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August 2008 Archives
5PM Oh, Wait-- A Tattoo Of a Five-Year Chip?
Serious receptionist: Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she's an alcoholic!
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Are you for real?
4PM Or to Practice Your Marilyn Monroe Poses With
Admin chick: Here's a fan for your office.
PhD Chick: What's this for? To like cool me off?
Baltimore, Maryland
3PM I'm Deaf on My Grandmother's Side
Six-year-old camper #1: I'm half Jewish and half Irish!
Six-year-old camper #2: I'm half Finnish and half Polish!
Six-year-old camper #3: I'm a quarter sign-language!
Look Park
Florence, Massachusetts
2PM And Son of Sam Was a Dr. Seuss Character?
Smart girl: Okay, that guy was nice but really kind of creepy.
Girl: Yeah, but he seemed harmless enough.
Smart girl: Sure, but so did Ted Bundy.
Girl: Oh I love that guy!
Smart girl: Wait... what?
Girl: He's the one on Married with Children, right?
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: glad my gf is the smart one
1PM And My Light Fixtures Are Starting to Sag
Customer service rep on phone: I know exactly what you mean. I haven't gotten a manicure in so long... my cubicles look horrible.
Cypress Creek Road
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Ava
12PM Is February the One with Only Ten?
Junior art director: Hey, what month is eleven?
Chicago, Illinois
11AM Looks Like Bill's Work, to Me
Graphic designer looking at logo: Looks like a free hand job to me.
England
Overheard by: Johnny Bystander
10AM I'm Very Interested in Getting Drunk and Staying Thin
Woman (looking at new drinks): I don't need more drinks to choose from. I'm not that interested in beverages. I like my Diet Coke, I like my vodka, and that's all I need.
Lakeshore Drive
Birmingham, Alabama
9AM Did You at Least Get My Psychic Vibrations?
Sales rep: Why didn't you answer the IMs I sent you yesterday?
Designer: I was off yesterday.
Sales rep: You mean IMs don't go through if someone isn't online?
(designer stares)
Sales rep: What?
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Dunder MIfflin
5PM The Hamburglar's Clean-Up Man
Coworker to office pet turtle: You are such a little turd-burglar!
Neenah, Wisconsin
Overheard by: stinky turtle
4PM Or Since He Hated the Old Man, Maybe Toxic Waste Disposal
Accountant: The boss is charging all his personal expenses to the firm. We'll have to use a little creative camouflaging to make them look like office expenses.
Trainee: How do we show his father's funeral coffin?
Accountant: Packaging & forwarding?
Garden Square
Panjim
India
Overheard by: Paige Turner
3PM When I Shake It Too Hard, It Just Explodes Like That
IT guy: Your laptop is not booting up because you have a stuck function key. What happened, anyway?
Rep (refusing to make eye contact): Yeah, I ... uhhh, think I dropped something on it.
It guy: Like what?!
Rep: Ummm yeah, well, like my fist.
Fern Valley Road
Louisville, Kentucky
2PM ...Taters?
Male cube rat #1: What was that guy's name you just hung up with?
(simultaneously)
Male cube rat #2: What are you doing for lunch?
Female cube rat: Dick.
New York City, New York
1PM Family Reunion?
Weird coworker: I found a lot of great trash this weekend.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: huh?
12PM The Other Commuters Have Seen Weirder Behavior from Me in the Past
Worker on phone to boyfriend: So you'll be waiting naked when I get home? Oooh...I'll come home naked.
Downers Grove, Illinois
11AM Lederhosen. Why?
American patient on cell: ...and I don't even know *how* it happened, I remember I had my pants on...
Emergency Room
Germany
10AM No More Burritos for Lunch-- Okay, Gladys?
Supervisor woman: I felt something back there and then it was all-out war in my pants!
Wildwood
Jefferson City, Missouri
9AM They Play "Jiggle Bells"
Boss to chubby young female coworker: Hey, why are you jingling?
Chubby young female co-worker (after brief pause): Umm, because I'm fat.
Boss (horrified): Wait... What?! No, no, not "jiggle" ...jingle!
Chubby young female coworker (laughing): Oooooooh! (lifts up foot and gives it a shake) I have little bells on my socks!
New Market, Maryland
5PM With a Name Like Mary Jane, You Kinda Have to Be
Lady suit #1 (serious): But I'll tell you this, I flew the highest kite. I usually do.
Lady suit #2 (joking): That's what I've heard about you.
Lady suit #1 (serious): Yeah, I feel high all the time.
Parkway Commons Drive
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
4PM Men and Women May Laugh at This for Different Reasons
Wholesale meat salesman to customer on phone: We've got 12-inch weiners on special.
Fairbank Road
Ashville, New York
3PM Still Say Weight Watchers Sucks?
WeightWatchers at Work leader: Today our topic is going to be "Eating Out and Not Blowing It."
Washington, DC
Overheard by: But what if I need the protein?
2PM Should I Take Notes?
Project manager #1: I'm taking a class, but someone stole my notebook.
Project manager #2: Learning sucks... Let me tell you what I'm going to have for dinner.
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: Then wouldn't I be learning?
1PM You Have a Harsh Attitude Towards Women, Bob
Female coworker: What are you going to do with it? Eat it?
Male coworker: Well, for right now it's a pet...
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM Like a Sundae With Whipped Topping
Intern guy: I'm trying to imagine what a masochistic society would be like.
20-something girl: ...amazing.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/08/ouch.html
Overheard by: Ian
11AM Those Are the Two Paths to Career Success in San Diego
Office girl: So I decided to be different and do psychotropic drugs while everyone else did cannibalism. It was pretty cool.
Office guy (nodding): That makes sense.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Slowly backing away...
10AM ...Will "Hi, Ho" Be an Acceptable Workplace Greeting
Female employee: (unintelligible)
Male employee, testily: Well. Not until we hire a dwarf.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jamie B.
9AM It Sang 'Let's Do the Time Warp', As I Recall
Urologist: Can we do a time-out, please?
Nurse: Mr. Henderson* is here for a cystoscopy. You've seen this patient before.
