6PM It's Only Bad If She Doesn't Take the Kids

Boss: If we don't start turning things around here so I can get home sooner, I'm going to wind up divorced. And that would be...bad. I think.

6106 Excelsior Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota


Overheard by: Mad Cow

12PM If They're Screaming, They're Talking to Themselves

Co-worker #1: I'm waiting for your response.
Co-worker #2: I just said something!
Co-worker #1: Oh, I can't tell when you're talking to me or to yourself.

330 Madison Ave
New York, NY


Overheard by: LRC

6AM The Tissues Were Doused in Self-love

Employee: Ew! You're dousing your sandwich in tabasco sauce!
Intern: I'm dousing it in self-hatred.

4 W. Oakland Avenue
Doylestown, Pennsylvania


Overheard by: Vivian X

12AM The Definition of Unionism

Teacher: Am I going to have a job here next school year?
Principal: Only if you want to work at a school where you're not welcome.

419 East 66th Street
New York, NY

6PM The Scouts Were Always Out & Flaming

Receptionist: Were you here on Tuesday? The smell was awful.
Worker Bee: I kind of liked it, it reminds me of my days as a firefighter.
Receptionist: I didn't know you're a fireman?!
Worker Bee: Well, it was in Boy Scout camp...a long time ago.

810 Seventh Ave

12PM Usually It's the Boss Who Gets Sewed

Boss: Notice anything different about your blazer today?
Employee: No.
Boss: Well, I sewed it for you.
Employee: What? When?
Boss: Oh, a month or two ago, when you were out of the office for the day. You left it here, so I took it and sewed it.
Employee: Um, thanks.

300 Massachusetts Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts

6AM Then You Might Not Want to Work at Goldman Sachs

Butcher: Careful! Blood on the ground's slippery.
Clerk: ...I never want to hear anyone say that to me again.

110 Route 23
Riverdale, New Jersey

12AM More Like Cinema Verite

Boss: Wow, this [stapler] is heavy.
Co-worker: It's from a movie.
Boss: What movie?
Co-worker: Office Space.
Boss: Is that a comedy?

1 Railroad Avenue
Cooperstown, New York

6PM Pun on "State" or Stupidity? You Decide!

Worker guy #1: I love names that are states. Or cities. Madison, Dakota, Georgia...
Worker guy #2: Jordan...

733 Third Avenue
New York, NY


Overheard by: the temp

12PM Methinks He Can't Spell "VP" Either

VP: Communication: it's hard to spell, so it must be hard to do.

1 Railroad Avenue
Cooperstown, New York

6AM Well, She Was Lying Down in the Bed

Lawyer: Then why did you have sex with your cousin while she was sleeping?
Client: I honestly thought she wanted it. Really, I would never do anything to hurt her. I think of her like a sister.
Lawyer: Perhaps we shouldn't put you on the witness stand.

2605 E. Cliff Road
Burnsville, Minnesota

12AM Who to Call: the HMO or HR?

Office dude: Ow! Son of a..!
Office chick: Oh, are you OK?
Office dude: I just banged my penis on the desk.

395 Hudson Street
New York, NY

6PM You Did Just Telegraph the Whole World Wide Web

Professor #1: You know what I hate? There's never any TP in the men's room. You have to bring your own.
Professor #2: Yeah, I know. Unless you buy it at the vending machine.

Professor #1 unspools some paper from a roll on the coffee table.

Professor #1: I just hate using this roll. It's like telegraphing the whole world you've gotta take a dump.

San 69-1
Churye 2-dong, Sasang-gu
Busan City, South Korea


Overheard by: KGB

12PM They're Usually on the East Side

Receptionist: Hello. May I help you?
Woman: I would like to apply for a job here.
Receptionist: Why are you leaving your current job?
Woman: Ain't no movin' up positions.

220 Dupont Street
Brooklyn, New York


Overheard by: Jack Boston

6AM A Single Bullet Can Make a Difference...If It Has Faith

Security Guard #1: Man, but 8 times! That's gotta hurt.
Security Guard #2: Can't be much difference to taking 7 slugs.

