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July 2008 Archives
5PM What? I'm Being Ironic!
Bill: I wish we had a bar like Cheers where everyone knows your name.
Shawn: Maybe we could wear nametags next time we go to a happy hour?
Howard: We wore nametags at your company's happy hour fundraiser and no one remembered shit.
Shawn: Hey!
Bill: That's because the employees of Shawn's company are slow in the head.
Shawn: Okay, we may be slow, but at least we aren't uh... (pause) I'll think of something (scratches head) just give me a minute.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Management Ninja!
4PM Weren't They the Ones Who Diddled Sacagawea?
Security guard #1: Well you know Hitler's mother was Jewish.
Supervisor: I know! Wouldn't Freud have had a field day with that?
Security guard #2: Who?
Supervisor: You know, Sigmund Freud?
Security guard #2: Oh, the magician?
Security guard #1: What?
Security guard #2: You know, the magician with the tigers?
Supervisor: Thats Sigfried and Roy!
Lakeport, California
3PM Just a Matter of Time for the UN
Young male employee to friend: I mean there's no strippers in cages or anything, but it looks like it could turn into that kind of place, you know?
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
2PM I Assume I Made Sweet Harmony With Somebody
Office rocker girl: I woke up this morning with a guitar pick stuck to my face.
Office rocker guy: That is some kinky shit!
Office rocker girl: I don't even know how it happened.
Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
1PM Talking to You Is Better Than Smoking Weed!
Female coworker #1: If he is 5'6" and I am 5'7" then without heels we would be the same height.
Female coworker #2: Are you 5'7" with heels?
Female coworker #1: No.
Framingham, Massachusetts
12PM Stick Some Batteries in That Sucker and It'll Be Fine
Receptionist to trainee: Oh, you asked about the dead rabbit in my car. It's for Yolanda, her dad wanted it.
Charlotte, North Carolina
11AM I'm Wearing One Now
PETCO employee: All of the employees here love the wee wee pads. We use them all the time!
PETCO
San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Housetrained
10AM We Grab Our Asses During the Day
Boss, explaining how to prepare contract documents: We do this so that we're not running around, trying to grab our asses in the middle of the night. That's not what we want to do!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Matt
9AM It Was A Compliment!
(two coworkers at the urinals)
Coworker #1, about colleague: Man, what a pecker.
Coworker #2: Hey, quit looking!
Lebanon, Missouri
5PM Things Heat Up a Couple of Degrees in Wisconsin, Then Cool Off
Copywriter: So David*, did you thank your wife for the candy she gave you yesterday?
David: In more ways than one.
Proofreader: A simple "yes" would have been sufficient.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Why am I the one blushing?
4PM Unless You Want to End Up As Marketing's Bitch
IT manager: Start sharpening your ruler cause you're gonna need an office shank!
Waterloo
Canadia
3PM I Got My Last Four Dates There
Coworker #1: I feel like going down to Grand Central and hanging out.
Coworker #2: There is a name for people like that.
Coworker #1: What's that.
Coworker #2: "Hooker."
Port Chester, New York
2PM Whoa-- That Was No Lady!
Lady on cell: Hang on, some lady is peeing and I can't hear you. (pause) No, I called from the bathroom because there's no privacy at my cube.
Houston, Texas
1PM ...I Promise
Coworker on phone: Yeah, I'll be over later, but without the ticks.
Johnson City, Tennessee
12PM Very Loud?
Employee to manager: Do you know how to talk to deaf people on the phone?
Williamsville, New York
11AM She's What Happens When the Witness Relocation People Smoke Too Much Pot
PA: Buffy Capri, please call the operator, Buffy Capri.
Secretary #1: Who the hell is Buffy Capri?
Secretary #2: I don't know. An exotic dancer or a porn star?
Secretary #1: Buffy Capri, you're wanted on the lido deck.
Secretary #3: She's a paralegal. With a dumb name.
Atlanta, Georgia
10AM Probably Easier for Everyone If I Just Die at My Desk
Sales manager: Sometimes I think I'm having a panic attack. And then I realize I just have to poop.
Nashville, Tennessee
9AM And by "Broke Up" I Mean "Closed His Shutters"
Woman: So this boy I've been stalking broke up with me for no good reason.
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/06/hey-i-bet-i-can-think-of-one.html
Overheard by:
5PM Either That or You Just Looked at Our Quarterly Report
VP on phone: What are you doing? (silence) Sounds like you're taking a shit.
Springfield, Massachusetts
4PM Stop Helping, Okay?
Woman #1: I'm so upset about my aunt.
Woman #2: I know, but there is nothing you can do now.
Woman #1: It was so sudden. She's never going to be herself again. I can see it already.
Woman #2: That might be something to be thankful for.
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Red
3PM Now That I've Talked to You Verbally
Boss on speakerphone: Yes, I need the data charts for the presentation tomorrow, could you e-mail them to me electronically?
Employee: Electronically? Uhhhh, yes, I'll do it right away.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Corporate stooge
2PM Sometimes I Get Shocked Right Out Of My Logical Empiricism
Professor walking into new chemistry building: Whoa, is this an optical illusion or is this reality?!
University of Arizona, Tucson
Overheard by: Rasputin
1PM Well, I Certainly Hope That Person Was Fired
Copy writer #1: What is a leap year?
Copy writer #2 (disdainfully): It has to do with making up time that people screwed up back in the day.
Main Street, Buffalo
12PM Now That Maggie Retired
Customer: You did a wonderful job on your Christmas tree!
Boss: Actually, my staff did all the work.
Staff #1: No, you set the tree up.
Boss: Yes, but you added some ornaments.
Staff #1: Only a few, but I fluffed up the branches so I guess I'm the office fluffer.
Cleveland, Ohio
11AM Wendy's Learned Not to Riff on "Got a Match?"
Coworker on phone: Fool me once, shame on... you. (pause) Fool me... the second one is where it's my fault.