Urologist: I've never heard of him. (uncovers the field) Hmmmm. I don't remember the patient's name, but I have seen this penis before.
Hospital, Virginia
Overheard by: CJ Wiretap
5PM We Can't Just Abolish the Chain of Command
VP in theological discussion: Hitler copied the Catholic Church, for Christ's sake!
Bank Street, Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: without
4PM But It's Important to Our Relationship That I Share Inappropriate Facts About Her
Newbie: So Diane* is the one with dirty blonde hair?
Seasoned worker: I don't think they like the term "dirty."
Newbie: Oh yeah, my girlfriend kinda likes being called "dirty."
Seasoned worker: I meant the hair color.
Newbie: I know!
Inverness Work Plex
Denver, Colorado
3PM And Milk That for All It's Worth
Woman #1: I'm so excited about the new mother/meditation room. I can totally pretend to be meditating.
Woman #2: I can totally pretend to be lactating!
Evanston, Illinois
2PM You Don't Bring Me Problems, You Bring Me Shooters!
Intern #1: I need to talk to you, there is an issue with a drop-down menu.
Boss: You are like the problem child I never wanted!
Intern #2: What about me?
Boss: You know a lot about alcohol.
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
1PM Ringo Was Never the Most Clever Beatle
Loud British coworker: Bongs? Is that even a word, "bongs"? "Bongs"? Well I guess it is, like you can "bongs" a drum.
Swiftwater, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: wookie
12PM I Was Delighted to Learn There Was an Old Gummy Bear Stuck to It
Cube dweller #1: There's one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that's the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.
Jersey City, New Jersey
11AM Then We Give It to the Clients, and It's a Happy Ending for Everyone
Data geek #1: Do they massage the data before they give it the clients?
Data geek #2: Oh, we massage it like it's Kobe beef.
Salt Lake City, Utah
10AM AMA Rule #1: When Cornered, Deny the Corner Exists
Receptionist: I have Ms Jones* on the phone, she still has pain and wants to know if you will refill her Endocet prescription.
Doctor: No. She can have Vicodin.
Receptionist: She's allergic to Vicodin.
Doctor: Then she has to go to the hospital.
Receptionist (after speaking on telephone again): She asks if these are her only options: take medication she's allergic to or go to the hospital?
Doctor: Tell her I'm not here.
Kinnelon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
9AM And Now It's Full
Office worker: After my father died I needed something to fill my head, so I thought "Oh! Celebrity doll collecting!"
Beacon Street
Newton, Massachusetts
5PM Good Thing We Only Have a Couple of Those a Year
Woman on phone: That's why I'm not going to drive the Kia on hot days anymore.
Lind Avenue
Renton, Washington
4PM ...Once I Take These Pumps Off
Receptionist on phone: I'll be shorter than a midget on his knees!
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
3PM I Hear It Floats to the Top
Employee: I ordered 2448 washers today! What did you get done?
Boss: I took a big shit this morning.
Philadelphia, PA
2PM What Happened to the One I Love to See?
(admin walks into project manager's office)
Project manager: I don't want to see that! You're wearing that thong that I don't like to see!
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Effie
1PM Never Get Off the Metro at Foggy Bottom After Dark
Cute producer girl to smoking hot anchorwoman: Speaking of awesome, my ass hurts.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: WebHag
12PM Otherwise We Would've Been More Specific About the Plump Roundness of Your Butt
Male coworker #1: I don't care how much of a bitch she is, her tits are unbelievable.
Male coworker #2: Shit, did you see that red thing she was wearing yesterday? I had to jerk off in the bathroom during lunch.
Female coworker they're talking about: You guys are aware that I can hear you, right?
Male coworker #1: In our own defense, we weren't aware of that.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by:
11AM ...As Is the Custom in Brooklyn.
(male admin yawns)
Female admin: Nap time?
Male admin: I never sleep.
Female admin: You never sleep? What, do you put toothpicks in your eyes to keep them open?
Male admin: I'm going to write that down, that's a good idea.
Female admin: At least you choose to stay awake, rather than your husband waking you up by coming home at 1:30 in the morning.
Male admin: At least he didn't pee in the bed.
New York City, New York
10AM As Demonstrated in the Quality Film, The Battle Of Little Big Horny
Worker #1: What's up wit dat new chick, the one haulin' dirt, she Korean?
Worker #2: Naw, she's Native American.
Worker #1: Dat's hot yo, I wonder what Indian pussy taste like?
Worker #2: (long pause) Maize?
WTC Memorial Site
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Bob
9AM And Couldn't They Come Up with a Better Title Than "Do the Reich Thing"?
Boss: Someone submitted an underage Nazi girls site to our search engine? Are you fucking kidding me? As a Jew and a pornographer, this offends me on so many levels.
Virginia Ave
Seattle, Washington
5PM Good Thing Love Conquers All
New bride: So now I am changing my last name to Smith.
Negative co-worker: Oh! You will have problems with identity theft with that name... It's so common.
New bride: Oh no, it's okay, I put my old drivers license in the safety deposit box.
Crooks Road
Troy, Michigan
4PM Why Bondage Suits Were Banned from Casual Fridays
(sound of whip cracking)
Next cubicle coworker: Ahh, my eye!
Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ian
3PM And Then He Solved Me
Coworker #1: So how did you meet your boyfriend?
Coworker #2: On match.com.
Coworker #1: Oh, really?
Coworker #2: Yeah, he did a search for Rubik's cube, and I was the only name who came up!
Hudson St
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
2PM Whatever Happened to "It's Funny Because It's True"?
White office dude: What do a roll of sod and a 200-pound white chick have in common?
Mexican office dude: I dunno. What?
White office dude: Sooner or later they both get laid by a Mexican.
Mexican office dude: You know, that joke would be really funny if it weren't so true.
Employee Parking Garage
Downers Grove, Illinois
1PM Tonight, on Sim Possible...
Befuddled coworker to supervisor: The good news is I developed a system so that I wouldn't lose any more SIM cards. The bad news is I lost one.
