man, I'll be farting with you!
Corpus Christi, Texas
2PM Every Office Has Its Ninja
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
1PM ...To Fill a Hole Completely
Architect to detailer: You can't depend on the caulk.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: just the intern
12PM Only More Embarassing
Female worker: I've been here so long, I can think of a million ways to get back at you.
Male worker: I'll just come in and start throwing water balloons.
Female worker: That's like stabbing, though.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Tonic
11AM ...As I Have with My Other Roommates
Woman walking by to someone across the room: And I will never confuse you for my common-law spouse.
Toronto
Canadia
10AM So When You Said You Had a Hankering for Little Women...?
20-something girl: Alright, I need to go get Knocked Up...you all know I mean the movie, right? And not, not me getting...screw it, I'm getting Knocked Up. See you later!
Sand Lake Commons
Orlando, Florida
9AM I Think I Saw This Episode of The Simpsons
Guy serving lunch: Do you want meatloaf?
Kid: No, I'm a vegetarian.
Guy serving lunch: Not today, you're not! (slaps a big piece of meatloaf on kid's plate)
23rd Street
New York City, New York
5PM Then I Realized It Was Ethan Hawke
Young female associate: So the homeless guy kept coming at me and I got scared, so I kicked him in the balls.
Law Firm
Wilmington, Delaware
4PM Yeah, We Read Your Invitation on the Bulletin Board
Team leader: Tomorrow we're having sexual harassment training. (laughs) Jane, you can't touch Sophie.
Male coworker: They can touch me!
Melbourne, Florida
3PM She Must Really Annoy the People She Works With, Huh?
Salesperson, in response to reading a news article: Why would anyone name their pet Booger, then have him cloned?
Customer: I wish aliens would come down and take Paris Hilton away.
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: bearer of randomness
2PM What About This "Paula Abdul" All the Kids Are Talking About?
25-year-old: All you listen to is old music, like David Bowie 'n shit.
40-year-old: I don't listen to just old stuff! I listen to new stuff too!
(turns radio to Eveerclear, Father of Mine)
40-year-old: See? This is new!
25-year-old: You kiddin? This is like ten years old!
40-year-old: Damnit.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: back seat driver
1PM Someone Left an Issue of Bitch Magazine in There
Woman #1: Hey!
Woman #2, coming out of the employee restroom: Hey! Oh, I was just thinking about you!
Woman #1: Wait, weren't you just in the restroom?
Bobst Library, NYU
12PM Sigh --John Candy Was Like Four Dead Famous Fat Guys Ago
Worker #1: I don't think he looks like John Candy. I think he looks like the guy who killed John Candy.
Worker #2: With what? Donuts?
Lakeside Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Not paid enough.
11AM Would You Rather We Tried a Back-Door Approach?
Salesman: Is it the size that you didn't like or can I somehow make it better for you?
Beachwood, Ohio
10AM Who Was That, by the Way?
Suit #1: Good morning, pal!
Suit #2: I'm not your pal...
Suit #1: Well, sure you are, buddy!
Suit #2: Look, my day would be far less painful if you'd stop referring to me using synonyms of "friend." M'kay?
Suit #1: Sure thing, friend!
(Suit #2 storms out)
Suit #3: That's a new record...fifteen seconds!
Bank
Glasgow
Scotland
9AM And the Extra Diapers Really Came in Handy After the Baby Was Born
Coworker: You have kids?
New guy: Yeah, two. You?
Coworker: No, but we started trying.
New guy: Are you kidding? This is the greatest time of your life. I know a guy whose wife did all role playing--you know--when they were trying. Said he never had better sex...ever!
Coworker: (blushes).
Court & Montague
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: INQ
5PM I'm Pretty Sure You're Mis-Remembering Erin Brockovich
Supervisor: Girl, you better give me back those files or I'll take you outside. Like that girl in that movie.
County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Lan
4PM Which Has Been Lifted, Due to Cornea Movies Like Brokeback Mountain
50-something admin talking about a gay couple she knew in the past: Back then there was an astigmatism associated with it.
Medical Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Wow am I glad my last day is in a week.
3PM Barnes and Noble Are Two Separate Guys
Manager on phone: Yes sir, I'm aware that the auto-message is in two different voices. No sir, I did not think that people would be confused...I'm sorry you feel that way, sir.
Barnes & Noble
Greenfield, Wisconsin
Overheard by: darkhorse
2PM Too Bad--They Make Great Stress Balls
Female coworker: Um, hi.
Openly gay male coworker: Oh, hi. Sorry, I was just admiring your work.
Female coworker: Don't worry, I know you're not checking out my rack. Hm, and that actually makes me sad.
Openly gay male coworker: Yeah, I know. Keep dreaming.
Exchange Place
New York City, New York
1PM My Swim Coach Was Quite Unhappy with the Arrangement
Girl to friend: Did I ever tell you that for like a year in high school I wore pantyhose everyday, even if I was wearing jeans, I'd have pantyhose underneath them.
