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June 2008 Archives
5PM You Already Complain About the Price of Orange Juice
Manager: One day you're going to make a really good old man.
Richmond, Virginia
4PM Like You Mean It This Time
Excited coworker: Hey, pet my pants!
San Rafael, California
3PM We Were Skeptical About Shaq's MBA, Too
Sales guy: That makes about as much sense as a shy stripper.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
2PM At Least You Skipped the "Analyst" Part of My Title
Admin: Here's your new door tag.
Advisor: "Stud serv prog coord"? That's my new title?
Admin: Well, it's abbreviated.
Advisor: Can we make the text smaller so it's not abbreviated?
Admin: Why? You don't want to be a stud service?
Advisor: I'm afraid they wouldn't get their money's worth.
Lake Road
Merced, California
Overheard by: sooo true.
1PM Until They Put You Into That Rectangular Solid in the Ground
Arrogant idiot: You see, the older you get, the more geometrically expensive your health insurance gets.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: my brain is dying
12PM I Don't Think Happy Meals Are Effective Going Out
Manager: I'll be right back. I'm going to the bathroom.
Cashier: Have fun!
McDonald's
Texas
11AM Glow-in-the-Dark Girl Can't Help But Brag
Man in lift: How are you, Susan*?
Woman: Radiant, *Stuart.
Government Office
London
England
10AM You Seem to Have Lost Your Passion for the Business
Market researcher, frustrated at client: I don't have auto pilot Las Vegas porn attendance statistics in my brain!
Pearl District
Portland, Oregon
9AM It's Overrated, Anyway
Boss: Stop communicating!
Underling (sheepishly): Sorry.
New York
5PM FEMA Headquarters, Circa 2005
Coworker #1: He's Cajun.
Coworker #2: Cajun?
Coworker #1: Yeah, he is from New Orleans.
Coworker #2: What color are they?
Latham, New York
Overheard by: Parker
4PM In an Unrelated Question, Where's a Good Place to Buy Rat Poison?
Lady on phone: Let me ask you this: if she dies before the next payment is due, does she still have to make that payment?
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: insensitive much?
3PM I Assume the Freezer, But I Can't Be Sure.
Coworker #1: I don't have a wardrobe.
Coworker #2: Why not?
Coworker #1: I just don't like them.
Coworker #2: Well, where do you keep your suit?
Coworker #1: Well... that's a good question, where is actually my suit?
Yorkshire
England
2PM Could Be a Good Thing-- Is It Bacon?
Cube girl #1: I keep smelling food.
Cube girl #2: Maybe you're having a stroke.
Cube girl #1: Nooooo!
Viking Drive
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nicole
1PM What If the Big Switch in Al Gore's House Gets Frozen in the "Off" Position?
Accountant: It's snowed a ton, the roads are really bad today. They've closed a bunch of schools.
Receptionist: I hope they cancel my online class!
Washington Square
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: No level of stupidity surprises me anymore
12PM Every Office Has Its Very Own Rainman
Employee #1: So, if it's 7:11 now, and I have a 30 minute break, what time do I have to be back?
Employee #2: Uh, 7:41.
Employee #1: How did you figure that out so fast?
Huron Road
Cleveland, Ohio
11AM How Labia Piercing Originated
Female voice from bathroom stall: Ah man, I got my earring in the wrong hole!
N. Classen
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: oh really
10AM Almost Makes Me Sorry I Got Those Binoculars
Worker bee #1: As soon as he was naked he started touching himself.
Worker bee #2: Oh my god!
Worker bee #1: Sometimes she touches herself... but not in a long time. Every time he's naked he diddles himself!
New Hyde Park, New York
9AM What Brooke Shields Said About Lipstick Jungle
20-something female cube rat: Sounds like a fucking stupid project, and I am really excited to do it some time.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
5PM Let's Rub Ours Together and See If We Can Play "Mary Had a Little Lamb"
Cubicle dweller: Oh. So your nipples are squeaky too?
Cottage Grove, Wisconsin
4PM We Challenge Our Readers Not to Trivialize Male Friendships by Snickering
Manager #1 (barely audible): Hey bud, did you go snowmobiling this weekend?
Manager #2 (yelling): Yeah man, I rode it all weekend and thought of you the whole time!
Bellevue City Center
Bellevue, Washington
3PM Now Who Will I Have Sex with at Lunch?
Office manager: Tess* is not going to be in for a few days. Her mother died.
Boss: Why does everything always happen to me?
Hackensack, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gary
2PM Too Many Straight Lines... Losing... Consciousness...
Old drone #1: You really gotta just close your eyes and gulp it down, I find it spicy, although my daughter says it's bitter.
Old drone #2: Yeah, I like it though, just don't get any on your dress, it's a bear to get out of clothes.
Cindel Drive
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
1PM Mr. Gibson's Attorneys Were Quick to File Suit
Secretary: I thought he was retarded, then I realized he was just very, very Australian.
Montgomery County Courthouse
Norristown, Pennsylvania
12PM Manager Tantrum! Manager Tantrum!
Red-faced, furious manager, gesticulating at mildly messy sales rack: This is a disaster! Everyone put everything everywhere!
Plymouth, Michigan
11AM Your Editors Are Avoiding Lexington 'til We Figure This Out
Cook, talking to counter person: I thought he was going to go throw up again, but I guess we needed sirloin.
Columbias
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: 500lb Gorilla
10AM Otherwise I'd Be Saying This Stuff to Her Face
Rep #1: She wears disgusting eye makeup...like a tarantula.
Rep #2: Gross!
Rep #1: I know. She looks like a tramp. I mean, she can't keep her legs closed.
Rep #2: Nasty!
Rep #1: She thinks she is so hot. Yeah, right.
Rep #2: Wait, isn't she like, your best friend?
Rep #1: Of course!
Plainfield Pike, Rhode Island
9AM We Hope You'll Come in and Be Judged by Us Again Soon
(Woman puts groceries on checkstand, including home pregnancy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been selling a lot of these lately!
(Woman laughs nervously.)
Male clerk to female clerk, waving test in the air: Haven't you been selling a lot of these?