Independence Parkway
Fort Worth, Texas
Overheard by: Jet Jaguar
12PM I Finally Had to Call Security on That Blue Muppet with the Weird Googly Eyes
Office worker: Okay, who started the cookie rumor? I have 45 people coming to my desk asking me for some cookies that I made!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: maryk
11AM Sure, Just Fill Out a Freudian Slip
Boss on cell: Is T&A an option? Uh... No, I meant "time and expense." Is T&E an option?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: It's ALWAYS an option
10AM I Know What You Did Last Mother's Day Had a Bone-Chilling Effect on Audiences
Secretary #1: How was your mother's day?
Secretary #2: Oh, my mother is dead.
Secretary #1: I know. (hyena laugh)
Townsend St
San Francisco, California
9AM Wait-- What's Wrong with a Handjob During Golden Girls?
Supervisor (in a sing-song voice): Sex with Steven is more boring than church.
Employee #1: (humming along)
Supervisor: Sex with Steven is like...a handjob during Golden Girls.
Employee #1: Sex with Steven is like getting off on a baby carrot.
Employee #2: A baby pickle.
Employee #1: Whatever. Sex with Steven is...like an orgy with old people.
(pause)
Supervisor : You took it too far.
Hamilton
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: some girl.
5PM Of a Doubleheader?
Sales girl, shouting to assistant: I told him I would just drink and drive the whole time, and maybe play the back end.
28th Street
New York City, New York
4PM These Aren't Sufficiently LensCrafty
Woman wearing glasses straining to read document: Ugh! I need glasses.
San Diego, California
3PM I Can Probably Make It to the River
Large woman looking in bathroom stall: Lord, I can't even fit in there! I'm just gonna hold it.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
2PM Tonight's Movie: Office Spaces
Female estimator: My boss is going to deep dive me on this tomorrow. He knows where all my holes are.
Everett, Washington
1PM Can You Ask Derek in Accounting If He Wants to Join Me?
Female coworker: You're my best friend and I love you and all but I just really don't want to Wikipedia Greek porn with you ever again.
Male coworker: It's not porn, it's art! They're etchings.
Female coworker: Whatever. Ewwww.
Male coworker: Seriously. Wow. Ewww. (looks around room) Ummm, yeah, I think I need to go cry in the executive shower.
McKemmy
Chandler, Arizona
12PM More Like a Donkey Punch, Really
Female Facebook coworker: My old professor just Facebooked me.
Male non-Facebook coworker: That sounds wrong. Is that like a dirty Sancho or something?
Female Facebook coworker: It's Sanchez. And no.
Wacker Drive
Chicago Illinois
Overheard by: Hear No Evil
11AM Or Are You Still Pounding It Out?
Editor to legal reporter: Did you write the story about whether sex was a major life activity?
Crystal City, Virginia
10AM Preschool Admissions Criteria Get More Daunting by the Day
Serious nurse: ...but, I'd be lying if I said bloodlust didn't have a lot to do with it.
Hospital
Manchester, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mouse
9AM Unless There's Cake. Unless There's Cake
Woman on intercom: David*, to the back office. David*, to the back office, please.
David*on intercom: No, I don't want to. No, I don't want to.
Kinko's
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: The Flying Aspidistra
5PM At the Regional Conference of Elementary School Teachers
Director to underling: So you're trying to tell me that you work in this industry and you don't have an alcohol or substance-abuse problem!?
Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Garrett
4PM Even Though He'll Probably Go Apeshit
Manager to worker on phone with customer: Tell him we ain't got a monkey, and don't know when the stock's coming in.
Hemel Hempstead
England
Overheard by: Do we sell monkeys?
3PM You're Not Properly Formatted
(coworker is walking down the corridor with 3-D glasses on)
Girl: That's a bit odd. Does he realize he's only going to see things in color, not in 3-D?
Guy: You didn't just say that.
Girl: What?
Guy: Well, how many dimensions do you think I am?
Girl: One.
Portland, Oregon
2PM I Totally Respect the Fact That We'll Never Speak Again
Female coworker #1: I just don't trust people who are openly trying to tear me down.
Female coworker #2: Probably a good instinct.
Big Beaver
Troy, Michigan
1PM "Candy Left Over from Christmas" Is So Much Less Exciting Now
Boss to secretary: You know what I still have?
Secretary: Herpes.
Boss: Uh, err, get back to work!
Mullica Hill Road
Glassboro, New Jersey
12PM Little Did I Know It Was a Splenda Snickers
Editor (talking about diabetic colleague): So, around five o'clock he walks by and he's holding a candy bar--a Snickers--and I'm like, what is this? Suicide? If he goes into convulsions, I'm just going to gather my stuff and stroll out of here.
Newsroom
Stafford, New Jersey
Overheard by: inothernews
11AM Dude, Red Would Totally Clash with This
Conductor #1: I found a purse back there, I'm taking it up front.
(walks through the cars)
Conductor #2 on PA: Attention passengers, if anyone has a pair of red high heels to match Alan's* new bag please see him in the first car.
MARC Train
Brunswick, Maryland
10AM Who Else Thought That Said "12 Year Old"?
Woman: Yeah, he was the 12 year one night stand. (pause) God, I can't even be a ho right!
Warrenville Road
Downers Grove, Illinois
Overheard by: Jeny
9AM Tonight's Movie: Dirty, Unsexy Money
Drunk girl: How am I going to get home? I don't have enough money! Oh, except for the thousands of dollars falling out of my ass.
Chicago, Illinois
5PM How Pillsbury Motivates Its Commercial Actors
Director, shouting from inside her office: Just eat the damn strudel and shut up!
Moline, Illinois
Overheard by: Dzesika
4PM Since We Already Play Poker With My Sobriety Chips
Coworker: I forgot to bring a water bowl for [my dog], do you have anything?
Boss, cheerily: You can use my "15 years sober" bowl!
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
3PM Or Get a Nicer Bib
Manager: Yes, but I still dribble a bit.
Subordinate: Well, you may wanna have a doctor take a look at that.
Okemos, Michigan
Overheard by: yawp
2PM And They Keep Slipping Out Of the Child Seats
Cube dweller #1: You've worked with giraffes?