Thurston Avenue
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
10AM Shouldn't We at Least Try to Cater to the Semi-Literate?
Intern: So do any celebrities subscribe to our magazine?
Circulation guru: Actually, James Caan and Shirley MacLaine are longtime subscribers. Even Dennis Hopper got our mag for awhile.
Intern (sighing): I mean like real celebrities. You know: Tila Tequila or Zac Efron...
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: ugh.
9AM Whereas My Butt Would Prefer to Stay Home with a Good Book
Co-worker: I have extroverted genitalia.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
5PM Besides, No One Should Commit Career Suicide Alone
Retail employee #1: I'm gonna have to leave early today, my friend and I are going to go and get the Wii.
Retail employee #2: Oooh, the weed? I want some!
Stonebriar Mall
Frisco, Texas
4PM No One's Free in This Office, Missy
Peon, walking into boss's office: What smells so good? It smells like my grandmother's cooking.
Boss: Oh, Joan* brought pork chop for lunch. I guess she thought I was emancipated.
Peon, laughing and mumbling: She thought what?
Athens, Georgia
3PM Or So My Wife Keeps Telling Me
Man, finding coworker rummaging through his desk: I assure you there is nothing interesting in my drawers.
Stamford, Connecticut
2PM Which Is When He Told Me About Overheardintheoffice.com!
Coworker on phone: So I told our new accountant what I needed, and he looks at me and says: "But this will take me all day." I told him: "It takes me all day to do my job too. Did you have other plans?"
3rd Avenue
New York City, New York
1PM An Angry One
Coworker on phone: Well, it was bad too... and it was also a hand job.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing
12PM Although Cats in Beverly Hills Have Major Bulimia
Coworker #1: Check out this cat stroller!
Coworker #2: If cats need strollers, no wonder us humans are so fat.
Farmington Hills, Michigan
11AM So How Long You Been With the Escort Service?
Southern woman: No! You suck the head because that's where all the juice is!
Confused employee #1: I thought your shirt said "Bite the head off and eat the meat!"
Confused employee #2: What the fuck are you sadistic bitches talking about?
Southern woman (laughing): Crawdads! I'm talking about crawdads!
West Fargo, North Dakota
Overheard by: Orion
10AM Poets Will Cut a Bitch
Building manager: Which is the drawer with all the tools?
Coworker: The middle bottom one.
Building manager (looking in tool box): Why do you guys have so many knives?
Coworker: It's a long story.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/310713849/sounds-like-a-good-story.html
Overheard by: a diligent worker
9AM Thankfully, Larry Would Learn How to Be a Better Criminal in Jail
Lawyer: Did you know there was a gun in the house?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you hold the gun at any point?
Defendant: No.
Lawyer: Did you threaten anyone with the gun?
Defendant: I don't remember.
Courthouse
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: not a juror
5PM So Let's Get This Code Embedded
Suit #1: We have to make sure they get laid in our system.
Suit #2 (concentrating): Right...
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ...and what exactly would that system be, now?
4PM He's Gone Through Four Keyboards This Week Alone
Amazed boss: Look at that! He drinks water and types at the same time!
Santa Monica, California
3PM Um, Unless That's You, Lord
Automated computer voice on elevator: Second floor. Going down.
Old man: Uh, up yours.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Up it to what?
2PM I Don't Know What I Know 'til Somebody Tells Me
Girl #1: Did you finish with the Christmas card?
Girl #2: We call it holiday card now. Because everyone is not Catholic.
Girl #1: You know it's not just Catholics that celebrate Christmas; Christians celebrate it too.
Girl #2: Oh they do? I didn't know because I'm Catholic.
Fifth Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: But Catholics ARE Christians
1PM ...and Made an Improper Suggestion
Phone girl #1: It has smelled like stuff in here all day.
Phone girl #2: I know, it's like food just walked over here.
New York City, New York
12PM The Temptation to Mess With a Colleague Can Be Very Strong. Resist It.
Blonde mom returning to the workforce: Can you help me send a fax?
Office coworker: Sure, what do you need help with?
Mom: Well, I need to send out this fax, but I also need to keep a copy of it, how do I do that?
Northwestern Highway
Southfield, Michigan
11AM Was It a Short Wedding?
Secretary: That's what my sister did. They went to Niagara Falls and got married by a midget.
Uniontown, Ohio
10AM That's for Our Shaman to Do
Mom to son: Once again, she wasn't stabbing you!
Exiting Doctor's Office
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Sami
9AM Where's Your Serenity Now, Suzy?
Account chick: Okay... Who wrote "boobs" in my zen garden?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Minding my own business
5PM By Bus?
Tech guy: Did you hear about all the snow in New York?
Help desk chick: Yeah, wow! That means it'll be heading here to California.
Tech guy: (silence).
Imperial Highway Brea
California
4PM Let's Go Ask Some Customers What They Think
Obnoxious server: Ewww, did you just fart, dude?
Timid new guy: Uh, no, I'm sorry.
Obnoxious server: Musta been me. Smells like pot roast, doesn't it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
3PM Why Don't We Just Wear Sandwich Boards?
Employee: Do you think that font is big enough on these badges?
Manager: I think you have to make it really big, 36 font. Mark wants to be able to see who is coming at him from across the room.
Paramus, New Jersey
2PM Like the Fates of Greek Mythology?
Lasik tech to another: Can I borrow your eyes for a sec?
Lasik Vision Institute, California
Overheard by: blind betty
1PM You Laugh, But Do You Know?
Rep 1: The salon across the way, their back door is wide open, but they've been closed for hours. What should we do?
Rep 2: Call the police. The non-emergency number, I'd say.
Rep 1: Okay... er, what's the non-emergency number for 911?
Scatterfield Road
Anderson, Indiana
Overheard by: Oh, the pain...
12PM Let Me Be Blunt About That
Manager (after finding a flyer advertising "weed for sale" on his windshield): At first I was pissed, because they came to my home and put it on my car. But then I was like: "Really? There's no way I'm paying that much for an eighth!"