Dallas, Texas
12PM Chicks Get All the Cool Medical Excuses
Female office worker: My mother's having surgery to remove a tumor in her breast today, so count me out for the lunch meeting, I'm going to wait for a phone call on her condition.
Male office worker (uncomfortably): Uh, I hope she's ok. Have you heard from Chris today?
Female office worker: No, he's coming in, right?
Male office worker: As far as I know, hope he doesn't have breast cancer.
Law Firm
New York City, New York
11AM Casual Fridays Don't Last Long in Some Offices
Sales manager: Wait...aren't all chaps assless?
Graphic designer: Only when you wear a thong under them like me.
Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia
10AM Not After You Returned My Tigger Costume in Such Poor Condition
Marketing guy: Hey, do you still have that hot and fuzzy DVD?
Designer guy: Yeah.
Marketing guy: Can I bum it from you?
Orlando, Florida
9AM That's What Our Bin Of Spare Nipples Is For
Angry manager on phone to late employee: I don't care if your nipples fall off! You need to get your ass in here now!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
5PM Not Arby's Fesh, But Close.
Dingbell: I love shopping at Trader Joe's! Their frozen food is so fresh!
Carlstadt, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gary
4PM Oh Well. Later, Orphans!
Young guy to girl: I see you everyday and I'm completely unaffected.
Valparaiso, Indiana
Overheard by: jake
3PM Who Diagnosed Me As an Old Fart
CEO, farting as he walks by cubes: Excuse me, I just came back from the urologist.
(cube dwellers look at each other in confusion and start to giggle)
Springfield, Virginia
Overheard by: Glad Im Healthy
2PM We're Selling the Video at the Counter
Butcher holding up pork: These are the finest butts I've ever seen. In fact, I just boned them myself!
Grand Blanc, Michigan
1PM Let Me Guess--White Castle?
Girl #1: Did somebody fart?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Oh wait, never mind, that's just somebody's food.
New York City, New York
12PM Why You Shouldn't Tell Your Co-Workers You Speak English
Temp #1: Are you drinking hot water?
Temp #2: With some lemon, yeah. Why?
Temp #1: Doesn't hot water make you have to crap?
Temp #2: What?
Temp #1: Hot water makes my grandmother have to crap.
Temp #2: What?
Nashville, Tennessee
11AM Some Writers Got Out of Practice During the Strike
Worker #1: It's cold out.
Worker #2: Yeah, it's like having half a cup of coffee thrown in your face...but cold.
Worker #1: That's the worst analogy ever.
14th Street
Arlington, Virginia
10AM When Really, He Was Just Gellin' Like a Felon, with Dr. Scholl's
CSR on phone: They found out my boyfriend is a felon and now they are throwing us out of the trailer park.
Colonial Heights, Virginia
9AM Allllll the Time, Baby
Flustered admin: Hey guys...does your hand ever get sweaty on the mouse?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Pod Buddy
5PM Every Metaphor Is a Rainbow Metaphor in San Francisco
Senior VP: For all you people who are worrying about this problematic new travel coordination system, I just want to reassure you that there is, truly, light at the end of the rainbow.
San Francisco, California
4PM Stop Beeping at Me, Sir!
Man on phone: Hello? Yes, am I talking to a real person?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: unreal_person
3PM But Potentially in the Desert
Professor: It's an island somewhere...probably in the ocean.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
2PM Barf Bags Are Provided in the Event of Their Ugliness
Passenger to another: Federal law requires that you must follow all instructions from uniformed crew. If a naked flight attendant approaches you, you don't have to listen to them.
Southwest Flight
Islip, New York
1PM Stop Contrimanding Everything I Say
Manager: B.O.T.A. It's an anagram. Do you know what it stands for? "Bend over and take it up the ass."
Employee: That's an acronym, not an anagram.
Manager: What? I didn't say acronym.
Oneonta, New York
12PM Has the Wii Already Become "Old"?
Game developer on speakerphone: Bestiality is totally the new Wii.
Columbus Circle
New York City, New York
Overheard by: The Professor
11AM A Sassy Tigress?
Peon #1: Of course, he described it as riding a tiger.
Peon #2: Who rides a tiger?
Richmond, Virginia
10AM Which Reminds Me--Send Out an Email Notifying Everyone That the Computers Are Down
Outdated salesmen: Why didn't you respond to my text?
Office lackey: I never received your text!
Outdated salesmen: From now on, when you don't get my text you have to call me and let me know.
Office lackey: (walks away mumbling)
Burnsville, Minnesota
Overheard by: Eric Bouchey
9AM Umm...
Boss: No, kangaroo rats are not rodents! They're just mini kangaroos!
Maine
Overheard by: amused employee
5PM How Does That Distinguish It from Any Other Month in Pittsburgh?