Female clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how people get!
(Woman is now horrified.)
Male clerk, handing woman her groceries: Well, good luck either way!
Safeway
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Really? Really?
5PM No Complaint Was Ever Lodged by the Jamaican Nuns Who Received the Wrong Shipment, Though
Manager, in a panic: We sent a box of sex toys to the wrong customer!
Employee #1: Where did it go?
Manager: Jamaica.
Employee #1: Wasn't it supposed to go to Barbados?
Manager: Yeah...
Employee #2: Not my fault! You can't blame me!
Miami, Florida
4PM I'll Write You a Check
Blonde: But do they even make half-pennies anymore?
Plymouth, Michigan
3PM I Think Bill O'Reilly's Sticking to TV This Election
Sales guy #1: I'm worried about the primaries. I mean, if Obama runs, I would vote for him over the Republicans.
Sales guy #2: Sure.
Sales guy #1: If Hillary runs, I would vote for Satan over her.
Bonner Springs, Kansas
2PM So I Just Presented Rearward and Hoped for the Best
Sad girl: How would you like it if you boyfriend hit on another girl while his pregnant girlfriend stood next to him? It made me feel like a fat dog slut.
Macquarie Fields Station
Australia
1PM Mr. Scott: Good Gravy, Captain, I'm Ladling All We've Got!
Extra nice granny: Good god, if they need more than three gallons of gravy we are in big trouble.
Montezuma
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: Tom
12PM We Will Now Move on to "Bitch" as an Interjection
Sarge: Well... you could also use it literally like: "If I fucked your mother. I would be a motherfucker."
Academy Street
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Shaye
11AM I Rented It Out to a Family of Four
(in a crowded elevator there is a brief, unidentifiable noise)
Co-worker #1 (in Japanese): Keiko*, did you just fart?
Co-worker #2 (in Japanese): Well, my asshole *is* kind of loose lately.
(all Japanese in elevator burst out laughing)
Co-worker #2: What?
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
10AM Marie Is Too Pretty to Bother With Metaphors
Female coworker: What does "truncated" mean?
Male coworker: It's like... If you shortened an elephant's trunk, it would be truncated.
(pause)
Female coworker: But this e-mail doesn't even say anything about elephants.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Babar
9AM When He Needs a Condom
Customer service rep: Aaaaahhhhhhh!
Planner: What's wrong??
Customer service rep: I just saw a mouse!
Planner: Um, yeah, so? That's just George.
Customer service rep: What?
Planner: Sometimes George likes to come out and play.
Plainfield Pike, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Stuck in my cube
5PM Mind the Generation Gap
Boss, in response to employees discussing Project Runway: Oh, what is that? A show about airports?
Washington, DC
4PM Just Add "Or Whatever" So His Feelings Don't Get Hurt
(receptionist passes a Boss Day card to one of the company partners to sign)
Partner, after signing it: So... What's this for? His birthday?
Receptionist: No, his birthday was last month... remember?
Partner: Oh... I already signed it "Happy birthday".
Main Street
Aspen, Colorado
3PM Your Boss and I Go Way Back
Trainer: He's a great guy, but he's very... How should I put this?
New hire: Anal?
Trainer: Yes. I love anal.
Eagan, Minnesota
2PM Jenga Parties Are Just Too Nerve-Wracking
Boss: You can definitely get it to stay up longer when you are by yourself.
Falcon Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Next In Line
1PM And Jill Came Tumbling After?
IT worker to Vietnamese coworker: Is that the day Buddha came down from the mountain?
Richmond, Virginia
12PM What Happens When You Learn History on a Hippie Commune
Maintenance idiot: How do you think they came up with that whole groundhog thing?
Electronics clerk: What groundhog thing?
Maintenance idiot: You know, the groundhog sees his shadow and we have six more months of winter. How do you think they came up with that idea?
Electronics clerk: Ummmm... It's six weeks...
Maintenance idiot: I bet it was all of those animal activist settlers back when they came to America, or something.
Electronics clerk: Animal activist settlers?
Ft. Smith, Arkansas
Overheard by: i love my job
11AM You Expect That of a Mage, Though
Gamer on phone: That good, huh? Wait, what do you mean by "He didn't finish"? You guys put sex on hold for World of Warcraft! No way, that's dedication.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Sex > wow FTW
10AM Sorry, I Just Took a Side Trip to Fantasyland
Supervisor to manager: You know I'm leaving work early today, right?
Manager: That's right... For what, again?
Supervisor: I'm getting my cat shaved.
(pause)
Supervisor: My cat... like, our pet cat. A feline.
Ambassador East Hotel
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: laughing one cubicle over
9AM By the Time You Get to the Racism, It's Almost Refreshing
Accounting drone: Is someone eating fucking jockstraps and dirty socks now? There really needs to be some kind of restrictions on the food people are allowed to eat in here. How about a guideline like: "If it smells like a dead hooker, treat it like a dead hooker and eat it in your car."? Thank god we don't have any Indian programmers.
Milwaukee Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
5PM What Happens When You're Von Trapped in an Office
Team leader: Alright everyone, I'm headed out for the weekend. So long.
Teammate #1: Farewell.
Teammate #2: Auf wiedersehen.
Teammate #3: Goodbye!
Hanover, Maryland
Overheard by: Adam
4PM Still Think Dilbert Is Just a Cartoon?
Engineer, emphatically: You can ask me until you are blue in the face, but I still can't give you an answer.
Boss, unimpressed: I need you to give me an answer.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
3PM Of Course, If the Taxpayers Foot the Bill, It's a War
Front desk agent #1: So anything involving more than five people is considered a gang-bang then, since you don't have "five-some". That just sounds weird.
Front desk agent #2: It has to do more with the girl-to-guy ratio. If the ratio is close to one to one, then it's an orgy. Otherwise, it's a gang-bang.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lobby Patron
2PM A Game of Whose-Wife-Is-Bigger Really Enlivens the Workday
Underling: How big is yours?
Team lead: I don't know, let's see.
(pause)
Team lead: Man, that's big!
Underling: If you think that's big, that makes mine huge.
Team lead: Really? Let's see it.