Cube dweller #2: Yeah, transporting them is a real pain. They go in an open trailer, and every time you get to an overpass, you have to either let air out of all the tires to fit under it, or you have to stop, back them out of the trailer, walk them around the overpass, get them back in the trailer... It takes forever to get anywhere.
Cube dweller #1: Can't you just teach them to duck?
Cube dweller #2: (long pause) Not at those speeds.
Pearl Street
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Explains giraffe-shaped divots in overpasses
1PM The "Hand in the Cookie Jar" Metaphor Was Getting Stale
Coworker on phone: That's 'cause your toes got stuck under the dresser.
New York Avenue
Washington, DC
12PM But His Ghost Sought Revenge, So It's All Good.
Rite Aid employee #1: My friend died last year, he was really sick, it was sad.
Rite Aid employee #2: Yeah man, my friend from high school recently passed away too.
Rite Aid employee #3 (in a Dominican accent): Yeah, that happened to my friend too. Actually, he did not die. Someone killed him.
Rite Aid
New York, New York
Overheard by: Marie Ziskin
11AM Care to See My Jubilant Ribbon Dance?
Coworker #1: I've got a velvet shirt. Actually, it's velour.
Coworker #2: What the fuck? Either way, who owns a velvet or velour shirt?
Coworker #1: I celebrate all fabrics.
International Place
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: like velour too
10AM You Have to Celebrate the Little Things
Joyous cube dweller: Yay! My ass works!
DIT
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Across From The Shit Show
9AM Jon Lovitz, Is That You?
Nurse: Do you smoke?
Older man: No.
Nurse: Have you ever smoked?
Older man: Yes.
Nurse: And how many cigarettes a day did you smoke?
Older man: Uh, three. No, five. A pack.
Nurse: And when did you quit?
Older man: Uh, yesterday.
Nurse: You're still smoking, aren't you?
Older man: Yes.
Hospital
Harlem, New York
Overheard by: Natalie
5PM Heavy Drugs Should Take Care of Everything Else
Tech #1: You're going to need to help Ann*.
Tech #2: What's wrong with Ann*?
Tech #1: Well, that's a subject for long, intense discussion... But I think she needs help with her computer.
Storrs, Connecticut
Overheard by: J.McC
4PM Luckily Fruitcakes Last Forever
(long past June)
Receptionist: I haven't opened all my Christmas gifts yet. I just haven't had time.
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
3PM More Accurately, My Vibrator and I Are Going to Try
Cubicle dweller on phone: I have no idea how I am going to live my life without you but effective tomorrow I am going to try.
Horizon Way
Irving, Texas
2PM He Doesn't Dig Me, I'm Afraid
Suit to intern: Why don't you have your boyfriend dig you out?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
1PM A Giant Gathering of Ruby Tuesdays Employees?
Boss: Okay, before we cross that Rubicon ... Wait, does everyone know what the Rubicon was?
Minion: Yeah! It's the brain!
Boss: (blinks) Okay... Anyone else have a guess?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: veni vidi deridei
12PM Not Sure That's the Correct Answer to "What Time Is It, Kids?"
Coworker about manager: What would I even say to him? Let's have sex again?
6th Avenue
New York City, New York
11AM That's Exactly What She Said
Male work-study student: I was gonna give a dozen roses to this girl I liked, but I decided not to. Do you want them?
Female full-time professional: If anyone's gonna give me 12 of anything it's gonna be inches.
University
El Paso, Texas
10AM Insert Obligatory "Cockpit" Joke Here
Prudish female lecturer of psychology: And so, we have to assess whether the pilot has the presence of mind to ejaculate from his seat during emergencies...
Selangor, Malaysia
9AM Although We Were Going for a Jaguar
Guest: Man, I really love your food!
Server: Thank you, sir.
Guest: It gives me the strength of a puma!
Server: Uh... thank you sir?
5th St
Cincinnati, Ohio
5PM Save Some Play Doh for Everyone Else in the Office
Intern #1 to intern #2: Dude, you need to stop making babies!
Virginia
4PM At the Regional Deodorant Convention
Lady on cell coming out of elevator: I think it's just going to be a roll on, roll off kind of thing.
Fair Oaks Lane
Frankfort, Kentucky
3PM I Use It to Drive Nelson Mandela Around
Hungarian coworker with heavy accent on phone with auto repair shop: I drive a 2007 black Foreigner. (pause) Yes, Foreigner, Foreigner -like the Toyota.
Broomfield, Colorado
2PM Or Too Few Girlfriends, Apparently
Student worker: You can never have too many Shrek posters, that's what I say.
Langford Architecture Center
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
1PM He's All, "Why Do You Always Come Into Work High?"
Angry coworker: Damn! The bossman makes me so mad, I gotta go home and shoot some heroin!
Burbank, California
Overheard by: hooya
12PM Clearly Miami
Dude to employee who just returned from Florida vacation: So were there more Mexicans in Miami or in Florida?
Employee who just returned from Florida vacation: That is the dumbest thing I have ever been asked.
Richmond West
Toronto, Canadia
11AM In the Meantime, Play Fetch with the Virtual Dog
Office lady on phone to son: I don't know, I think we have it on tape... on tape. Video tape. No, not DVD, video tape. It's black and rectangular, and you put it in the VCR to watch movies. The VCR?... It's... look, just wait till I get home, okay?
Picktown, Ohio
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
10AM Like, 'I Am Buttocks, Hear Me Roar'?
IT guy: If I harnessed the power of my ass, I'd be invincible.
Waltham, Massachusetts
9AM One Day I'm Going to Crochet That on a Little Pillow
Bar girl: So you haven't picked up in a year?
Bouncer: Look, it has to be right. I can pick up a girl, ball-gag her and fuck her in the ass, but sometimes I want to cuddle too.
Bar
Melbourne
Austrailia
5PM Or, for the Same Reason, White Pizza
Angry manager: I don't like hairy things on my pizza.
Stark Street
Portland, Oregon
4PM But That's Why We Have Interns
Red-faced manager: Frozen again! God fucking dammit! Jesus fucking Christ! I'm getting really fucking pissed off at this motherfucking computer!
Nonchalant passerby: Kick it, then.