Manager: This month's data looks solid, but can we use November's data?
Office guy: Well, November was like the transition, it's not crap like it was before but it's not as good as this new stuff...
Manager: So, November is like solidifying crap?
Office guy: Uh...sure?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
4PM No One Go in the Conference Room 'Til We Can Get a Cleanup Crew in There
Boss, exiting a staff meeting: The internet was the greatest invention for the perverts. They're having a hay day!
Dallas, Texas
3PM This Is a Job Where You Have to Pace Yourself
Boss to employee: Can you just wipe your forehead on my ass?
Columbus, Ohio
2PM Where Are You Going?
Coworker: Hey, you know that new radio station that started last week? It's like when you meet a new friend but then the next week you realize they aren't cool and you don't want to be seen with them.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: rita
1PM And It's 2008.
Project manager: So what do you think the chances are that we will have a meeting giving us the status of what is up?
Admin: I'd say the odds are better that the girls' gymnastic team will win the 2006 Super Bowl.
Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: teh aml
12PM Everything She Knows About Male Anatomy She Learned from Her Ken Doll
Coffee girl #1: Yeah, he's hot but he has weird thighs.
Coffee girl #2: Do guys have thighs? I mean, I know they have legs but do they have thighs?
Coffee girl #1: Ummm...
Wollongong
Australia
11AM I'm Told You're Extremely Bitter
Sales rep to manager: Your shirt is a very weird green. It reminds me of green tea.
Manager: Do you want to eat me?
Sales rep (staring silently): Uh no.
Oregon
Overheard by: I love green tea
10AM And They Remind Me Too Much of My Baby-Carrot Member
Man, referring to golf pencils provided: Can I borrow something to write with? I can't use those small pencils. I'm a VIP!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
9AM Just Because Dirk Meyer Wears That Vadar Mask?
Worker #1: Hey, what's generally better, Intel or Athlon?
Worker #2: Of course, Athlon.
Worker #3: What?! No! That's the dark side!
Irvine, California
Overheard by: Jon
5PM Bill Gates Finally Forays Into Porn
Woman, matter-of-factly, to male associate: Micropenis.
Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jt & lc
4PM The Sauciest Little Office in Mississippi
Male office worker: Hold your hands out.
Female office worker: I am so tired of you squirting on me! And I don't want to be tied up unless I want to be. Got it?!
Baldwyn, Mississippi
3PM Though, When We Hired Him, He Seemed Brazilliant
Coworker: Did you know Tom* was fired?
Boss: I guess he was bolivious to the the fact he just didn't have the education to keep up with the workload.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: stuckinacube
2PM He's the Big Cheese Around Here
Female office worker: There's a mouse in the trap under my desk! Come move it!
Male office work: Is he dead?
(supervisor walks in with on tail end of conversation)
Supervisor: All deceased records go to George.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ear Hustler
1PM For Making Such a Terrible Quiche
Culinary professor: There were times that I wanted to be spanked.
Niagara Falls, New York
Overheard by: wishing she heard the beginning
12PM It's Just, the Company's Been Accused of Getting Soft
Office grunt: I was just going to jerk them off but I figured it would be best to ask first.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: wes
11AM ..."Which of the Sales Guys Are You Going to Have Intercourse With?"
Benefits & payroll lady: So which of the sales guys are you going to do?
Admin: (awkward silence)
Benefits & payroll lady: Ummm...let me rephrase that...
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: uh i hope none of them
10AM Because Trolls Are Unionized, Moron
Boss: Well, they apparently thought the gnome was a good idea, so why not go with a troll?
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: David
9AM Only When I Pulled Off the Duct Tape
Coworker #1: I almost said something stupid, but I stopped myself.
Coworker #2: Did it hurt?
Coworker #1: Yeah, a little.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Miranda
5PM Not to Be Confused with the Compulsive Nintendo-Playing Syndrome "Wario-osis"
Secretary #1: Yeah, he has warosis. That's when you've just gotten back from a war and you have all this trauma from it.
Secretary #2: Oh gosh. I've heard of that - my granddad had it when he got back from the war.
Queen Street
Melbourne
Australia
4PM I Wondered Why They Took That Photograph at My Interview.
Female coworker: The only way a woman can make it in the industry is if she has huge boobs!
Male coworker: Hey, guys need to have large nuts to make it.
Vancouver
BC
Canadia
3PM ...or The Real World?
Coworker #1: You know those warehouses where the kids go when they have no parents?
Coworker #2: Are you talking about an orphanage?
Chattanooga, Tennessee
2PM Slim-Fast Isn't So Embarassing
Grumpy loud guy to confused coworker: Stop going out and drinking your lunch!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1PM Then I Realize I'm Married, and Reading Them
Woman smoking on loading dock: I get e-mails from him at 3 and 4 am on Saturdays and I think to myself, "if he's married, he must hate his wife."
