Worker: What are those [paper bags with names on them]?
Boss: They're for the holocaust thing today. ... Um, we're remembering the holocaust, we're not having another one.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Guy: Today, from 1:30 to 4:30 I played tic-tac-toe and hangman, and then at 4:30 I played boardgames and drank booze. I love my job.
Westport, Connecticut
Guy: Yeah, so now's the time I go home, take my shoes off, change into sneakers and sing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood".
Chick: That's kinda creepy.
Guy: Yeah, I guess it is kinda creepy. But that's what I was going for.
Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York
Cube employee #1: Why did you do that?!?
Cube employee #2: Because you squirted my eye with bubbles of joy.
23rd Street & Park Ave
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Turns out it was just dish soap.
Older woman, observing plate of donuts near man: Oh wow, is it your birthday?
Younger man: Actually, it's my last day today. I got another job.
Older woman: Great. Well, happy birthday!
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Chris
Man on phone: Okay, so I heard you have a raccoon in your freezer.
[Pause]
Man on phone: How did it get there?
[Pause]
Man on phone: Did you kill it? What do you plan do with its body? What do you mean no one wants it?
S. Sycamore Street
Elizabethton
Tennessee
Overheard by: concerned for the racoon
Female coworker, passing her piece of cake to male coworker: You better not touch my creamy bits!
Male coworker: It's okay. I only like the bottom anyway.
Broadway, Newmarket
Auckland
New Zealand
Cube dweller: Nobody -not even the lord- can turn a box of toilet paper into wine.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: never a dull moment
CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I've ever had!
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Admin Assistant K
Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Caller, after lengthy pause: Sorry, I'm just unplugging the computer.
Tech support: That's ok. I just pretend I'm getting one of those heavy breathing calls.
Memphis, Tennessee
Worker #1: I think my fish is blind.
Worker #2: Seriously?
Worker #1: Yes, he can't find his food.
Worker #2: Maybe he's not hungry...
Worker #3, eavesdropping: Blind fish need homes too...
Anderson Street
Loma Linda, California
Lesbian: Just say it: Vagina.
Queen: Virgina?
Lesbian: Vagina!
Editor: I can't wait till our first lawsuit...
W 35th
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: token chick
Male client service monkey: Oh man, I can't wait to prance around the office in my tights.
Sansome and Sutter
San Francisco, California
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