Plymouth, Michigan
3PM The Car Was Yellow. Does That Help?
Customer: I left something in a cab and I would pay very well to get it back.
Dispatcher: Sure, I just need to know the description of the item to see if it's been returned.
Customer: Umm, I'd rather not explain.
Dispatcher: Well, how do I find it? It can't be that bad.
Customer: Well, it's a brown bag. Has anyone turned in a brown bag?
Dispatcher: Not that I'm aware of. Look, do you know the cab number?
Customer: No, but I think it was one of your cabs.
Dispatcher: You think? Did you catch a name? Know anything about the driver?
Customer: He was foreign, like, Middle Eastern. I think his name was Ali.
Dispatcher: Seriously?
Burnside Street
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Harassed Dispatcher
2PM Though If You Were Just Taller, at Least Your Face Would Be Further Away
Receptionist: Oh, excuse me!
Accountant: It's alright.
Receptionist: Hahaha... do you want to dance?
Accountant: Maybe if you were taller... and better looking.
112th Street
Seattle, Washington
1PM They Make Me Write on Paper Circles with Blunt Crayons
Cubicle-dweller nearby: I'm really surprised that they gave me these little things with sharp points on them, I'm usually not allowed to have sharp things.
Mission Ridge
Goodlettsville, Tennessee
12PM I'm Bringing You Warm Water from the Colorado River
Waitress to customer: Can I get you something to drink?
Customer: We've never been to Moab before, so we don't know what we want to drink.
Restaurant
Moab, Utah
11AM I Hear in New York They'll Deliver It 24 Hours a Day
Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What's keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!
Dallas, Texas
10AM The New Zagat Guide Is Edgier Than Ever
Middle-aged female suit: Yeah, that place has pretty good sandwiches. Plus, there's someone there I want to fuck.
Colonial Place Office Building
Arlington, Virginia
9AM She Knows the Rules
Office chick #1: Hey, Lauren* wants you to answer her phone while she's out.
Office chick #2: Tell her to go jerk off in a corner.
Main Street
Peekskill, New York
Overheard by: Pam Beesly
5PM Back When Gay Sex Was Fly
Old office lady #1: I found out what "buggery" means.
Old office lady #2: What?
Old office lady #1: It means "sodomy." It must be an older word for it.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: PS
4PM I've Gotten This-Close to Talking to Other People!
Marketer (to herself): You're not in my head today. What's wrong?
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
3PM If Only There Was a String You Could Pull
Employee friend: So, is everybody getting laid off then?
Executive friend: Not everybody.
(employee friend smiles)
Executive friend: Just everybody that wasn't on the commonwealth* project.
Employee friend: I wasn't on the commonwealth project.
Executive friend: Oh, yeah, uh...
Beacon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I WAS on the Project!!!
2PM For a Fraction of the Price
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide... A legal... You know... What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
1PM ...Used Condoms, First-Born Children, Heroin...
Male flight attendant holding garbage bag and walking down aisle: Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets. Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets...
Continental Flight from Berlin to Newark, New Jersey
12PM Now Who Would You Like to Play You in the Film?
Older woman: This is the first day since you started here that I haven't talked to you!
Younger man: I know! I'm going to go home and write about it in my diary!
Anoka, Minnesota
Overheard by: Will he use his sparkly pen?
11AM Why Cheney Is Always So Grumpy
Marketing rep #1 (discussing jobless friend): Well, at least she's not sucking off the government.
Marketing rep #2: No, but she's sucking off everyone else!
Insurance Company
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Doug E Doug
10AM Right Down to My Motivational Poster
White male suit: How's tricks?
White female suit: Tricks?
White male suit: It's a hip hop way of saying "How's it going?".
White female suit: You're so gangsta.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Totally gangsta.
9AM A Manly Man Can Always Use More Hares on His Chest
Male engineer #1 (cleaning a drawer): Oh, look! Temporary tattoos. Here, you can have them.
(male engineer #2 takes them and looks them over)
Male engineer #3: You can put them in your manly chest.
Male engineer #2 (excitedly): Ooh, a bunny!
Matamoros, Mexico
Overheard by: Female Engineering Intern (snickering)
5PM How Do You Do That Math So Fast?
Customer: How much is a sheeet of 100 24-cent stamps?
Clerk: $24.00.
Customer: Okay, I'll take a sheet.
Clerk: I don't have a sheet of 100. Will a roll of 100 be okay?
Customer: I don't know. How much is that?
Clerk: $24.00.
US Post Office
Newton, Kansas
4PM Dominatrixes Have Strict Certification Requirements
Coworker on phone: All I want to hear is you had a class...I don't want to hear about being tied up... It's all in a day's work.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: just trying to focus
3PM And Not Go Whoring Around With Other Seats
Professor, to student who changed seats in between classes: It's okay if you sit there from now on, but you've got to be willing to commit. It's like monogomy -once you've made up your mind you've got to stick to your choice!
Loyola University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: saelo
2PM Plus It's More Likely to Get Me Elected to Office
Cubicle #1: Oh, Jesus!
Cubicle #2: Why are you saying "Oh, Jesus"? I thought you were a Baha'i?.
Cubicle #1: Because it's easier than saying "Oh Bahá'u'lláh."
Irving, Texas
1PM Huey, Dewey, and Louie Break Into the Money Pit
E-marketing project manager to group of account services team members: They still took your money. They took your money and they rolled around in it with their balls out.
Technology Park
Lake Mary, Florida
Overheard by: Design Goddess
12PM The Little Mustache and Fedora Are Enough to Make Anyone a Bit Paranoid
Attorney: Do you have an extra pen I can have?
Receptionist: Sure.
Attorney (writing with pen): Actually, I'm kind of suspicious of this pen. I'll just go get one of my own.
Hall of Justice Building
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Liz
11AM I Overthought It Until the Question Exploded
Engineer on phone: Now that's a good question. What was the question again?
Confederate Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Too Little, Too Late for the Chicken
Marketing manager: My uncle had a chicken incident, and then he learned to keep his pants on.