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: fly on the wall
12PM And Be Home in Time for Dinner
Office monkey: You can shoot a goat with an M16 for $10.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Jen
11AM If I Pass Out, Inject Me with the Blue Needle
Frazzled boss: Today has been just awful.
Concerned coworker: I know, hun. (in a hushed tone) Do you want a Xanax?
Frazzled boss: Oh, god, no...thank you...I have my own supply. (in hushed tone) And I've already had several.
New York City, New York
10AM Why Her Friends Stopped Letting Her Give Wedding Toasts
Female quality engineer: There is a fine line between wanting to hurt someone and having fun with them.
Texas
9AM I Thought It Was for Using Internet Abbreviations in Everyday Speech
Young guy: What, you don't like Skittles?
Slightly older guy: No, I feel like my teeth are rotting when I eat them.
Young guy: How about Starbursts?
Older guy: Nope.
Young guy to boss lady: Did you hear that? Did you know you're working near a communist?
Boss lady: You see, the fact that you care about this epitomizes why the gen Xers hate your generation.
Los Angeles, California
5PM It Helps to Draw Naked Ladies in the Margins
Biotech girl #1: I really need to make my paper more sexy, so any comments you have will help.
Biotech girl #2: But I'm not a sexy person, I don't know how much help I'll be.
Biotech girl #1: Oh no, you're a very sexy person! You've written for tons of sexy journals.
Carl Icahn Laboratory
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: FileTransferer
4PM No One Has Ever Done That
Crazy coworker, on saving money: You can live without toilet paper, because you could just use Kleenex instead, but you can't live without steak!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
3PM We're a Government Office
Office manager to bookkeeper: If things made sense around here, it wouldn't make sense!
San Carlos, California
2PM And Could You Describe to Me What She's Wearing?
20-something male cube dweller on phone: Hi, this is...hello? (pause) Oh, wow. No, sorry, I just heard your tone of voice and thought I should have been paying 4.99 for the call. (laughing) Is your mom home, or is she on her way here?
CRPC
Leeds
England
Overheard by: cubenerdery
1PM They Drink the Iced Tea to Forget
Sales guy: I'm not saying that people from Long Island have no soul, but all the empirical evidence seems to point in that direction.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Mac
12PM Even After I Gave You That Backrub?
Smarmy boss to teenage peon: How are you doing, Veronica*?
Teenage peon: I hate you passionately!
Plymouth, Michigan
11AM From My Big Book of Rainy Day Activities
Middle-aged project manager: Remember markers?!
Middle-aged web guy: I loved sniffing markers!
Middle-aged project manager: Airplane glue! We had to take my neighbor to the hospital because she got the lid stuck inside her nose from sniffing too hard.
Middle-aged web guy: Haha! I bet that was hard to explain to her parents!
Middle-aged project manager, dreamily: I just sniff paint...
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Unsurprised Temp
10AM Gotta Love the Chain of Command
Customer (on speaker): But it's too expensive, it isn't fair! I can't afford it. Can't I just pay you half?
Insurance rep: No, the premium for your vehicle is $435.60. You have to pay the full amount.
Customer: Can you find a way so I can just pay $200? That's all I can afford!
Insurance rep: No. You can't just pay any amount you want. You need to pay what you owe.
(this goes on for 10 minutes)
Insurance rep: Well, fine, if you can't afford to pay the insurance for your car maybe you should sell it and take the damn bus.
Customer: What? What did you just say to me?
Insurance rep: I'll transfer you to my manager.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
9AM What About Columbia University?
Receptionist #1: Are District of Columbia and British Columbia the same thing?
Receptionist #2: I dunno!
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: GOAT
5PM What If We Bribe You with Cake?
Lawyer: You know they are bringing in immigrants and everything.
Conference caller: I don't know if I want to testify against a Sudanese refugee! Do we have to?
Lawyer: Something tells me we are not going to win this.
Phoenix, Arizona
4PM If Only Israelis and Palestinians Could Share One Big Bathroom
Man standing at urinal: (farts while peeing)
Other man at urinal: At least we have something in common!
Training Center
Bridgeport, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not My Kind of Bonding Experience
3PM You Know the Office Is Full of Closet Heteros
Designer: Hey, nice shirt!
Principal #1: Yeah, this is my gay shirt.
Principal #2: Oh my god, you can't say that! What are you doing?!
Principal #1: What? Multiple people have told me I look gay in this shirt.
Principal #2: But you can't say that kind of thing!
Principal #1: Oh, I have nothing against gay people; it's just a fact.
Principal #2: Okay, just stop talking.
Architecture Firm
Los Angeles, California
2PM Which You've Already Done by Wearing Such a Loud Tie.
Temp: It's so silent in here.
Boss: Don't ruin the magic.
East Circle Drive
East Lansing, Michigan
1PM Contributing to Domestic Abuse Is a Hoot and a Half
Drunk on phone: Hello, is this Frogs?