Texas
11AM The Difference Between Adam Sandler Managers and Tommy Lee Managers
Manager #1 to manager #2: I'm talking about sloppy joes and you're talking about sucking toes.
Cordele, Georgia
Overheard by: Marisa Griggs
10AM Only Women's Toilets, Though
Coworker #1: So you ate the cookies?
Coworker #2: Yeah, they had only been in the toilet for a second! Five second rule!
Coworker #1: That's still disgusting.
Coworker #2: Well, hey, at least I didn't lick my dirty foot.
Coworker #1: That was once! You've eaten cookies out of the toilet loads of times!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Melissa
9AM Sock Puppets, in Particular
Middle-aged copywriter to young techno weenie: PowerPoint is nice, but don't ever underestimate the power of puppets.
West Lexington Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Here4theLaughs
5PM They'll Be Every Bit As Helpful As I Am
Mail teller: You'll need to call 1-800-USPS. Wait. That doesn't sound right. It must be 1-800-USPS though.
Customer: Okay. Thanks!
Post Office
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: How many digits in a phone number?
4PM And This Time I Won't Do It Out of Cruelty
Guy #1: I would do anything for a million dollars.
Guy #2: What about eat your arm?
Guy #1: I would eat any body part. It would grow back.
Girl: No! It won't!
Guy #1: It might.
Girl: Great! I'll go down to the missions downtown and tell the Vietnam veterans that they're going to be walking soon.
Wyoming, Michigan
3PM And, on a Serious Note, It Makes You Smell Yucky
Guy at conference table: Kimchi gives you stomach cancer.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Worrying about the Korean Peninsula
2PM I'd Like to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee
Worker #1: Did you hear me? I just said I hit my knee on the window.
Worker #2: But there are no windows in your cubicle.
Worker #1: I know, I meant chair.
Worker #2: Hey [worker #3], did you hear [worker #1]? She said window but meant chair.
Worker #1: I also meant arm not knee.
Worker #2: Wait, so when you said, "I hit my knee on the window," you really meant,"I hit my arm on the chair?"
Worker #1: Yeah.
Worker #2: You're beautiful.
Rt 31, Illinois
1PM Like a Priest?
Probationee: You're a good listener. You really listen when I talk to you. You're like a pedophile.
Probation officer: A what?
Probationee: A pedophile, you know. Someone who is a good listener.
Lancaster County Offices
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
12PM Beaver Not, Lest Ye Be Beavertoned
Marketing to IT worker: Would you stop looking in my trash and judging me?
Beaverton, Oregon
11AM Is That a Tachometer?
Designer: You make it sound like I'm a used car.
Copywriter: I didn't mean to. Nice dashboard, by the way.
Wausau, Wisconsin
10AM The Bitch Promises, but Never Delivers
Federal employee to coworker in ladies' room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?
L'Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Just a contractor
9AM Sometimes You Have to Sedate the Boss and Use Your Own Judgment
Supervisor to peon: Do you know how to get rid of tracked changes on a document?
Peon: Yes, do you want to accept the changes, or reject them?
Supervisor: No, I want them gone.
Peon: Yes, but do you want them to be incorporated into the document, or do you want to reject them.
Supervisor: They can't be there! I have to send this document out! No tracked changes!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Allison
5PM I Finally Had to Pretend to Be Dead
Technician #1 to technician #2: When the boss asked me where I was at on the calibration I just thought to myself: "If I stand here very quiet and don't respond maybe he'll forget he asked me".
Avionics Shop, Washington
4PM Let's All Brush Up on Our Speakerphone Etiquette
IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speakerphone)
IT guy's wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freezer yet.
IT guy: (clicks speaker phone off) Hey! Sorry, I know you hate the speakerphone...
Naval Base
Pensacola, Florida
3PM Because They Will Eat Those Extra Toes for Him
Annoying cubette: So I say to him: "Look at Lucy*'s toes. Now look at John*'s toes." And he's like: "What?" And then he looks and sees he's got seven of them and he's like: "Wahhhh!"
Sane cubette: How many cats do you have?
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: intern in the next cube
2PM But If You're Looking for Good First-Date Conversation, Erectile Dysfunction's the Way to Go
Data manager to minion: Body parts aren't nearly as uncomfortable as homicide.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: AureateCalyx
1PM Employees--Ticking Time Bombs, All of Them
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #2: Beth*, are you okay?
(employee #1 coughs)
Employee #3: Ma, are you okay?
Employee #1: I'm fine.
Employee #3: Ma, what are you choking on?
Employee #1: My own spit.
Clearwater, Florida
Overheard by: file queen
12PM See My Gang Signs Motivational Poster?
Very white supervisor: Are we keeping it gangster in here?
Annoying cubicle inhabitant: Oh yeah. We keep it real gangster.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: the intern in the next cubicle
11AM I Haven't Decided Which Half
(Tom* is juggling plastic Easter eggs).
Chris: Dude, you have to make up a clown name for yourself.
Tom: How about (pause) Naughty T?
Chris: Dude! Nobody is going to hire you for parties if your name is Naughty T!
Tom: I can be an adult clown. You know, half naked.
Vandam Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
10AM Gwen Perceives a Mystical Connection Between Map and Territory
Blonde: You know that map in her office?
Brunette: What about it?
Blonde: Well, it's like so detailed. I can look at it and be like: "I live there!"
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Will you just shut up already?
9AM And Believes I'd Be Interested in All Four Seasons of Felicity
Angry sales rep: I hate how Amazon thinks it knows me.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Not Your Friend Either
5PM Harp Is All You'll Hear in Hell
Coworker #1: When I was at the hospital, they had this harp player that went around the hospital and played.
Coworker #2: Uh, are you sure they had a harp player? You may have just been on the brink of death, you know.
Dacula, Georgia
4PM How You Been, Montezuma?
