Anybody Else Disappointed

Cto, on the subject of 'things the internet is not': "…not grey… doesn't have a trunk… not easily confused with mice… not made of peanut butter…"

Cambridge, MA

Overheard by: Walrus

She’s Just Trying to Avoid Tipping

Waitress: Can I help you, ma’am?
Middle-aged woman: You shouldn’t call women ‘ma’am.’
Waitress: Oh… Why not?
Middle-aged woman: Because ‘ma’am’ is short for ‘madame,’ which is a name for a woman who owns a brothel. Do you know what a brothel is?
Waitress: Ah, yes.
Middle-aged: Good. Besides, for young women you should call them ‘miss.’
Waitress: Okay, can I help you, miss?
Middle-aged woman: Don’t call me ‘miss.’

Candlewood Chinese
Western Australia

Tell Me How You Know That

Older receptionist: I can’t believe they’re making such a big fuss over Tom Brady’s baby. I mean, you know he’s going to be a great dad. He’ll pay for everything. That kid is going to be very well-endowed.
Secretary: Uh… Right…

200 Clarendon Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: secretariat

Well, If Hillary Clinton Can Be Jewish…

Coworker #1: St. Patrick's Day is my favorite holiday. I'm 100% Irish!
Coworker #2: Oh yeah?
Coworker #1: Yeah, especially on my dad's side. He's Irish, Scottish, and Welsh.
Coworker #2: Well, then you're not 100% Irish.
Coworker #1: Yes, I am.
Coworker #2: No, you're not. You're…
Coworker #1: Yes I am. I am 100% Irish.
Coworker #2: Whatever, man.
Coworker #1: The Irish are stubborn, you know.

Phoenix, Arizona