Wharf 8, Murray Street
Pyrmont
Sydney, Australia


Overheard by: spleenboy

12AM Despite This Site, Sometimes the CEO is the Voice of Reason

CEO: My only regret was that I couldn't fire her [VP Marketing] twice.

50 Fremont Street
San Francisco, California


Overheard by: Vin Dicated

6PM The Important Thing Is: He Has Custody

Teacher: When he came in to register his kids here, he tried to use his arrest report as his proof of address. "Possession with intent to sell," it said. I told him, "You can't use that as your proof of address; you need a BGE or a water bill."

2000 Cecil Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland

12PM If You Can't Produce, At Least Be An LA Cliche

Producer guy #1: She's just awful.
Producer guy #2: And it's not like she's smokin' hot!
Producer guy #1: Yeah, if you can't act at least be smoking hot.

10201 West Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

6AM Everything's Upside Down in Oz

Co-worker 1: ...they're always very nice people, though.
Co-worker 2: Who are?
Co-worker 1: Gay people. Very good linedancers.

Civic Drive
Greensborough, Melbourne
Australia

12AM Then It Becomes Half Empty

VP: Do we really need all 3 engines to fly the plane?
Planner: I think so, it's a full plane.
VP: What if the plane is half full? Half the engines?

5001 34th Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota

6PM Looks Like Those Undies Were Already Stamped

Co-worker: Can you notarize something for me?
Accounting supervisor: Got any money?
Co-worker: Nope.
Accounting worker-bee: Then you must take off your pants, get on the empty chair and dance for us.
Co-worker: Really?
Entire accounting department: Really.
Co-worker: Are tightie whities okay?

2200 Broening Highway
Baltimore, Maryland

12PM I Don't See What Epimetheus Has to Do With Anything

Hair salon receptionist: My last boyfriend cheated on me.
Nail girl: Oh, that's terrible. I had one boyfriend cheat on me in the past, too.
Hair salon receptionist: Well, you know what they say, "Hindsight is 24/7."

3202 E. Los Angeles Avenue
Simi Valley, California


Overheard by: Bruce Bristol

6AM That's Quite a Cyberporn Collection

Manager: There is something on the drive that is taking up 5 gig of space.
Employee: What's taking it up?
Manager: I don't know.
Employee: Things that make you go hmmmmmm.
Manager: What?

777 West Putnam Avenue
Greenwich, Connecticut


Overheard by: Ballsalamode

12AM It's Yiddish for "You Are a Retard"

Co-worker on phone: I'm "kvetching"...ha, ha...well, I guess you're kvetching...ha ha ha...we're...ha ha...we're kvetching together...wait, what does "kvetching" mean?

175 5th Avenue
New York, NY

6PM Have a Great Lazy Weekend, Everyone

Answering machine: You have more than one hundred saved messages.

7 Times Square
New York, NY


Overheard by: Yo

12PM That's Hamilton's Corpse You're Sniffing

Jersey girl: It smells like foot in here!
Coworker: Just one foot?

1000 Harbor Boulevard
Weehawken, New Jersey

6AM He Also Invented Sticking Out Your Tongue

Admin #1: So like, what exactly is the big deal about Einstein anyway?
Admin #2: Uh, how about the Theory of Relativity?
Admin #1: Yeah, I know but like, what else?

University of Idaho
709 Deakin Avenue
Moscow, Idaho


Overheard by: infidel

12AM Stupidity is an International Language

Dell Support operator: OK, sir, now I'm going to need you to insert your System CD. Do you have that handy?
Irish customer: Is dat dis Pentanium ting?

The other listeners on conference laugh.

Dell Support operator: Excuse me, sir, there's a lot of background noise. I'm just going to turn off the other microphones.

--As a novel approach to caller boredom while waiting for a techSupp droid to become free, Dell have instituted a situation where callers get to listen in while said droid deals with the calls ahead of one in the queue.

So the overhearing was actually pretty widely geographically
distributed, between:

The charmin' Irish Callcentre colleen, who was wherever in Ireland Dell have their support centre;
Her interlocutor, who by his accent was also in that country;
The various other listeners-in, who might have been anywhere in
Europe;
Me, at Long Lane, Newbury, England.