Suit on cell in bathroom stall: I'm in the crapper, takin' a dump and I was thinking about you, so I thought I'd call.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
3PM Is It Just Me or Do They Both Sound Like Superhero Names?
Employee: Hi.
Receptionist (without looking up): Hi.
(employee walks behind desk)
Receptionist (still not looking) What are you doing?
Employee: Shredding.
Receptionist (looks up confused): What?
Employee (turns on machine): Wow, your shredder is really slow.
Receptionist: That's the laminator.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Walking to the Bathroom
2PM But It Was a Booby Prize in Every Way
Faculty member: Her chest looked like it was being displayed as first prize at a raffle.
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
1PM Um, Remember When You Asked to Borrow My Little Comb?
Lady #1: My dad doesn't have crabs anymore.
Lady #2: Oh, really?
Lady #1: Yeah, they all died.
Lady #3: Like pet crabs, right? Otherwise that's a little too much information.
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Who would know that about their dad!?
12PM Dissertations Have Been Based on Less
Gentleman in office: Hand jobs are nothing new. They've been around for centuries. You could just sit around and wonder how many hand jobs Anne Boleyn performed.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: tacomeat
11AM Or Just Spit on Them, Like I Did With Your Soup?
Customer: Could you bring some crackers for him? (points to toddler)
Waiter: Sure, do you want me to crumble them up and throw them on the floor for him too?
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
10AM Actually, Can You Also Burn Me a CD?
Coworker #1: Do you want this document spf-ed?
Coworker #2: Do mean pdf-ed?
Coworker #1: Yeah, why, what did I say?
Coworker #2: Sfp.
Ellicott City, Maryland
9AM All Up in This Cubicle
White clerk: I'm feeling kind of black today.
Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Db's Mom
5PM Whatever, Ed
Secretary: I have to wear this scarf over my shirt because the shirt is made for women with cleavage. But since I don't have any, I wear the scarf. All my cleavage is in my butt!
Wenatchee, Washington
4PM Ever Considered Beano?
Irish trader: There are always girls crying and falling over when I haven't even touched them.
New York City, New York
3PM Phone Sex Needs to Be Surreptitious When There Are Children Around
School administrator on phone: Hello. Has my cat peed yet? Great!
Elite Prep School
California
2PM He and Roy Orbison Stalk Her Nightmares Like Tag Team Wrestlers
Manager: Sorry I'm late. I was upstairs looking for pictures of Conway Twitty to print and scare Marie with. He's her Freddie Kruger.
Kanawha Boulevard West
Charleston, West Virginia
Overheard by: CubReporter
1PM You'd Think Library Staffs Have Poor Social Skills, or Something
Librarian: I just don't understand why he still works here. I mean, wouldn't you feel bad about yourself if nobody gives a crap how your New Year was?
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
12PM Then She'll Say "Stop Eating Your Ferns"
Factory worker: It's great, you know. I can go to my doctor and say stuff like: "This stuff is green, and it's making me sick."
Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Anonymous Temp
11AM Perhaps Start Wearing Pants to Work?
Regional director to underling: I can almost see up your ass and read your mind.
Underling: I don't know what to do with that.
Midway Road
Addison, Texas
Overheard by: covering my ass from now on
10AM It's Just That It Has the Periodic Table on It...
Grad student to undergrad: So I think we'll probably end up selling our plane tickets, since we kind of need the money.
Professor nearby: Damn it!
Grad student: Um, should I, not sell the tickets, then?
Professor: Oh, oh no, sorry. It's just that I don't think I should wear my bathing suit to work anymore.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
9AM How Else Can You Put Your Unmentionables On?
Associate, to coworker across the office: The question is, if you wouldn't want to mention it, why would you want to touch it?
New York, New York
5PM But That's Really More Like Young Adult Fiction
Cube dweller #1 (also a Pastor): I've always wanted to write a book and call it "Pratfalls in the Pulpit".
Cube dweller #2: "Crap Falls in your Pocket?"
Cube dweller #1: Well, that's appropriate, too.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tuna
4PM Kinda Krazy?
Suit: She really did look like the type of woman who would rub glue all over her face.
Washington, DC
3PM Deleted Scene From Stand and Deliver
Math teacher: So that was interpreting the graph. Gosh guys, this is really boring.
Wallingford, Connecticut
Overheard by: margo
2PM And There's Never Just One of You
Project manager: I'm like herpes. I don't go away.
New York City, New York
1PM Suffers from Seasonal Orientation Disorder
Worker #1: [Sneezes.]
[Several moments pass.]
Worker #2: Oh... Bless you.
Worker #1: Thanks, Merry Christmas.
Los Angeles, California
12PM So We're Engaged
Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.
Crewe
England
11AM That One Got Turned Into a Puppet for My Son's Play
Boss: Why don't I just shove a sock down your throat to shut you up?
Secretary: Yeah that's fine, just make sure it's not the sock you stuff your pants with!
Company Office
Fort Drum, New York
10AM Same Person Who Put the Ram in the Rama Lama Ding Dong?
Loud, angry voice from breakroom: Who forked the peanut butter?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
9AM But I Prefer to Think Of It As "Filled with the Holy Spirit"
Waiter: Did you get laid on vacation?
Busgirl: It was church camp.
Waiter: So "yes" then?
Busgirl (quietly): Yes.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
5PM They Make You Dig Through Manure for It
Boss on phone: The Farmers' market? Oh right. They have food there.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DyingMentally
4PM There's Always Been Doubt About That
Cubicle #1: Why is Jim* here!?
Cubicle #2: Because he works here?
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
3PM Payback for All the Office Gynecological Conversations, Ladies
Fellow cube dweller (after violently blowing nose and looking into tissue): I don't understand how when you're sick, you just never run out of boogers.
Rosedale Towers
Roseville, Minnesota
Overheard by: booger-free
2PM Is It Still a Place Where You Wash Your Hands?
Kitchen grunt: You ever poop and suddenly find the world a better place?