Underling: Okay.
(pause)
Team lead: Wow. You weren't kidding.
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: Jonathan
1PM Probably in the Trunk-- Why?
On duty drone: Where's your other thingamijig?
Off duty drone: My wife?
Gananoque
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Ronald Quailfeather
12PM Apparently "Make Stuffing" Is an Arcane Insult in North Carolina
(scientist gets in a packed elevator)
Scientist: I can't believe it's this busy the day before Thanksgiving.
Secretary: Surprisingly.
Scientist: I said: "I can't believe it's this busy!" It's the day before Thanksgiving!
Tech: It's actually two days from Thanksgiving.
Scientist: I'm going to go home and make my turkey tonight. Have it ready for the family!
Suit: What a good idea. You should make the stuffing with it, save time.
(scientist smiles, gets off)
Tech: That wasn't nice.
Suit: He farted while in an elevator, I don't care.
Extremely Small Elevator
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
11AM The Highest Compliment in Some Cultures
Intern: It was an honor to wear your sister's undergarments.
Las Vegas, Nevada
10AM Wallace Is Organized to a Fault
Meeting chairperson: Alright, that's about all for this Monday's meeting. Now, is anyone going to be away on vacation at all this week?
Suit #1: I'll be taking next Monday off. We're heading up to the cottage for the weekend.
Suit #2: Umm, I will be sick on Friday so I won't be in.
Meadowvale Business Park
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
9AM Gouda Luck!
Wisconsinite on a diet, talking about quitting her walking team: I quit the stepping. Right now I am focusing all my energy on not eating cheese.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
5PM My Escalatude Will Be Mighty!
Angry suit: If you can't get this done I'm gonna escalate it! I don't know to whom, or how, but I'm gonna escalate it!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Good Luck With That
4PM ...And Rated on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Worker #1: My roommate has this book about all the kinds of poops you can have and what it means about your health.
Worker #2: Kinds of poops?
Worker #1: Yeah, like floaters, sinkers, clean poop...
Worker #2: Clean poop?!
Worker #1: The kind that slides right out and leaves your butt clean.
Worker #2: That should be called "perfect poop".
Loyola Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
3PM Which Is Why I Always Carry Duct Tape
Female suit: There's nothing worse than being caught without a tampon.
Hollywood, California
2PM Laxative Abuse Is Endemic to Connecticut
Sales guy in restroom: You know, if you really want to have fun take the blue pill now.
Darien, Connecticut
Overheard by: is this the matrix or a viagra commercial?
1PM We Barely Do That Now
Cubicle #1: Since I have to travel through Virginia next week, I'm going to take Amy*'s suggestion and get a mega millions ticket. The powerball isn't working out so well for me.
Cubicle #2: My husband laughs at me because I want to keep working if I win the lottery.
Cubicle #3: What!?
Cubicle #2: Yeah, I want to keep working.
Cubicle #3: Well...
Cubicle #1 & #3, in unison: I wouldn't work here.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
12PM It's Not Uncommon for an Entire Office to Be Staffed With Drama Queens
Sales girl: Oh my god... David* is back there cleaning his office and the smell is making my head hurt.
Office manager: What's he cleaning it with?
Sales girl: The same Fantastic crap under the sink that we all use. I've used it on my own desk and never been so overwhelmed by the fumes. Don't go back there.
Office manager: Why is he cleaning it himself anyway?
Sales girl: I don't know. (pause) He must be bathing in it. Seriously, I had to get up and walk away.
Office manager: Just close his door.
Sales girl, appalled: I can't do that! The fumes would kill him! It would be fatal!
Office manager, grabbing her arm: Close the door. Close. The. Door.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
11AM It's Like a Party in My Diaphragm!
Loud office chick: Oh my god, hiccups! I love hiccups! I only get them like three times a year, and I love them!
Hudson Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
10AM Which We Purchase from a Dentist on the Street
Coworker #1: Yeah, I have syringes at home. Don't you?
Coworker #2: No. Why? Does someone in your house have diabetes?
Coworker #1: No. Is this weird? Hold on, let me call my brother.
(a few minutes later.)
Coworker #1: Oh, well. They're not syringes. They're teeth whiteners.
West Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
9AM One Sign You're Not Giving Your Writers Enough to Do
Writer to editor: I was having a staring contest with you a little while ago, but you weren't paying attention so I won.
Broad Street
Augusta, Georgia
5PM Stacey, Did You Just Make a Joke?
Brunette: So, like, she was totally found dead in her office.
Blonde: Omigod! Shut up!
Brunette: Ya. Like, Dr Wong found her dead one morning.
Blonde: Omigod! Shut up!
Brunette: It's kind of fitting. I mean, she totally lived here at work anyway.
Blonde: Omigod! I would so totally die if someone found me dead in my office!
University of California, Davis
Overheard by: Research Monkey
4PM After 45, You Pretty Much Have to Get It Tattooed On
18-year-old guy: How old do you think Brenda* [older lady from office] is?
20-year-old guy: About... fifty two?
18-year-old guy: I'd hate to be that old and still wear make-up.
Willenhall
West Midlands
England
3PM I Am Your Macro
Female Excel nerd: Time to go make more price lists! Excel is my bitch.
Redheaded dominatrix: And you are mine.
42nd Street
New York City, New York
2PM Imagine Being Loved With All One's Default Settings Unchanged
Co-worker #1: We all have icky hairy things.
Co-worker #2: I shave mine.
Co-worker #3: I tried that once, but kept hunching the corners of desks.
Co-worker #1: Okay, so some of us have icky hairy things.
Washington Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
1PM Psych! Did You Just Mess Yourself?
Accountant: A Charlie Brown Christmas was on the other day and me and my sister were watching it when Peppermint Patty opened her mouth and a man's voice popped out. I turned to my sister and said: "Oh my god! Peppermint Patty's a big ol' dyke! Turn that damn thing off!"
Secretary: I was raised by a lesbian couple.
Accountant: Oh... Oh, I'm sorry.
Sixth Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
12PM That's a Sobriety Test in and of Itself
Lab tech: He needs to retake the drug screening.
Nurse: Why? He said he was ready to give a urine sample.