Intern: No, this is not a bar, it is a place of business.
Drunk on phone: Look...is my honey Lois there?
Intern: No, please don't call anymore. (hangs up)
(phone rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Look...I'm looking for my honey Lois. Is she there?
Intern: No, this is a place of business. Please stop calling.
(hangs up phone, then it rings again)
Drunk on the phone: Have you seen my honey, Lois?
Supervisor: Yeah, I've seen her. She's sitting here at the bar and she's making out with a bunch of guys.
Drunk on the phone: Bitch! Tell her I'm going to kill her.
Supervisor: I would love to, but I think she's having sex right now on the bar. I'll wait until she's done.
Drunk on the phone: I can't believe she is doing this to me. (starts to cry and hangs up phone)
Supervisor to intern: Every once in a while you gotta have a little fun.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Annmarie
12PM At Least That Explains the Saddle
Female employee #1: Where does it say in my job description that I'm the aquarium maintenance person, the chocolate jockey, the expert on suicide?
Female employee #2: Yeah, but you asked for that one!
Female employee #1: Which one? The chocolate jockey?
Female employee #2: Yeah.
Female employee #3: Yee-haw! I'm riding my chocolate pony!
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
11AM Let's Just Say the Body Shots Got a Little Out of Hand
Female coworker: Hey there, sweetie. Did you have fun yesterday?
Male coworker: Huh?
Female coworker: You had the day off, didn't you?
Male coworker: I was at a funeral. My grandmother died.
Westlake
Seattle, Washington
10AM Isn't Learning Together Fun?
Analyst: I don't know if that STD was news to you, but..
Developer: Uh, it is now.
Commerce Park
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Not in that division
9AM I'll Leave That to the Political Appointees
Lady suit: My goal is not to be an idiot.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
5PM That's What You Said About Peter Pan
Guy #1: They're making Open Water 2.
Guy #2: That was the worst movie ever, they just float the whole movie. The high point was halfway through when something brushes up against someone's leg. The chick doesn't even get naked in it. They were just floating...just floating the whole movie.
Des Moines, Iowa
4PM Not Having to Listen to Cher Is Worth Paying Out-of-Pocket.
Male employee, angry about benefits: So my live-in girlfriend is not a domestic partner but Steve's* boyfriend is?
HR generalist: Yes, that's right. Domestic partners are same sex partners, that is the policy.
Male employee: So if my girlfriend became my boyfriend I could put her on my insurance?
HR generalist: Yes, if she grows a penis and discovers a deep abiding love for Cher, she can be on your insurance.
Male employee: Really?
HR generalist: (sighs)
Skokie, Illinois
3PM Who Knew Mrs. Claus Was a Top?
Working bee, quietly: Santa Claus, you cunt!
King Street
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: highly amused
2PM I'm Still Peeing Out My Belly Button
Coworker #1, holding small letter opener: Do you have one of these, only smaller?
Coworker #2: What's wrong with that one?
Coworker #1: It's too thick. I can't fit in in the smaller slits and it tears the whole thing apart most of the time.
Coworker #3: I had a boyfriend like that once.
Coworker #2: What the fuck?
Santa Ana, California
Overheard by: errica
1PM If You're Serious About One-upmanship, You Need to Do Your Homework
Cube dweller #1: My cousin was in the hospital last week.
Cube dweller #2: Yeah? My brother was in the hospital last week. He had an operation to remove...ummm, something.
Cube dweller #1: What, his tonsils?
Cube dweller #2: No, it started with "p."
Cube dweller #1: Oh, gawd, not his prostate?
Cube dweller #2: No... Oh, yeah. It was his pendix.
Tampa, Florida
12PM If She Hadn't Already Rejected Me
Cube dweller: I hear you got a new person in your department. That should help with the load.
IT geek: Yeah. Too bad she's fat and ugly.
Cube dweller: But you'd fuck her anyway if you got the chance. Right?
IT geek (sighing): Yeah, I probably would.
Woodland Hills, California
Overheard by: Gunboat
11AM That Taffy Pull Really Seems to Be Doing the Trick!
Engineer #1: I'm hung right now!
Engineer #2: What? Why are you hung?
Engineer #1: I don't know...
Mountain View, California
Overheard by: hung as in hung up ...
10AM Poor Tori Spelling
Crotchety old engineer: That's the best-looking hermaphrodite I ever saw!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Conservative Italian Stallion
9AM And Lend a Hand
Female secretary: Anybody need a really big box? Cause I got one! (pauses, then everybody in the room starts giggling) Oh, grow up!
6th Ave
New York, New York
Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants
5PM Was It the Diaper of an Adopted Asian Orphan?
Middle-aged female boss: So I huffed a giant diaper this morning. Am I hip?
Lexington, Massachusetts
4PM There Are Used Vibrators on EBay (Don't Ask How We Know)
Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with...uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I...uh...
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!