Main Street
Greenwood, Indiana
Overheard by: RDC
1PM It Was Cheaper Than Buying a Playpen
Coworker and mother of a two and a five-year-old : Oh wait! I gotta go. I have to pick my kids up from the jail!
N Willamette Street
Coburg, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad her husband is a sheriff
12PM Now Go Back to Your Storage Closet 'Til We Buzz You Again
Entry level peon: What I need is a lackey to follow me around and do stuff for me when I tell them to.
Manager: Listen honey, I hate to tell you this, but you are the lackey.
Argentia Road
Mississauga
Canadia
Overheard by: Nobody's bitch
11AM The Adult Industry Is As Bureaucratized As Any Other
Animated black suit: You gotta have benchmarks. What are you gonna measure?
Sweaty white suit: I don't need to measure.
Animated black suit: You gotta have benchmarks.
Sweaty white suit: My dick is the benchmark. Okay?
Animated black suit: That's fine. You just gotta have some benchmarks. That's all I'm saying.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: jjblu
10AM Specifically the Ones Who Are Plastic Surgeons
Copywriter (after watching a 1980s video on YouTube): YouTube is my fountain of youth.
Graphic designer: Young boys are mine.
Sex Toy Factory
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Looks like Diva
9AM I Wasn't Aware They Needed Food
Mother shouting on cell: How the fuck do I know what he eats? I'm his mother, not his nanny.
New York City Library, New York
Overheard by: Took care of my own children
5PM Next Week, on Survivor!: Corporate America...
Desk rat: Oh... We're out of coffee. (pause) I would rather kill everyone in this building than make a new batch.
(everyone turns to stare)
Desk rat: What? I didn't say anything that you weren't all thinking.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
4PM Memo: Coed Naked Butter Wrestling No Longer Offered at Company Retreats
Heard in staff meeting: Grease up and let it slide off!
Support Building
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Overheard by: AMuseIng
3PM I'm the Spirit of Elizabeth Taylor in the Body of Ellen Pompeo
Thin male college student: I'm hungry all the time. I must be a fatty--that's the only reasonable explanation, I think.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
2PM Look How Bad I Am at Math!
Interviewer: I'm sorry. From my conversation with your former supervisor I expected you to be a man!
Interviewee: I'm a girl! I'll show you!
Torrey Pines Road
La Jolla, California
1PM Who Would've Thunk? / It Says I'm a Hunk!
Coworker, testing e-mails: I got a funky one in my junk!
Corporate Park Drive
Herndon, Virginia
12PM This'll Be Much Better Than Celeryfest
Male cube monkey #1: Are you excited about the spring dinner tomorrow?
Male cube monkey #2: Yeah man! It's at a steakhouse.
Entire room: Steak! Steak! Steak! Steak!
Canal Park
Cambridge, Massachusetts
11AM Like Pippi Longstocking and That Giant Cake
Male coworker: The last place I danced was at a strip club!
Female coworker: I didn't think there was a place to dance at a strip club except that one little stage, and I didn't think they let boys up there.
Male coworker: Well, somehow I ended up there... They won't let me in the Dells anymore!
Female coworker: Why not?
Male coworker: I had my face in places it shouldn't have been.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: hoping he meant the guacamole
10AM Tonight's Movie: What's Elephant Got to Do With It?
Receptionist on phone: Did you finish it? What did it say? What do elephants have to do with anything?
Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
9AM You're Livin' La Vida Loca, Ma'am
Boss: For an hour I'm going to do nothing but urinate. And then? Five minutes of blogging.
Los Angeles, California
5PM Anything More Important Than Twenty Caffeine Junkies Who Want to Kill You?
Angry manager: I've got more important shit in my life than that goddam coffee can.
New Mexico
4PM Dude, You're Taking The Imitation of Christ Too Far
(co-worker #1 limps to copy machine)
Co-worker #2: Dude, what's the matter with you?
Co-worker #1: I'm all messed up. But I'll survive... eventually.
Sidney Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
3PM Your Editors Are Amused to Hear "Dang" Outside Far Side Cartoons
Female staff to male design teacher: Dang! You actually look like a teacher today! Who knew?!
Texas State University
San Marcos, Texas
Overheard by: Spizzy
2PM Except Occasionally in My Life-Action Roleplaying Games
Guy #1: Shouldn't you know?
Guy #2: Dude, I don't know anything. I'm not a Sultan.
West Greenwich, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Stan
1PM Even If It Is Very Controversial
Clinic pharmacist to nurse practitioners: Can we please not talk about my vagina anymore today?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: It's not THAT kind of clinic!
12PM Hope You Close the Deal, Ma'am
Sales exec, hurrying to the bathroom: Wish me luck with this one, I'm gonna need it!
Queensbury, New York
11AM Gotta Be One Somewhere in Ann Coulter's House
Videographer, immediately before promotional shoot: Where would you find the skin of a werewolf?
Maryville Center
St. Louis, Missouri
10AM Like "Queer"
Coworker #1 (talking about the newly designed official computer desktop wallpapers): I don't like the word "zero" in the wallpaper. It's like such a negative number!
Coworker #2: It's not negative if it's used in a positive way.
Shubhada Building
Mumbai
India
Overheard by: M
9AM What's the Big Dill?
Deli employee #1: That sandwich needs pickles.
(deli employee #2 hangs head and stops making sandwich)
Deli employee #1: Are you crying?
Wawa
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Rachael
5PM Consider an Infusion of Cash
Distracted CSR: Thank you for calling, my name is Aaron*, how can you help us today?
Airport Road
Scottsbluff, Nebraska
Overheard by: snorting coffee
4PM I Just Wanted Him to Look His Best For That Fruit of the Loom Audition
Boss: Did you draw on my banana?
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
3PM And Only a Real Bastian Can Save Us
Office drone #1: Wow, look at the weather out the window!