Lab tech: Well... How do I put this delicately? He did give us *a* sample... Just not the kind we needed.
Nurse: Wait, you mean... he... Oh my god! How the hell did he poop in that cup? I am impressed!
Lab tech: Yea, I kinda am to.
Hospital
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Workin' here for the insurance
11AM Where They Don't Nag About Deadlines All the Time
Supervisor: This was supposed to be done hours ago, what is taking so long?
Employee: I was too busy working on my resume so I can get a better job.
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
10AM The Time De Lei?
[8:30 am, a credit card decline notice from a customer in Hawaii is placed on Paul's* desk. Paul starts dialing the number.]
Will*: Paul, don't you know it's 3:30 am there?
Paul, continuing to dial: It's okay, they're used to it.
Seminole Trail
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: They are *not* used to that
9AM Or, As I Affectionately Call Him, "My Little Tar-Baby"
Office manager, calling out to boss: Do I have to take the diversity training if I am married to a black guy?
Viking Drive
Eden Prarie, Minnesota
Overheard by: I wouldn't think so
5PM What Don't George Foreman Grills Do?
IT worker : They're great for smuggling midgets across the border.
Richmond, Virginia
4PM Someone's Been Sniffing the Toner Again
Receptionist, on his last day: How can I give the rest of the staff access to these files?
Tech guy: Put them on the network.
Receptionist: Where's the network?
Tech guy: Exactly! It's everywhere, man!
University of Minnesota, Minneapolis
Overheard by: I'm New Here
3PM At Least Stop Leaving Your Pinkeye Crusties on My Desk
Co-worker: You know, you should stay home when you're sick. You ruined my whole weekend.
Sick co-worker: [Laughs.]
Co-worker, enraged: I'm not kidding! You ruined my whole weekend! Stay home next time, damnit!
Jefferson Road
Cookeville, Tennessee
2PM Whose Idea Were Tobacco Pacifiers, Anyway?
Products VP: Everyone who makes this crap is just as fucked as we are.
Finance VP: If only no one put this in their mouths...
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
1PM Dude, Those Are Two Things I Will Not Do
Guy in stairway: Smell this and tell me I don't have a problem.
Plymouth, Pennsylvania
12PM Sorry, the Clown Suit Keeps Throwing Me Off
Lead animator: Quit goofing off!
Animator: I'm not.
Lead animator: I said no goofing off! Get to work!
Animator: I am working.
Lead animator, hitting animator with poster: No talking! Get to work!
Animator: I am working!
Lead animator: [Picks up computer mouse, and throws it across the desk.] Get to work! No talking!
Las Cruces, New Mexico
Overheard by: pretty picture guy
11AM And Arbor Day in Your Toilet
30-something girl to male co-worker: It's always Christmas in your trash can.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Angela
10AM Acronyms Go Viral So Quickly
Office assistant: Do you want me to send out the "Save the Date" announcement?
Boss: Yes, thanks. That would be helpful.
Office assistant: No problem! I'm happy to spread your STD around!
Boss: [Blank stare.]
Office assistant: That sounded bad. But don't worry... I'm sure no one heard me.
Point Street
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: I Thought This Was a Healthcare Company
9AM There's a Reason There Are "Naughty Nurse" Halloween Costumes
[Nurse #1 attempting to restrain combative patient in a dark room.]
Nurse #2: You ah... Want me to turn the lights on?
Nurse #1: No, I tie people up in the dark all the time.
University Hospital
San Antonio, Texas
5PM Why They Stopped Hiring Ballerinas
Workbee on cell: Woah, she clogged that toilet? That's a new toilet! What'd she do, take a gorilla shit or something?!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Eileen
4PM And Considerable Changing of Partners
Resident doctor: Hey! How was the concert? I'm sorry I missed it.
Pre-med: What concert?
Resident doctor: Your dad's concert.
Pre-med: Oh, it was more like a hoe-down.
Resident doctor: Was there promenading?
Pre-med, nodding head in agreement: There was some promenading.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
3PM Or Something Equally Sciencey
Manager to peons: And it will stay up. Because of, you know, gravity.
Plymouth, Michigan
Overheard by: Megan
2PM Nothing I'd Want to Repeat
Employee yelling to co-worker: Will! What did I say about fish sticks this morning?!
Hartford, Connecticut
1PM Which I Am Not at Liberty to Elucidate
Superior #1: So, Joanne wasn't umm... working out so she left... I shouldn't say any more.
Inferior #1: She didn't come to work naked or something?!
Superior #2: [Responds to quizzical looks from others.] That comment has a context!
Cornwallis Road
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: Ben A. Fit
12PM Don't Ask Me to Explain That, Either
Guy, coming out of the men's room: Wait. Someone actually stole the posters... from around the urinal?
Comic book guy: Don't ask me to explain it.
Guy: Were they unfamiliar with the concept of nerd hygiene?
Broadway
New York City, New York
11AM But My Real Passion Is Popping Out of Cakes
Male employee: I dropped my pen down under my desk.
Cute female employee: I'll get down there and get it for you.
Male employee: I don't think that you crawling up from under my desk is the sort of thing people need to see.
Cute female employee: It's okay! I come up from under lots of people's desks.
Greeley, Colorado
Overheard by: Alacrity Fitzhugh
10AM In Totally Unrelated News, I'd Like to Request Maid Service
85-year-old client: I've been sick all morning but I'll tell you what: the best way to cure diarrhea is by drinking wine!
Sales manager on phone: Oh... Um... Really?
Hotel
Dulles, Virginia
Overheard by: Rather Disgusted
9AM Probably What Got Her in Trouble in the First Place
Cubicle guy, coming around the corner: Stacy... you're in trouble. Oh... Stacy isn't here today? No? Well, in that case, I'll just leave a sticky on her desk for her return.
Guy in next cubicle: Dude, that's disgusting.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Marko
5PM ...When I Was Going for Clams Casino
Hot office chick: I look like I smell like fish sticks.
LaGrange, Georgia
Overheard by: Hallway Skank Monitor
4PM It's What I Think About While Bed-Wetting and Penning Manifestos
Young museum volunteer: And I had to listen to the other kids talking about masturbation for an hour.