Centennial, Colorado
Overheard by: Trouble
3PM ...That'll Be Four Hundred Dollars
IT support guy: If it's not working, there must be a problem with it.
Copenhagen
Denmark
Overheard by: Marie
2PM At the Very Least, I Was Huffing Cough Syrup
Guy #1: If you lost my knife, so help me god you owe me $14.99. Plus shipping and handling.
Guy #2: Okay, so...we'll just deduct that from the eighty bucks you already owe me?
Guy #1: Statute of limitations. That bet was, like, five months ago.
Guy #2: Yeah, and we agreed that you'd owe me interest if you didn't pay me...
Guy #1 (incredulous): Interest? Was I *drunk*?
Guy #2: Well, it was at 8 am on a Tuesday. So you never know.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Dave Eugene
1PM Well, Two Sets Of Eyes Are Better Than One...
Geek #1: So, I just don't know why it's running so slowly.
Geek #2: Did you take a tcp dump?
Geek #1: Oh, that's a good idea. I'll go take a dump and look at it!
Geek #2: Let me know how that works out for you.
Westminster, Colorado
12PM Tonight's Lifetime Movie: Ludmilla Does Vanilla
Coworker #1: I like the smell of gasoline.
Coworker #2: Oh, me too!
Coworker #3: That's because you used to do drugs.
Coworker #4: Who are you people?
Coworker #3: I like the smell of jet fuel.
Coworker #5: I like the smell of burnt rubber.
Coworker #3: That's because you used to be into dungeons.
Coworker #5 (wistfully): Oh, not anymore though...I'm married now.
Broadway & Canal
New York City
Overheard by: office peon loves her job
11AM ...With Red and Green Ribbon
Coworker: Hey, I have a question.
Female coworker: Hold on a sec, I'm trimming my balls.
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Sarah
10AM Dred Scott!
Aggravated nurse, complaining about slave monitor malfunction: Can someone come help me with this goddamn thing again?
Helpful, tech-savvy male nurse: What's the matter?
Aggravated nurse: My slave is black!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Speechless, blinking....
9AM Some Days Oklahoma Is Not OK
Pretty girl: Sorry, I got distracted by my trash can!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
5PM Okay, the Pelvic Thrusts Are Just Unnecessary.
Male coworker singing in creepy falsetto: I work hard for my money, uh huh, uh huh, so hard for my money!
Valencia, California
Overheard by: disturbed yet laughing
4PM Used How?
Hot executive assistant: It was the dirtiest cab I'd ever been in my life. The front seat was covered with Penthouses and used tissues.
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Free Time on His Hand
3PM Some Place Where the People Are Ignorant, Anyway
Girl standing in smoking section: So he found this video of this dumb blonde girl. I can't believe it, she was from Norwegian or something like that.
Evans, Colorado
Overheard by: Princess
2PM And Could You Zip Your Fly Before You Answer That?
Coworker #1 (after a low-rumblin', hearty burp): What? "unprofessionalism" is not a word?
Coworker #2: Did you just ask that after burping?
New York City, New York
1PM I Like It-- and I Like Men Who Like It
Coworker #1: The side of my lips are dry!
Coworker #2: I put ChapStick when that happens to me!
Coworker #1: I'm doing it!
Coworker #2: Oh, man...I got ChapStick on my mustache!
Coworker #1: Girl, you are not suppose to say that!
36th & 8th
New York City, New York
Overheard by: LIL Papi Chulo K.L.
12PM Remarkably Unhelpful-- I Salute You!
Employee: What happens when things are damaged in transit?
VP of operations: Then it probably won't work when you get it.
Austin, Texas
11AM Niche Marketing's a Dirty Business, People
VP: That will impact our back-end penetration rates.
Tigard, Oregon
10AM Since the Ones in the Copy Machine Trays Are Almost Toddlers Now
Boss, discovering an unused file cabinet: We can get babies and let them nap in here!
Los Angeles, California
9AM And I Was Like, "Mission Accomplished!"
Female coworker #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there myself. So I bought one of 'em. It was like a regular condom, but it had these little pink things...
Female coworker #2: You bought a french tickler?
Female coworker #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our table and started using it as a volleyball. It was really fun for a while, and then I spiked it into the priest's head and we were asked to leave the reception.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Doubled over Coworker
5PM We've Told Her "Hello" Is More Appropriate, to No Avail
Boss: So, this is the problem: the minute you see Stephanie, she just screams "fake boobs."
New York City, New York
4PM Right Up There with the "Do You Need to Refrigerate Ketchup?" Debacle Of 1997
Visiting client, waiting for elevator: You're right. Putting shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle *is* more economical.
(jittery laughter)
Manager: It just makes sense, you know? Why have two when you can have just one?
Coworker, after client and manager get in elevator: That was the worst example of small talk I have ever heard.
Chicago, Illinois
3PM I'm Appalled That You'd Hyphenate "Crack Whores"
Designer to owner: He wants me to design a sign for him that reads, "Caesar Inn, Crack-whores welcome by the hour."