Queen Anne Avenue
Seattle, Washington
9AM From Such Humble Beginnings, My Occupational Future Was Forged
Manager: Alyssa calls burritos "burros." What's the difference? I've always heard it called "burrito." What do you call it?
Graphic artist and authentic Mexican: "Taco grande."
Web designer and office coquette: That was my nickname in high school.
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
5PM I Kinda Like the Amputee Idea Better
Clueless dude: Did you hear that Stump is coming to town?
Chick with a clue: What is that, the amputee review?
(pause)
Chick with a clue: You meant "Stomp", didn't you?
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Ikeed Unaught
4PM A Penetrating Glimpse Into Corporate America
(young executive is talking about a presentation (aka deck) he sent to the director)
Director: You know, it just got me so excited to see a deck like that. I'm so glad. The deck actually got me almost over-excited. Now I'm going to be playing around with this deck all night.
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: It's just so stimulating .
Exec: Uh huh.
Director: I'm just fascinated by decks like that. I feel very over-excited about it.
Exec: Uh huh.
(pause)
Director: Oh, you must be getting really overheated. I should let you go. Have a good trip. I'll be thinking about your deck until you come back.
K Street
Washington, DC
3PM You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately
Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.
Renton, Washington
2PM I've Started Letting the Kids Paint Them for Art Class
Very Republican coworker: I have more guns than I know what to do with.
Golden Valley
Minnesota
1PM New York Magazine Is Calling Them "The Poor Man's Godiva"
Minion #1: Do you have any chocolate?
Minion #2: Nope...I have beef chunks.
Minion #1: Uhhhhh...
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Virginia
12PM We Felt the Need-- The Need for Speed Stick
Employee #1: My god, I smell something.
Employee #2: Does it smell like scent?
Employee #1: Yeah.
Employee #2: Don't worry, it was me and Kevin having a deodorant war.
Downtown Toronto
Canadia
11AM In the Meantime, I Plan to Fake It 'til I Make It
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Candidate: Knowing things. Like, knowing knowledge about everything.
Miller Avenue
Fontana, California
10AM Full House Was Like Gazing Into the Abyss
Coworker: I think I'd like to party with the Olsen twins. I always see pictures of them, and they frighten me... But I'm intrigued by things that frighten me.
Campstool Road
Cheyenne, Wyoming
9AM I'll Send You the Pre-Law Application, Ma'am
University call center rep: Okay ma'am, what program were you interested in?
Prospective student: Well, I'm not exactly sure. I was thinking of something in prostitution. (pause) Oh, that's not right.
University Drive
Davie, Florida
5PM And Yet I Bear My Cross Bravely
TV host: I wish they'd separate my penne and my quiche.
TV producer: I know.
West Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, California
4PM Wallace Can't Bear to Be Alone With His Thoughts
Coworker (loudly): Wow, it's really quiet in here!
Sales rep #1: Not anymore.
Sales rep #2: Shut up! You're ruining it!
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
3PM And the Best Part of a Married Man's Day
Phil: I just got back from the restroom... Harry was in a stall talking to somebody on the cell phone while shitting. Farting and flushing and talking. Then he didn't even wash his hands on the way out. Remind me to never ever ever borrow his phone.
Dan: I couldn't talk to somebody and poop at the same time. My poop time is my private time.
Huntsville, Alabama
2PM Your President Asked the Same Thing!
Teacher: This is David from Israel. Do you have any questions for David?
Senior student: Yes. Do you have air conditioning in your tents?
High School
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: IsraeliTexan
1PM If Them Too Educated, Them Have No Place Here
Project manager: With some of these clients, the question is, how educated are them?
Cleveland, Ohio
12PM Whose Brilliant Idea Was It to Give Lighters to the Fifth Graders' Caucus?
Boss: If they're not burning their boobs on strippers, they're running off to the school board office!
Belle Chasse Highway
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: needs more coffee
11AM But Was I Taking Pictures?
Young male intern (serious): You know, since I've been sober, my photography is way better.
Young female receptionist: You were drunk at my party three days ago.
Young male intern: I was?
Roan Street
Johnson City, Tennessee
10AM And Never the Twain Shall Meet
Underling: I had something I need to talk to you about, but I can't remember it now.
Boss (grinning): Well, I'm not in your head so...
Underling: I need you inside my head.
Boss (grimacing): Uh...I don't think I want...
Underling (interrupting): No, the work side, not the porn side.
Route 9
Framingham, Massachusetts
9AM But It's Clean and It Rhymes With "Celebrated"
Worker #1: Can you sign Louise's birthday card?
Worker #2 (reading card): You know, "decapitated" is one of those words that never looks like it's spelled right.
Chevy Chase Building
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Xen
5PM With Much Public Flailing-About, So Everyone Knows
Office consultant that everyone hates: Once I commit to something I tend to try to do it.
Community Co-op
Newark, New Jersey
4PM NewsFlash: Canadia's Economy Mysteriously Falters!
Geeky cashier: How are you pay'n for this?
Guy in a hurry: Cash.
Geeky cashier: Like cash, cash?
Guy in a hurry: What?
Best Buy
Newmarket
Ontario, Canadia
3PM Makes Me Feel Like I'm Right There at the Battle of Sorbet
Office Einstein: I'm gonna go over to that new Trader Joe's and get me some a that I-talian ice cream cuz I like history.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: steele skillz
2PM With Enough White Out I Could End Racial Intolerance
Office supplies clerk: Where is all double sided tape going?
Office peon (to other peon): One more roll for my left foot and I can scale the building like Spiderman.
Downtown Orlando, Florida
1PM Yeah, I've Got Millions of Dollars in a Bank Account for Them
Administrative assistant on phone: I was just calling because I have seventy five Nigerians in need of a campus tour, and I know you're good at that sort of thing.
University of Notre Dame, Indiana
12PM And You're Sure That's Where I Should Be Getting Fashion Tips?
Manager: Go home every day and watch Dukes of Hazzard. Problem solved.
Friendly's Ice Cream
Convent Station, New Jersey
11AM I Told Her She Has to Be at Least 14 Before She Does That
Admin assistant #1 (talking about her daughter's day camp): When I pick her up, I'm going to complain to the camp office. The counselors have these kids eating bugs as a fun, Fear Factor type of activity!