Museum employee: Yuck. You're probably the sanest person in your school.
Young museum volunteer: I know! I wish I could just... stab them all in the neck.
Kellogg Avenue
St. Paul, Minnesota
3PM Seems a Lot Less Gay When You Sing It, Purvis
Window washer #1, singing: I will survive, I will survive!
Window washer #2: Yehaw, that's right, we will survive!
Window washer #1, singing: As long as I know how to wash I know I'll stay alive.
Window washer #2: Stay alive! That's the deal, yeeehaw!!
Jackson
Seattle, Washington
2PM I Seem to Have Forgotten Their Names
Man in lift #1: Hey, how's it going?
Man in lift #2: Yeah, not bad. The wife leaves for England for nine days tomorrow. Leaving me alone. With the kids... I'm not a man who gets scared easily but...
Pirie Street
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: Brooklyn
1PM ...Using a Sock Puppet
UPS guy: I can only speak for the Portuguese consulate...
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
12PM And Perhaps Some More Ritalin
Checkout girl: Hi, how are... [Turns to employee at next register.] Have I ever told you how badly I want a pet monkey? Like, besides getting out of this hellhole, it's, like, the only thing I want in life.
Oneida, New York
Overheard by: fellow customer in line
11AM ... Or If She Likes It
Manager #1: The new girl is Asian? Ooooh, fucky-sucky, long time!
Manager #2: I'll have someone else show her around.
Manager #1, as manager #2 leaves office: It's not harassment if you're joking!
Circle Center Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
10AM Why Mute Interns Are in Such High Demand
Senior: Isn't "Butternut Bread" a brand? I know there is Mrs Baird's, Iron Kids... Sunbeam...
Intern: Oh, there's a strip club around here with a one-armed stripper named Sunbeam... But we call her "Nub".
Senior: [Silence.]
Houston, Texas
9AM Mexico: Hey, We Warned You!
CSR, on speakerphone: And where would you like this order shipped?
Secretary: 123 Main St.*, Los Alamos, New Mexico.
CSR : We don't ship out of the country.
Secretary: That's fine, but this address is in the country.
CSR : No, you said to ship it to New Mexico.
Secretary: Yes, New Mexico is a state in the US.
CSR : Sorry, but we can't ship out of the US.
Secretary: Do you have a supervisor I can talk to, please?
[Long pause.]
CSR supervisor: This is Tim. Can I help you?
Secretary: I hope so, Tim. Your employee doesn't seem to understand that New Mexico is a state in the United States, and so refuses to ship me your product.
Supervisor: Well, that's true. We can't ship out of the country. I'm sorry ma'am.
Secretary, raising her voice a little: Have you never even heard of the state of New Mexico? It's one of the big, square ones? It's right between Texas and Arizona? It's one of the 50 United States?
Supervisor: I'm sorry, it's just our policy not to ship out of the US.
Secretary: Tim, let me get this straight. Your company is going to lose a $14,000 order because the people in your customer service department are too moronic to know or comprehend that the state of New Mexico is a part of the United States?
Supervisor: Yes, ma'am. That's our policy.
Secretary, completely exasperated: Well, I guess there's nothing more to be said, is there?
Supervisor: No, ma'am. Have a nice day.
Los Alamos, New Mexico
Overheard by: New Mexican
5PM In Michigan? Shouldn't Be Hard
[Whistling can be heard through a door.]
Co-worker: Where's that goddamn whistling coming from? Hello?! Stop fucking whistling! Don't you know there are people trying to be miserable here?!
Escanaba, Michigan
Overheard by: Auds
4PM And That's Never Happened Before
Statistician: They're lying. Unless everything we believe about the world is untrue.
Chelsea
New York City, New York
3PM The "YMCA" Dance Can Be Perilous
Girl: He broke his hand in a fit of gay!
Washington, DC
2PM Is Anyone Feeling a Little Dirty After All This Pie Talk?
Cashier, answering phone: Hello, Baker's Square. [Pause.]
Cashier, incredulous: Do we sell pies? [Pause.]
Cashier, boastful: We were voted best pies in the world, we entered a contest and won. [Pause.]
Cashier, sober: Yes, we sell pies. [Pause.]
Cashier, indignant: A barbecue pie? I never heard of such a thing in my entire life. [Pause.]
Cashier, impatient: Ma'am, did you have a specific question? I'm pretty busy. [Pause.]
Cashier, puzzled: [Hangs up.]
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: My Good Ear
1PM Dude, Seriously, Switch to Historical Novels
Project manager, discussing book: It was so tragic! It's not just that they were clones and had their organs harvested, but they never got to really love each other!
Main Bountiful, Utah
12PM Oh Honey, Everybody in San Franscisco Knows How to Hug from Behind
Lunch room breaker #1: The irony is that she was the only one that knew the Heimlich maneuver, but she couldn't do it because she was six months pregnant.
Dumb dumb: So, why couldn't she do it?
Lunch room breaker #1: Do you know what the Heimlich maneuver is?
Pine Street
San Francisco, California
11AM It's Bad Enough You Ripped My Human-Skin Vest
Co-worker on phone: Hey. What'd you do with my bag of hair?
Franklin Street
Richmond, Virginia
10AM Is Glitter Allowed in the Military?
Sailor, with sheet to sign: I need your signature on this.
Boss man: Ok, do you have a pen?
Sailor: Uh... No.
Boss: Tell me, Frank, how am I supposed to sparkle if you don't give me any glitter? [Storms out of the room.]
Pt. Mugu Naval Base, California
9AM I Suppose That Does Make It Worse, Sir
Editor, on phone with reader: Sir, the phrase "Stick a sock in it" is pretty common. It's a common phrase.
[Pause.]
Editor: It's no one's sock, sir. It's not a threat.
[Pause.]
Editor: Well, I disagree. I think it is a pretty common phrase and I think everyone understood what I meant.
[Pause.]
Editor: No, sir, it's not my sock. It's nobody's sock.
Walnut Street
Green Bay, Wisconsin
5PM Like When I Drive Through New Jersey
Manager at employee bathroom: Why is this door propped open?