Owner: What? (walks away)
Miami, Florida
2PM His Wife's Rap Name
Female coworker: So...I heard you got married over the weekend.
Male coworker: Yes, I did.
Female coworker (eyeing his ring): Oooh, I love white gold! Very nice. Did you have them engraved?
Male coworker: Yes, in fact we both got identical inscriptions.
Female coworker (gushing): Oh, that's so romantic...what do they say?
Male coworker: "14k."
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: The Bonesaw
1PM No One Respects Breasts More Than a Man Who's Never Touched One
(crunching water bottle noise)
Girl admin, in sassy tone: Hey! Those are the breast cancer water bottles--show some respect!
IT guy: Yeah--that's why I'm...
Girl admin: Squishing it?!
IT guy: You said it! Not me!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: That's what she said
12PM Men Are So Cute
Department manager to two employees in their 9th month of pregnancies: I simply cannot allow you two to take maternity leave at the same time.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lynn
11AM The What Game?
Employee: So, how was your night?
Boss: I played catcher last night, so now my butt's killing me!
Employee: Um, you're talking about the softball game, right?
Denver, Colorado
10AM Or I'm About to Get Really Testy
Executive officer: I need a teabag, a teabag...my kingdom for a teabag.
San Diego, California
9AM So How Great Is It to Be Back, Huh?
Employee, returning after a month away: Hey, you've lost weight!
Manager: Thanks! I've been...
Employee: No, wait, you just got your hair cut. Nevermind.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM Haresh Will Be Doubly Confused When an Earthquake Hits DC
Middle management guy: What's shaking?
Indian tech guy: What is shaking? You want me to stop something from shaking?
Middle management guy: No, I...
Indian tech guy: Are you having a technology crisis? Is your desktop vibrating?
Middle management guy: No! How's it going? How are you, is what I'm asking.
Indian tech guy: Oh, I see. I am fine. Is your desktop alright, though?
Middle management guy: Yes, yes. Everything is working. (sighs)
Washington, DC
4PM The Voices Tell Me to Spike Your Coffee with Drano
Worker #1 (singing): Invoices are making me want to kill myself!
Worker #2: The voices make you want to kill yourself?
Worker #1: No! *In*voices!
Worker #2: Phew!
Century City, California
3PM At Least There's No Chance She'll Reproduce
Female high school student walking into guidance counselor's office with a group of friends: Oh, right! You're who we come to talk to about sex.
Guidance counselor: Ahh, yes...
Female student: Well, I don't need to talk to you because I don't do that.
Guidance counselor: Do what?
Female student: You know...sex. I don't do it 'cause I'm syllabus.
Guidance counselor: Ummmm, right.
Roxbury, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Miss
2PM But My Friends Call Me S.O.B.
Old bald lawyer to younger lawyer: I'm waiting for John Smith*, this son of a bitch who...
Third lawyer, strolling up, extending hand: Hi! Pleased to meet you! I'm that son of a bitch!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
1PM That'll Be Friday's Special Treat
Cubicle dweller #1: Blood, blood, blood--I'm sick of reading about this stuff!
Cubicle dweller #2 (hyped up on coffee): Well, at least it's not fecal matter!
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM Whatever You Say, Santa
Tech: I don't need a list. I am very rememberful.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
11AM Like That Pipe Explosion Scene in Goonies
Scared CSR: Someone just blew up the bathroom!
Marshall Street
Richmond, Virginia
10AM Where I Was Educated
Woman: Hi, where can I find books on specific countries?
Librarian: Well, which country are you looking for?
Woman: Kansas.
Newton Free Library
Newton, Massachusetts
9AM ...While Restarting Their Computers
Tech support girl: So, what should I tell them? They say their internet is slow.
Tech support supervisor: Tell them to suck my big brown dick.
Ontario
Canadia
5PM "Acceptance Of Diversity" Day Takes an Interesting Turn
Server admin: Yay! Malaria!
State & Water
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
4PM Despite His Love of Waffles
Angry boss: Aristotle is not Belgian!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
3PM I Was Thinking "Genius," But Close Enough
Woman at office party: She's got that psychological syndrome where she uses sex to get what she wants from men... What do they call that again?
Man: A whore.
Dario's Restaurant
Rockville Centre, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
2PM I Promised I'd Take It for a Walk This Afternoon
Girl yelling in conference room: I have an eager beaver.
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: cube master
1PM The Most Menacing of All the 50
Satisfied admin: Yeah, we've got the state of Connecticut's address.
Norwel, Massachusetts
Overheard by: That's right Connecticut, we know where you live.
12PM They're a Godless People
Boss #1: Joe said we'll meet about it on Monday.
Assistant: Christmas eve?
Boss #1: Well... Yeah, I guess.
(shocked silence)
Boss #2: Joe's Canadian.