Overheard by: CDWriter

6PM They Put Out A Hit on Jesus a While Back

Lawyer: So yeah, these guys were totally connected, like the Jewish Mafia. The Kosher Nostra.

80 Centre Street
New York, NY


Overheard by: Invid

12PM The Professionals Use Persimmon

Female co-worker: Ooh, this melon is so juicy!
Male co-worker: For God's sake, it's like being on the set of an amateur porn film with you, sometimes.

5 Fitzalan Place
Cardiff, Wales


Overheard by: Mark Jenkins

6AM The Unhappiest of Endings

Co-worker #1: There's a massage therapist in my building.
Co-worker #2: Do you think she's a prostitute?
Co-worker #1: I don't think so. She lives with her parents.

251 W. 57th Street
New York, NY

12AM How About Thinking? If You Haven't Done It, It's New to You

Blonde: I was thinking, this is totally the time to invent something new and make a ton of money...my problem is that I can't think of anything new.

2424 Burton Street
Grand Rapids, Michigan

6PM Maybe A Landmine Metaphor Would Have Saved Her Job

Boss: Well, I threw myself in front of the bus for you.
Marketing chick: It didn't work then?
Boss: I threw myself hard, but nah.
Marketing chick: Too bad.
Boss: Yup.

Wharf 8 Pyrmont
Sydney, Australia

12PM I'm Partial to the Hysterical Praying

In a crowded elevator, everyone is quiet except for the clunking of the elevator.

Employee: That was a new sound.
Manager: My favorite is the screaming.

5720 Peachtree Parkway
Norcross, Georgia

6AM Oh Come On, He's in New York

Co-worker #1: You need to use more tact.
Co-worker #2: Attack what?
Co-worker #1: No, tact. T-A-C-T.
Co-worker #2: What's that?
Co-worker #1: Exactly.

845 Third Avenue
New York, NY

12AM Apparently It's Our Editor Who's the Idiot

Guy #1: I saw a grammatical error on overheardintheoffice.com, but I was too lazy to email them and point it out.
Guy #2: You are an idiot.

1st Street & Ninth Avenue
Charlestown, Massachusetts

6PM Yeah, We're Two Weeks Behind

Girl: Yeah, I'm trying to apply for chemical engineering, but when I go to fill out the online application, it says that it's closed, but then it says that the deadline isn't until March 1st!
Student worker: It's April...
Clueless co-ed: But..oh...wait...January...February...March...Oh! Oh, so, like, March is before April?

1 University Station
Austin, Texas


Overheard by: m.kyti

12PM Not Quite What George Lucas Had in Mind

Office guy: As I told him, it's not the speed of the train that matters when a train hits you, it's the force. They tried to do CPR and their hands just disappeared into his chest...

515 7th Avenue
New York, NY


Overheard by: Rosskel

6AM She's Got a Point

Vice President: All that matters is I'm rich with a big dick.

64 Bluxome Street
San Francisco, California

12AM That's Why You Don't Schedule These Things in the Afternoon

Producer: Sorry I couldn't make your screening, but as you heard I was
drunk and asleep even by the time your call came around.

12 West 27th Street
New York, NY

6PM Christ's Business Cards Were English-only

Woman on phone: I was supposed to make the business card English on one side and Japanese on the other, and I put Chinese...and I apologize for it, it was dishonest of me...I didn't think anyone would notice...but I'm a Christian person and I don't want to die and go to hell, I'd rather apologize and make it right and go to heaven...I know it's a little thing but I'm a Christian...

2301 South Third Street
Louisville, Kentucky

12PM We Love Overheard Office Gossip

Head of HR: I bet you he's [the COO] a total virgin. Probably even a hand virgin.

402 Pacific Avenue
San Francisco, California

6AM He Learned This the Hard Way

Tenant: You know, it has been so nice outside, I wish we had windows that would open.
Building manager: Yeah, me too, but if we did, everyone would be jumping out of them to kill themselves.