Admin assistant #2: Did your kid eat a bug?
Admin assistant #1: Yeah! Yesterday, she said she ate a butterfly!
Admin assistant #2: A butterfly? That's like eating a baby!
Fairfield, Ohio
10AM ...Before Taking the Walk of Shame Into the Office This Morning
Female cubicle rat: Oh my god, last night was insane! I had a lot of fun though. Hey, do you know if I was wearing underwear last night? (pause) Shutup, I am not a slut! (manic laugh) I could have sworn I had some on before I left the house. I'm itchy. I hope I didn't sit on something funky at the club.
Orange County, California
9AM That's Just the Place to Start Looking
Waiter #1: She's depressed and feels bad about herself. That's why she's a headmonster.
Waiter #2: Tell her the best place to find self-esteem is not squirting out the end of a dick.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM I Always Knew There Was Latent Phallic Imagery in The Smurfs
Thuggette: I don't know what a penis is for. I don't even know how to put a condom on. All you need to know is to put it in, take it out, wash it off, and go to sleep. It's a mushroom. A long-ass stink mushroom. Shit.
Washington, DC
4PM Don't Think for a Minute That Going Gay Will Help
Sales manager to marketing manager: Isn't it sad when you've spent so much time talking on the phone to customers during the day that you don't want to talk to your wife when you get home?
Marketing manager: No.
Sales manager to recently engaged co-worker: See, this is what you have to look forward to. During the first year you'll argue like crazy, then after that... You won't care anymore.
Tennessee
Overheard by: M&M
3PM It's a Corn-on-the-Cob Eating Contest, Dude
Tech #1: Should I bring tools?
Tech #2: Nah, you can use your teeth and fingers.
Tech #1: What do you mean?
Computer Repair Shop
Indiana
2PM You Can Break Into Any Pickup in the Parking Lot
Sales rep (to no one in particular): Yeah, the Dollar Tree is definitely the place to go for guns.
Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia
1PM But It's Humpday!
Boss: No, you can't hump Bill's leg.
Underling: Dammit!
Mound Court
Merrimack, New Hampshire
12PM At Least Stop Posting Them on Your Livejournal
Man entering bathroom, standing next to coworker at urinal: David*, you smell like suntan lotion. Have you been out tanning?
David*: I think you need to stop with your fantasies.
Men's Bathroom
Omaha, Nebraska
11AM War Veterans Always Win These Contests
Female office worker #1: I had a job stuffing envelopes and it destroyed my cuticles.
Female office worker #2: Yeah, I had one where I had to fold letters all day and I got a ton of paper cuts.
Only male in department: Oh, I have a story about a bloody hand job.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Sneaker
10AM Well You Did Plan the Whole Funeral
Peon #1: Oh my god, who wrote "Happy birthday!" in the "Loss of your father" sympathy card?
Peon #2: Clearly it was Lance. Who else is that stupid?
Lance: What did I do? Oh, it's fine, let's just use Wite-Out, he won't know the difference.
Peon #2: Didn't you read the card? Or look at it? It's blue, how's "white" out supposed to fix it?
Lance: What, it's always someone's birthday around here, since when do we do sympathy cards?
Peon #1: Since my grandma died and you wrote "Thanks for all your hard work."
Arizona
Overheard by: Shocked in AZ
9AM And Your Porridge Is Too Hot, If You Catch My Drift
Student: This question doesn't make sense.
Professor: What do you expect? I'm not Goldilocks.
Every single student: What?
Professor: What? You're Goldilocks! You all are Goldilocks.
University of Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: All Three Bears
5PM Just Look Over There for a Minute
Manager: How is your monitor? It's not very old, right?
Cubicle chick: It works, yeah.
Manager: I'm going to get everyone flat screens eventually, but I'm going to do it two or three at a time.
Cubicle chick: Awesome!
Manager: But yours looks pretty good for now.
Cubicle chick: I can break it if you want me to.
Manager: I'd rather.... you didn't.
Cubicle chick: Gotcha.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
4PM Office Code for "She's Under My Desk"
Dude: Do you know where your wife is?
Sarge: How the fuck are you gonna walk in here on a Thursday morning, come in my fucking office, see that I'm in the middle of writing a fucking important letter, and ask me where the fuck someone else in this fucking building is. I'm sorry, where the fuck do you see a babysitter sign on my desk?
Dude: I'm sorry, I just...
Sarge: Where the fuck do you see it? Where's the fucking sign?
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
3PM Wish I Had Strippers in My Bathroom
Office girl #1: So this girl I don't know walks in on me while I'm in the shower and says "Oh, don't worry, I'm an ex-stripper so I've seen it all."
Office girl #2: Oh my god, what?!
Main Street
Akron, Ohio
2PM Bon Voyage
Customer service rep #1: I am soooo excited! I'm going to get my nails done as soon as I get off work. I am going to look so good for my trip this weekend!
Customer service rep #2: Wow, where are you going?
Customer service rep #1 (excitedly): Across the street!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Vicky
1PM Could You Do It Facing the Webcam This Time?
Anchor, supplying a plastic knife to another: Here, Will. Feel free to slather your banana.
Newsroom
New York City, New York
12PM A Beachball With Eyes
Administrator (filling water bottle at cooler): Hey.
Office worker (walking by): Hey.
Administrator: How are you?
Office worker: Good.
Administrator: How is the baby?
Office worker: Fat.
Hanover Square
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mr. Uncreative
11AM He Also Refers to the Internet Cable As His "Lasso of Truth"
Boss: James, where's the flag?
Teenage employee: I don't know.
Boss: You were just wearing it around your shoulders.
Teenage employee: Oh, my superhero cape! It's right here.
BC
Canadia
10AM Like That One Time at Andy Dick's House
Worker getting up from corner of a desk: Oh my god, I think I sat on a nerve... My penis is numb! You know the technique "the stranger" where you sit on your hand?
Coworker: Yeah.
Numb worker: This is the opposite of that, it's like I have someone else's penis in my pants right now.
