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5PM If he could impregnate you electronically, he would have.
Indian man on voice mail: Hello, my name is Joe*. I am calling for my friend Alan Warren*. This is for Susan*. Please give Alan a call. He would like you to be the mother of his children.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4PM Is That Tami*?
Director: Holy shit, come look at this.
Sales manager: Is it that weird animal porn you keep talking about?
Director: What?
Sales manager: Nothing, I'm kidding, what is it?
Director: I'm trying to get to a government website and this keeps happening...
Sales manager: What the fuck? Is that actually animal porn?
Director: This pretty much ruined my day and I wanted to share it with you.
Sales manager: Is that a fucking doberman?
Director, to the rest of the office: Do not go to this website. You cannot un-see this shit!
Fort Mill, South Carolina
3PM And I Hate Kelly
Delivery man: Would you sign for this, ma'am?
Office worker #1: Call Kelly and ask her to come down here and sign for it. It's her order.
Office worker #2: Why don't you just sign for it?
Office worker #1: My hands are busy.
Bainbridge Island, Washington
2PM The Dinosaurs Were Catholics, You Know
Office drone: Wow! My boss is angrier than a t-rex that just realized it can't masturbate!
Nashville, Tennessee
1PM In the Meantime, Fetch Me My Ten-Foot Pole.
Sales rep, in the middle of staff meeting: I am recycling my list to make sure I touch everyone.
Shrewsbury, Pennsylvania
11AM I Have Several Lovely Tall Buildings I Could Recommend to You...
Applications processor: Well, there are rules, like we won't pay if you kill yourself within the first two years of your policy. But after that you gotta do what ya gotta do.
Virginia
Overheard by: if you're suicidal, hopefully you have great willpower
10AM ...By Relabeling Them "Escorts"
COO: And the first thing I did was get rid of all the prostitutes.
Newton Centre, Massachusetts
9AM For Their Adorable Little Death Battles
Female coworker: It's a baby knife.
Perplexed male coworker: It's a paring knife.
Female coworker: No, it's a baby knife. For little babies!!
Chico, California
5PM Well, what about a pencil?
Worker on phone: Team Alpha*.
Client: I'm calling about my emergency assistance.
Worker: You would need to talk to the Emergency Assistance team about that, would you like the phone number?
Client: Yeah, do you have a pen?
Worker: Yes.
Client: Oh, yeah, that's not gonna work, is it?
Minneapolis, Minnesota
4PM IT People Are Heartless, Not Cruel
Coworker, in response to request for user study participants: Have we figured out who it was that was crying at her desk when she was using the system? She may be a good person to add.
Charlotte, North Carolina
3PM Best. Career Advice. Ever.
Female vegetarian coworker to male office executive at lunch pizza party: Keep your sausages to yourself!
Salt Lake City, Utah
2PM Pop-Tarts: Explained
Senior VP of administration: Is it weird that I don't like to see my own poo.
VP of operations: Wrap it in tin foil. That's what I do.
Assistant to VP of operations: Put it in the toaster.
Los Angeles, California
1PM Which, Granted, Is Kinda Hot
Woman cube dweller: How many cups of coffee have you had already? It's only 9 am!
Man cube dweller: Not sure... probably the equivalency of five or six, but I'm not real sure because once the cup is half empty I go and fill it again... Why... Why... Why?
Woman cube dweller: Because you're racing...
Man cube dweller: Yeah, not gonna lie starting to get the shakes a bit, and am tweaking...
Woman cube dweller: Yeah, you're about to tweak all over your pants.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Dom
11AM Apparently Northern California, Too.
Cubicle dweller: It's well known that southern California seeks to use the backdoor as much as possible.
Overland Park, Kansas