Office drone #2: Oh my god, the nothing is coming!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Neverending Story of Boredom
2PM Think Of The Killing Fields With American Cheese
Jaded tech writer: I'm just enabling you, man. And for what? For Egg McMuffins, man.
Tigard, Oregon
Overheard by: Sasha
1PM With or Without Sound?
Patron using computer: I want to print this. (points to screen)
Librarian, looking over patron's shoulder: You want to print that YouTube video?
Public Library
Atlanta, Georgia
12PM Although Mink Mocha Is Also Lovely
Dentist receptionist #1: What kind of coffee would you like? We have hazelnut, french roast...
Dentist receptionist #2: I could have sworn you just said: "weasel nut".
Dentist receptionist #1: That's my favorite flavor.
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Just waiting
11AM (It Doesn't Already Exist. We Checked.)
Person #1: Remember our old boss that nine people quit because of?
Person #2: Um, how could I not remember crazy McBitcherson?
Person #1: Well, two people have already quit because of her at her new job. My roommate works there.
Person #2: Wow. Someone should start a blog about her and entitle it: "That bitch is whack".
Person #1: I'm on it!
Washington, DC
10AM ...So Your Legs Won't Fit Through
Suit in bathroom: Don't you hate it when the hole in your underwear is in the wrong spot?
Cottage Grove
Wisconsin
Overheard by: um.. yah
9AM P.S. - Sally the Clown Sounds Hot
Telemarketer: Hello, could I speak to Wally the Clown please?
(short pause)
Telemarketer: Oh, sorry to disturb you then. (to coworker) Dialed the wrong number!
Talbot Road
Manchester
England
Overheard by: Thomas
5PM ...Little Knowing I Can Track Its Whereabouts on My IPhone
Coworker #1: Have you seen my pen?
Coworker #2: Nuh-uh.
Coworker #1: Someone has liberated my pen again.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
4PM And Pronouncing It "Nuke-You-Lar"
Intern: It was like calling that midget the N-word
Nashville, Tennessee
3PM Unless the Ghost Shows Up and Demands Compensation
Insurance department boss: A death claim is better than a long-term injury.
Merchant Street
Honolulu, Hawaii
2PM We've Had a Few, Um, Odor Complaints
Sales agent: She can kiss my butt!
Manager: Oh, speaking of which...
Beacon Street
Newton, Massachusetts
1PM I Knew We Shouldn't Have Used That Stigmata Font
Copywriter: Man! Where am I bleeding from now?!
Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
12PM You Men, Stop That Whimpering!
Female coworker, threatening another female coworker: Well, if I get a fucking yeast infection, you're going to be the first to hear about it!
6th & Maple
Spokane, Washington
11AM And Get Yourself Some Therapy?
Woman (after manager jokingly pats her on the back): Hey, don't be coming in here hitting me!
Manager: No, no, I wouldn't do that. I haven't hit a woman in a long time. You know when the last time I hit a woman was? It was my ex-wife, and it was goooooood. I spent two days in jail, but it was worth it. It was soooo worth it. They had to wire her jaw shut. Six weeks. Six weeks of silence.
Woman: That's nice, but could you leave now, please?"
Wilmington, North Carolina
10AM It's Not What You Think--I Get Off on the Static Electricity
Shoe store girl #1: You look tired all the time.
Shoe store girl #2: Well, I think it's my allergies. I'm allergic to cats and I like to rub mine on my face all the time.
Shoe store girl #1: Oh.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
9AM You Don't See People Sodomizing Donuts in the Display Case
Skanky girl #1: I'm never wearing miniskirts again!
Skanky girl #2: Why is that?
Skanky girl #1: Well, every time I'm dancing in one, someone tries to sodomize me.
Skanky girl #2: Oh, I hate that--it's so rude.
DMV
New York
5PM I Assumed You Needed Drugs
Elderly woman: Help me! Help me!
More elderly woman: What do you need?
Elderly woman: I need help!
More elderly woman: Then I can't help you.
Pueblo, Colorado
Overheard by: WorkingForTheElderly
4PM And You Can't Spell "Contagious" Without "Us"
Boss, sending a sick employee home: You are so stubborn, I told you not to come in today.
Employee: I didn't know I was sick, I just thought I didn't feel good.
Long Beach, California
3PM Eventually They Just Gave Her a Phone with an Ominous-Music Ringtone
Office worker, every time her phone rings: Fuck. What now?
Mississauga
Canadia
2PM The Naughty Librarian Strikes Again
Helpful librarian: Here is an explanation of the changes a boy goes through, and masturbation.
Shocked redfaced teen: No, I said books on emancipation!
Ceres, California
1PM It's Not My Type
Cubicle prisoner to herself: I haven't shoved the keyboard down my throat yet.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: Everyday Monday
12PM Alcohol Is Essential for the Entertainment of Children, Not Just Their Production
Puzzled drone: is Chuck E. Cheese BYOB?
Whitehouse Station, New Jersey
Overheard by: Justin
11AM She'll Bill Him Later
Perverted girl looking at a picture of two ducks mating: I swear, if you saw them going at it, you would have been jealous. He was really giving it to her!
Commercial Boulevard
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Animal lover has a whole new meaning
10AM Fetus: What Are You Lookin' At?
Receptionist: Oh, I forgot today was Friday the 13th. I do pay attention to that, because I was in a bad car accident in high school on a Friday the 13th.
HR assistant: So no going out and drinking tonight, then?
Receptionist (bemusedly): Well...
HR assistant: You'll just stay home and drink, right?
Receptionist: (laughs) Yeah, that's when you know you're an alcoholic, when you stay home and drink.
HR assistant: And you're pregnant.
Receptionist: Right. Don't want people being judgmental at the bar.
Airport Way
Seattle, Washington
9AM And That Cuts Into My Busy Internet Poker Playing Schedule
Angry suit: It's like I need to come to every meeting if I want to know what's actually going on!