Waiter: Eric* just dropped a bomb in there.
Manager: Fuck, man, spray that air freshener.
Waiter: I did. The stink actually laughed at me.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
4PM Maybe You Can't
Nurse assistant to patient: Do you want corn, carrots, or peas?
Patient: Cake.
Nurse assistant: Cake isn't a vegetable. What would you like to drink?
Patient: Cookies.
Nurse assistant: You can't drink cookies.
St. John Hospital
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: I was laughing
3PM Another Texan Reveals That He's Not a Steer
Co-worker, complaining about his chapped lips: These chapped lips really suck big dick.
The Arboretum
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: El Gato
2PM ...As Long As You Collect It in Person
Suit #1: We're introducing a great new investment product.
Suit #2: Oh yeah. Features?
Suit #1: Well, if you die before it matures, you get your money back.
Wellington Street
Toronto
Canadia
1PM ...About the Church Social Next Wednesday
Office worker: Lemme forward you this e-mail from slave whore Ella*!
BDSM Production Company
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Joy
12PM My Oxygen Mask Has Deployed, See?
CEO to receptionist: I'm not touching myself! I'm having an underwear emergency.
Parnell
Auckland
New Zealand
11AM Better Write "Lesbian Breast Milk"
Pregnant coworker: Do you see this? I'm writing my name on the milk container so she won't drink out of it! I should probably label it "breast milk".
Male coworker: That might not stop her.
Huntington, New York
10AM Mind If I Eat One of the Bananas?
19-year-old receptionist to middle aged salesman: I love your hat -I would totally wear it if I were drunk.
111 Street, Fort St John
British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Mama C
9AM And Why It Has So Many New Pictures
Secretary: ...and the next time you talk to her, ask her why my cell phone was up her shirt.
Akron, Ohio
5PM Ironing Their Bandana Collection Is Monopolizing My Time
Manager: Did you watch Top Model last night?
Analyst employee: I can't until the lesbians come back -I'm house sitting.
Empire Boulevard
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Statja K
4PM That's Great! Have a Good One!
Worker #1: Hey! What's up? Everything fine or what?
Worker #2: Should I tell you the truth or just say fine?
Industrial Zone 2
Venezuela
3PM That Sucks, Frank
Co-worker: I'm not getting promoted because I don't show enough cleavage.
Baltimore, Maryland
2PM I Won't Say Yes, but I Want to Discuss This Further
Female marketing executive to male sales executive: Well, you can just suck my imaginary dick!
Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland
1PM Especially with Buzz Aldrin Chewing Your Ear Off
Voice in next cubicle: I forgot how much I hate space travel.
Fort Leavenworth, Kansas
12PM When I'm Perfectly Willing to Do It for Free
Director of operations: I could get paid a lot of money to put a dildo in my ass, and then I'd be walking around with a dildo in my ass, but that would be lame too.
Elkton Road
Newark, Delaware
11AM If You'd Like, I Can Send You My Notes on the Pecan Sandies
Office worker: Do you know what that meeting was about?
Manager: Nope.
Office worker: But, what did we talk about?
Manager: Don't know, don't care, anyway, the cookies were nice.
Office worker: They were, weren't they?
Bezuidenhoutseweg
The Hague
The Netherlands
Overheard by: bewildered
10AM Could You Stop Doing It While Meeting with Customers?
New mom: The days go by so fast now that I'm so preoccupied with... pumping.
Hudson St
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
9AM Colleagues May Reject the Defining Films of Your Generation. Get Over It.
Copywriter: I haven't seen Mallrats.
Designer: What?!
Copywriter: Or The Goonies.
Designer: Have you seen any movie?
Copywriter: Those are the only two I haven't seen.
Plum Street, Cincinnati
Ohio
Overheard by: Erica
5PM I Love the High-Definition and Surround Sound, Though
Female worker #1: You couldn't tell how big it was?
Female worker #2: Well, I hadn't touched it before then.
The Daily Reflector
Greenville, North Carolina
4PM My Specialty Is Spooning with the Tailback
Puzzled physical therapist: So, what position do you play on the football team?
Stoner high school athlete: I play wide receiver, defensive back, running back, you know, I'm a utensil player.
1300 East
Sandy, Utah
Overheard by: The Fork
3PM And Sprinkle Its Bowl with Lithium
Female coworker #1: Squiggy committed suicide last night.
[Long pause.]
Female coworker #1: He seems to have jumped out of the tank and shriveled up on the desk top... so it looks like I'll be getting another guppy.
Female coworker #2: Looks like it.
Female coworker #1: Or... Yeah, I guess I'll get another guppy.
Baltimore, Maryland
2PM Have You Learned Nothing from Your Four Abortions?
New supervisor, straight from the military: It's my job to protect you from the people above me.
26-year veteran of the agency: I've got Jesus and a man. I don't need any more protection than that.
Federal Office Building
Washington DC
Overheard by: Wasting my best years
1PM At This Time, the Word "Juicy" Is Not on Any Part of My Body
Worker #1: Are you coming out for a drink after work tonight?
Worker #2: I'm meeting some friends out afterwards, so I'm going to go home first to get changed.
Worker #1: Why do you need to get changed? Just wear what you have on, it's fine!
Worker #2: Well all my friends dress like skanks and I don't want to look overdressed.
Hay Street
West Perth
Australia
12PM Then How Come It Got Me More Time on My SATs?
Boss on phone: That is not clinical! Being an asshole is not a clinical condition.
Ginko Industrial Park
Warminster, Pennsylvania
11AM Lack of Motor Skills Is My Anti-Drug
Pediatrician to screaming addicted newborn: Oh, you poor thing, are you jonesin' for some crack?
NICU
Jacksonville, Florida
10AM Today's Special: Square Root of Minus One Minestrone!
Obese woman on mobility scooter, scowling: Whatever happened to rational soups?
Employee cafeteria
Salisbury, Maryland
Overheard by: minnie stronie
9AM That Concludes the Slide Show of Our Guantanamo Vacation --Questions?
Receptionist: For us it was never really about the torture. It was more about the ping pong, or table tennis if you will.