270 Park Avenue
New York, NY


Overheard by: JB

12AM Presenting: The Nerdiest Coversation Ever Held

Engineer #1: A charred, dark husk of evil smoldering into infinity would be cool.
Engineer #2: I'd prefer the Dyson Sphere. Though I personally find Niven ringworlds much more aesthetically pleasing.
Engineer #1: But a husk!
Engineer #2: A Dyson sphere could be kind of a husk.
Engineer #1: Come on! Spooky husk!
Engineer #2: No! No spooky husk!
Engineer #1: Aww.
Engineer #2: ...We can make the Dyson Sphere kind of spooky if you insist.

401 Elliott Avenue W
Seattle, Washington


Overheard by: Bjorn Townsend

6PM Wow! You Sure Don't Know English!

Woman: Wow! You sure do know how to type. You're typing 100 hours a mile! It's amazing!

2 Rector Street
New York, NY


Overheard by: Larry Flores

12PM Maybe He Can Put You on Overheard...Again

Co-worker: I figure, if he sends me to jail, I'm just going to call the judge a cocksucker. 'Cause at that point, what can he do?

6111 Oak Tree Boulevard
Independence, Ohio

6AM You Just Know She's Hot as Hell

Eastern European cocktail waitress: So what is this "stepping up to the plate" you spoke of in our meeting?
Bar manager: It's an analogy...OK, it's like this: in baseball, you step into the batter's box. You step up to the plate to try and hit a home run. That's what we need, is home runs here.
Eastern European cocktail waitress: I don't understand your speech at all.
Bar manager: Great! Now I'm going to have to explain what an analogy is.

Bourbon Street Casino
120 E. Flamingo Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada


Overheard by: KellyMarie

12AM The Kid Who Should've Loved Ducking

VP of marketing: If you used a duck, you'd somehow have to tie it into a kid who was killed by a drunk driver who loved ducks.

30 E, 33rd Street
New York, NY

6PM Sexual Harassment is Hell

Guy #1: Hey, remember me? I worked with you guys before.
Guy #2: Yeah, yeah I remember.
Guy #1: Yeah, my mom called here and fired me.

272 E. Main Street
Patchogue, New York


Overheard by: Andrew G

12PM We Outsource Jobs to Them, They Outsource Infanticide to Us

Employee #1: My brother-in-law just found out that he's having a boy. It's their third kid.
Employee #2: Wow, three? I'm only planning on having two.
Employee #1: What's wrong with three kids?
Employee #2: Nothing's wrong with it, but I believe in zero population growth.
Employee #3: That's not for normal people, that's for families in like China and India...admit it, you're probably going to kill your girl babies too.

130 Cremona Drive
Santa Barbara, California

6AM Just So Long as They Clipped Those Whiskers

Graphics editor: Did she get a makeover?
Producer who yelled at me for no reason: Uh...she's got a different outfit.

12 W. 27th Street
New York, NY

12AM A Rejected iTunes Promo

Co-worker #1: I don't really like music.
Co-worker #2: Oh, yeah?
Co-worker #1: I think there are only 200 good songs in the history of the world.
Co-worker #2: And the rest are crap?
Co-worker #1: Well...they are no good. I have downloaded 130 of the 200 from the net, but the others are too hard to find.
Co-worker #2: Ohhhhkay.

2300 Prospect Road
Fort Collins, Colorado

6PM He's Good at Receiving Info, Not Sending It

Receptionist guy: Ohhh, it's in the park!
Guest: Huh?
Receptionist guy: I'm addressing myself. I just chose you as the object I'm projecting upon.

454 W. 16th Street
New York, NY

12PM That's When You Call in the Accountants

COO: I don't want to lie to him, but I don't want to tell him the truth.

24 New England Executive Park
Burlington, Massachusetts


Overheard by: John Locke

6AM Diversity: Celebrating One Another's Differences

OB/Gyn receptionist: No, I swear, they all walk funny. All of 'em! I think it's because of the foot binding.

170 W. 12th Street
New York, NY

12AM You Don't Have to Be Stupid to Work Here, But It Helps