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: At EVERY Meeting
5PM My Cubicle's Like Yoinkee Stadium
Female designer: I've been yoinked a lot today.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Meg
4PM Learning About Noon and Midnight Rocked His World
Student: Hi, I was wondering what time you closed.
Front desk clerk: We close tonight at midnight.
Student: Yeah, but what time exactly? Like 9 pm?
Seattle, Washington
3PM A Strong Immune System Is Your Best Defense in the Office
Peon #1: All those Luxury Wafers are broken.
Peon #2: How do you know?
Peon #1: I hand-checked them all. And licked them too. You can never be too careful.
Hall of Justice
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: no office snacks for me
2PM Which Is Why I've Stopped Going to Cat Parades
Sad boss: Like cats in a parade, they just do whatever they want to do.
6th Avenue
New York City, New York
1PM The New Gold Standard
Intern: I was like: "Who do you think you are?! You had like two lines in Hanna Montana! You are not Zac Efron, okay?"
Constitution Drive
Victoria, Texas
Overheard by: Diana
12PM The Horizontal Stripes May Have Been My Downfall
Director: You were wearing a tube top and you *still* got a ticket?
Indianapolis, Indiana
11AM Talking to You Is Like Drinking Maple Syrup
Hipster: Making out is my Viagra.
School of Management Office
University of Massachusetts
10AM There It Is
Sales guy #1: ... or you know it could send to your POP3.
Sales guy #2: Don't pretend like you know what you're talking about.
Sales guy #1: At least I had a term. Where's your term, motherfucker?!
Bonner Springs, Kansas
9AM But We Love Their Money
Boss, talking about client: It's a love-hate relationship. They either love or hate us. We just hate them.
Herndon, Virginia
5PM We Wrote Our Names, with a Heart Around Them
Coworker on James Carville: I love Carville. I took a leak with him at a wedding.
Los Angeles, California
4PM Fashion Is My Religion, Honeypie
Gay coworker: I don't dress up for Halloween, it's against my religion!
Straight coworker: Oh, is that the same religion you consulted when choosing your sexuality?
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Stoopid like a fox
3PM In Reality It's Less Fun Than It Sounds
Project manager, looking at chart of Harvey Balls: You have to play with your balls.
Hotel Room
Bethesda, Maryland
2PM ...By the Women at ASU
Programmer (shouting and thrusting both arms up): Yeah!
Boss: Oh, did you get the stored procedure working?
Programmer: No, Arizona State was voted #1 for hottest women.
Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
1PM If Only He Wouldn't Make Major Adjustments in My Face
Foxy lady #1: My boss smells like he hasn't bathed in a month. He smells like his private parts!
Foxy lady #2: Gross like a huge unbathed dick.
Foxy lady #1: Yeah.
The Bronx
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Banana Forest Thief
12PM So the Winner of the Office Poll Is--Felicia!
President, emerging from bathroom: That smell in the bathroom is equal parts chamomile, lavender, and my poop.
1st Avenue
Seattle, Washington
11AM The "Big Jew" Coffee Mug Didn't Tip You Off?
Employee at microwave: You know those meatballs have meat in them?
Microwaving employee: Right? Hence, meatballs.
Employee at microwave: Don't you know the day?
Microwaving employee: Sure, it is Friday all day.
Employee at microwave: Well, it's Lent, too.
Microwaving employee: You don't say... Seeing as how I am a big Jew we don't celebrate that.
Tinley Park, Illinois
10AM You Know That Special Feeling You Get Just Before You Throw Up?
Young office dude: Did you see that I called you, like 40 times?
Young office chick: Yeah, I saw that I had stalker calls and it made me feel really special.
San Rafael, California
9AM Actually, I Was Layering You in Clothes Like a Bag Lady
Worker: I felt like you were undressing me with your eyes and re-dressing me in office casual!
Carrol Avenue
Takoma Park, Maryland
5PM Or "Cuba"?
Receptionist: With a "c"?
(pause)
Receptionist: Catherine with a "c"?
(pause)
Receptionist: Oh, you mean "k" as in "cat"!
Seguin, Texas
Overheard by: Vivian
4PM So Many Wonderful Things Come in Plain, Brown Wrappers
Sales guy: Remember when you were a kid and got crabs? The medicine would come in a plain brown box like that.
Asbury Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: (to the)
3PM The "You Cumguzzling Gutter-Slut" Just Brought Him to It
Boss, about a customer's outrage at an e-mail: I think it was the "best regards" that sent him over the edge.
Los Angeles, California
2PM Well, Whenever. And Could You Buy Lots of Snacks?
Working mom to teenage daughter: I am not going to the store this minute to buy you a lava lamp. I'm at work!
Ohio
Overheard by: Jewels
1PM So I'm Pretty Sure the Boss Is Pregnant
Peon: Rice belly would jiggle. Beer belly would, like, wobble hard.
King Street East
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Thank you, sensei
12PM We Edited Out the Offensive Sign Language
Designer: So, David*, what are you doing tonight?
Deaf box office manager: I'm-on-eh-leh.
Designer: Oh, you're going to get laid?
(deaf box office manager nods)
Designer: Well, that's nice.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
11AM The Government's Alternative to Medicare
Middle-aged woman #1: I didn't get any vacation time this year because I was so busy with my mother.
Middle-aged woman #2: How is your mother doing? Does she have anyone to talk to? Like friends or anyone?
Middle-aged woman #1: Well, yes, but the problem is that all the 85-year-old men want is phone sex.
20-something girl: Well, there's something to look forward to.
Midtown Building
New York City, New York
10AM Broke Our Fun Meter
Boss (walks in and says, deadpan): My wife had a stripper over this weekend and now my entire house smells like coconut oil.
Victoria Parade
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Feeling inqdequate about MY weekend...
9AM But There's No Cure for Bureaucracy
Fat coworker: Dude, all these re-orgs and manager changes really suck.
Skinny coworker: You know what else sucks? Polio.