Hewitt, Minneapolis
Minnesota
5PM Much Like Workplace TMIs
Cube guy #1: Hey, I got that ointment you mentioned last night.
Cube guy #2: Oh yeah, did it go away?
Cube guy #1: Well, you know ... It never really "goes away".
Internet Company
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Cube Guru
4PM I Think One of Them May Still Be Down There
Attractive customer specialist #1: So how was your trip to Italy?
Attractive customer specialist #2: Gorgeous! So many hot Italian guys. I've got so much more space between my thighs now too!
Waterfront Area
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Planning my next trip
3PM ...At Least Until We Pass Our Teaching Certification Test
Woman on phone: Uhhuh... Well, we just have to learn how not to be child molesters.
Walnut Street
Evansville, Indiana
2PM I'd Rather Be Alone in Hell, Than Deal with Family in Heaven
Co-worker #1: Is he [the boss] visiting family while he's on vacation?
Co-worker #2: I don't think he has family, I think he was spawned from hell.
Hannibal, Missouri
1PM Let's Go Get You Another Raise
Executive: Are you making jokes about my weight again?
Assistant: No, I always call you "The big g". The "g" stands for "goodness".
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
12PM Which Is to Say It's Like the Subway
Father, trying to get his teenage daughter excited about reading The Odyssey: It's like a horror movie... for really, really old people.
Public Library
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: not-so-old but I still like The Odyssey
11AM At Least It's Not Horse Porn
Boss: What are you doing?
Employee: Working.
Boss: Seriously?
Employee: Nah. I am actually watching video bulldogs riding on skateboards. Check it out!
Boss: [Walks away shaking head.]
7th Avenue
New York City, New York
10AM In the Workplace, the "F" Stands for "Fudge"
Manager to employee: Amanda, WTF?
Employee: Did you just swear at me in acronym?
Vancouver
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Tessa MacKinnon
9AM Relax, I'm Just Horngry
Financial specialist, in front of his pregnant wife/coworker: God, I would nail someone if they had some bacon right now!
Wife/coworker: What the hell is wrong with you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: God Help Me
5PM I Am Inclined to Embrace It
40-year-old woman to co-worker: I didn't know alcohol had a relaxing effect.
Scripps Poway Parkway
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Mike
4PM Just When You Thought Dating Shows Couldn't Get Any More Extreme
Receptionist on phone: It was a male chicken, 12 inches tall. It was corn-fed in Iowa and its sign was Pisces... Yeah, bone in.
Constellation
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Kaleb
3PM ...Given Your Beard Stubble and Bowie Knife
Casting assistant: ...I mean... If you're not going to type your letter, you might want to make sure that your handwriting doesn't make you look like a serial killer.
Diamond Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
2PM A Whacking Big Problem
Worried secretary: Joe has a problem with the masturbation story.
Congress Avenue
Delray Beach, Florida
1PM Bradley Always Gets This Way When He Eats Eggs
Office guy: Woo-hoo! One less child!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: usual suspect
12PM Who Do You Think Was Out in the Hall Applauding?
Boss walking by office at 6 pm: Oh, you guys are still here? I just went to the bathroom with the door open.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
11AM And Being Married Is Cheaper Than Being Divorced
Sales manager: Being an alcoholic is much cheaper than being married.
Tanbark Drive
Greentown, Pennsylvania
10AM Or the Credit Card I Stole from Him, Anyway
19-year-old intern: I'm totally getting laid tonight and I have my dad to thank for it!
State and Water Street
Peoria, Illinois
9AM But She Bills You for a 14
Peon: Did you see that chick last night? She was so hot. After the meeting, Eric* made a beeline for her.
Co-worker: Oh, yeah? She was hot?
Peon: Well, in the real world she was probably like a 7, but in the lawyer world, she's like a 12.
West Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
5PM ...If I Imagine They're All About to Blow Up
20-something receptionist, commenting on cutesy photo of boy and dog praying: You know, I don't really like kids, animals or god, but that photo's okay.
Mill Valley, California
4PM Do You Want to Be in Another Country Song? Do You?
Co-worker #1: Who was that boy? He was cute!
Co-worker #2: It won't work. He's a preacher and you're a whore.
Main Street
Gainsville, Florida
3PM The Copier Won Last Week's Fight, Too
Female coworker to copy machine: You have enough paper, you bitch.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: The New Guy
2PM The Baby Boom Seems to Be Ending With a Whimper
Sales manager: Oh, no... I'm not laughing at orphans, I'm laughing at old demented people.
Eagle Street, Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Clerk Peon
1PM The Two Major Choices for Young Ladies Nowadays
Cubicle mate on phone: Yeah, that's so me. Wait, now what is this called? Well I'd rather be a dog walker than a porn star!
Topeka, Kansas
12PM Why Man Built Walls in the First Place
Boss on phone walking around office: Look, what you're needing is something more powerful. You should try Viagra.
Overland Park, Kansas
11AM I'll Save the Day Once I Finish Vomiting
Guy in next cubicle: I am Johnny Walker, Texas ranger!
Port of Panama, Florida
10AM Very Slowly
Boss on phone: Excuse me? I'm sorry, I don't speak stupid, let me get one of my employees to speak to you.
Coppell, Texas
Overheard by: Luckily, it wasn't me.
9AM Asking God to Smite Your Enemies Is So Old Testament, Though
Programmer: I'm just saying that if, by some miracle Pat Robertson, Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell had all died in a meteor attack...
Boss: I would convert. Right there. I'd become an instant christian.
Programmer: I would keep the sabbath holy.
Boss: I would keep the sabbath *fucking* holy. Hell, if god can manage to paralyze Paris Hilton from the waist down...
Programmer: I would start to tithe.
Boss: I would start to *fucking* tithe.
Clearview Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
5PM Let's Just Say I'm Into Pain
Worker #1: I'm heading out of the office, have a great weekend!
Worker #2: No thank you, I'd rather not.
Niagara
Ontario
Canadia
4PM Until I Realized My True Passion Was Burning Things
Lady #1: I've always wanted to try the sales department.