Stillwater, Oklahmoa
11AM While I Cherish My Suburbatude
Tech: I feel sorry for people that live on farms. They just have to deal with too much ruralicity.
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
10AM Well Don't Shit Me
Crazy lady: Help! My food has shit all over it! Help!
Young waitress: Wait, what?
Crazy lady: Don't "what" me.
Young waitress: No, really, what's wrong with it? Is it the wrong dish?
Crazy lady: You didn't tell me it had shit in it.
Young waitress: To what are you referring, precisely?
Crazy lady: The shit the shit the shit! (waves hands madly over dish, gesturing at her pasta, covered in a sauce)
Young waitress: Wait, do you mean the sauce?
Crazy lady: Don't "sauce" me!
Northville, Michigan
9AM Like a Stalk of Celery
Salesperson calling tech support: Let me hang up so I can call back and talk to someone dumber.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
5PM She Looked Like an Impressionist Painting, Up Close
VP #1, during meeting: Yeah, she had the shingles.
VP #2: Okay, moving on...
VP #1: All over her back!
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Shingle(less) White Female
4PM Or We Can Try the Musical Chairs Method Again
Boss man, picking up bill at lunch: Well, I can either pay for this lunch or we can all draw straws to see who gets laid off.
Amherst, Ohio
Overheard by: I hate this place
3PM Those People Who Parachuted Must Be Kicking Themselves
Captain of flight: Good news, folks! We found the airport!
Flight over Newark, New Jersey
2PM Isn't This Exactly Why Your Secret Santa Got You Suspenders?
Manager to customer: Well, sir, you've caught me with my pants down!
Two peons passing by (simultaneously): Ewww!
Plymouth, Michigan
1PM So I Mounted Its Hard Drive
Female peon to IT peon: I just found a naked computer.
New York City, New York
12PM Except He Keeps Bringing Home Mice to Help Him Make Clothes
Male coworker: So he wants to be Cinderella?
Female coworker: Yes.
Male coworker: Like *Cinderella* Cinderella?
Female coworker: Yes. I figure, if he wants to be like his uncle, there's nothing wrong with that.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Temp-tation
11AM Took Us a While, Too
New airport paging/information clerk: Paging passenger Emerson Bigguns, passenger Emerson Bigguns. Please call airport information from the nearest white courtesy phone.
(pregnant pause) Fuck!
Airport
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: YGBSM
10AM ...Now That the Legislature's Passed a Law Making You Wear a Dunce Cap?
New girl, during one of her constant personal calls: Don't you find it insulting to be a Democrat?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Karen
9AM The Day the Men in Biohazard Suits Visited Our Office
Paralegal: What color is mozzarella?
Office manager: White, why?
Paralegal: Ummm...I'm going to need an extra bag, I am cleaning the fridge and that bag of mozzarella is like dark brown and green, and I don't mean spots...
Office manager: Uh-uh, here. (hands over bag) I hope it doesn't start moving.
(paralegal laughs and heads toward kitchen)
Paralegal (one minute later): Hey, what color is kiwi suppose to be?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: joey
5PM You Have to Feel Sorry for the Dental-Dam Generation.
Cube rat to another: How does love taste?
Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: A. Pincus
4PM So It Was an Accident of Sorts
Male manager: You weren't in another accident, were you?
Female cube dweller: No. I pooped.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Cube Dweller
3PM We Didn't Get Our New Calendars in Time
Woman on phone to client: Well, New Year's Day fell on the 1st this year, which messed a few things up.
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Stunned
2PM ...Until I Heard a Miss America Contestant Explain It
Coworker: I didn't know there were two parts of Africa.
Bryan, Texas
1PM You're Just What This Reality Show Needs!
Young, pretty receptionist with Southern drawl to old salesman: You have the lowest motives with highest hopes that I have ever seen!
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
12PM We're Still on For Tonight's Lingerie Pillow-Fight, Right?
Male attorney to another: We're not going to circulate this externally, not yet. If we want to do that internally, that's fine--that can be just between us girls.
Bethesda, Maryland
11AM I Just Meant: "You're a Dirty Ho"
Young admin, talking about boyfriend who just moved: Yeah, but I'm really good with long distance relationships.
Manger: So you say, but haven't you cheated on all your exes so far?
Young admin: Um, yeah...technically.
Manger: So basically you just always find someone to fill the hole when they're gone. Shit! I mean void...I *so* didn't mean it like that!
Santa Maria, California
10AM Where Exactly Are You Ordering Lunch From?
Developer: Is "buttload" hyphenated?
New guy: No, I think it's just one word.
Corner of State & Water
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men...
9AM Bob in Accounting Is Still Limping from the Incident with the Halloween Cookies
Cubicle chick #1: They have free sandwiches today? I will be throwing elbows to be the first for that action.
Cubicle chick #2: You really are a delicate flower.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Overheard by: nic_bitch
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