Ontario Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: The loud one
5PM Arthur Andersen's Enduring Legacy
Senior accountant to auditors: Well, you see I am just not that good with numbers.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Receptionist
4PM A Lovely Little Medium-Security B&B in Connecticut
Maintenance guy: I'll tell you. Back when I was in prison, at first, I couldn't sleep because of all the noise. But I got so used to it that now I can't sleep when it's quiet.
Boss: When you were where?
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Need to call the Temp Agency
3PM He Was Way Too Generous with Those Loaves and Fishes
Office peon: Not that I believe Jesus was Jewish or anything.
Silver Spring, Maryland
2PM She's Gonna Earn Her Salary Today
Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.
1st Avenue
Birmingham, Alabama
1PM Ooh, or Maybe a Wicker Chair
Coworker eating twig cereal: I have eaten so much fiber today, when I get home, I'm gonna crap a wicker basket.
Rochester, New York
12PM The Walls Seem to Appreciate That Arrangement
Office lady: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Computer nerd: I don't know, you build up a tolerance.
Office lady: If I drank that much I'd be whacking off the walls.
Computer nerd: Umm, you'd do what?
117th St
Broomfield, Colorado
Overheard by: The other nerd
11AM These Days, Everyone I Work With Is on Antidepressants
55-year-old post-menopausal help desk woman: I used to have naughty dreams about Simon & Simon, back in the day.
Glen Hendren Drive
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: RickyB
10AM After You Finish Crying
Security guy: I could be an officer, you know.
Sarge: Oh, shut the fuck up.
Security guy: No, really. It's just politics stopping me! Just politics!
Sarge: Oh, is Rudy fucking Giuliani preventing you from becoming a police officer? Why don't you fucking explain that to all of us?
Public Safety
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
9AM It's Burning a Cross on My Palm
Nurse #1: And I don't know. I just started having this anxiety attack.
Nurse #2: Well, on the bright side, I just made a Klan hood for my finger.
Royal Oak, Michigan
5PM Especially When It's Deja Vu of Making Copies
Peon, to no one: When you have deja vu more than once a day, you know you have a fucking boring job.
Omaha, Nebraska
4PM ...According to This Letter of Recommendation.
Cube rat: Jason* is a pretty good guy... for a racist homophobe.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Is That All?
3PM It Sounds Like a Delicious Cocktail
Girl #1: Do you like Carly Simon?
Girl #2: I don't know what that is.
Canal and Broadway
New York City, New York
2PM Not His Fault Your Name Is Satyanarayanikinskahoveniska
Woman #1: So he called me his ex's name during a fight last night.
Woman #2: I hate it when that happens.
Woman #1: I don't really care... As long as it doesn't happen during sex... But then it hardly lasts long enough for him to say any name, let alone the wrong one.
Microsoft Way
Redmond, Washington
Overheard by: ouch!
1PM Could You Get Off My Lap?
Older female accountant: You're looking more like Burt Reynolds each day.
Younger male accountant: He's old, what are you saying?
Older female accountant: No, like... In a good way... When he was sexy and young.
Younger male accountant: (silence)
Older female accountant: I should get back to work.
Independence, Ohio
12PM Hey, Those Shackles Were for Our Safety
(at a three day workshop)
Suit #1: I don't think I can sit through another afternoon of this.
Suit #2: It's not as bad as yesterday. I'm finding it quite interesting.
Suit #1: That's what you call Stockholm Syndrome, when you start to love your kidnapper.
Istanbul
Turkey
11AM Prompting a Special Delivery in the Mailboy's Pants
Cube girl on phone: And I'm having a really bad day. I just licked an interoffice envelope.
New York, New York
10AM Instead, I Chose to Smile at Him Many Times Each Day
Worker: When he used to work here, I literally left work one day and spent ten minutes trying to figure out where I could park my car so I could shoot him when he left and not get caught.
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: frightened newbie
9AM ...Care for a Homemade Cookie?
Lady in elevator: Well, I operated on my eye again. I looked in the mirror and saw another big white thing so I got the needle and the lighter. This time it went pop and all the stuff went into my eye. I was thinking: "Now I'll get staph!"
Century Place
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: delworthio
5PM And Its Little Dog, Too
Cube rat: Damn the metric system!
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Word.
4PM Okay, I'm Making a Note: "More Strippers"
Functionally retarded janitor: This job really needs some strippers.
Engineer: You could get a night job at a strip club.
Functionally retarded janitor: But those places fire you when you try to touch the girls.
Senlac Drive
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: This Company Needs to Do Better Background Checks
3PM What Happened Next Came As a Surprise to All of Us
Managing editor: Who didn't have their salad tossed?
Wilmington, Delaware
2PM That Jamaican Buttplug Was Thanks Enough
Accountant: Thanks for keeping it organized while I was on vacation.
Female manager: No problem. I like it anal.
Chevy Chase Drive
Glendale, California
1PM You Should Hear Him Whine When an Employee Dies
Male payroll processor: If you want me to process your payroll, you have to put the time you came in and left.
Female coworker: I was out sick. Did you see that I used sick time?
Male payroll processor: Yeah! What's your point?
Female coworker: I was out sick! I didn't come in or leave!
Male payroll processor: Whatever! More work for me!
Speedway
Tucson, Arizona
12PM I Was Planning on Having a Tossed Salad for Lunch
Nurse: It didn't hurt my tongue when they pierced it--just that first pop.
Tech: Ooooh, my asshole just puckered up!
Receptionist: Quit talking about tongues and assholes!
Front Desk, Medical Clinic
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: xrayguy
11AM Depends-- Do You Seriously Measure Them?
Tech worker: Are you seriously saying that eight inches is not a big dump?
Willow
Lansing, Michigan
10AM Oops, Let's Turn the Monitor On
E-consultant, explaining website program to potential customer: It's clear as night!
Smithtown Bypass
Smithtown, New York
9AM Okay, That's My New Worst Fear
Coworker: I hope I don't get molasses in my dog bite.
Niagara & West Ferry
Buffalo, New York
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