Lady #2: Ever since I was little, I wanted to be a forest ranger.
Wall Street
New York City, New York
3PM It's a Federal Requirement
Financial advisor on phone with possible client: I gave you what you needed. You have the paperwork. You see my partners' names. Just don't bullshit me... Stop cursing! I didn't curse. I said bullshit, that's not a curse.
50th and Broadway
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Stuck in this Cube
2PM Where the Distinction Is Irrelevant
General manager to sales guy: You are such a candy-assed, chicken-shit, pansy son of a gun!
Warehouse manager to sales guy: Dude, I've dated girls that are more of a man than you are!
Receptionist to warehouse manager: Yeah, but you're from Jersey.
Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Nikki
1PM That's Great, Blanche
Auditor: I am a man! I have chest hair!
46th St & 3rd Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Auditor #2
12PM Now I Have to Figure Out What "Coffee" Is
Airhead intern, chatting loudly on cell: I have to go, they actually gave me something to do.
7th and 34th
New York City, New York
11AM Hey, the Customer Was Willing to Pay Extra
Photo assistant: Eeewwww! I can't believe you put that in your mouth!
Culver City, California
Overheard by: LaLa Land
10AM Nobody Ever Goes Out for Apples
Matt: Later we are getting cupcakes...
Jen: Why, is it your birthday?
Matt: Sort of it... it's my half birthday. So are you in?
Jen: What do you mean half birthday?
Matt: Well my birthday is December 26th.
Jen: Ok -I'll ask Stacey if she wants in.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
9AM According to a Reliable Bathroom Wall
Coworker: No... Honestly, if you give a man enough estrogen and provide enough nipple stimulation, he will produce milk.
Wellington
New Zealand
5PM It's the Best Head You'll Ever Get
Elderly office assistant to youthful graphic designer: I have to tell you about cabbage, and how nutritious cabbage is...
Water Street
New York City, New York
4PM Now Let's Find a Scapegoat for Sinus Congestion
Coworker #1: Right?
Coworker #2: Right! [Pause.] What did I just agree to?
Coworker #3: We're blaming the Jews for traffic congestion.
West 57th Street
New York City, New York
3PM So Are We Just Chitchatting, or Are We Robbing This Bank?
Guy #1: [Scratches his chest.]
Guy #2: You ok?
Guy #1: Yeah... My chest itches. I shaved it.
Guy #2: You shaved your chest?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: Why? That's not like shaving your balls... You shave your balls, right?
Guy #1: Oh yeah, I shave everything below my belly button.
Mahwah, New Jersey
2PM Behind the Flowering Ficus
Patient: Where's the bathroom?
Receptionist: On your way out, you can just go in that corner.
Dentist's Office
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Avoiding the corner
1PM Like Any Real Man Would
Maintenance foreman talking to vendor about fittings: When I say air, I'm talking about nitrogen.
Southlake Boulevard
Richmond, Virginia
12PM Which in Canada Is Indistinguishable from a Seizure
Teen girl: Oh my god, like, I'm so hyper! I think I have ADD. I can't stop twitching!
Bystander: No, you just can't stop feelin' the rhythm.
Toronto
Canadia
11AM When Some Kids Play Pretend, It's Just Creepy
Nurse: You're not a weird old lady. Stop it.
Ivyland, Pennsylvania
10AM If You Have Further Inquiries, Kindly Direct Them to That Brick Wall
Repair man: Hey, do you know anything about the broken ice machine on the 4th floor?
Doorman: Yeah, it needs to get fixed.
53rd & 7th
New York City, New York
Overheard by: fix the ice
9AM They Don't Even Know It's Spelled 'Canadia'
IT guy with thick Middle Eastern accent: No Phil*, they are Canadian, they don't know what they are talking about anyway.
Sprint Headquarters
Overland Park, Kansas
5PM As a Good-Faith Offering, I'll Send You Some Toenail Clippings
Cubicle dweller on phone: If you are right, I will cut off my own foot and mail it to you.
Ravenswood Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Nikki
4PM Oh Wait, It's Just Models Sharing a New York Apartment
Weird suit: Hey! There's a box of dead people back here!
Bourse Building
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
3PM After Being Pasteurized, of Course
Boss: Whoever invented cheese is a great American.
Coworker: Cheese wasn't invented by an American.
Boss: Well, whoever did invent it should be made an American.
Austin, Texas
2PM They Couldn't Find Enough Four-Fingered Actors for the Live-Action Version
Coworker #1: How was The Simpsons Movie?
Coworker #2: Pretty good.
Coworker #1: It's not the cartoon version, is it?
Coworker #2: Uhh... Yeah.
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
1PM Something Grew, Anyway
Editor #1: Is it fiction?
Editor #2: Yeah, it's an adult book. I mean, regular fiction, not young adult. That always sounds so weird, adult book.
Editor #1, laughing: I know!
Editor #2: Like it was a little book that grew up!
Editor #1: ... Yeah. Like that.
Murray Hill
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Rose Fox
12PM Speaking of Porn Addicts
Consultant on phone with spouse: Oh, I'm just reading a blog post about a woman flying from San Francisco to Newark, and this guy sitting next to her starting to watch hardcore porn on his laptop... Well I'd hope he was wearing headphones! Did your father feed the baby yogurt again?
5th and Market
San Francisco, California
11AM But Without the Whiskey and Suicide Attempts
IT dork: It's like Christmas when you get to open a new server!
Berkeley Street
Boston, Massachusetts
10AM Tonight's Movie: Guess Who's Going to Hell?
IT guy to IT manager: Nice shoes, are they new?
IT manager: Yeah, but they're too clean and white. They need to be scuffed up more.
IT guy: You know what they should do? They should make the seven-year old Taiwanese kids who sew these wear them for a few days first.
IT manager: Yeah, that's perfect. Pre-scuffed shoes. They'd be flopping around in shoes way too big, but at least they'd have shoes for a few days.
Good Hope Road
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
9AM Don't Drink the Kool-Aid, and You'll Be Okay
Employee to group of new hires waiting for orientation: Oh, good, it's almost time for them to pretend like they care about you!
Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Fast, Fun, and Friendly
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