9AM You Celebrate Your Way, I'll Celebrate Mine

Worker: What are those [paper bags with names on them]?
Boss: They're for the holocaust thing today. ... Um, we're remembering the holocaust, we're not having another one.

East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

5PM Outsource This!

Guy: Today, from 1:30 to 4:30 I played tic-tac-toe and hangman, and then at 4:30 I played boardgames and drank booze. I love my job.

Westport, Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

4PM Is It Creepier to Know That Mr. Rogers' Middle Name Was "McFeely"?

Guy: Yeah, so now's the time I go home, take my shoes off, change into sneakers and sing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood".
Chick: That's kinda creepy.
Guy: Yeah, I guess it is kinda creepy. But that's what I was going for.

Avenue of the Americas
New York City, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

3PM I Still Say That Stripper Needs a Better Stage Name

Cube employee #1: Why did you do that?!?
Cube employee #2: Because you squirted my eye with bubbles of joy.

23rd Street & Park Ave
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Turns out it was just dish soap.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

2PM Or Would It Be Better to Say "Happy Newjob"?

Older woman, observing plate of donuts near man: Oh wow, is it your birthday?
Younger man: Actually, it's my last day today. I got another job.
Older woman: Great. Well, happy birthday!

Madison Avenue
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Chris

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

1PM Hey, Who Doesn't Have Stuff in the Freezer That Needs a Decent Burial?

Man on phone: Okay, so I heard you have a raccoon in your freezer.
[Pause]
Man on phone: How did it get there?
[Pause]
Man on phone: Did you kill it? What do you plan do with its body? What do you mean no one wants it?

S. Sycamore Street
Elizabethton
Tennessee

Overheard by: concerned for the racoon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

12PM A Day Without Double Entendre Is a Day Without Sunshine

Female coworker, passing her piece of cake to male coworker: You better not touch my creamy bits!
Male coworker: It's okay. I only like the bottom anyway.

Broadway, Newmarket
Auckland
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

11AM I Stand Ready to Be Proven Wrong on This

Cube dweller: Nobody -not even the lord- can turn a box of toilet paper into wine.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: never a dull moment

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

10AM Cigarette, Anyone?

CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I've ever had!

Traverse City, Michigan

Overheard by: Admin Assistant K

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

9AM Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?

Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um... Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh... What would... That... Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]
Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don't know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

5PM Could You Slowly Narrate the Act Of Pulling It Out?

Caller, after lengthy pause: Sorry, I'm just unplugging the computer.
Tech support: That's ok. I just pretend I'm getting one of those heavy breathing calls.

Memphis, Tennessee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

4PM Some Ancient Chinese Proverbs Translate Better Than Others

Worker #1: I think my fish is blind.
Worker #2: Seriously?
Worker #1: Yes, he can't find his food.
Worker #2: Maybe he's not hungry...
Worker #3, eavesdropping: Blind fish need homes too...

Anderson Street
Loma Linda, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

3PM Tonight's Movie: Yes, Virginia, There Really Is a Harassment Clause

Lesbian: Just say it: Vagina.
Queen: Virgina?
Lesbian: Vagina!
Editor: I can't wait till our first lawsuit...

W 35th
Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: token chick

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook

2PM We Really Hired You for More of a Sashay

Male client service monkey: Oh man, I can't wait to prance around the office in my tights.

Sansome and Sutter
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf? |
Posted 2008-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |  Facebook



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