168th Street
Omaha, Nebraska
9AM Reader Poll: Who's the Winner Here?
Cubicle girl to coworker: Sometimes I just spin around in my chair for 15 minutes straight.
Coworker: Sometimes I trim my arm hair with my scissors.
Stockton, California
5PM The "Don't Ask? Do Tell!" Policy
Male naval officer (over speakerphone): Do you need me to come over there?
Male naval office #2 (two cubicles down): No, sir, I just got it up. Everything's fine.
Male naval officer (over speakerphone): Well, let me know if you need help and I'll send someone over.
Male naval office #2 (two cubicles down): Roger that, sir.
Pacific Fleet Headquarters
Pearl Harbor, Hawaii
Overheard by: Just a lowly contractor
4PM They're Both on Sale at Wal-Mart
Admin #1: I have to have my green tea to protect me from other people's colds!
Coworker: It's too early for cold season. Yes, do whatever it takes to stay healthy.
Admin #1: Yes, and I also like echinacea but dont have any.
Admin #2: Ah, I like euthanasia too.
(pause)
Admin #2: Wait, what's the difference between euthanasia and echinacea anyways?
Fairfield County, Connecticut
3PM The White Bear's Always Trying to Keep Us Down
Woman on the phone (groaning): What are they protesting this time? (pause) Are they protesting polar bears again?
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: who wouldn't protest?
2PM Is It Still Raining in Your House, Charlene?
Office dude: It's raining, I can hear it.
Office chick: Outside?
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Why does it always rain on me?
1PM I'm Just Making Sure They're Not Too Itchy
Manager swaying through office (at the top of his lungs): I'll have your panties for you in a minute!
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: Cube Dweller
12PM ...When Giving Your "Good Things Come in Threes" Lecture
PR director to sales manager: I hope you weren't thinking about my nipples.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: just keep walking
11AM Based on a Quick Look Under Your Hood
Young overly loud female coworker: Lots of women's uteruses fall out. (puts hand on extremely pregnant female coworker) Don't worry, that won't happen to you.
Bee Caves Road
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Just trying to eat my lunch
10AM Next Time Use the "Dying Fetus" Sound Effect
Assistant on phone: Hello, Lucy Smith*'s office. (pause) No, she's not available, she's out having an abortion. (pause) Sure, I'll give her the message. Have a good day. (hangs up)
Lucy (angry): What?! Who was that?!
Assistant: Some pro-life group asking for donations.
Lucy: Oh, okay, good work.
Lexington Avenue
New York City, New York
9AM The Bullseye-Shaped Mole Is Particularly Unfortunate
Male coworker, messing with SIRIUS Radio: How does everyone feel about dance music? Yes? No?
Female coworker: No.
Male coworker: I like it, it makes me feel like I'm clubbing. Except that I don't go clubbing anymore. I'm worried about getting stabbed.
Female coworker: Uh...
Male coworker: I can't help it.
Female coworker: I guess you do have a pretty stabbable face...
Chicago, Illinois
5PM Cornish Game Hens? Wtf?
Boss: I got two boxes of candy, 13 kinds of beer, 28 bottles of alcohol, 25 pounds of carne asada, 3 kinds of ribs, Pink's hot dogs, 6 Cornish game hens, and Angus hamburgers. I think we're set for the barbecue tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to tell you, they're filming another porno here on Saturday. Tell all your friends to come.
Los Angeles, California
4PM I Long to Eliminate My Own Job Position
IT professional #1: But the thing is that a lot of these people will need me forever... most of them are from 40-60 years old... Need I say more?
IT professional #2: Ugh, god! Just give them an abacus and call it a day.
Parnall Road
Jackson, Michigan
Overheard by: cubewalker
3PM She's Like, "Please, Doctor, May I Have Another?"
Female coworker: Yeah, I have to get a shot in the butt. Veronica will have fun though, she likes that kind of thing.
Tabor Road
Morris Plains, New Jersey
2PM I Mean, It Was the Most Hilarious Exsanguination Ever
Writer: For some reason, I just don't feel bad joking about her death.
Augusta, Georgia
1PM Or to the Statistically Inevitable Divorce Celebration
Cube dweller #1: For my wedding the colors were black and white. So I took my bridesmaids to the dress shop and told them to pick out whatever dress they wanted. They all ended up picking the same one.
Cube dweller #2: Well, that's nice.
Cube dweller #1: Of course they picked the most expensive dress, but I didn't have to pay for that part.
Cube dweller #2: And I bet it was a nice bridesmaid dress that they could wear again and again.
Cube dweller #3: Yeah, like to a funeral.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: eavesdropping cube dweller
12PM And It Monopolized All My Processing Power
Boss: So what did you think of the meeting?
Underling: It was pretty good -he seemed relatively accommodating and...
Boss: (stares hard at underling)
Underling: Ummmmm?
Boss: Oh yeah, sorry. I farted.
Bay and King
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: Wow.
11AM When Hipsters Go to Work in Offices
Intern #1: So I'm supposed to go through her Rolodex after lunch and add all of them into Outlook.
Intern #2: What's a Rolodex?
Intern #3: It's this round thing that has a bunch of cards and you put people's contact information. My grandma uses one still.
Intern #2: Wow! I never heard of that, I totally want one!
www.dcist.com
10AM Louise, I Think This Is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship
Patricia: Sometimes, and it depends on the day I'm having, I am either "Positive Patty" or "Pessimistic Patricia."
IT chick: Yeah? Sometimes, and it depends on the day I'm having, I put whiskey in my coffee.
University of Rochester, New York
Overheard by: Jennay
9AM Won Them at Bingo Night, I Believe
Girl #1: Ouch! My thong's making my buttcrack raw.
Girl #2: That's weird. Mine never do.
Girl #1: Yeah, it's probably because this is day three without washing it.
Girl #2: Uh...
Girl #1: I just got 'em the other day, and I love them so much that I don't wanna stop wearing them. They have an ice cream cone on the crotch and they say "lick me".
Girl #2: Cute! Where'd you get them?
Girl #1: I don't know, my grandma bought them for me.
3rd Avenue
Duluth, Minesotta
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